


The Nature of a Flower

by mylifeisloki



Series: Happiness Blooms [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 'Reign' sort of universe?, Arranged Marriage AU, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-09-20 11:42:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 178,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9489614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mylifeisloki/pseuds/mylifeisloki
Summary: The king has decided that Prince Steve is to take a wife. The young Princess Natasha of a far off land comes to his kingdom for their wedding. As they get to know one another, they realize that propriety and what is expected might not always be the best thing to do. Once they come to that realization, they might just leave themselves open to real love.





	1. Chapter 1

_"Love is a flower that grows in any soil..."_

_-Louisa May Alcott, Little Men_

 

“An alliance with their kingdom would grant us more power than we’d hoped to anticipate, my son. You must keep your people in mind. It is your duty to provide for them and this is the best opportunity to do that.”

Steve knew that his father was right. More often than not, he found that was the case. And yet, he still wanted to argue. Certainly an alliance of this magnitude would be beneficial to his people and their kingdom, but it was no small thing to give away his hand in marriage. This would be the woman who bore his children, the woman who stood by him until the day he died. It was not a decision he would make lightly and it was not a decision he would be pressured into.

“Are we certain they can be trusted?” He asked as he got up from his seat and wandered towards the window instead. The kingdom in question had a long history of being closed off to others and so this offer was indeed quite the surprise. They were mighty and had the potential to be a very useful ally, but Steve wasn’t certain he trusted this convenient and sudden change.

King Joseph was clearly feeling more secure as he only took a sip of wine before nodding his head. “I believe we can,” he answered. “Their king has assured me that they only seek peace with our nation and in offering their daughter’s hand in marriage, they are demonstrating the weight of that desire.”

Steve pressed his lips together and kept his gaze on the view from the window. “I don’t even know what she looks like,” he said. “What if we do not get along? What if they send her here and she does not live up to whatever tales of beauty they’ve told you?”

“Then we will take it as an insult,” he explained. “My son, they might have spent the last century or two closing themselves off to the rest of the world as much as possible, but their king is a wise man. He knows the way of the world. She will be beautiful, or there will not be any cause for a marriage at all.”

But what if they didn’t get along? Steve wasn’t foolish; he knew that his hand was sought after by many, many kingdoms around the world. It was only his trepidation that kept him from already taking a wife, and perhaps his desire to find love before he said his vows. Alas, the time for due consideration had long since passed and he had little choice but to accept this offer. As soon as he gave his consent, his father sent word to the other kingdom and all they could do after that was wait for a response.

The response came sooner than Steve might have initially expected. A messenger from the distant land brought two letters bearing the royal seal: one was placed into the Joseph’s withered hands and the other was given to Steve. Already, the proper protocols were being ignored. Urged by his father to allow her some leeway because their culture was likely very different, Steve opened the letter and read the carefully penned words with some worry that he wouldn’t like what he found there.

 

_Your Highness,_

_I hope this letter finds you in excellent health. The news of our upcoming nuptials fills me with happiness, but I must admit that I find myself nervous as well. Above all, I am excited to travel to your land and know your way of life and your people. I do hope this match pleases you as much as it pleases me, but we shall know soon enough. My father tells me I will begin my journey in just a few days and with good weather and better luck, I will arrive there in just a fortnight._

_I also hope to beg your indulgence, my prince. I know that our way of life is different from yours. I might not know all the proper things to do right away, but I am eager to learn and I hope, if I may, that you will teach me._

_My warmest regards,_

_Natasha_

 

Admittedly, the letter took Steve by surprise. Natasha seemed like she was making an effort to open herself up to him and he felt that was, if nothing else, a step in the right direction. In lieu of writing back, he simply tucked the letter away in his rooms and allowed himself to hope that their first meeting would be a good one. After all, there was no such thing as a second chance at a first impression.

True to her word, the prior notice of Natasha’s party’s arrival came just one day past the fortnight she’d hoped for. Steve immediately returned from the stables and bathed as quickly as he could before dressing appropriately. His wardrobe was stylish, but simple; he chose a pair of black, leather trousers, a pair of thick boots, a navy blue shirt closed up over his undershirt, and a jacket with ornate patterns on the edges as well. With his hair neat and tidy, for the most part, he headed to the throne room to meet his father and took his seat as usual. Natasha would arrive soon and, once she had a chance to freshen up, they would meet for the very first time. He could only hope that she was as lovely as her words hinted she might be.

When she hadn’t come within twenty minutes or so, Steve got up and began pacing back and forth right there in the throne room to limit his rising anticipation. Under his father’s watchful gaze, he moved back and forth no less than twenty or thirty times before the announcement was finally made.

“Now introducing Princess Natasha Romanova and the honorable Madame Yelena Bolova.”

Steve quickly found his seat again, though he couldn’t bring himself to sit further back than the very edge. This was it. This was the moment he would meet his future bride.

When Natasha finally came into view, she was nothing like Steve expected her to be. She wore a dress of muted purple with pink flowers and soft, green leaves adorning the skirt and leading up towards her bust, plus a cloak of the same light fabric around her shoulders and clasped together with a butterfly clip right at the base of her throat. Natasha was blessed with a tiny frame, he noticed, and there was just a sliver of worry that in comparison to his own bulk, she would feel justifiably nervous about the more physical aspects of their relationship. But Steve could hardly focus on that when Natasha’s eyes were fixed on him.

To put it simply, she had beautiful eyes. They were of a vivid green and framed by thick, black lashes that brushed the apples of her cheeks when she blushed and averted her gaze as he met hers. Her lips were pretty too, somehow; plump and pink and it was almost too charming when she bit down on her lower lip for a moment before the king spoke up, thereby breaking the spell she’d already put on Steve.

Of course, that didn’t stop him from admiring her hair as well. It was a fiery red and even twisted up as it was on the back of her head, he could tell it was long and thick and probably silky as well. It was probably as smooth as her skin looked, and that was certainly saying something.

“Your excellency,” she said smoothly, bowing deeply in front of the king. Her voice held a slight accent, but it wasn’t nearly as aggressive as Steve had imagined. In fact, it was rather musical. He already longed to hear more. “It’s such a pleasure to meet you at last. My father sends his warmest regards to you and your family.”

Steve glanced over to his father and watched him smile at Natasha’s greeting. He had never been overly concerned with the proper things to do and so it was nothing for him to stand and approach her immediately. “My dear,” he greeted, taking her hands in his own and looking her over. “The tales of your beauty do you no justice.”

“Oh, that’s too kind,” Natasha laughed.

“Come and meet my son.” Joseph moved back slightly and gestured for Steve to join them, which he did immediately. Standing tall and broad, he felt almost too large compared to his aging father and the petite woman he was set to marry. “May I present Steven Grant Rogers, prince of this kingdom amongst other things. My son, this is Princess Natasha Romanova, your future bride.”

Steve stepped up to Natasha and took her hand, bowing deeply as he pressed a soft kiss to her knuckles. “The pleasure is all mine,” he said politely, standing straight up again to give her a welcoming smile.

“Oh.” The little sound left Natasha’s mouth just as the king clasped his hands together and approached them again.

“Ah, you’re already getting along!” He announced. “Wonderful. Now, I’m sure Natasha is very tired from her trip. Steve, we should allow her to rest. My dear, we shall see you for dinner.”

Natasha recovered and smiled warmly regardless of the color that had come to her cheeks. “Yes, thank you!” She said brightly. “I appreciate the thought, your highness.” She bowed primly and the men smiled as she left them in the company of her chaperone to rest from her trip.

“Well,” Joseph said, clapping Steve on the shoulder. “I don’t think we have to worry about her beauty, do we? She’s stunning.”

Steve nodded mutely as he took his own seat again. “She is,” he agreed after a moment. “She’s very young.”

“Oh, not much younger than you,” his father countered. “Certainly not much younger than your mother was when I married her.”

But she was _young_. Steve was only twenty five himself, but he was estimating that Natasha was only eighteen or so and she looked it. Her face was still soft, her eyes filled with curiosity and wonder with every new thing she experienced. He would not oppose this marriage, but he would keep in mind the fact that she was to be treated a certain way. As it was, Steve was all too aware of the fact that he did not love her. He would admit, however, that there was some hope for the future. If Natasha was half as sweet all the time as she had been today, there was no reason to think that he could not learn to love her in time.

Dinner that evening was something of an affair. The cooks had been instructed to produce a feast in celebration of Natasha’s arrival; no less than three incredible courses including a rich dessert and all paired with a deeply pleasing cask of wine chosen by the king himself. Steve arrived early as usual and took his seat at his father’s right hand. Also seated at the table was his father’s most trusted adviser; an older gentleman named Schmidt with a graying beard and a stern look about him, as well as Steve’s closest friends; James, who he had known since childhood and remained at court simply because Steve insisted he do so, and Sam, who served as something of an adviser to the prince. Sam’s wife was also in attendance and seated beside him, and (much to Steve’s displeasure) the king’s ‘rumored’ mistress was also seated at the far end of the table.

When Natasha finally entered the room, all men in attendance shot up out of their seats and all of a sudden, five sets of eyes were fixed on the princess as she made her way to the front of the table and waited for a servant to pull out her chair. She’d changed her dress and Steve wasn’t sure which had been more lovely, although he supposed he’d have the duration of the meal to figure it out as he was seated directly across from her.

The dress was sleeveless to begin with, and the fabric had been dyed a distinct shade of pink before the overlay of sheer purple was added on. The material itself made it so Steve could see the clear outline of Natasha’s tiny waist and the curve of what he could only describe as ‘child-bearing’ hips. Even the skirt was lovely, with the soft fabric swishing about her legs as she walked. He was almost sorry that he could no longer see it when she finally sat down at the table and distracted as he was, he was also the last man to realize that he could take his seat again.

“I hope you rested well, my dear,” Joseph said kindly. “And I hope the rooms are to your liking.”

Natasha smiled and it looked entirely, impossibly natural. “They’re lovely,” she answered. “I especially love the view of the gardens from my window. We don’t have gardens like that at home.”

The king raised his eyebrows in clear interest. “No? Why not?”

“Oh, there is a lot of snow in my home,” she explained. “It’s quite cold most of the year and not very many plants can survive.” Natasha seemed perfectly happy to talk about her home, although Steve had to wonder if she missed it already. Perhaps she was happy to leave. “I had hoped that maybe Prince Steve could show the gardens to me, if he has the time.”

Steve looked up to find Natasha giving him the same shy look from earlier and he had to smile. “I’d be happy to,” he told her. “Tomorrow morning, perhaps? After breakfast?”

Their first course was served as Natasha fixed him with a warm look and an even warmer smile. “It would be my pleasure,” she answered.

The first course was a thick, creamy soup that everyone sipped in utter silence for several moments. Of course, with a new person at the table, that was bound to end abruptly and it did as soon as James decided to speak up. Steve’s father had never approved of him and honestly, his manners (or lack thereof in important social situations) could have been the reason why.

“Lady Natasha, I hear you are to make our prince an honest man,” he said charmingly. “I wish you well, for he is nothing but trouble. A scoundrel and a troublemaker both.”

Natasha raised her eyebrows, but she put on a playful smirk to match the one James wore. “Well, then,” she answered. “I suppose I shall just have to give him a reason to settle down. I hope you’ll be of great help to me in that respect, Mr…?”

“Barnes,” he answered. “But please, call me James.”

“James.” Natasha echoed the name and Steve frowned a little bit. As much as he wanted his friends and his betrothed to get along, it wasn’t proper for the woman he was set to marry to call a single man by his first name like that. People might start to talk. “I’m afraid I haven’t been introduced to anyone as of yet. But you all seem very nice.”

Sam chuckled. “Believe me, we’re not _that_ nice.”

Rolling her eyes a little, his wife turned to Natasha and quickly laid a gentle hand on her arm. “Don’t listen to him,” she said easily. “We’re all very nice. I’m sure you’ll fit in right away.”

Natasha smiled. “I hope so,” she mused. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”

“Maria. It’ll be such a pleasure to finally have another woman my age at court,” she shared. “I hope you’ll join a few of us for tea soon. I know there are others who are dying to meet you.”

“Really?” Natasha seemed pleased that anyone wanted to meet her, let alone girls her own age. Although Maria was a couple of years older, the gap wasn’t enough of a difference to really matter. In fact, Steve welcomed this friendship for no other reason than because Maria would make certain that Natasha understood how it worked at court, especially for a woman. “I’d be happy to. I haven’t had the opportunity to make many friends thus far. Here’s to hoping that changes.”

“If it is not too bold…” Schmidt spoke up and his deep voice was such a contrast to everything else that the other people gathered all looked right to him. The king was the only one not particularly bothered by his presence. “I’m quite sure that anyone who looks upon you will want to be your friend. You have such a friendly countenance about you.”

Steve clenched his jaw, but Natasha just gave the older man a tight smile. “Thank you,” she said evenly. “That’s very kind of you to say.” He had to give it to her; she was kind and polite to everyone she spoke to regardless of the fact that some were more genuine than others.

“Natasha, this is my most trusted adviser; Lord Schmidt. He has served me for thirty years and never one strayed from my side. And since we’re making introductions,” the king continued. “You’ll find Lady Paola at the end of the table. Lady Paola is a close friend of the family and has been for many years.”

‘Yes,’ Steve thought. ‘Right up until the moment she started sleeping with the king.’

Natasha nodded to both in kind and smiled politely. “It’s a pleasure to meet you both.”

The second course was served promptly; a tender portion of steak with boiled potatoes and roasted vegetables. Steve dug right in while Maria and Natasha chatted quietly on their side of the table and he tried to adjust what had been (normal dinner sans his future wife) to what was now (awkward dinner with future wife in attendance). It felt like nothing had changed and yet he knew just how many implications came from this meal alone. They clearly got along well enough, he was certainly attracted to her, and that all meant that he’d be getting married.

In a few _days_.

There was simply no point to drawing out a betrothal longer than anyone had to.

Once he’d come to that conclusion, dinner passed fairly quickly. Steve found himself momentarily distracted by Natasha’s laughter, which was accompanied by a bright smile he only wanted to see over and over again, but ultimately it all went on without the slightest problem. He wasn't sure which was the better outcome; having no problem or finding some insignificant little flaw that would postpone everything to a much later date, if not cancel it completely.

Steve didn't even know why he was so worried. The notion of getting married to Natasha wasn't even slightly as daunting as it had been when he didn't know anything about her or the way she looked, but it was still kind of a shock to his system. In just a few days, his already limited love life would be limited even further. On the other hand, why did he care at all about losing something that had never really existed in the first place?

Aside from a romance over the course of one long summer, he had never taken to any woman at all. Of course, he'd _bedded_ a few. No respectable man could take a wife without knowing his way around in the bedroom. And yet there was a part of him that sorely lamented the fact that he hadn't taken advantage of his bachelor days when he'd had the chance.

Then again, there was the little voice in the back of his head reminding him that he could very well take a mistress if he wanted one. Natasha would have no say in the matter as long as he was seeing to his duties as her husband as well.

But how would that make her feel?

Eventually, the party retired to the sitting room for drinks and piano. With some urging from the king and Maria as well, Natasha timidly stepped up to the piano to play- and proceeded to display such a level of skill that it prompted not only applause, but claps on Steve’s back from James and Sam, who obviously both approved of his fiancé.

All around, it was a good evening. Steve felt as though he couldn’t truly bond with Natasha under the watchful eyes of his father and the rest of their party, but he did ask her if she liked playing piano and she said that she did.

It was a start.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say thank you to everyone who took the time to comment. I've been having a little trouble getting things going and you were all so lovely and encouraging and I appreciate it more than I could possibly say. <3

_“Just living is not enough. One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.”_

_-Hans Christian Anderson_

 

The next morning, Steve woke up ready to face the day and get to know the woman who would be his wife. He dressed simply this time; just black trousers, black boots, and a white shirt with a navy vest. It was appropriate enough for a stroll through the gardens. It would seem as though Natasha had chosen to take her breakfast in her rooms, so Steve finished his meal and headed there to see if she was ready to go.

Her handmaiden greeted him at the door with a no-nonsense smile. “Miss Natasha will be ready in a moment,” she told him. “Would you care to wait in the sitting room?"

Steve inclined his head. “Yes, thank you.” He was led inside, where the handmaiden indicated a plush sofa and he sat down right away.

As Steve waited amidst the soft giggling as the first handmaiden rushed off to tell the others and presumably Natasha as well, he found himself wondering what Natasha would be wearing today. He’d only seen her in two gowns and she already looked flawlessly beautiful; he imagined that every gown after that would impress as well. He’d have to be sure to tell her how much he appreciated the care she’d taken in her appearance.

The problem was that when she walked out, Steve was rendered close to entirely speechless. The gown she’d chosen was a pale lavender. Wrapped tightly around her bosom and neatly around her tiny waist, it eventually became a soft skirt adorned with little butterflies that made it look like they were gathering around her. She looked like something out of a fairytale.

“Good morning,” she greeted, stepping right up to him as he stood up. “You look well.”

Steve smiled and rubbed nervously at the back of his neck. Another observation? She was a lot shorter than she had been the day before as well. Steve assumed she was wearing flats, which… was so rare that he found it both amusing and inherently charming. “You look beautiful,” he blurted out. “Are you sure you won’t be cold?”

“Cold?” Natasha laughed a little bit. “No, I won’t be cold. In fact, I look forward to feeling the sun on my skin.” She did grab a very light wrap as well, but made no other provisions other than to give Steve an excited smile.

“Then let’s go,” he said smoothly, leading Natasha out of her chambers and offering her his arm while they walked down the hall. She took it and as they walked, Steve realized that everyone’s gaze fell on them. Instead of feeling bogged down by the fact that he hadn’t chosen his partner, he felt proud to have her at his side.

When they reached the gardens, Natasha tipped her head back, closed her eyes, and sighed. Steve looked over and had to smile if only because she looked very pleased to be in the sun. “I think this will be my favorite thing about your home,” she said decidedly as she opened her eyes again. “The sun does not often favor us in my land, I’m afraid. This marriage will save many of my people’s lives simply because of the offers your father has made regarding his resources, like the food you can grow here.”

Steve nodded slowly. “You’ve been… told of the arrangements?” He wondered aloud. Normally such matters were kept from the women, especially an unmarried woman. Natasha had no place discussing what was offered in exchange for her hand. “Your father is a progressive sort, then?”

Natasha smiled to herself a little and looked up at him. “You could say that,” she answered. “My father has faith in my opinions. I understand that is not a view held in other places, however. I shall learn to hold my tongue.” Not that it would prevent her from _thinking_ a certain way or even taking action when she needed to. Natasha was under no illusions here. Sometimes a woman simply had to get things done without permission and ask forgiveness later on.

“Maria will explain how things work here,” he assured her. “I do not ask for total silence, nor should you keep all your worries to yourself. But I don’t want you to think that leaving you out of political discussions is a personal decision. It is simply the way things are done.”

Natasha didn’t seem too worried about it. She gave him a look and said she understood, and Steve decided that nothing more needed to be said on the topic. Instead, he started to point out the types of flowers in the garden as they passed by; begonias and tulips, roses and a field of daisies. He even plucked a cherry blossom off a low hanging branch and handed it to Natasha. She carefully pressed the thin stem into a twist in her hair and Steve thought she looked very sweet.

It wasn’t actually until they reached the small wooden bridge that led them over the pond that Steve realized something else. “You’re not wearing shoes,” he blurted out, eyes down on her dainty feet as Natasha lifted her skirt to step onto the bridge. Why was she not wearing shoes? That was hardly appropriate, especially when they were not yet married! “You mustn’t—“

“Mustn’t what?” She countered, pressing her lips together as she smiled and clearly tried not to laugh at him. “Are my feet offending you, my lord?”

Steve didn’t think it was all that funny. She was going to be a queen someday; his queen! She couldn’t just walk around without shoes on like a peasant. It wasn’t right. “No, they’re not offending me,” he answered. “But it would be more appropriate to have them covered…”

Natasha stepped up onto the bridge and looked back over her shoulder. “Where is the fun in not being able to feel the grass on my feet?” She wondered aloud. “It is only you and I. And I daresay we are to become much better acquainted than this.”

The suggestion was enough to leave Steve feeling… unsure. How much did she know about how they would be getting ‘acquainted’ after their wedding? He was certain that she was untouched as any fit princess ought to be before she was wed, but why the innuendo? How was it that she felt confident enough to say things like that? Shaking himself out of it, he belatedly stepped onto the bridge as well and cleared his throat. “In the future, I would appreciate it if you wore shoes outside.”

Natasha’s playful smile faded a little bit, but it was only for a moment before she picked herself up and continued over the bridge, dropping her skirt to cover her feet once more. “Of course,” she said quietly. “I’ll remember to do so in the future.”

Well, that was awkward. Steve nodded once and they continued further down the path. They passed lilies and carnations and flowers he simply couldn’t remember the names of before they finally stopped to take a rest on a bench beneath a large willow tree. In the shade, Natasha seemed a bit older somehow, like she had a weight on her shoulders. Steve made a mental note to try and alleviate that burden somehow; though lecturing her about her shoes wasn’t a great start.

“I feel as though we ought to know more about each other,” he tried as he sat down beside her. “What do you like to do in your free time, apart from wander in the grass and play the piano?”

“I like horseback riding,” she answered after a moment, toes peeking out from under her hem. “But I assume I won’t have much time to do that once we’re married.”

No, she would be far too busy being a wife and mother to spend her time in the fields with the horses. In addition to that, horseback riding while pregnant wasn’t permitted for fear that the child would not survive. But up until the marriage, she was more than welcome to visit the stables… with an escort. But Steve nodded along. “Do you have many horses at home?”

Natasha smiled and plucked a few leaves off the bottom of her dress. “Yes, but they aren’t like the horses you have here,” she explained. “They’re much bigger and they have long, beautiful manes and tails. Not that the horses you have here aren’t lovely in their own right.”

And all of a sudden, the conversation went dry. Steve desperately searched for something to ask her, but he came up blank and almost visibly started to panic because if they had nothing to talk about now, how could they possibly spend a lifetime together? This was before the people were formally introduced to Natasha, before she was in the public eye, before she was expected to act like a true future queen. Surely now was the time to have playful conversation and innocently flirt with one another, right?

“I think I’d very much like to be able to read your mind,” Natasha mused after a rather long silence. She had her hands on the edge of the bench and she was leaning forward a little as she tilted her head to the side and regarded him carefully. “You look like you’re having quite the inner struggle.”

Was it that obvious? “I suppose my thoughts are quite far away right now,” he answered sheepishly. “I hope I’m not the only one of us who finds himself nervous.”

Natasha smiled. “With all due respect, I think you have much less to be nervous about,” she told him. “But I understand all the same. It must have come as quite a shock to you.”

“The arrangement? Yes, it was. Honestly, I had thought that I would be given more time to…”

The hesitation must have struck something of a chord with Natasha, who nodded in understanding. “To find someone you really love,” she finished. There was another moment of awkward silence before Natasha saved them yet again. “Well. I’m sure there is more to see. I’m told there are ducks in the pond and I’d like to see them before we go back inside.”

Yes. Ducks. There were ducks. Steve got up and offered his arm again. “We can feed them,” he told her. “The ducks. There are usually some crusts of bread nearby.”

When they arrived on the banks of the little pond, Steve pointed out the line of ducks swimming along; a mother and a father, followed closely by four little ducklings. 

Natasha stepped even closer, though Steve kept her arm in his if only because she was awfully close to the actual water and he didn’t want her falling in. “Can we really feed them?” She asked, looking back to him. “I’d like to try.”

Steve found that oddly charming and left her side to retrieve some of the bread from a little box they normally kept it in. He handed her a few crusts and Natasha, to his utter dismay, gracefully sat down with her legs bent under her to throw some pieces into the water. The ducks came immediately and gobbled it up, much to her delight. “They’re sweet,” she observed, offering a handful of bread to the ducklings as they stepped onto the shore. And they ate right out of her hand! Natasha practically beamed like she’d been accepted into their little family.

Now, Steve liked ducks as much as the next man, but he’d rarely seen someone so excited about them. In fact, the only time he had seen it was with children, who flocked to the pond and fed the ducks whenever they could. “Come, I think… If you’re finished, we can head back inside for lunch.”

Natasha took Steve’s hand and got to her feet with all the grace of someone who had no worry about what she might look like. Steve wondered if women weren’t expected to behave the same in her home; so far, she wasn’t exactly the prim and proper princess he’d expected. And furthermore, he didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

“What else do you do in your free time?” She asked as they headed back towards the palace. “I assume your life consists of more than balking at bare feet and feeding ducks.”

She was teasing him again. Steve smiled despite feeling very much like he needed to set up a few boundaries. But not now. It wasn't the time to do that right now. “I enjoy hunting,” he said. “And I like sparring with my friends. I think I'm quite skilled with a sword.” He paused. “I'm afraid my duties with my father keep me occupied,” he continued rather sheepishly. Despite wanting to be more present, he supposed he would be rather absent at times. He would have to make an honest effort to be there for Natasha so she didn't feel neglected.

“Sometimes our responsibilities take up far too much time,” she laughed easily. “Do not think I intend to pressure you, Steve. I'm quite alright on my own.”

He blinked. Seriously, did he just wear his heart right on his sleeve? “You're very perceptive,” he answered. “I think I've already put my faith in your opinion of people.” Natasha wouldn't be directly involved in politics, but there was no harm in letting her mingle with other royals and dignitaries to get a read on them.

Natasha smiled knowingly. “My father had faith in the same,” she shared. “He used to call me маленький шпион…” She laughed quietly at the memory. “His little spy. When he had visitors, he would arrange for me to join them and their family for tea in the afternoon. If I felt off about something, I would tell him.” She smiled. “And I was always right.”

Well, that was interesting. Steve supposed that Natasha’s father _was_ as progressive as he’d first suspected. In any case, they got back into the palace and made their way to the dining hall, where a servant was happy to bring them a light lunch; just sandwiches and bowls of soup, by Natasha’s request. Steve also asked for some pastries and little cakes that were set down off to the side on a tiered silver platter for whenever they wanted to move on. “I thought you might seek Maria out this afternoon,” he blurted out. “You’ve much to learn and I expect we’ll be married in a few days time. I want you to be as comfortable as possible before then.”

Natasha swallowed down a bite of her food and nodded. “Alright,” she agreed. “Then I will seek her out at once. The last thing I want is to embarrass my husband before he’s even taken my hand.” There was a _very_ slight bite to her words, but Natasha’s expression didn’t belie any displeasure; only mirth. “I suppose I should be seeking out a wedding dress.”

“Yes, I’m sure…” Well, who would help her? Not his father’s mistress, surely. “I’m sure Maria can help you arrange for a tailor to come to your rooms. And the household is at your disposal as far as making any plans for the wedding itself.” Steve hoped she would be appropriate, for her own sake if not for his. The people would not accept a foreign queen with no respect for their ways.

“I’ll do my best to plan something nice,” she promised, plucking a grape off a vine and popping it right into her mouth. “Hopefully not something too grand. I’ve little desire to be watched by every citizen in the kingdom.”

Steve paused. The royal weddings were practically a national pastime. Everyone in the kingdom would expect a procession in the streets so they could bless the new couple. “Maria is your best resource as far as the planning goes,” he reiterated. “There are certain things that must be done.”

Natasha looked at him for a long moment before nodding again. Steve wondered what it was she saw in him and whether or not she was impressed or happy with that. “Of course,” she answered primly. “Worry not.”

Their luncheon was swift and quiet, for the most part. There was absolutely an attraction between them, at least on Steve’s end, but he did absolutely worry that Natasha wouldn’t quite assimilate into the court as fluidly as she would have if she were raised in his own kingdom. When they parted, he decided to seek out his father for their preparations for the wedding while Natasha presumably sought out Maria for the same.

 

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Expectations being what they were, Natasha immediately found herself seeking Maria out for counsel regarding her upcoming wedding. She wasn’t excited about it, honestly, but she would thank God that she had been gifted a fiancé who was both handsome and seemed kind, at the very least. She knew girls who were given to husbands far, far worse than Steve. Sitting in her rooms with cakes and tea, she listened carefully to everything Maria had to tell her.

“The royal wedding isn’t something you can brush under the rug,” she said wisely. “It’s an affair; usually the biggest of whatever season it takes place in. The people will expect a grand ceremony, but it is the procession in the streets that most look forward to. You and Steve will be taken by carriage to the main part of the city and walk through the streets to the church, where you will be married. Then you’ll process back out as husband and wife.” Maria seemed more amused than anything else, but Natasha appreciated her candid nature. She didn’t want any surprises.

“I see,” she answered, sipping her tea. “Then a grand ceremony is what we will have.”

Maria put her cup down and sat back, folding her hands in her lap. “Have you given thought to your gown? The last wedding we saw here was my own and my gown was considered simple…” She smiled. “Yours will be spectacular, I’m sure of it.”

Finally, something they could have fun with. Natasha had always liked her selection of gowns, but the opportunity to wear something truly beautiful didn’t come around every day. As they talked about it, they began to form the kind of dress she wanted and eventually called upon a seamstress to see if she could make that vision a reality. She said she could, took some measurements, and left the girls feeling very much like they’d accomplished enough for the day.

Dinner that evening was uneventful and Natasha went to bed dreaming about what they might do to decorate the church for her wedding. She supposed that without seeing the church, as she was relegated to the palace and the grounds directly outside it, she would have to rely on the expertise of various servants and merchants. She made a mental note to call upon the decorators the next day and went right to sleep once she’d penned a letter to her father.

The next morning, she woke as the sun was just peeking over the horizon and her room was bathed in soft, pink light. Natasha sat up and stretched for a moment before biting her lip in thought and deciding that yes, today was a day to be bold. She dressed faster than she probably should have, tied her long hair into a thick braid that fell over her shoulder as she tugged on her boots (formerly packed away in the back of her wardrobe) and grabbed a thick, brown cloak that would combat the early chill. Satisfied, she stole away and crept silently down the halls to the stable, where the stable boy was startled (at the very least) to find a princess asking him for a mount.

“That mare,” she said conspiratorially. “She looks like she needs a good run, don’t you think?”

The boy just stammered out an answer and went to put the saddle on, but Natasha stopped him. “I’ll manage,” she said warmly, holding the horse’s mane and tugging herself up as gently as she could. Yes, she realized she wasn’t supposed to be out there alone without an escort, let alone dressed as she was in a thin dress and boots, her cloak only closed around her neck. But with the mare’s thick back settled between her thighs, Natasha decided that she didn’t care. She thanked the boy, took hold of the mare’s mane and headed out into the fields.

The sun was wonderful. Once it had fully risen, she even removed her cloak heedless of the way her skirt had bunched up, showing off a bit of pale skin over the tops of her boots. As she rode, she took pleasure in the wind on her face and she could have sworn that her heart fell into the same rhythm as the strong galloping of her mare and---

“Natasha!”

Uh oh. Slowing down, she sat up and turned to see Steve racing towards her on his own horse looking far more worried than necessary. She was only riding a horse, not exposing herself to the kingdom. With her wild hair coming out of the braid to frame her face and the outsides of her knees on display, she supposed she did… stand out from what Steve was probably used to. “Good morning,” she tried. “Is something wrong?”

It wasn’t until they were stoically walking back from the stables to her chambers that Natasha truly realized what her life was to become. Maybe her life at home wasn’t perfect, but she had some freedom. She could do as she pleased, especially inside the palace and on the palace grounds…

Apparently she wouldn’t be afforded those rights here. Steve had grimly told her that they would be returning and led her back to the stables with such a severe expression that Natasha hadn’t been able to even make light of the situation. He looked… disappointed. Angry. Perhaps even worried. Her teasing wouldn’t be able to fix that.

When they arrived outside her chambers, Steve gestured to the door and sighed. “See to it that you dress appropriately if you intend to leave your chambers again today,” he said firmly. “I trust I won't have to remind you of the expectations surrounding your title and how your behavior reflects upon me.”

With that, he turned on his heel and marched down the hall without looking back even once. So this is how it would be. Natasha frowned and retreated to her chambers where she penned another letter to her father telling him how much she missed him. The first, which spoke of her hope regarding this match with Steve, went into the fire where it belonged.


	3. Chapter 3

_“He who wants the rose must respect the thorn.”_

_-Persian Proverb_

 

Natasha elected to take her midday meal in her rooms, though she did invite Maria to join her despite the desire to be unseen right now. In private, she questioned her one and only friend on the policies and customs regarding women and their rights in general. What she found was that the culture in her new home dictated that women take a background role in nearly every aspect. 

“We have power,” Maria explained. “More power than the men think we do.”

But in what way? Natasha apparently couldn’t go out on her own, so what good would some kind of passive power do? “What do you mean?” She asked. “How can we have power they don’t know we have?”

Maria smiled knowingly. “Men are slaves to their desires,” she said easily. “Once you know your husband, you can influence little things here and there. Do not overreach and think you can run the kingdom with a puppet beside you, but never stop believing that your opinion and your feelings are invaluable to your king.”

Natasha supposed she could do that. Manipulation via innocent means seemed like the best case scenario these days. “I do not know if I can be satisfied with a life limited by my husband,” she confessed. “He is very sweet. But I fear our views will make this an impossible situation.”

Smiling gently, Maria reached over to pat Natasha’s hand. “Steve is a good man,” she said. “Don’t ask me why, but I have a very good feeling about the two of you.” She smiled and sat back. “Now, have you instructed the kitchen yet?”

Back to planning the wedding, Natasha scarcely had time to think of anything other than the upcoming ceremony. Her dress was already taken care of, her preferences for decorations were given that day to the few people she'd gathered in Maria's company. Natasha told them she wanted flowers everywhere; particularly red roses used as accents among the white decorations. All other flowers were to compliment the red. And there were to be absolutely no lilies present, period.

Once she'd explained that she didn't want any shiny material either, they began asking the requisite questions; would she like rose petals sprinted down the aisle as well? Was there a flower girl in mind? Natasha was defeated to say that she didn't know, so she said that she would send them a letter that evening after she'd spoken to the prince. But she said that yes, rose petals down the aisle would be nice.

That evening, Natasha made a considerable effort to choose a gown that Steve would like. Whether or not she agreed with her ‘place’, she did want this marriage to work. She wasn't a fool. As a princess, she would be married to someone for political means and as she'd said, she wasn't going to get another opportunity with such a handsome, kind man who could also give her people what they needed. This marriage simply had to work.

 

 

The gown she chose was modest; a simple, green dress with sheer sleeves that covered most of her arms and a belt at the waist. It was modeled after an older style, with corset strings in the back to tighten it up and a neckline that actually wound all the way around her shoulders, baring them in the most proper way. Natasha elected to tie her hair back with a braid around the crown of her head and little else. It was simple, but elegant. She thought she looked rather pretty.

 

 

When she and her handmaiden entered the room, most of the other guests were already gathered. Steve and his father were yet absent, but Natasha was welcomed by James and felt as though she ought to get to know her future husband’s dear friend. He was certainly diverting, especially since she had no reason to fear his judgement.

“Your highness,” he greeted, giving her a polite bow. “I hope you’re settling in nicely. I know court here can be intimidating, but you-- Well, my apologies. You must be used to the politics at play here.”

Natasha decided that she liked James very much. “Quite the contrary, I’m afraid,” she answered. “My father’s court does not have half as many people, nor half as many rules. This will take quite some getting used to, but I’m sure I’m up to the challenge.”

James smiled warmly and nodded along. “I’m sure you are as well,” he said. “And… how are you finding the other… details of your stay here?”

Oh. Oh, he was checking up on how Natasha found his friend. That was terribly sweet of him whether or not it was at Steve’s request. “You mean, what do I think of Steve?” Calling him out on his attempt at subtlety made the tips of James’ ears turn pink. “It’s alright,” she laughed softly. “You’re a good friend for making inquiries like that.”

“I try,” he sighed. “Steve’s been good to me ever since we were children. I figured it was high time I repaid a little of that kindness.”

Natasha thought that was very, very sweet. She smiled and even reached out, however briefly, to touch James’ hand. “You are going to tell me wonderful things about him, I imagine,” she teased lightly. “Go on, then. You have my full attention, James.”

James straightened right up and cleared his throat. “Steve is the best man I’ve ever known,” he said firmly. There was a lot of conviction there; James wasn’t making things up, this was how he really felt. “Sometimes he’s a little too rigid, but I’m telling you that he’s a good man. And he can be a lot of fun when he relaxes.” He smiled. “And you know what else?” He leaned in a little closer and so did Natasha, eager to hear whatever secret he’d be telling her. “He was _way_ more of troublemaker when we were kids than I was. I was always getting him out of trouble.”

They leaned back and laughed together; James at the memories and Natasha because she could scarcely believe that Steve had ever disobeyed a rule in his life. Unfortunately, that was the moment that her future husband and his father chose to enter the room- and their attention fell right on Natasha and James, who went silent immediately. Joseph didn’t seem to be perturbed, but Steve looked… unsure. Suspicious. Natasha supposed she’d have to work harder to earn his trust.

As everyone sat down for dinner, Natasha noted that James kept to her side and took the seat beside her while Steve was once again relegated to the seat across the table. She didn’t mind it, but she did give Steve something of a polite smile and was glad to see that he returned it with a shy smile of his own. There, that had to be something.

“My dear,” Joseph began as they were served their first course. “How are you liking it here so far? I hope my son has been making your transition a good one.”

Natasha thought back to how she’d been scolded that morning. “He’s been very good to me,” she answered warmly. “Yesterday, he took me on a walk through the gardens. They’re beautiful, your highness. You must be proud to have such a lush place to call your very own.”

Joseph practically beamed at the compliment. “It is one of my favorite places to be,” he told her, laying his hand over hers on the table and leaning a little closer. “Do not tell anyone, but sometimes I even take my shoes off when I’m walking about!”

Did he _really_? Natasha smiled widely and let out a short laugh. “It’ll be our little secret,” she whispered back, absolutely pleased that the king seemed to understand, even if Steve did not.

Talk eventually turned to some of the various things going on at court, but Maria announced at some point that plans for the wedding were well under way and everyone was far more interested in that than anything else. “Maria’s been such a big help to me,” Natasha shared. “I’m afraid I just wouldn’t know what to do without her guidance. So far we’ve spoken to the decorators and the seamstress for my gown…” She paused and locked eyes with Steve. “Which reminds me. I’d appreciate some of your time after supper, if that’s alright. Just a few details about the wedding.”

Steve’s chewing actually paused and he nodded slowly, swallowing down a mouthful of food just so he could answer her as soon as possible. He was an awkward thing sometimes, she realized. Eager to please as well. “Yes, of course,” he told her. “I’m happy to be at your disposal.”

James chuckled beside her. “I’m sure you are,” he commented. “Why don’t you take her up to the tower to enjoy the view.” He turned to Natasha and smiled widely. “You’ll love it, I promise. There’s no better place to see the stars.”

Natasha smiled excitedly and looked back to Steve. “That _would_ be lovely… If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to see such a place.”

Steve’s gaze went from Natasha to James, then back to Natasha again. “Alright,” he agreed. “The tower it is. After dinner. You have my word.”

Once dinner was over, Natasha allowed James to pull her chair out and said a sweet good night to him before turning to take Steve’s arm. They left together and wandered up a flight of stairs before Steve turned them around another corner and finally said something. “What is it that you needed to talk to me about?”

“I was asked if we had a flower girl in mind,” she said. “I don’t have any younger siblings and I know you don’t either, so I didn’t know what to say.”

Steve nodded along. “We can have James’ younger sister as the flower girl,” he decided after a moment. “I’m sure she would be honored to do it.”

Natasha wondered exactly how many visiting dignitaries would be at her wedding, but she supposed it didn’t matter. “It’s going to be beautiful,” she offered. “I’ve asked for roses to be used and my gown should be something spectacular based the enthusiasm of the seamstress. She was quite excited about the prospect.”  

“Of course she was,” Steve mused, leading them up another set of stairs. “Designing and creating a dress for the future queen is an honor. Her business will be seen in a very positive light.”

“Yes,” she answered softly. “Yes, I suppose it will.”

The rest of their walk was entirely silent. When they reached the top of the tower, however, Natasha’s attention went right to the view. It was beautiful and then some; practically a bird’s eye view of the whole glittering city below them, the sea beyond that. “Oh,” she breathed, laying her hands on the thick stone of the balcony and leaning forward. “It’s beautiful.”

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It would seem that Natasha was going to be more of a challenge than Steve thought. Finding her half dressed and riding a horse _bareback_ was bad enough, but the fact that she was riding the horse _like a man_ instead of side saddle was nothing short of shocking. He’d been so angry after that, storming away from her chambers to see his father and ask him if there was any way they might renege on their promise of a marriage.

But Joseph was patient and only laughed at his worry. “My son,” he said. “Did you not tell me once that you admired women who speak their mind?”

“But Father,” he tried. “Speaking one’s mind and _acting_ in an inappropriate way...”

Joseph shook his head and clapped his hand onto Steve’s shoulder. “You have much to learn,” he chuckled wisely. “Try to forget that you are a prince and she is a princess. Right now, you need to let it happen naturally, as it would between you and any other girl. It’s only that you need to… speed things up in a way you aren’t used to.”

Steve sighed. “What if we can’t do this?”

“You can,” he said firmly. “And you will. Relax, Steve. Rome wasn’t built in a day.”

And thus, Steve tried. He took the rest of the day to calm down and went to dinner that evening hoping that he could start over with Natasha and maybe make a better impression considering he was questioning everything he’d said that morning. But when he walked in behind his father to the sound of Natasha’s laughter mixing with Bucky’s… Well, it wasn’t a wonderful feeling. Not that he didn’t trust Bucky! He was charming and great with women, but he was still Steve’s best friend.

In any case, he felt wooden and unsure the whole way through dinner and he was certain that had seeped into his tone during their walk. But when they reached the top and Natasha, who already looked beautiful in the dress she’d picked with her hair flowing in soft waves down her back, left his side to look out at the view… Steve really felt something. Maybe it was just because she looked so _excited_ by what she saw, or maybe it was the way the moonlight looked on her hair or _maybe_ it was because he could see her as just a girl for a moment.

“Yes, it is,” he agreed belatedly. “Ah, it’s very beautiful.” Steve wasn’t much of a lothario, but he stepped closer and gently put his hand on Natasha’s lower back while he pointed out over the city. “Right over there? That’s the church where we’ll be married.” He pointed somewhere else. “And along that street? That’s where we’ll process for the people. The children usually hand the bride flowers as we go. And you bless them by blowing kisses in return.”

Natasha eventually straightened up and turned to look up at him. Steve dropped his hand, but he could have sworn there was something between them at that moment, something that gave him hope for the future. “Thank you for taking me here,” she said warmly. “This a wonderful way to end the evening.”

“Does it have to end now?” Steve cursed his own mouth as Natasha tipped her head in amusement. “That is, we could stay a while longer.”

For a moment there, he wondered if she would say no and demand that he lead her back to her chambers. She had a right to, he supposed, after the way he’d spoken to her. “That would be nice,” she answered instead, taking a bold step closer to him.

Steve realized in the back of his mind that she was perhaps four or five inches too close, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want her to move away. “I-- wanted to apologize,” he blurted out. “For earlier today. I shouldn’t have spoken to you that way.”

Natasha seemed pleased. She pressed her lips together into a little smile and let her hand rest over his on the stone beside them. “I appreciate and accept your apology,” she said easily. “You did look quite handsome galloping after me, you know.” The apples of her cheeks were dusted a light pink and Steve found it endlessly charming, though he couldn’t quite understand why. He’d spoken to many, many young maidens before and most of them had blushed when confronted with speaking to him as the prince… Why did Natasha’s blush have such an effect on him?

“It’s good to know that I can still be handsome while being so agitated,” he huffed, offering her a lopsided smile. “And I feel that I should tell you how beautiful you looked when I found you.”

That earned a real smile; wide and bright and tempered immediately once she’d caught herself. “Beautiful? Not inappropriate?” She was teasing him again. He found it…charming, but he’d noticed something in the past few moments that he shouldn’t address, but found himself addressing anyway.

“Entirely inappropriate,” he said. “And wild, but beautiful. There’s no denying that.” There was a pause and she got a little closer; close enough, he thought, to tip her head back and silently request a kiss. And so God only knows why he opened his mouth again. “Don’t you think we bought ought to be sorry for our behavior this morning?”

Natasha’s smile faded just enough for him to notice. “My behavior was entirely innocent,” she argued. “I wasn’t hurting anyone and no one _saw_ me, so I hardly think I have to apologize.”

Steve frowned. “You were outside in barely any clothing with your legs _bare_ and on display!” He reasoned. “You were riding a horse with one leg on each side!” She looked severe and surprised at the same time, but also abjectly _defensive_ of her actions. “Your behavior was entirely out of line just like mine was, but at least I apologized!”

Huffing angrily, Natasha pulled the hem of her skirt up and turned back towards the door. “We _both_ must make allowances for this marriage to work,” she told him. “So close to our wedding day, I hope you take time to think about that!” She fled before Steve could recover and answer her, though it was impossible to imagine what he might have said.

Steve waited some time before heading back to his own chambers; soon to be their shared chambers. Was she right? He knew he had every allowance to demand that she behave appropriately, but had he spoken too harshly to her? Did she expect him to bow to her wishes?

As he undressed and readied himself for bed, he started to wonder if she would be the downfall of his pristine reputation with the people. Maybe he’d made trouble in his youth, but he liked to think that he’d grown into a responsible, capable man who was respected and loved by the people. He couldn’t imagine that a wife like Natasha would help him in any way given how much of a loose cannon she seemed to be. He would have no choice, he thought as he slid under the covers to stare up at the ceiling. He’d have to put Natasha in her place.

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Natasha stormed into her chambers and immediately dismissed everyone but Yelena, who insisted she sit down and have some tea. But she didn’t _want_ tea. She wanted to go home.

“He’s not going to change,” she said in frustration. “Yelena, he’s so _rigid_. He wants me to be this perfect bride and you know I can’t--”

“Miss Natasha, I’ve known you since you were ten years old and still running around in the gardens with the boys,” she interrupted. “If there is one thing I know, it is that there is very, very little you _cannot_ do, merely things you do not wish to do.”

With a little bow, she left once Natasha was undressed and settled in a dressing gown and robe. Her words hung in the air as Natasha begrudgingly sipped her tea and stared out onto the balcony from her chaise lounge. Yelena was right, she supposed. She was more than capable of doing anything she put her mind to, so why not knuckle under and pretend?

She would have to seriously consider whether or not sacrificing her pride was worth a harmonious marriage. That night, she slept fitfully and took her morning meal in her rooms again. The wedding plans needed to be finalized before that very evening because tomorrow… Tomorrow they would be married whether or not they managed to make up today.

Maria arrived mid-morning and thankfully said nothing at all even though Natasha wore nothing but a thin dress and a robe rather than a proper gown. They were both women; she had nothing and no reason to hide. As they discussed the final details, the reality of the situation really hit Natasha and left her asking one of the servants for a cup of sweet wine to calm her nerves.

“Have things not improved at all?” Maria asked.

Natasha sighed. “He thought I ought to apologize for going out the way I did,” she explained. “I thought we were making progress when he apologized for speaking the way he did, but he wanted me to apologize as well. He was so _arrogant_ about it.”

“It would have been easier if you’d apologized.”

Two green eyes shot up to give her a short glare. “I’ve nothing to apologize for! I was within the grounds of the palace and no one would have seen me but the stable boy--”

Maria put a hand up in surrender. “I know that,” she answered. “But it would have been _easier_.”

Natasha sat back and accepted the cup of wine so she could take a long sip. “Yes,” she murmured over the rim. “I suppose it would have been.”

Together, they managed to finalize everything they’d need for the next day; decorations, flower girl preparations, instructions for the ring bearer, flowers, etc. They even ordered the foods they wanted for the feast afterwards, and the kinds of decorations they wanted in the grand hall. But the highlight of their morning was when the seamstress arrived with Natasha’s dress. Made of pristine, white, gossamer fabric, it was carried in by a tall man (the seamstress’ apprentice, apparently) and laid out on Natasha’s bed.

It was beautiful. Natasha and Maria both gasped and immediately praised the seamstress for her skill because it was even better than they’d imagined. Everything from the sweetheart neckline to the soft, flowing skirt to the little belt around the waist covered in shimmering diamonds… “You’re going to be a vision in this,” Maria said confidently. “Should we try it on?”

Natasha considered it, but ultimately said no. She did, however, ask the seamstress to be in attendance while they prepared for the wedding the next day just in case any immediate alterations needed to be made. Hanging the dress up so it remained untouched and perfect, Natasha dressed for the day while Maria waited and eventually accompanied her out of the room for a light meal in the main dining hall.

 

 

Still feeling very irritated by the actions of her future husband, Natasha had chosen to wear a dress that she absolutely adored. It had a flattering neckline and no sleeves to speak of, and a white floral pattern over sheer off white material layered so thickly that it looked solid. It was as bridal as she was going to get until the next day, when she would be forced to pretend that she was happy to be where she was. They entered arm in arm and found that not only was Steve there, but clearly people had started to arrive for the wedding. He was sitting at a table with men to whom Natasha had yet to be introduced.

Maria leaned over right away. “That man next to Steve is Thor Odinson. He’s the crown prince of Asgard. And the smaller man with the dark hair is his consort. He created quite a stir the first time he brought Loki to an event, but the royals simply ignore any issues they have with it. The rumor is that he found Loki in a brothel one night and held onto him from there.”

Oh. Natasha raised her eyebrows, but she put a smile on as soon as Steve stood up to bring her into the fold. “Natasha, I want you to meet Prince Thor Odinson and his friend, Loki Laufeyson. They arrived from Asgard early this morning.”

Thor immediately stepped forward, took her hand, bowed deeply, and kissed her knuckles. Natasha honestly couldn’t produce anything but a little laugh in response. Thor was… handsome. He had long, blond hair and piercing blue eyes and this wonderful smile that just made her want to _look_ at him a while longer. He was also even taller than Steve, with broad shoulders topped off by a red cape. All in all, he made quite the picture. “Your highness, you are more lovely than anything I could have imagined,” he said warmly. “I offer you my most sincere congratulations and wish you the greatest happiness in your marriage with Steve.”

Well, wasn’t he charming. “Thank you,” she answered. “I appreciate your kindness.”

Loki stepped forward as well and bowed deeply. He was lovely in his own right; pale skin, green eyes, inky black hair, and a slender frame that would make any maiden jealous. He wore robes in place of armor and favored black as opposed to his lover’s red and silver. “It’s an honor to meet you, your grace,” he said smoothly. “We’ve brought you a gift from Asgard. It doesn’t compare to your beauty, but I hope you will enjoy it nonetheless.” He signaled for a few servants to retrieve the gift- that is, a gold chest held between them- and smiled. “Can I have it sent to your chambers?”

Natasha smiled warmly. “Yes, of course. I cannot thank you enough. I’m sure whatever it is…”

Loki leaned in rather excitedly. “They are gowns,” he said. “The finest I could find. I am confident they will only add to your charms.”

All things considered, Natasha found Thor and Loki impossibly, wonderfully, refreshingly charming. She wasn’t sure she could trust Loki entirely; something about him just told her to be cautious there, but Thor? She already knew that Thor was as sweet and kind as he seemed. He didn’t have anything to hide, and he wore his heart on his sleeve. Plus, she was inwardly congratulating herself because she’d managed to stand beside Steve after their disagreement the night before and behave in a distinguished, appropriate manner. It was only adding to her confidence.

But she did excuse herself when her meal was served and returned to Maria’s table to dine with her friend. She would make amends with Steve in the form of marrying him without complaint.

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“She’s splendid, Steve.” Thor clapped him hard on the shoulder and Steve nodded. He couldn’t disagree with that, after all. Natasha was objectively beautiful and the gown she’d chosen for that day only made that fact more clear. It was her attitude he worried about, and furthermore the impression she would make upon the people and other royals as well.

Taking his seat again, Steve sighed a little and rubbed a hand over his face. He was close to Thor; he could be candid around him and around Loki, although the latter usually made him a little uneasy. As it was, Loki wandered off to see to their temporary rooms and Steve didn’t hesitate to speak his mind. “She is a free spirit,” he said. “I don’t know how much success we’ll have together if she insists upon defying me at every turn.”

Now, things in Asgard were different. Steve knew that the women there were warriors as much as the men at times and probably wouldn’t ever accept a subservient role. And so, Thor’s answer was pretty much what he expected it to be. “You might learn something from her, Steve,” he advised. “Natasha could give a voice to the women here. She might be the perfect way to usher in a new era wherein women get a place in your government.”

Steve groaned. Always so optimistic. “Or she could be hated by every person in this kingdom who prefers the old way,” he reasoned. “It could fail. I’m not looking to forge ahead that way, I just want to keep peace and do the right thing.”

Thor raised his eyebrows and gave Steve a knowing look. “Sometimes the right thing is not keeping things the way they are,” he said wisely. “You should take another look at the woman who stands to be your bride and think about all you could have to gain from her companionship.”

Over the course of the day, specifically once they’d settled on their respective thrones, several other dignitaries arrived. Maria was called away, which meant that Natasha took her place beside Steve and remained there. Thankfully, Steve found that he didn’t have to ask her to do so. As they greeted each visitor, Steve also became fully aware that while he and Natasha hadn’t quite gotten along thus far, his bride was quite capable of carrying out her duties in the diplomatic sense. Thor and Loki already seemed to approve of her, but they were easy going and accepted most people immediately. The others would not be so easy.

When the dignitaries from Japan arrived minus their elderly leader, Steve watched as Natasha bowed to them and graciously accepted a gift from the messengers with their master’s apologies. She even asked them how to say ‘thank you’ in their language and repeated it flawlessly before they departed to find their rooms for the evening.

The representatives from Pakistan arrived with a very young woman in attendance beside her adviser. She introduced herself as Kamala and since she was about Natasha’s age, they got along right away. They offered a chest with gowns; a common offering for a new queen with the intention being that she would wear one of their gowns either in public to highlight their friendship or during a visit to their kingdom as a sign of respect.

Steve thought everything was going very smoothly until Tony arrived. He wasn’t a dignitary. No, he wasn’t a royal at all, but he was quite possibly the richest man in the entire kingdom save the actual royal family. “Your highnesses,” he drawled, bowing easily beside his wife. She was a vision as always; tall and impossibly statuesque with her hair pinned up and wearing a royal blue gown.

 

 

“Always good to see you, Tony,” Steve answered. “Thank you for coming.”

“No, thank _you_ for having me,” he said easily, stepping right up to Natasha to greet her. “It’s a pleasure, your grace. I’m sure you’ve heard all about me already.”

Natasha blinked and slowly turned to Steve, but all he could do was shrug and shake his head. Turning back to Tony, she gracefully removed her hand from his and folded it in her lap. “I’m afraid my fiance simply hasn’t had the time to tell me about each and every one of his acquaintances, but you’ve made an impression all on your own.”

Tony laughed and looked to Steve. “You’ve got a good one here, Steve,” he said out loud, well within earshot of Natasha even as Pepper pressed her lips together and shook her head.

The other redhead approached Natasha and smiled. “We live just on the other side of the far hill,” she said. “If you’re ever feeling lonesome, don’t hesitate to drop by.”

Despite the small chest filled with glittering jewels that Tony offered, Steve assumed that such an invitation was the most valuable gift Natasha would receive today.

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Greeting the visitors who had come for their wedding wasn’t nearly as much of a burden as Natasha imagined it would be. Everyone was being very kind to her and she had especially liked that there seemed to be a wordless acknowledgement between herself and every woman who approached them. Kamala was someone that Natasha would absolutely try to remain in contact with and as far as Pepper went… Natasha was already wondering if she would be able to take a carriage to her house to pay a visit.

The drawback of this particular experience was the fact that there was no conversation to speak of between her and Steve. The tension between them was thick; very thick, in fact. Natasha looked at him once when Tony arrived and made a comment earlier about how beautiful Kamala’s dress had been, but that was all. Aside from whispering to her that the Japanese prime minister couldn’t be there because of his age, Steve hadn’t said a word.

Eventually, the envoy from China arrived and Natasha was unbelievably pleased to find that their leader was, in fact, an empress. Empress May was serene and lovely, but there was a ferocity to her that Natasha immediately loved. “It is a pleasure to meet you at last, princess,” she said once she’d bowed out of respect. “If it is not too bold to say, I think you and I will get along very well.”

Natasha smiled and inclined her head. “I think you are right,” she answered.

The gifts that came from May were encased in an intricate box. She explained that she’d enclosed not only the requisite gowns, but also a selection of jewelry that she hoped Natasha would like, and something very special at the bottom. They even went so far as to hint that Natasha would be very welcome to visit China and stay in the palace as May’s personal guest. It would seem as though she wasn’t the only perceptive royal in the world.

By the time the king of Wakanda arrived, Natasha was beginning to feel rather tired. She had been sitting there for ages and the tension between she and her husband was getting to her. What if there was this much tension at the wedding tomorrow? Would everyone be able to tell that she didn’t want to be there? Would they be able to tell that she and Steve weren’t on good terms?

“Your highness, your grace.” T’Challa bowed respectfully and offered both Steve and Natasha a warm, charming smile. “It is my honor to attend the celebration of this most joyous occasion.”

Steve answered politely, but T’Challa turned to Natasha as well and she knew she had to say something. “We’re honored to have you,” she said. “I’ve heard many good things about you and your people. I look forward to getting to know you while I can.”

T’Challa smiled knowingly. “You must be getting weary, princess,” he said. Natasha found his accent endlessly pleasing. “I shall not keep you longer than I must, though I must say that talking to you is a profound pleasure.”

Oh. Natasha perked up a little bit. “Is it?” She countered, giving him a smile. “You certainly know how to flatter a woman, your highness.”

“So I’ve been told,” he answered. “It will be my pleasure to flatter you again in the future.”

He bowed again and left Natasha smiling to herself while Steve clenched his jaw beside her. But nothing else mattered. Nothing else mattered because not ten seconds after T’Challa left the room, a familiar face came into view. Natasha immediately lit up, stood, and raced down the couple of steps leading up to their thrones. She held her skirt up a little while she quickly moved to meet the next man halfway into the hall, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him close. She didn’t even realize how _tightly_ she was holding onto him until Clint cleared his throat and laughed a little bit as he rubbed her back.

“Tasha,” he tried, concern leaking right into his voice. “Tasha, it’s alright…”

No. No, it wasn’t alright. But Clint was here and Natasha couldn’t imagine having to eventually say goodbye to him again, but he was _here_ for her, for her wedding. Slowly pulling back, she took his hands and smiled in some attempt to distract him from the tears in her eyes. “You came,” she said. “You’re really here.”

Clint smiled. “Of course I’m here. I wouldn’t miss your wedding, Tasha.” He patted his jacket pocket and waggled his eyebrows at her. “I even brought you a gift.”

Natasha smiled and took his hand as she fell into step beside him, even lacing their fingers together as they made their way back up to the front of the room. “You didn’t have to do that,” she told him. “Your being here is enough of a gift.”

“Is he that bad?” It was a tease, but there was real worry in Clint’s voice. Natasha understood why. In the absence of any siblings and since she'd always only had a few friends, he had always acted as something of a big brother to her, although they did have a fleeting romance as children. Nevertheless, Clint was her closest friend, at times her only companion, and the most important person in the world to her.

She had to be honest with him. “He isn’t terrible,” she started. “He’s terribly worried about whether or not my behavior is appropriate for a queen and he’s got a temper, but he’s… handsome. And sweet, sometimes.”

Clint leaned in close and grinned. “Well, at least he’s handsome,” he teased.

As they approached the throne, Steve stood up and came down the steps to meet them there. “Steve, this is Clint Barton,” Natasha said quickly. “He’s my--” She took note of the severe look on Steve's face, but soldiered on anyway. “My friend from back home,” she finished. “Clint, this is Prince Steven Rogers of America, my fiancé.”

Clint bowed and Steve didn't even bother inclining his head. “It's a pleasure,” he said stoically, but it looked very much like he was looking down his nose at Natasha’s friend. She hadn't yet seen him act quite so high and mighty.

“Clint taught me how to ride a horse when we were children,” she offered. “And how to shoot a bow and arrow.” Natasha smiled widely at the memory and squeezed Clint’s hand. “I don't know what I would have done without his company.”

“Aw, well you were easy to teach,” Clint laughed, turning back to Steve in a moment to give him a wide smile. Natasha hoped they got along. She wanted Clint to be welcome in her new home and as of yet, Steve hadn’t been all too welcoming of anything she brought with her; hobbies, opinions, or otherwise. “You should see her, your highness. She was shooting targets small as my fist before I’d even really taught her how.”

Natasha puffed up a little, happy with the praise and practically starving for it after a couple of days where she was put down at every turn. “It was all thanks to your tutelage,” she assured him. “You were very patient, as I recall. Well, most of the time, at the very least.”

They laughed together and Clint stepped back a little to fish his gift out of his pocket. “I nearly forgot,” he said quickly. “I know it isn’t much, but I wanted to get you a little something to remember me by.”

Clint pulled out a little hand-carved box and opened it up to reveal a simple ring. It was gold, but fashioned so that it had what looked like the head and feathers of an arrow. The ‘arrow’ twisted around to make the ring shape and Natasha was just delighted by it. “You shouldn’t have,” she told him, taking the ring and sliding it onto her right hand to admire it. “I love it, Clint. Thank you.”

 

 

Once again, she stepped forward to put her arms around his neck in a tight embrace. “But do not act as though I will need a reminder,” she chided. “I could never forget you. And I expect you to visit. I won’t take no for an answer.”

Steve stepped a little closer as they parted and to Natasha’s surprise, she found a hand on her lower back. “Yes, by all means,” he said evenly. “Any friend of Natasha’s is welcome here.”

Natasha’s brow furrowed and she looked up at Steve for a moment, but ultimately shrugged it off even as she met Clint’s eyes. Of course, he knew her better than anyone and understood very well that the prince didn’t want him there, but he said nothing about it. “It would be an honor, your highness,” he said politely. “But I shall take my leave now. I’m sure you both have better things to do than entertain a commoner.”

He did take Natasha’s hands and deposit an innocent kiss on her cheek, but that was all. After that, he simply bowed, promised her that he would be present the next day, and left them. Natasha watched as Steve immediately dropped his hand from her back and moved to take his seat again. Just like that, like he hadn’t just been cold and rude to her dearest friend.

Pressing her lips together, she climbed the stairs again and calmly sat on the edge of her throne. “Tell me what I have done to deserve such little endeavor to be civil,” she requested, her tone even and as cold as his had been. “Clint is a dear friend of mine, there was no _reason_ to treat him that way.”

Steve shifted in his own seat and she could see his hand tense up around the arm of the throne. “His presence here is inappropriate,” he answered. “And you know that very well, Natasha, I should not have to explain it to you. I trust our societies are not _so_ different that you do not understand why.”

Natasha frowned. “I’m afraid I _don’t_ understand why. Explain it to me.”

“Are you making _demands_ ?” He asked incredulously. “You should count yourself lucky that no one else was around to see that _unbelievable_ show of disrespect!”

“Am I not allowed to have friends now?” She shouted back. “To what degree will you _own_ my life after tomorrow?”

Steve stood up at once and made the mistake of stepping closer to her. He towered over her chair and leaned forward, one hand on the arm of her throne. “You know _very well_ that you may have friends,” he said angrily. “But there are friends that you may have and friends you may not! Perhaps you ought to take just a few moments to _think_ before acting without any regard for your own reputation, or mine!”

Natasha glared up at Steve with defiance no matter how frightened she was that this would be the life she looked forward to. “Maybe you should take a few moments to realize that as far as our titles are concerned, I am your _equal_ ,” she said fiercely, standing up fast enough to make him step back rather quickly. “The sooner you realize that I am a person and I _demand_ to be treated with respect, the better.” Shaking her head a little, she looked him over and stood as tall as she could, which really wasn’t very tall anyway. “Otherwise, I don’t think you and I will ever see eye to eye.”

And that in itself was a _real_ shame. Natasha gave him a disappointed look and marched off, exiting the hall regardless of whether or not they had other guests to see. If Steve wanted to be in charge so badly, then he could see to them himself.

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Steve was _speechless_. How could she talk to him like that? What kind of properly raised woman would ever talk to their future husband, or indeed any man in power like that? How could her father possibly send her out into the world to fend for herself when she had no respect?

And yet, something she’d said really stuck with him. As Steve sat back down on his throne, he leaned back and rubbed a hand over his forehead. ‘I am your equal,’ she’d said. Steve considered that for a long time; the roles that a prince played versus what was expected of a princess.

She came from royal blood and so did he, so what made him lord over her? Natasha had never challenged his identity as the prince or his power, and she had never spoken to him like he was less than a prince, save their most recent argument.

Perhaps, he thought upon serious consideration, he owed her an apology.

That night, he left early for dinner and went to Natasha’s room instead of the main hall. He hadn’t seen or heard from her since she’d marched out on him earlier that day. Her handmaiden, Yelena, answered the door again and gave him a somewhat shriveling look. Obviously she was also something of a confidant. “Good eve, madam,” he greeted. “I would like very much to speak to Natasha, if she is willing and able.”

She pressed her lips together and told him to wait while she found out. Yelena left him there in the hall while she presumably retrieved her mistress and told her who was at the door. Not thirty seconds later, Natasha cracked the door open and slipped outside so they might talk. She didn’t look particularly happy about it, but Steve appreciated that she was giving him a chance.

“Natasha, I--”

“If you plan on calling off our wedding, I would prefer you wait until I’ve had a good night’s sleep.”

Oh. Clearly she’d been thinking about what consequences might come from speaking to him the way she had, but Steve found that he didn’t actually like that she thought he would back out due to something so… simple. And it was his own fault, wasn’t it, that she didn’t actually know him?

“No, I’m not planning on calling off the wedding,” he said quickly. “Unless…” He looked up to meet her eyes. “Is that something you want?”

The worst part was watching Natasha really think about it. Steve knew that their wedding day was supposed to be happy and he’d been told previously that he was this _catch_ , so watching Natasha seriously consider whether or not she wanted out of the arrangement despite all he could offer her and her people… It was tough.

“No.” Natasha’s voice was surprisingly quiet at first, but she lifted her gaze to meet his and there was defiance written all over her face. For some reason, Steve actually found himself charmed by it, if only because she was either so determined to not back down that she was doing this regardless of whether or not she wanted to, or she really did care about her people and knew that this arrangement would give them certain resources that they desperately needed.

Sighing quietly, Steve stepped forward and took Natasha’s hands. She very nearly pulled away, but caught herself just in time. “I wanted to apologize to you.”

Natasha’s eyes widened and Steve stopped himself from actually laughing. Obviously she hadn’t been expecting something like that. “You don’t have to act _so_ surprised that I would see the error of my ways.” He paused and grew serious again. “I shouldn’t have assumed anything about your friend,” he began. “I think I had hoped so dearly for there to be this immediate connection between us and with the difficulties we’ve had, it was just...difficult to see you happy with someone else.”

“Clint and I were childhood sweethearts, but he’s always been more of an older brother to me,” she explained. “If you’d only _asked_ \--”

“I know,” he interrupted. “I know, I should have. You’re right.”

There was a long moment of silence before Natasha nodded slowly and pulled her hands away. “Alright,” she answered. “I accept your apology. I suppose we both have things to learn.”

Steve smiled and nodded along in agreement. “Yes, we do,” he said. “Are you taking your dinner here?”

Natasha nodded. “Yes, I’ve had a long day and I’d like to get to sleep early.” She smiled a little bit and he could see the apples of her cheeks fill with a light pink color. “We have an even longer day tomorrow, after all.”

She was sweet. Really, beyond everything else… Natasha was sweet. And innocent. And Steve truly needed to keep reminding himself that she was only eighteen. Stepping forward again, he took her hands and leaned down to press a brief kiss to her cheek. “Have a good night, Natasha,” he said warmly. “Sweet dreams.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I just want to take a quick moment to thank everyone who's commented and liked this fic so far. I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the love and support and I hope beyond hope that everyone likes this chapter because I had /so/ much fun writing it! <3

_"You can cut all the flowers, but you cannot keep spring from coming.”_

_\-  Pablo Neruda_

 

When Natasha awoke the next morning, her first thought was thus:

_Today is my wedding day._

The concept didn’t quite hold as much excitement or happiness as she might have hoped. After all, it felt more like she was losing her freedom than gaining a husband and a brand new life. She knew, of course, that if she just played the part and acted the way Steve wanted her to, things would go smoothly. But she also knew that to do so would be to become a different person. Princess or not, she still had her pride and a very strong sense of self.

And what of that apology? Steve certainly seemed to mean it. He’d come after her all on his own to make that apology, unlike that evening in the tower when he’d only apologized to pull one out of her in return. If that was the kind of man he really was, the kind of man he would be once things calmed down, then they might just be happy together. It was a risk that she was taking by assuming the best of him right now, but Natasha knew very well that she couldn’t back out of this marriage; not if she wanted to maintain her pride and the promises for her people’s safety and well-being.

By the time Yelena and the other handmaidens coaxed her out of bed, Maria had arrived with the seamstress in tow. She was ushered into a lovely bath while they prepared her underthings, her dress, her shoes, and anything they might need to style her hair. While Natasha relaxed and washed herself, she wondered if Steve would be happy today. Would he be able to look at her and say his vows? Would he call it off at the last minute because he just couldn’t?

 

 

Stepping out of the scented water, Natasha dried herself off and padded out to the main room with her towel wrapped modestly around her body. This was the beginning, she supposed. She had no choice but to dress and hope that everything went the way it was supposed to go. As far as her underthings went, Natasha was strapped into an unforgiving corset that sucked in her waist and nearly made her ribs ache. Along with a pair of sheer stockings and a pair of white panties, she was all set and ready to go.

The dress itself was lifted up and draped onto her. It was lighter than it looked and Natasha found that once they secured the laces, it fit like a glove. She had to admit that the seamstress had done a wonderful job and told her so before allowing her to leave. It really was a beautiful dress. It highlighted her waist and kept her arms and collarbones bare; just enough of a reveal to tease, she supposed. The diamond belt fit her tiny waist perfectly and she honestly couldn't find a single fault with the way the skirt fell in gentle layers all the way to the floor.

 

 

Sitting at her vanity, Natasha watched as her hair was dried, combed, twisted, and eventually pinned up into a style at the back of her head. For the finishing touches to her ensemble, Yelena slid a jeweled pin shaped like a flower into her hair just behind her ear and clasped a simple chain around her neck with a diamond charm at the center.

 

 

All that remained was a light touch of shadow on her eyes and a few dabs of color to her lips. Before she knew it, Natasha had been transformed into a bride. Even her veil seemed like extra emphasis when it was pinned to her hair because clearly she was already adorned with everything she needed for the day.

And yet, she still wasn’t finished. Yelena and Maria helped her step into the shoes she’d picked out to match her dress and Natasha had to take a second to really look at herself in the mirror. Even the shoes were gorgeous; white with silver leaves and glittering diamonds tracing along the top of the heel. She'd loved them the moment she saw them and she felt like they would give her a little more confidence.

 

 

Everyone stepped back to see the finished product. “You look beautiful, Miss Natasha,” Yelena told her. “Like an angel.”

Maria nodded along. “Wait ‘til he sees you,” she said warmly. “Nothing else is going to matter.”

Natasha didn’t have nearly as positive an outlook, but she smiled anyway. “I hope you’re right,” she said.

It was time before Natasha could fully accept that she was about to get married. Maria helped Yelena put the veil down over her face and they headed towards the door, but another handmaiden stopped them. “Your highness, there’s a man asking to see you. He said he’s your brother, but you don’t—“

“Let him through,” she said immediately, lifting her veil with one hand while Clint entered the room.

Natasha broke out into a huge smile and accepted a kiss on her cheek as he told her how beautiful she looked. Maybe Steve would like it too, but it was just so important for Clint to be in attendance.

“You’re all grown up,” he continued, taking her hands. “I wish your father could be here. He’d be blubbering all over himself, I’m sure of it.”

Natasha laughed, but she knew he was right. It really was a shame that her father couldn’t attend. “At least you’re here,” she said warmly. “And you’ll stay for the feast, won’t you?”

Clint smiled and nodded. “Of course,” he answered. “Even if your new husband already dislikes me.”

“He is not the only one with power here,” she said firmly. “I’ll expect to share a drink with you once I am a married woman.”

Yelena intervened at some point, as was her job to do so. “We must go, Miss Natasha,” she urged. “Prince Steve will be waiting.”

Natasha sighed and kissed Clint on the cheek. “Wish me luck,” she said. “And do not be late to the church. I expect to see you there.”

Clint smiled and left while Yelena and Maria fixed Natasha’s veil once again. Ready and semi-willing, they made their little procession out of her chambers and into the main hall, stopping near the massive doors leading outside the palace. With Yelena and two other handmaidens holding up the train of her dress, Natasha waited for her prince to show his face.

The king, however, was the first to arrive. “My dear, you are a vision,” he told her, lifting her hand to kiss her knuckles. “My son is a lucky man.”

Natasha smiled and inclined her head in thanks. “It is an honor to be joining your family, your highness.”

He would lead the procession and remained there near the doors so he could step out ahead of everyone else as Natasha waited for Steve. She waited, and waited, and waited… and she thought for a moment or two that he might not actually show. But the next time she turned her head to look, he was there… and he looked better than she had ever seen him.

Steve wore royal blue and stark, contrasting white. It was reminiscent of a military uniform and Natasha wondered for the first time whether or not her handsome prince had proved himself in the army. He had a sword tied to his belt and brand new boots on his feet, and Natasha could tell that he liked her dress by the way he swallowed hard enough to make his Adam’s apple bob as he came to stand beside her. But as tradition demanded it, he said nothing. He only gently took her hand in his and held it between them while the king signaled for the doors to open at last.

The king was first. He was followed closely by the flower girl, who was an adorable thing maybe 10 years old who sprinkled rose petals as she walked. Stepping out into the bright sunshine, Natasha tried to remind herself that this was for the good of her people. She was their princess and it was a princess’ duty to work towards the safety, security, and betterment of the people in her kingdom. It was that reminder that made her strong as they walked down the steps of the palace and began their procession through the town.

As they walked, people waved and smiled and shouted out well wishes. It felt like the entire city was somehow gathered along their route, bunched in along the buildings and hanging out of the windows as well. Natasha tried to take it all in and found that she couldn’t help but smile and wave back. But what really pleased her were the children who ran up to her with arms outstretched to give her a flower or two. Some were cut and some were pulled right from their parents’ gardens. Natasha would treasure each and every one.

Eventually, they reached the church and climbed the steps together, still hand in hand. Listening to the doors close to keep the public out while they were married in front of their invited guests and family members felt rather final in Natasha’s opinion. They made their way up to the altar together and faced one another, her delicate hands still in his. And for the very first time, she noticed that his hands were rough, probably from ages spent using the sword on his hip.

The minister came to stand between them and Natasha realized in that moment that she was about to give her life to someone who might treat her as subservient for the rest of their lives. No matter what their vows were and no matter how many times he apologized, he might never change.

“We are gathered here today to share in the union between this man, and this woman. We ask our Lord and God for His highest blessings upon them as they begin their new life together. Let us pray that they find happiness as they grow together in love…”

As the minister droned on, Natasha’s heart began to race. This couldn’t be undone. Even if they loathed one another for the rest of their lives, they would still be married. They would have to produce the heir that everyone was waiting for. They would have to wake up every day knowing that they could not seek other--- No, that wasn’t right, was it? _She_ would have to wake up every day know that she could not seek other company.

“And if times grow hard and tempers grow short, help them to look into their hearts and remember the love that brought them here today.”

After that, Steve let go of her hands and carefully lifted her veil so they might look into each other’s eyes as they said their vows. Natasha felt so young in that moment, so very unprepared for what was to come next, but she met Steve's eyes and couldn't help but smile a little bit. This was her wedding day! She should be happy. Despite everything, she was _determined_ to be happy.

Unfortunately for Natasha, she was to say her vows first. She straightened her back, lifted her chin, and repeated the words as confidently as she could. “I, Natasha Romanov, take you, Steven Rogers, to be my husband. I vow to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed, and to share in the silence when they are not. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, until death parts us.”

She took the wedding band she'd chosen from Maria and slipped it onto Steve's finger with almost no hesitation. This was still for her people. She could make this sacrifice for them, because they deserved better. And whether or not she came to enjoy spending an abundance of time with Steve, she would be safe and well taken care of, and she would have a child all her own.

The minister turned right to Steve as Natasha let out a little sigh of relief. “Your highness, Prince Steven Rogers of America. Repeat after me.”

Steve held such conviction in his gaze. He swallowed once as the minister began, but every word was said in a crystal clear baritone and Natasha didn't have it in her to question what he was saying. Even the promises to give his heart to no one else sounded so very convincing that had Natasha been a simpler woman, she might have believed him. 

The minister gave a nod and moved to continue, but Steve held up a hand to stop him. “If I may,” he requested.” Obviously this wasn't planned, but the minister inclined his head to give Steve permission to continue. “When my mother passed, she gave to me the ring she wore every day to symbolize the love she had for my father. She told me to give it to someone I admired for her strength, and her charm, and above all someone who makes me want to be a better man.”

Natasha blinked in surprise even as he pulled something out of his jacket pocket. “We’ve hardly gotten to know one another, but I can say for sure…” He took her hand and revealed a ring so beautiful that Natasha audibly gasped. “That you challenge me in ways no other woman has.” The ring slid onto her finger like it was meant to be there and Steve bowed his head to press a soft kiss to it right there against her knuckle.

 

 

Natasha was still speechless as Steve stood back up and signaled for the minister to continue. They joined hands so he could put his hands around theirs and seal their marriage in the eyes of God. “By the power vested in me by the church and our holy Father, I hereby pronounce you man, and wife.” He turned to Steve and let go of their hands. “Your highness, you may kiss your bride.”

What surprised Natasha then wasn't the kiss itself, which was soft and warm and brief enough to be considered sweet. No, what surprised her was the way that Steve smiled at her and the way he curled his fingers under her chin to tip her head up a little. In that moment, despite all she knew about him, dare she say it, he looked almost...happy.

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The wedding was beautiful. Natasha and Maria had certainly put together a lovely theme that was echoed in the flowers decorating the church, the long strips of gossamer material that lined the pews and the center aisle, and the rose petals sprinkled on the ground before them. But Natasha herself was such a vision that Steve found he didn’t have words that would be adequate enough to compliment her. He’d have to wait for the feast to do her justice, and even then…. Well, to put it simply, he wished he had Thor’s charms right about now.

For some reason, it had never felt truly real until they were standing on that altar saying their vows. Natasha’s words were sweet and when she slipped that gold band so innocently onto his finger, he was just overtaken by this need to make sure he was good to her. Maybe they weren’t in love, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t respect one another. It certainly didn’t mean that they couldn’t be happy together.

Steve had spent most of the night before thinking about his mother. He’d been so close to her before she passed and he often prayed to her for guidance or just a sign that he was doing things right. That night, he’d thought about what she would have said about Natasha and the answer came so quickly that he was nearly thrown off guard. His mother would have adored Natasha. 

Maybe that was what made kissing her so easy. He was sure they’d still argue and perhaps even resent each other in some way or another, but Natasha had plenty of admirable qualities. After all, she was brave to speak to him the way she had, graceful for accepting this as her fate when she clearly didn’t want it, and he knew she could be playful and kind as well. There was potential here and above all, Steve was _hopeful_ that they might cultivate that spark eventually. 

Hand in hand, they made their way back out of the church and he laughed as rice and more rose petals were thrown in the air. Looking to the side, he found that some petals had clung to Natasha’s hair and reached up to displace them. Instead, he caught sight of her smile and God only know what prompted him to do it, but he leaned down to capture her lips in another kiss, eliciting cheers from the citizens gathered nearby.

Natasha looked surprised even when he pulled back, but she smiled and squeezed his hand before they made their way back down the steps to the street. The procession back to the palace was a good deal more exciting than the previous walk. Everyone lining the streets applauded them, their union, and ultimately the eventual production of an heir for their kingdom’s throne. By the time they reached the palace again, Steve had flowers in his hair and Natasha was dealing with rice crunching under her heels.

Back in the palace, they were ushered through the halls until they were positioned near a side entrance to the main hall, where their wedding feast would take place. The guests were seated first and the king would be announcing them, which meant that for the first time as husband and wife, Steve and Natasha were left alone and holding hands. Natasha’s veil and Steve’s sword had been taken, leaving them with only each other and Natasha’s bouquet, which she would have to throw to the as of yet unattached women in attendance as part of an old tradition.

 

 

The silence between them was deafening.

Natasha kept her eyes down for the time being if only because she knew she had a night of smiling ahead of her. She would be exhausted by the end of it and yet, the feast was not the most daunting activity she would be participating in tonight. Just the thought of it made her cheeks heat up a little bit.

But as cheers erupted inside, Steve knew that this was his very best chance to say something nice and perhaps even start them off on good terms. He waited until a moment before they were to be let it, turned to Natasha, offered her a warm smile, and---

“You look more beautiful than any woman I’ve laid eyes on before.”

Natasha’s gaze softened to something that might have been reminiscent of actual affection and Steve congratulated himself on managing to not mess it up already. Thor would be proud. “Thank you,” she answered. “You look very handsome all dressed up like that.”

She even reached forward to smooth an imaginary wrinkle from the material that fit snugly over his chest. So, there was potential not only for love, but also for a keen sense of attraction. Steve certainly knew how to separate the two things. Before they could say anything else, the doors opened and Natasha quickly took his arm as they headed into the main hall to greet their guests. There was applause from everyone, a few shouts from Thor, and kisses on their cheeks from the king. After that, everyone settled down at their respective tables for a feast to end all feasts, as per Natasha’s request.

The tables were set with a plethora of food and drink; roast suckling pig, baked chicken, boiled potatoes, vegetables, pies, fruits, and the best wine available to them, which was actually provided by Tony’s private vineyard. The small table that the bride and groom shared was adorned with gold cups and plates, as well as a serving tray of the best fruits, each ripe and juicy and ready to be enjoyed. They seated themselves there and allowed the servants to bring them plates of food. The only caveat was that Natasha turned away the meager portion of broth she’d been given and asked for a plate like Steve’s instead.

 

 

As per tradition, toasts would be made throughout the meal. The first was started by the king, who stood up from his private table and raised his cup as everyone else fell silent. “My friends,” he began. “This morning I woke up the father to one son. I could not be more proud of the man he has become. But after such a beautiful ceremony, I find myself not the father of one son, but the father to a son and a beautiful daughter as well. Natasha, I welcome you to our family with open arms. And we toast to your happiness today, my dear.” He raised his cup and everyone took a sip before going back to the meal.

Natasha, however, accepted a kiss on her cheek from the king and thanked him for the lovely words. “Can you believe how beautiful this turned out?” She asked once they were alone again. “I can’t believe they took what little I said and turned it into all of this.”

Steve smiled and reached over to lay his hand over hers for a moment. “You did a wonderful job,” he told her. “It’s more than I’d imagined for my own wedding, I suppose. More… subtle.”

Like her. Natasha was all fire on the outside, but he supposed that there was a lot more to her underneath all that. She was a subtle person; quiet and unassuming until she was wronged or wanted to make her opinion known. He did appreciate that she’d embraced all the traditions of his home; the big wedding, the abundance of food, the cake… Before they got to that, however, they had to sit through dinner and a plethora of toasts in their honor.

Thor was up next and going on about how he never thought any woman would be able to stand a lifetime with Steve, all said in jest of course, and then they had Tony making fun of just how many roses were all over the place. After that, Sam stood up to give a toast and talked about how he’d learned more about women after he got married than he ever had as a single man. It was lighthearted and wonderful; Steve found himself chuckling to himself more than once. When James got up to speak, however, Steve turned his full attention to his very best friend and listened carefully.

“I’ve known Steve since we were just children playing in the fields together. Back then, he was the one always getting into trouble and he was such a small boy…” He trailed off and smiled. “I was always there to pick him back up again after he fell, after he was beaten in the myriad of fights he started, and when he felt like he might never find his place.” James blinked and ducked his head for a moment, clearly getting just a little emotional. “And I couldn’t be happier that now he has someone else to catch him when I can’t be there. Natasha, I consider you my sister as much as my friend and while I could wish you all the happiness in the world, I won’t. I don’t have to. I know that you’ll be happy together. Instead, I’m going to wish you all the patience in the world because Steve might look like a prince right now, but deep down he’s still that skinny little boy who doesn’t know when to shut up.”

Steve barked out a laugh and it was so sudden that Natasha very nearly jumped. Smiling in amusement, she watched as Steve got up to give James a proper hug around the neck and allowed his best friend to kiss her knuckles as well. As the meal continued and people celebrated with drink and laughter, music also started to play. It was customary for the bride and groom to begin the dancing together, but Steve hesitated. He’d never been very good on the dance floor and for some reason, he had the idea that Natasha, being as graceful as she was, would likely dance circles around him.

“Aren’t you going to ask me to dance?” He looked to the side and found Natasha giving him an amused look, like she knew exactly what was going through his mind.

Steve sighed. “Alright,” he agreed. “But I’ll have you know that I’m much better in combat than I am on the dance floor. You’ve been warned.”

Natasha rolled her eyes and allowed Steve to take her hand so they could begin their first dance. It was slow and a little awkward, which was entirely Steve’s fault and he knew it, but Natasha laughed when he looked down at his feet for the thousandth time and released his shoulder to tip his chin back up. “You’re supposed to be looking at me, your highness. Not your boots.”

“Yes, well, I think that if I look at you, my boots may very well wind up on your toes.” It had been a very long time since he’d even attempted to dance and Steve didn’t want to scuff Natasha’s shoes or step on her dress. “There will be time for looking into your eyes when you aren’t wearing a dress like this.”

Natasha actually stepped the wrong way and tripped, falling right against Steve’s broad chest--- and laughing. She was laughing out loud, though the sound was somewhat muffled by his shirt. Even as he stopped moving and sort of laid his hands down on her back, Natasha continued to laugh, her shoulders shaking with the effort of it. “Natasha? Are you alright?”

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It was surreal enough to hear Steve say such sweet words to her before they were formally presented as a married couple, but even more so to realize that she could laugh, quite uproariously, at things he said without him even realizing why. Natasha knew that people were looking. She knew that her cheeks were flushed and she really ought to cease leaning into Steve that way, but she couldn’t help it.

There would be time, he’d said, to look into her eyes when she wasn’t wearing a dress like that.

Was he making a joke? Was he referring to how he’d presumably be looking into her eyes later on that night? Was he entirely unaware of how she could take that sentiment? His concerned questioning answered that right away. He had not the slightest idea. Then again, maybe it wasn’t nearly as funny as she thought it was. Maybe she was just a little (very) nervous about her duties that evening.

“I’m alright,” she announced eventually. “I’m alright!” Smiling widely, she pushed herself up, met Steve’s gaze, and nearly started to laugh again. Instead, she took a deep breath and offered him a wide smile. “Where were we?”

Steve blinked in confusion and shifted from foot to foot. “We were dancing,” he answered slowly. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather sit down? Maybe have another drink?”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “I’m not intoxicated,” she chided teasingly. “I have a sense of humor."

“But I didn’t say anything funny.”

Oh, Steve. Natasha reached up to touch his cheek. “I must have a strange sense of humor, then,” she reasoned, quickly getting back into position so he could continue… attempting to lead her in their first dance. It ended rather quickly and they parted so he could kiss her knuckles and lead her right back over to their table. She assumed (quite correctly) that there would be no more dancing unless she asked very, very nicely.

Or maybe she was wrong. Not ten minutes went by before James was sliding up to the table and giving them both a wide smile. “Would you give me the honor of a dance, your grace?”

Natasha looked to Steve for permission not because she wasn’t able to make the decision herself, but out of respect for him as her husband. He considered James for a moment and nodded. “Go on.”

She was up in a flash and James basically swept her around the dance floor with such ease that Natasha couldn’t help but enjoy every single moment of it. He really knew how to dance, didn’t he? And he really knew how to speak to women. Before she could even turn back to the table where Steve sat watching them, Thor came up and asked for a dance as well. “You’re sure Loki won’t mind?”

Thor chuckled and glanced back to Loki, who was currently popping pieces of fruit into his mouth at a leisurely pace and washing each down with a healthy mouthful of wine. “No, I think he’s quite preoccupied at the moment,” he answered, taking Natasha’s hand and spinning her around once before pulling her close. Natasha might have been innocent, but there was certainly some appeal that came from how enormous and solid Thor was in comparison to her tiny frame.

“Thank you for the toast,” she told him, tipping her head back to meet his gaze. “And the gowns. They’re lovely. I can’t wait to wear them.”

Inclining his head a little bit, Thor smiled widely. “You ought to be thanking Loki for the gowns,” he admitted. “I think my only say in the matter was that he choose jewelry to go along with them. I’m afraid he’s always been more stylish than I am.”

Natasha glanced over again and spotted Loki watching them. He looked out of place somehow, but ultimately happy. She hoped that they had a long, wonderful life ahead of them. “Then I will remember to do so,” she said warmly. “For what it’s worth, I think you and he make a wonderful pair. You complement each other so well.”

Honestly, they did. Thor was all big and bright, like sunshine and rainbows and everything good and happy in the world. He was handsome in the most obvious, indisputable way and utterly charming to boot. And then there was Loki, who was pale and dark, quite like the moon in a perfect contrast. He was handsome as well, but it was a more distinguished kind of handsome. 

“You’re very kind to say so,” Thor rumbled. “Loki and I are very different, but we find that when we’re together, it works. I’ve never questioned that.”

Natasha considered that for a moment before peeking up at him again. “How do Steve and I look together?” She asked rather shyly. “Do we look like we could be happy?”

Thor’s eyes softened and he leaned down in an unprecedented move to kiss her forehead. “You are young,” he told her. “I urge you to think about how you feel in the moment rather than how you might feel in the future.” He paused. “But as for how you look together, I think you will make _beautiful_ children.”

Oh. He was so sweet. And so genuine! The dance ended and Natasha leaned way, way up to kiss Thor’s cheek before they headed over to Loki so she could thank him for the gowns. After a promise to exchange letters with Loki so they could keep in touch, Natasha turned to make her way back to Steve, but her gaze landed on Clint instead. Now that she’d explained herself to Steve, she made quick work of pulling him onto the dance floor and chatting happily with him as they danced. They also shared a drink and toasted to her happiness before Natasha made her way back to her seat beside Steve and leaned over to touch his arm. “I cannot decide which of your friends I like more,” she told him. “But they are all welcome here again.”

Soon enough, Joseph was drawing everyone’s attention to their cake. There was a single tradition that Natasha was bringing from her home and it absolutely involved the cake, which was stacked ten layers high and decorated with thick, white icing and real flowers. She’d instructed the cooks very specifically to stack it as high as they could manage without making it fall over and they’d delivered so beautifully, even using roses of various shades and sizes to decorate it. Honestly, it was one of the most beautiful things she’d ever seen- and she was _sure_ it would be delicious too.

 

 

“The tradition as it’s been explained to me is that the bride and groom will stand on chairs on either side of the cake,” Joseph announced. “They’ll lean far over to kiss one another and should they manage to do so without touching the cake, then their marriage will be a successful one.”

Natasha took Steve’s hand and pulled him up to the cake, where they were each helped onto a sturdy chair on either side. Balancing there was perilous and Natasha laughed twice before she could really lean forward to go for it, but they did manage. Steve pressed their lips together in a light kiss and quickly leaned back, gaining his balance a second later so he could hop back down from the chair. Instead of anyone else helping Natasha down, he reached up for her waist and lifted her down and---

Wait. As Natasha’s feet daintily hit the ground again, she realized that she rather liked that.

Thankfully, everyone was served a piece (or two, or three in Thor’s case) of their wonderful cake and Natasha happily ate hers beside Steve without a care in the world. In fact, it wasn’t until she noticed him watching her that she even paused. She tilted her head to the side as he smiled. “Why on Earth are you staring at me like that?”

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Steve had just never seen a noble woman eat with such enjoyment before. True, it was the sign of a rich woman to have a full figure, but most of the women who were not yet married prided themselves on being rather slim, or at least modest in their figures. Natasha had denied her broth for a full meal _and_ she was enjoying a rather large piece of cake _and_ several cups of wine.

He did not know if he ought to admire her or worry for her.

But ultimately, he had to smile when she turned to him. “I find you very interesting,” he told her. “Infuriating and impossible to understand, but interesting all the same.”

Natasha actually looked proud of all that. She sat up straight and smiled, lifting her chin like she was very glad he could find words to describe her that were other than ‘beautiful’. She liked having some kind of substance; that he could see without even trying. “I’m going to take that as a compliment,” she said cheekily. “I think I like being infuriating, impossible to understand, and interesting.”

Unfortunately, the smiles all but disappeared as soon as Joseph announced that it was time for their happy couple to retire for the evening. Steve knew that this part of the evening would be more difficult for Natasha than anyone, or so he assumed. She was untouched and what Steve had heard was that it was more difficult for a woman her first time. He expected blood and some pain for her, but he also expected her to work her way through it.

He took her hand as they stood up and waited for the minister from earlier to come and lead the way out of the grand hall as their family and a few select friends followed. Thor and Loki, James, King Joseph, Maria and Sam, and Clint as the representative from Natasha’s homeland.

They slowly processed down the halls until they entered Steve’s chambers, hereafter known as the marital chambers they would share. There, Natasha was ushered into a separate room while Steve was undressed by the men who tended to his things. He waited for her return in just a loose white shirt unbuttoned to halfway down his chest and a pair of thin, white trousers as well.

When she returned having been changed out of her dress by her handmaidens, Natasha looked… entirely different. For one thing, she looked so young that Steve actually felt bad for what they had to do if only because he knew that she didn’t want to. She had consented, obviously, but it was not her choice to be with him. She had let her hair down and tied it into a thick braid that fell over her shoulder and all the way down past the swell of her breasts, but he almost wished that she’d kept it loose instead.

But she hadn’t and if this made her more comfortable, then he would not complain. She was also wearing a thin dressing gown that trailed down to her feet with lace brushing over her ankles as she moved. There was lace hanging down past her wrists as well, and a shiny ribbon tied it closed at her waist. Steve would readily admit to himself that he found her beautiful even then, even when she was as dressed down as she was. But he also knew that no matter how much he wanted to touch her already, no matter how badly he wanted to see what was under that robe, he had to be patient. And gentle. Hopefully it wouldn’t be as bad for her as people said it would.

 

 

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Natasha was not at all petrified of what was about to happen. As she let her handmaidens help her out of her dress, she repeated that to herself a few times just for good measure because while she wasn’t afraid of _Steve_ , she had heard some rather graphic and unpleasant stories about sex, especially on the first night… And no, it wasn’t proper for a maiden to know anything at all, but women talked to one another about many, many things they weren’t supposed to know about.

“Yelena,” she said as they combed her long hair through and began braiding it for the evening. “Will it really hurt?”

Yelena was not married, but she was not a noble either. She was very wise in the ways of the world and so Natasha assumed that like many women who did not have to worry about remaining untouched for their husbands, she had… taken a lover at least once. “That all depends, Miss Natasha,” she answered. “In my experience, it depends on the man.”

And so, Natasha’s fate that evening would be determined by Steve.

Still in her corset, she folded her hands in her lap as they let her braid fall over her shoulder and lowered her gaze. There was no reason to be frightened, surely. Steve wasn’t going to brutalize her because he was a good man with a good heart no matter what his old fashioned sensibilities were. And yet still, she was _nervous_. Beyond his performance, what if she didn’t do it right?

 

 

They dressed her in a paper thin gown and tied it neatly at the waist to keep her modesty before leading her out to their bedroom and moving to join the other servants off to the side. Natasha looked up and for some reason, she let her gaze wander over their assembled guests. Maria gave her an encouraging nod and squeezed her husband’s hand, Thor and Loki both smiled widely and so suggestively that Natasha’s cheeks heated up a little more, and then there was Clint.

Clint, who gave her a smile and a firm nod to reinforce the notion that she could absolutely do this.

She didn’t know what she would have done without him there, but she gave him a little smile before turning to Steve and immediately turning her eyes away again. She shouldn’t have felt as… vulnerable as she did, really. They were both going into this. Everyone would know what they had _both_ done in bed that evening. As such, she forced herself to raise her eyes again.

Natasha was determined to not be ashamed by this. It was a natural act; and one they had to participate in due to who they were and what they needed to do for their people. Defiant as ever, she met Steve’s gaze and waited as the minister blessed their bed, then blessed each of them in turn. She was going to be an active participant in this, period. Or… so she hoped.

 

 

Eventually, they were instructed to get into bed together and the minister blessed them one more time, even making the sign of the cross over their marriage bed. After that, the king himself wished them good luck and the curtains were drawn around their bed as everyone left the room.

Natasha was still staring at the top of their canopy when Steve turned onto his side to face her. “Look at me,” he urged gently, idly reaching out for her jaw to turn her attention his way. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

She knew that. On some level, Natasha knew for sure that Steve wouldn’t hurt her. She nodded a little and he leaned in to press their lips together. It was different this time, she thought. He started softly, but eventually coaxed her lips apart and licked into her mouth as she desperately tried to keep up. Natasha’s could feel him shifting so he was hovering over her, one knee between her legs as they spread to an already indecent position. She shivered somewhat involuntarily as her fingers crept up his sides and under his shirt to spread out over warm skin and Natasha found herself arching her back to get closer to him.

Steve was, everything else entirely aside, very handsome. Once he’d pulled his shirt off and tossed it aside, Natasha was given far too short a time to admire how _firm_ he was and how his muscles shifted under his skin as he moved. She made a mental note to find time wherein she could map all that lovely, tanned skin with her fingers. But for now, Steve kissed her again and she was successfully distracted from anything but allowing her hands to wander over his back and down to his arms.

 

 

Soon, however, Steve’s lips left hers and she had to blink up at the ceiling while he moved down to her neck instead. He left a line of soft, wet kisses over her collarbone and down between her breasts… “Oh..” She’d let out a little gasp before she’d even realized it and Steve lifted his head. He raised his eyebrows in a silent question and for the first time in a very long time, Natasha found herself speechless. But she swallowed and licked slightly swollen lips before giving it a try anyway. “...More?”

Steve’s eyes flashed with something she didn’t recognize and he leaned back enough to not only show off his beautiful, chiseled, lovely chest, but also deftly untie the ribbon around her waist and slowly push the smooth material aside. Natasha was suddenly bare before him and she stared up at him like she would be able to see if he was satisfied or not. What if he didn’t like her this way?

People always talked about how a woman had to perform her ‘duties’ once she was wed, but what happened if the man she married didn’t like what he found under all those layers? Steve swallowed (she could see his Adam’s apple bobbing again) and and carefully reached out to slide his hands over her sides. Natasha held her breath as they came up to cup her breasts and let out another little gasp as his thumbs brushed over her nipples.

As arousal settled deep in her belly, she tried unsuccessfully to squeeze her thighs together, but his knee was very much in the way. Steve glanced down and smiled in understanding, evidently deciding to end the torture and lean down to kiss her again. “You’re beautiful,” he told her, brushing his lips over her jaw. “Take a deep breath.”

Natasha felt like her whole body was on fire. As Steve whispered those words to her, she focused on her breathing, but it was nearly futile to try and ignore the way he felt with half his weight on top of her and his breath ghosting over her skin. She wasn’t really ready for this, was she? Deep down, she thought she might have wanted this to be with someone she loved, someone she knew like the back of her own hand. She _hated_ feeling like she didn’t know what to do and she hated even more the fact that Steve knew that she didn’t know what to do. And yet, it felt… wonderful.

Somehow, it felt like this was even more of a release than riding bareback, than walking in the garden, than anything else she’d ever done. Maybe it was all because she was _just_ her. She wasn’t wearing a corset, a dress, shoes, or anything in her hair. She wore no unnatural color on her face and she wore no jewelry save the ring Steve had given her. It was not ladylike to admit that she suffered from the infliction that was arousal, but given how it made her feel, Natasha was ready to confess.

As Steve pushed his trousers down, Natasha slid her hands back up his arms and held his head between them, pulling him into a series of kisses to distract herself. He had a wonderful body. Natasha’s hands wandered idly over his back as they kissed. He gave himself willingly even as he pushed her legs further apart and settled between them, bumping himself up against her. She broke their kiss with a surprised gasp and furrowed her brow as she tried to resist looking down to see what it was she was readying herself for. It would only frighten her, she thought. Based on what others had said, the male anatomy wasn’t particularly aesthetically pleasing anyway.

Steve hiked one of her legs up around his hip and shifted once to make sure they were in the correct position. Natasha tried to relax her whole body even as she kept her hands on the back of Steve’s neck, cradling his head to keep his eyes on her eyes instead of anywhere else. She would _never_ admit to panicking a little bit as he finally pushed into her, even if she did let out a sharp little gasp and tighten her hands in what little hair she could grab.

 

Oh. Oh. _Oh._

 

Steve let out this low groan that resonated through her whole body even as he slowly began to rock his hips. There was a dull throbbing between her legs, but the brief pain subsided almost immediately. It was overtaken by this slow roll of pleasure that really settled in as Steve leaned down to pant into her neck while he built up a steady rhythm between her legs. Natasha’s blunt nails dug into the meat of his upper back and she closed her eyes, lips parted in soft moans as that same arousal coiled tight in her lower belly, building and growing and getting more and more intense until--

All of a sudden, Steve really started to snap his hips into her and Natasha groaned once before turning her head to muffle herself in his neck. It had to be maybe thirty seconds before he moaned into her shoulder and slowly brought his hips to a complete stop. Natasha felt rather dizzy and that feeling didn’t stop as he lifted his head to peck her on the lips before pulling out, which felt terribly indecent, and getting up to tie their canopy curtains back.

Natasha carefully closed her robe and tied the little belt around her waist again, but she felt… strange. Actually, she felt very strange. In silence, she waited for Steve to pour himself a cup of wine and climb back into the bed with her. When he did, he got himself comfortable and turned onto his side with his back to her like they hadn’t just-- Nevermind. “Good night, Natasha,” he told her. “Sleep well.”

“Good night, Steve,” she answered, turning her back to him as she settled in as well. But she didn’t fall asleep right away. No, Natasha had too much on her mind. She’d heard of sex that left the woman in pain, she’d heard of sex that was enjoyable and rapturous and wonderful, but that was usually through affairs and not within a marriage, certainly not one that was arranged. She’d heard that proper men treated their proper wives a certain way, but perhaps she’d hoped upon the first realization of how it felt that it would be this wonderful thing…

Now that it was over, all she could think was… That was it?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can only ask for mercy and patience. And thank you so much for the support so far, especially @frenchfreudiana, who makes me feel like a real author. <3 (P.S. Don't yell at me. XD)

_"Where flowers bloom, so does hope."_

_\- Lady Bird Johnson_

 

When Natasha woke the next morning, she was facing Steve again. She took a moment to take an account of her own body and realized that aside from a little soreness below the waist, she was perfectly fine. She supposed that was to Steve’s credit, since there had been that big chance that she might be hurt somehow. Shifting to lay on her back, she took a deep breath and slowly let it out through her nose. She was a woman now. A married woman.

Turning her head, she studied her husband for a long time and decided that while she didn’t love him, he was certainly a wonderful specimen of a man. Just looking at him and considering what they’d been through as a couple already, she _wanted_ to be closer to him. Surely he couldn’t blame her for that. Inching closer, she turned onto her side and looked down at him, now sleeping soundly on his back with the sheets bunched up around his waist.

Steve’s lips were slightly parted. His eyelashes were full and long enough to brush the tops of his cheeks and he looked ultimately peaceful. Her gaze traced the line of his throat down, then further onto the pillows of his chest and the tight muscles on his stomach. His arms were big and strong and there were these two lines of muscle leading down to his-- Well. Natasha pressed her lips together into a mischievous smile. Things had gotten better, clearly. He’d seemed pleased the night before and she’d survived, so there was a clear sign that things were _better_.

 

 

With that in mind, she inched even closer and slipped her hand into his, lacing their fingers together so she might rest her head on his upper arm. This was how she wanted things to be. She might have liked being held throughout the night, for example. Natasha had so many things that she wanted to be a part of her life, but she wasn’t sure she would ever get the chance.

Unfortunately, Steve woke up not ten minutes later and lifted his free hand to rub over his eyes before he said anything at all. “G’mornin’,” he mumbled. His voice sounded thick in the morning, like he’d given up on propriety altogether and found it perfectly acceptable to blend his words together. Natasha found it unbelievably charming if only because it gave her this little glimpse into who Steve was when rules and expectations and titles weren’t taken into consideration.

“Good morning,” she answered, tipping her head back to look up at him. “You look rested.”

In many ways, he looked even more handsome than usual with his hair messed and his eyes soft from sleep. But Steve eventually looked down to find her pressed against him and his brow furrowed for just a moment, just long enough for him to remind himself that he was indeed married. Natasha found it a very familiar look, as it had likely made an appearance on her face that morning as well.

“I am,” he agreed, nodding once. “And you? Did you sleep well?”

Natasha smiled. “Very well,” she told him.

That couldn’t be the end of their conversation. They were husband and wife now. There was absolutely a part of her that wanted to ask him if the night prior was satisfactory to him, but Natasha felt like she wouldn’t know how to handle a negative response. Instead, she supposed she would make light of the situation. “Do you still find me interesting this morning?”

Steve met her gaze and offered her a charming, lopsided smile. “Do you think I said that just to charm you before we went to bed together?” He asked, clearly amused. “Believe me, I don’t think there will ever come a time when I do not find you _interesting_.”

Natasha liked that. She liked that she could make Steve think. “Well, since you’ve paid me such a compliment,” she teased lightly. “Then I will pay you one in return.” She let her free hand rest flat against his stomach and glanced pointedly at his chest for a moment or two. “You are very pleasing to the eye, your highness.” She smiled and bit her bottom lip while she looked him over again, though it was done in relative innocence. Natasha wanted to touch him all over. “ _Very_ pleasing.”

Steve chuckled warmly and laid his hand over hers. “I am pleased to hear that,” he teased in return. “Though I am not sure I hold a candle to you.”

Pressing her lips together, Natasha pushed herself up and gave him a look. “That was very sweet of you,” she told him. “I’m not sure I like you being so off-handedly sweet. It gives me so little to argue about.”

Steve laughed. He didn’t chuckle, he didn’t just smile-- He _laughed_ out loud the way he had when James made his speech. It was so shocking that Natasha just stared at him for a moment in disbelief. And then how could she _not_ lean down and kiss him? Evidently, Steve appreciated that enough to flip her over and slide right between her legs again. Again, Natasha found herself even trying to move her hips to get more of that coiling feeling she’d dealt with the night before, but the ending once again left her feeling… unsatisfied, although she wasn’t certain what she was missing, exactly. If it felt good already, shouldn’t that be enough?

When they finished again, Steve kissed her like he had the night before and got up so he could dress for the day. Natasha was up a few moments later and she watched as Steve prepared himself, pulling on his trousers and eventually buttoning up a jacket over his white undershirt. “Oh,” he said, pulling her out of her own thoughts. “I nearly forgot.”

Steve pulled a box from his wardrobe and slid it onto the bed beside Natasha. “This is for you,” he said warmly. “For my new bride, in addition to the ring. And the first of many other gifts to come, I’m sure.” He smiled, paused to give her a kiss right on her forehead that made her feel rather cherished, and left for breakfast. She would have to meet him there after her handmaidens prepared her for the day as usual.

Alone in their rooms, she opened the box to find… a necklace. But it wasn’t just any necklace. It was covered entirely in beautiful, sparkling diamonds that made the whole thing look like a chain of flowers. Despite their differences, it would seem that he’d at least learned what she liked.

 

 

Now, what did one wear the day after her wedding wherein everyone would know that she’d been deflowered? Was there a proper color for such a thing?

Natasha didn’t think so. And since she was now formally Steve’s wife, she wanted to celebrate in one way or another. Rather than putting her hair up, she had Yelena twist a simple braid around the crown of her head and secure it, leaving most of her long hair to hang down to her waist. Upon some consideration, she chose a blue gown that Loki had gifted her. It was made of soft, flimsy blue fabric with intricate gold designs all over, but it was the gold webbing on the shoulders and around the waist that she really loved, plus the extra bit of material that trailed behind her as she moved. It was, she thought, the kind of gown a queen might wear.

 

 

Holding her head high, she marched out of her chambers and made her way to the main hall for breakfast, where she was welcomed by every single person in the room turning to look at her. Well. Fine, then. She was proud of herself and who she was and despite the light dusting of pink on her cheeks, she refused to be embarrassed. Thankfully, her gaze landed on Steve and she watched as he gave her a once over and raised his eyebrows at her choice of a gown. Well, it was perhaps a little more daring than usual, but it was for friendship! It was a gown that would highlight their diplomatic relationship with Asgard and since she was to start her official duties that very same day, she figured it was a good time to wear it. Steve got up moments later and headed over to her, idly taking her hand and leaning in to press a soft kiss to her cheek.

“Do I have Loki to blame for this gown?” He asked. There was a bit of resignation in his tone and Natasha actually prided herself on that particular observation. Maybe Steve was learning.

She smiled and brushed right past him. “You have Loki to _thank_ ,” she murmured smoothly, eventually taking her seat and accepting a cup of tea to start the morning off right.

By the time breakfast was over, Natasha had been briefed by the older woman who would be arranging and walking Natasha through the visiting duties she had that day. She would be feeding the poor, visiting children in an orphanage and reading them a story, and visiting the sick in a nearby clinic. It would be a terribly busy day, but a rewarding day as well. Natasha was eager to get outside and connect with the people who were… her people, she supposed, as of yesterday.

Eventually they escorted her into a little carriage that would take her deeper into the city and Natasha found herself outside a soup kitchen that was serving the midday meal to anyone who needed it. She knew that the facility itself was funded by the royal family and she had to admit that it was an impressive venture; clean and simple, it did exactly what it was meant to do. Over the course of the next two hours, she patiently filled bowls with stew, handed out pieces of freshly baked bread, and graciously inclined her head and smiled to all who congratulated her on her very recent nuptials. Even if she did have ‘protection’ in the form of two guards posted nearby, Natasha felt very much like she’d made a connection with many of the people who passed through. She even sat at one of the long, wooden tables and ate her own little meal in the company of a few of the patrons there.

After that, she was whisked off to the clinic and given a clean rag to hold over her mouth as she visited with the sick and elderly who either remained there or visited regularly for care. For the most part, Natasha didn’t bother with the rag. She sat with several of the older people to talk to them, just chatting about whatever it was they wanted to talk about; the weather, their own wedding, how lovely they thought her dress was, how handsome her husband was, how things had changed from their time. Natasha found the whole thing humbling and left feeling like she wanted to ask Steve if he visited as well. Once she’d thoroughly washed her hands at the insistence of her escort, she climbed back into the carriage and sat back on the way to their final stop.

The orphanage they visited was a small thing; just fifteen children and a woman in charge who took care of them. They were all under the age of thirteen and all very excited to see Natasha, who was equally as excited to see them. She was welcomed right into their home, which was… adequate, although it was hardly a cheerful place regardless of the drawings and toys littered all over the place. The toys were old and once Natasha had caught sight of the sad little box of broken art supplies… well, something simply had to be done.

It wasn’t actually until she was calmly escorting fifteen excited children all dressed in their ‘best’ clothing and accompanied by their matron into the dining room reserved for the royal family and guests that she realized there might be some opposition to this. Sure enough, Steve came rushing up to her with wide eyes as the children ooh-ed and ahh-ed at the palace and quickly took their seats at the table in the center of the room.

“Natasha… What is this? Who are these…?” He paused and gave them a quick once over. “Are these the children from the orphanage?” Steve looked somewhere between panicked and shocked, like he’d never expected kids basically from the streets to be sitting in _his_ hall. Natasha was going to shut that down as quickly as possible.

“Yes, they certainly are,” she answered. “Have you visited the orphanage lately, Steve? It’s no place for a child, for _any_ child.” Natasha stepped up closer to him, but kept her voice calm and as firm as possible without being disrespectful - because that would not get her anywhere wit him. “I only want them to have a good meal and go to bed tonight with full bellies and minds stimulated by something other than half-hearted art supplies.”

Something about what she’d said seemed to resonate with Steve, who stood up straight and took a step back, giving her a firm nod. “I’ll see to it that their supplies are replenished,” he promised her. “And we’ll make sure they are sent home with extra dessert.”

Natasha smiled and leaned up to press a soft kiss right to Steve’s lips. “Thank you.”

 

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The last thing Steve ever expected was for Natasha to come marching into the palace after her day of charity work with fifteen homeless children in tow. He had been chatting with Bucky about taking a hunting trip sometime soon when an adviser came up to warn him that his wife had brought children back to the palace and Steve rushed to find out just what was going on. And he’d been prepared to tell them to leave because it was entirely inappropriate to have anyone from the streets sitting at his father’s table… and yet.

Natasha came right up to him and stated why she wanted this to happen. She spoke passionately about how they didn’t have what they needed and he could see in her eyes that she _felt_ for them. She wanted to take care of them and bring the matter to his attention, even if it was in an unorthodox way. Now, Steve didn’t know if it was the mention of art supplies or the fact that Natasha was showing off a very maternal side to her personality, but he allowed it.

And made promises as well.

The kiss he received in exchange for his allowances was worth it, somehow.

Natasha left him and returned to the children, who all cheered as she told them that their supper was on its way. “If we’re lucky, maybe Prince Steve will join us for dinner,” she teased, glancing up at him again as the children grew even more excited. “If we ask him _very_ nicely.”

The children all made their best pleading faces in Steve’s direction. “ _Please_ , your highness? Please?”

Once Natasha’s eyes were on him as well, Steve had little choice but to incline his head with a little smile. “I wouldn’t dare refuse such an invitation,” he told them, signaling for two extra chairs for himself and Natasha as well. He sat at the head of the table as dinner was served and the children both asked him questions as well as entirely ignored him in favor of shoveling food into their mouths as eagerly as one might expect.

But there was one moment in particular that really made him stop. Natasha, who had pushed her plate aside already, scooped one of the smaller girls into her lap and sat her down there so they might play together. This little girl, who couldn’t be older than maybe four, giggled happily as Natasha tickled her belly and ruffled her messy blonde curls and it was just… mesmerizing.

Steve wasn’t even sure how long he watched them, his knife and fork poised in mid-air. Was that how Natasha would be as a mother? Would their child have little blonde curls and sweet little fingers and a laugh that sounded like tinkling bells? Most importantly, when had Steve become so very eager to have a child? Was it just because he was married now and therefore _could_ have a legitimate child? Whatever the reason, Steve was feeling _very_ affectionate towards Natasha.

Later that evening, after all the children had gone and Steve had promised the matron that their new supplies would be delivered by the next day, both prince and princess were ready to retire for the night. Steve found himself taking Natasha’s hand and lifting it up to kiss her knuckles as they made their way back to their chambers together. Natasha excused herself and moved to call for her handmaidens, but Steve stopped her, tugging her right back to him by her hand, which was still in his. “Let me?”

The dress she was wearing didn’t have much holding it up anyway and Steve felt confident enough that he could undress her without ruining it or having to deal with corset strings. Natasha looked hesitant, or maybe suspicious at first, but she ultimately nodded and took her place in front of him where he wanted her.

Before he did anything else, he removed his jacket and tossed it onto the back of a chair nearby. Left in his white undershirt and his trousers, boots left by the door, Steve felt like he was more exposed now than he had been the night before or that morning. He reached up to gently pull the little clip from Natasha’s hair, allowing the braid to unravel completely. Tossing that aside as well, he turned his attention to her gown.

After some brief consideration, Steve stepped closer to Natasha and slid his hands onto her hips. While Steve might have expected any other bride to look up at him with open trust or possibly fear, Natasha met his eyes with determination evident in her eyes. What spirit she had. “I think I’ve changed my mind about this gown,” he said; the first words spoken since he’d asked to undress her that night.

“Oh?” Natasha raised her eyebrows as his hands slid around her to unclasp the gold webbing around her waist. “What changed your mind?”

Steve carefully set the piece aside and let his fingers wander gently over her waist and up her side to her ribs, where he just vaguely teased the material over her breasts. “It’s awfully easy to get you out of it,” he answered.

It would seem that Natasha didn’t have much to say to that and it didn’t matter because Steve was pulling at the gold pieces near her shoulders a moment later. He stepped back to watch as the smooth material pooled at her feet, leaving her entirely bare in front of him; no corset, no stockings, not even the shoes she’d been smart to leave at the door when they came in.

Stepping closer again, his warm hands settled on the swell of her hips just as Natasha reached up to pluck at his shirt. “It’s the least you could do,” she told him, turning her gaze up to meet his again. “Please.”

Steve removed his shirt _immediately_ , tugging it over his head and tossing it aside so he could step even closer to Natasha and set his hands on her hips again. He’d never been able to have such a prolonged encounter with a woman like this; usually the women he bedded didn’t even remove  all of their clothing and Steve was far too polite to ask them to do so. And afterwards, he was gone.

He’d never had a woman like Natasha, who stepped out of her gown and reached up to lay her hands flat on his chest. He’d certainly never allowed them to touch him for such a long, uninterrupted period of time. But Steve had assumed that it would be different with his wife, so it shouldn’t have come as such a surprise. And yet, it did. It absolutely came as a surprise when Natasha took his hands and, snapping him out of his inner monologue, pulled him over to their bed.

She laid down on her back and with her hair fanned out under her, Steve thought she looked like some kind of mythical creature; a fairy or a mermaid or something ridiculous like that. She looked like the paintings he’d seen in museums.

 

 

Swallowing thickly, he crawled onto the bed and began doing something else he’d never had a chance to do before; that is, he started kissing his way down her body. He started with her lips, then brushed his mouth over her neck and down to a delicate collarbone. After that were her breasts, each receiving a soft kiss just before he traced down the center of her body, gently nuzzling into her belly and admiring the soft curve of her hip as much as he admired the way she pressed her thighs together when he touched the outside of her knee. There were no words spoken between them; in fact, Steve made almost no sound at all, but Natasha’s shortened breaths said all that needed to be said.

When all was said and done, Steve rolled onto his back and let out a long breath. He realized with some incredulity that he’d had more sex in the past two days than he had in the year prior to his wedding to Natasha. It wasn’t for lack of availability, though. He knew that he could have plenty of maidens in his bed or in the tavern or wherever else, but he just never took to the idea that he had to spread his seed quite as much as Bucky did, for example. He’d always hoped that he would eventually marry for love and therefore not regret at all the choices he made to be _modest_ in his bachelor days.

But with all that in mind, Steve would absolutely recognize that there was nothing quite like being between a woman’s thighs. The difference here was that Natasha wasn’t some common woman he found in a tavern; she was a princess. There was a certain way she had to be treated. Therefore, Steve would not be turning her over or going so far as to put her hand on him the way he had with others.

Either way, he did reach his completion and made the necessary contribution to their heir. What else could be asked of him? As he got comfortable, Steve was surprised to find Natasha moving onto her side and getting close enough to lay her head on his chest. Charmed by such a bold move, he put his arm idly around her and traced soft patterns into the skin on her side. He _loved_ that she was so soft everywhere.

“Were you really as small as James said you were when you were a child?”

Steve blinked and looked down at Natasha for a moment. “I was,” he confirmed. “I was probably two or three inches taller than you and about _maybe_ half the size I am now. Probably even smaller than that.”

Natasha seemed to think that over as she traced one delicate fingertip over the muscle on his chest. “And you were something of a troublemaker, or so I’ve heard.”

“You’ve been talking to Bucky, haven’t you? What’s he been saying? Whatever it is, I did the things I did for good reasons, so don’t let him tell you otherwise.” Steve loved Bucky like a brother, but he didn’t entirely love the idea of his best friend telling his wife about all the indiscretions of his past.

Smiling in interest, Natasha pushed herself up a little bit like she wanted to know more. “I think I like the idea of a scrappy little Steve,” she teased lightly. “But before you tell me all about your adventures, I’m going to need to know why on Earth you would give your best friend such a ridiculous nickname.”

Steve laughed again and flattened his hand on Natasha’s back. “His name is James Buchanan Barnes,” he explained. “When we were children, he hated his first name and the second was too hard to say, so he asked people to call him Bucky.”

Natasha grinned like she was endlessly amused by the whole thing. “Bucky,” she repeated. “I’ll have to remember to call him that the next time I see him.” She adjusted herself a little bit and propped her chin against his chest. “Now, how many fights did you actually get into?” She ventured. “Because _Bucky_ made it seem like he had to save you quite a few times…”

Steve scowled again. “Bucky has to learn to stop talking,” he sighed. “Look, I never got into fights just for the sheer pleasure of being in a fight. I just don’t think it’s right to back down for the sake of your own safety.” He paused. “It’s something my mother taught me.”

 

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Natasha was determined to take some time and get to know more about her husband. She already knew that his spirit was a lot stronger than she’d realized earlier and she knew that he stood up for what he believed was right even though he might be in danger because of that. She also knew that he had been close to his mother, and that was just based on the way he’d spoken about her; just those six words held so much.

But the thing about Natasha was that she wanted to know even more.

“What was she like?” She asked smoothly. “Your mother. I’ve heard she was a lovely woman.”

Steve got this faraway look in his eyes and smiled a little bit. “She was,” he murmured. “She was… a beautiful person.”

He had shockingly little to say on the matter. Natasha never spoke about her mother, but she hadn’t known her. She’d died in childbirth and the only thing Natasha had to remember her by was a necklace she never wore because she hadn’t ever thought that she was on the level of someone an entire nation revered even eighteen years after she’d died. But Steve? Steve had memories of his mother and she knew that. Joseph’s queen had passed when Steve was making his way into adolescence, not drawing his first breath.

“I bet she looked like you,” she murmured. “You get your jaw from your father, and your nose and your voice when you’re cross.” Natasha reached up to brush her fingers through his hair. “But I bet she had yellow hair like yours,” she continued. “And pretty blue eyes too.”

Steve gave a bashful smile and ducked his head a little bit. “Everyone said I looked like her,” he admitted. “But you know, it wasn’t her beauty that made her beautiful. It was… her spirit. She was so kind to everyone, but she was one of the strongest people I’ve ever known at the same time.”

He shifted to sit up in bed and Natasha rolled onto her belly so she could look up at him from there, her hands folded under her chin. “Tell me your favorite memory of her.”

Well, that just spurred him on. Steve became animated as he talked, his hands gesturing widely and quite to her amusement. “I was six,” he began. “And… I was prone to being quite, quite sick. I couldn’t always go out and play with the other children and since I was a stubborn thing--”

“I don’t think that quality has _quite_ left you.”

Steve gave her a look and shook his head playfully. “As I was saying,” he continued. “I was kept indoors a lot and complained nearly every second of the day even when my lungs were threatening to give out.” He let his hands fall and smiled rather slowly, his eyes once again focused elsewhere. “She bought a large pad of paper and a set of charcoals, sat me down in front of a window and told me to draw everything I could see from there.”

Natasha’s eyes never left his face. “Did you love it?” She asked, urging him to continue.

“No,” he laughed, smiling widely and shaking his head. “No, I hated it! I couldn’t draw a straight line and most of my attempts looked like a row of misshapen lumps on a hillside.” Steve laughed again and it was still so lovely that Natasha wondered why he wasn’t smiling more often. But before she knew it, that smile was fading just a little bit. “But I continued trying. I would sit by that window every day and try to put what I saw down on paper.”

So, she thought, the mention of the art supplies at the orphanage might have struck a chord with him after all. “Practice makes perfect,” she mused.

“Exactly,” he answered. “I practiced and practiced and practiced, and my mother was right there telling me how much she loved each new thing I learned how to do.” There was that smile again; soft and sad and very far away. “I drew my first portrait of my mother when I was ten and didn’t stop drawing her until the day she died.”

Steve bowed his head and his brow furrowed a little bit before he countered and cleared his throat. “Anyway,” he added. “My favorite memory of her was the first time I was able to run to her and give her a drawing that I’d made that I was proud of. She was so happy… I can still remember the way her eyes lit up and she hugged me…” He smiled again. “She always smelled like roses.” His gaze lifted to hers and Natasha realized that _she_ was getting emotional. “The gardens were her pride and joy, you know. She loved flowers.”

Natasha couldn’t resist anymore. She wasn’t normally _so_ affectionate that she lost control this way, but he was really opening up to her and she appreciated it enough to sit up, put her arms awkwardly around his neck, and give him a tight hug. “You know what I think?” She whispered, far too distracted to remember her own nakedness. “I think that _you_ were her pride and joy.”

To his credit, Steve only hugged her back. He didn’t cry, though the way he buried his face in her shoulder and inhaled spoke of someone who needed this kind of comfort. Maybe it wasn’t even about the comfort, though. Maybe it was all about the _connection_.

That night, they fell asleep with Steve’s heavy arm thrown over her waist and Natasha’s head pillowed on his chest. Tonight? Tonight was a turning point, she was sure of it.

After nearly a month of moderately awkward married life, she was sure that she would be able to survive this life that other people had planned for her. She was _hopeful_ that they’d done what they needed to do and conceived a baby that would eventually be the heir to Steve’s throne--

But her bleeds came near the end of the month and Natasha couldn’t help but be a little disappointed that it hadn’t happened yet. They had been laying together nearly every night, excluding the two nights that Steve was away on a hunting trip with Bucky, and so… Yes, it was certainly disappointing to know that it had all been pleasurable, but in vain.

Still, it was only a month. Surely by the second, they would have a pregnancy.

Except that her bleeds came the second time and Natasha wondered if it was because their love making had lessened to a few times a week instead of nearly every night. Was he growing tired of her already? How could she tell? Their lives were not spent _together_ all the time, certainly not during the day when he was off doing whatever it was he spent his days doing and Natasha was either with Maria and the other women at court or out doing charity work, or sometimes just walking through the gardens on her own. It was a solitary existence, but she was not _unhappy_.

When her bleeds came at the end of the third month, Natasha let herself cry a little bit. She waited for everyone to leave her alone, crawled into the little alcove in her private sitting room that she loved so much, drew the curtain so she was shrouded in darkness, and wept. Three months and she wasn’t pregnant. As much as she enjoyed Steve’s soft touches and as pleasant as their nights together were, she wanted to make sure that she fulfilled her duties before she even thought about relaxing.

 

 

It was with that thought in mind that she made the decision to visit a doctor. Now, she didn’t want to visit the doctors in the palace because gossip spread like wildfire through the court and she wouldn’t have that shame on her husband. With that in mind, she waited for her bleeds to end, planned for a day wherein Steve would be gone for the entirety of the day and one evening as well, and set out on her own. She donned the simplest, black gown she owned and pulled a thick, black, hooded cloak on as well.

 

 

Under the cover of darkness, she crept out of the palace and made her way on foot to the center of the city. There, she followed all the signs to a healer who seemed to be loved all over, but particularly in the poorer areas. It didn’t take long. Eventually, she was knocking on a thin, wooden door and straightening her back with resolve; she needed help, and she needed that help now.

The man who answered the door had kind eyes; that was the very first thing that Natasha noticed about him. He had soft, curly brown hair as well, and a nervous twitch of a smile. “Can I help you?”

Natasha slowly reached up and pushed her hood off, revealing who she was to any citizen who had bothered to acquaint themselves with the new princess in America. “I’ve been told that you can help everyone,” she quipped half-heartedly. “But perhaps it would be best if we could talk in private.”

The doctor blinked in surprise, but he stepped aside to admit her and shut the door so they might have privacy. His home was modest; just enough for one person. She could see his bed and his dining table and his fire all from where she stood near the door. “I’m sorry, I don’t have anything to serve you unless you want a cup of tea,” he said quickly, belatedly pulling a chair out for her.

Natasha gracefully took her seat and looked up at him, tipping her head to the side. This doctor, Bruce, was absolutely the most nervous man she’d ever come into contact with. “No, thank you,” she said politely. “I don’t think I could stomach any tea right now.”

Bruce nodded and sat down in the chair adjacent to hers so they could talk. “What can I do for you, your highness?”

Considering what they were talking about, Natasha waved off his attempts at formality. “Please, call me Natasha,” she said. “I’ve… As you must know, there are certain duties a woman must perform. One of mine is to produce the heir to my husband’s throne.” Natasha pressed her lips together for a moment and tried to find the right words to convey how very _useless_ and _scared_ she felt. If they could not produce an heir, then their marriage was for naught.

“And you haven’t yet,” Bruce finished for her. “What’s it been? Three months?”

Natasha nodded slowly. “Each time I get my bleeds, it’s another sign of failure,” she huffed. “I could not go to the palace doctors and I find I am both frustrated by our lack of success and worried that there is a problem with me. What if I cannot--”

Bruce reached out and laid his hand over hers. It was a kind gesture, but not one that any commoner would usually extend to a member of the royal family. “Natasha,” he said quietly. “It has only been three months.” The look she gave him told him that she was not willing to take chances. “If you are eager, then there is a tea I can give you that might move things along,” he added. “I can make it for you right now and you can brew it at home.”

He gave her a soft, understanding smile and stood to mix the herbs together. Natasha watched him work, fascinated by the practiced way he melded the herbs, a few berries, some honey all together and eventually produced a little satchel of tea leaves. “No more than twice a day,” he told her, pressing the bag into her hand. “And let it come naturally. A watched pot never boils.”

Natasha took the satchel and pulled out her purse to give him some coin, but Bruce shook his head. “Give that to the poor and consider this my duty to the government,” he said. “Good luck.”

Touched by his selflessness, Natasha took a step forward and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Thank you,” she told him. “You are every bit as kind as everyone says you are.”

With that, she left and headed right back to the palace, where she crept in via a branch of vines on the outer wall of the garden and a back door. Safely locked away in her chambers again, she made a promise to herself to drink the tea at least once a day until she conceived the way she was supposed to. But there was still one thing weighing quite heavily on her mind.

 

“Maria,” she said as they were having tea just a few days later. “Can I ask you something very private?”

Maria gaze snapped to Natasha over the rim of her teacup. “Of course,” she answered calmly.

Natasha struggled to find the right words, eventually dismissing every servant and handmaiden in the room in favor of complete and total privacy. “When Steve is… That is, when we are in bed together,” she began slowly. “I feel very much as though something is missing.”

Maria frowned a little. “Like what?”

Oh, she didn’t know! “It’s not an unpleasant feeling,” she tried, keeping her eyes down for the moment because this was a terribly embarrassing conversation. “But when he… finishes, I suppose I’m left wanting something more.”

Tipping her head to the side a little, Maria took another sip of her tea. “Making love is different for everyone, or so I’m told,” she explained. “But in my experience, it is only once in a long while that I feel half as much pleasure as he does. That is the way of the world, I’m afraid. For women, in any case.”

Natasha wasn’t satisfied. How could it be that she’d heard such ravenous stories from the servant girls back home if this was ‘the way of the world’? Perhaps there was something Maria didn’t know.

With that in mind, she sought out a time and place to take a carriage and pay Pepper a visit. They took their tea and cakes in an elegant sitting room and talked about normal things; husbands and parties and whatnot. They even came to talk about how lovely it was when Thor visited because he was twice as charming as their husbands would ever be without even trying. Eventually, however, Pepper fixed Natasha with a knowing look and smiled as she set her cup down.

“With all due respect, Natasha, I’m feeling as though you did not come here for idle chit-chat,” she said smoothly. “There’s something else on your mind, I can see it all over your face.”

“Am I that obvious?” She laughed, shaking her head. “You must forgive me, it is a delicate subject that I’ve come to ask you about and I want you to remember that I am… inexperienced. I find myself relying on the advice of women much wiser than myself.”

Pepper smiled and reached out to touch her knee. “Who else would you rely on?” She asked. “Men?”

Natasha laughed and she had to agree with that. She couldn’t trust the advice of men, especially not when it concerned matters like these. “You mustn’t judge me,” she pleaded first. “When I was a girl back home, I used to hear the servant girls talk about their… affairs with men in town. And they spoke of making love so openly and so happily, like they got this ecstatic, elated pleasure out of it.”

She paused and her cheeks burned with her next confession. “Steve is good to me,” she said. “But on our nights spent together in that way, I am left wanting more than he’s given me. Is there something wrong with me? Is that why I’ve yet to conceive?”

The look that Pepper gave her was so understanding that Natasha nearly scowled because clearly there was something she didn’t know. “Natasha, sometimes men are…ignorant to the desires of women,” she said slowly. “Most men think that it’s enough to just move until they reach their end and that’s that.”

Wasn’t it? Natasha leaned in, practically hanging on each and every word out of Pepper’s mouth. “How do you know all this?”

Pepper smiled indulgently. “Let’s just say that my husband had quite a colorful social life before we were married,” she mused. “He takes a lot of pride in what he can bring to the bedroom.”

Oh. So Steve _hadn’t_ had a colorful social life? Did that mean—No, he couldn’t have been untouched the way she was because he’d known exactly what to do. Maybe it was just that; a matter of experience that Steve had yet to gain. “Alright,” she answered slowly. “If Steve doesn’t have that experience, what can I do…?”

“Natasha, you would not be ashamed asking for more food or water,” she reasoned. “There is no shame in asking for more in this either, not if you value your own happiness as much as you do his.”

Natasha considered that for a long moment before nodding to herself. She would have to find a way to ask for more, whether that was via a verbal means or otherwise. “Thank you,” she said warmly. “Truly, I didn’t know who else to ask.”

Pepper smiled knowingly and leaned back to sip her tea again. “I wish more women would go after what they feel they want,” she mused. “It’s terribly concerning to know that so many only view making love as a chore when it can be so much fun.”

 

Armed with knowledge, Natasha returned to the palace feeling emboldened and ready to seek out what she wanted while they were in bed together.

Except that her bleeds came a fourth time before she’d really convinced herself to speak up and Natasha felt like Steve was becoming more and more unwilling to actually bed her. Maybe he was becoming frustrated too, but he never said anything about it and Natasha refused to ask for fear that he would blame her. Maybe Bruce was wrong. Maybe she was never going to have baby and Steve would be forced to annul their marriage somehow, or dismiss her and find a new wife…

She’d be disgraced. No one would want her and she would die an old, barren, unmarried…

No. No, that wasn’t who she was. Natasha was young and healthy and beautiful and she wasn’t going to let a few months of unforeseen difficulties stand in the way of that. She was going to fight.

When she was finally free of her bleeds once more, it just so happened that they would be attending a dinner where Thor and Loki would be in attendance once again. She had been regularly corresponding with Loki as well as May and Kamala sometimes as well. Obviously Loki’s letters came more often as he didn’t have many responsibilities in Asgard other than seeing to Thor’s… demands. Since there would be Asgardian dignitaries in attendance, she thought it a fitting time to wear another one of the gowns Loki had given her. This time, however, she intended to push the barriers of propriety just a little more.

The gown was gold. It wrapped tightly around her waist and over one shoulder to not only draw attention to her waist, but highlight every curve she had. The skirt brushed her hips to create a full curve there as well, but her favorite part was that one side of the bottom was almost entirely sheer. Her leg could be glimpsed as she moved, though it was technically covered so she knew that Steve would have to allow this. The dress also included this additional piece of gold fabric that formed a sort of cape that billowed behind her. She’d tied her hair up this time, though she made sure that it was not so refined as it was effortlessly beautiful, as though she’d woken up with soft curls framing her face.

 

 

The dress was daring enough, but she’d managed to find a pair of gold shoes that matched perfectly. They had sharp, pointed toes and golden laces that wrapped around her ankles and up to her calves as well. Natasha had practiced walking in them in the privacy of her sitting room and now, as she marched out to their bedroom to take Steve’s arm, she was confident that she could do them justice.

 

 

For his part, Steve looked handsome in a blue coat and a white shirt; practically his signature colors. She would ask him to add a gold sash or something if she thought he would agree. Nevertheless, his reaction to seeing her in that dress for the first time was nothing short of dramatic.

“What—Where did you—Is that—“

Natasha smiled and arched an eyebrow. “It’s from Loki,” she explained, giving him a little twirl. “Don’t you like it?”

Steve’s jaw seemed permanently dropped for the time being, but he did manage to pick it up fast enough to give her an unsure look. His gaze especially dropped down to the place where the solid gold gave way to sheer, gauzy fabric laced with gold instead. “Are you sure that isn’t a little…inappropriate?”

Why couldn’t he just call her beautiful and move on? “I think it’s entirely appropriate considering our guests this evening,” she countered. “In fact, I’ll make you a wager. I’ll bet that not only Thor and Loki love the dress, but that the other dignitaries also approve.”

He watched her for a long moment and tipped his head to the side. “And what do I get if I win?”

Natasha pressed her lips together into a little smile. “What do you want?”

Steve stepped closer and hesitantly reached out to lay his hands on her hips, rubbing his thumbs over the shiny material with interest. “I think I might want to undress you again,” he admitted shyly. “Would that be alright?”

She rolled her eyes playfully and reached up to lay her hands on his chest, smoothing over the material for a moment. “How about if I win, you let me go horseback riding tomorrow morning _and_ I’ll let you undress me no matter who wins,” she offered. “How does that sound?”

Steve seemed to consider that for a long moment before nodding his agreement. “If you win,” he restated. “Then I’ll _accompany_ you tomorrow morning and we’ll go horseback riding together.”

She opened her mouth to reply and Steve held up a finger so he could continue. “And you’ll ride properly.”

Natasha pressed her lips together. “You can’t _really_ ride if you’re riding side-saddle,” she reasoned. “What’s the harm if I ride like a man would?”

“It’s not proper for a princess to--”

“Why? Because I’m spreading my legs?” Natasha gave him a teasing look. “If it’s just you and me, then there won’t be anyone who isn’t usually there when my legs are spread.”

Steve practically let his head hang both because of the horror of her impropriety and the logic of her argument. “Alright,” he acquiesced. “Alright. But your legs will not be on display. I won’t budge on that.”

Natasha smiled and leaned up to peck him on the lips. “You’ve got a deal.”

They walked into the dining room together and immediately, every man in attendance was on his feet. Thor and Loki both smiled widely and moved to greet her, each pressing a soft kiss to Natasha’s cheek. “My dear, you look _magnificent_ ,” Thor praised. “More lovely than anyone--” He exchanged a look with Loki and smiled further. “More lovely than any woman I’ve ever seen.”

“You’re too sweet,” she laughed, offering him a kiss on his cheek in return. “And Loki, thank you _so_ much for this gown. It’s gorgeous, I only hope I’m doing it some justice.”

“More justice than even I could imagine,” he answered smoothly. “Truly, you are a vision.”

Natasha smile and gave Steve a knowing look as she was led to the table and sat down at Steve’s left hand, right across from Thor. “Gentlemen,” she greeted, inclining her head as they bowed out of respect. “It’s a pleasure to be here.”

Most of the meal involved a lot of political talk and Natasha soaked up as much as she could not only because she was naturally curious, but because she thought it was important that she understand what was going on in the world. She wanted to know what her husband was handling on a daily basis even though she knew she had no place in that world.

Eventually, though, she perked up as one of the dignitaries complimented Steve on his dedication to peaceful coexistence with all the other lands, as long as such a thing was feasible and fair to everyone. “It is a pleasure to see a young man such as yourself so passionate about making sure the world is a better place for our children… And, if I may, it is a great honor to know that your bride places such importance on the special friendship between our two great nations.”

Natasha smiled, slowly turning her eyes to Steve because she knew she’d won. She’d be going horseback riding the next day because she’d won their wager fair and square.

The rest of the meal passed uneventfully and Natasha said her goodbyes to Thor and Loki before allowing Steve to escort her back to their chambers. Alone again, Steve met her gaze and gave her a look. “Horseback riding at sunrise,” he said, ever a man of his word, evidently.

She smiled and pulled the pins out of her hair to send it tumbling down her back right away. Natasha might have been delaying opening her mouth about getting _more_ from their evenings together, but she had learned some things. For one, Steve liked when her hair was down and he preferred that she was entirely naked even if his trousers were only pushed down. Secondly, he liked when she let her nails bite into his skin a little bit- he always made the strangest sounds when she did. And thirdly, there was a lot more to Steve than met the eye. He held her most nights now, either with her whole body pressed up against his side or his arm thrown over her waist. Natasha thought it was sweet that he wanted to be so close, although she supposed that she would have liked it more if it was done out of love.

This was the night, she thought. Tonight, she would ask for more.

After Steve untied the laces on the back of her dress and slowly slid the strap off her shoulder so it pooled at her feet, she moved to undo the laces around her ankles and-- “Leave them on,” he told her. “Please.”

Surprised, Natasha stepped away from her gown with the shoes still on and leaned right into Steve once he’d removed his shirt and jacket the way he knew she liked him to. “I was proud of you tonight,” she told him, winding her arms around his neck. “I like that you are so dedicated to peace.”

Steve hands fell to just above the curve of her behind. “Peace deserves some dedication, I think,” he mused. “That is not to say that I do not think war serves a purpose as well.”

“But only in drastic circumstances,” she reasoned. “I like that about you.”

Offering her a little smile, he ducked down and scooped Natasha right off her feet. She laughed and allowed him to carry her to the bed, lay her down, and climb over her as usual. She also allowed him to kiss her neck and spread her legs and press right into her. And as always, it felt good up until the moment that he finished with a ragged moan and slowly came to a stop inside her.

Natasha didn’t know what possessed her to do it. Maybe it was just because she’d had four months of being unsatisfied. Maybe it was because she _knew_ it could be better. Whatever the reason, she waited until they were laying side by side on their backs to speak up.

“Steve?”

He was panting very slightly and turned to look at her with his lips parted and his hair messed… Natasha had long since decided that he was most handsome after sex, when he was loose and relaxed and lightly flushed all the way down to his chest. “Yes?”

“Have you had many women before me?”

Steve blinked and the tips of his ears turned red as he turned his eyes back to the ceiling. “I.. This isn’t something we need to discuss,” he answered slowly. “It doesn’t matter now. You’re my wife.”

“Could we discuss it anyway?” She asked.

“Why?”

Well, this was awkward. “I’m only trying to… to understand your experience in this.”

Steve sat up quickly and threw his legs over the side of the bed as as Natasha pulled the sheet around her and sat up in alarm. She remained calm, but it was clear that this conversation was getting to him, one way or another. “My experience in this,” he repeated. “What do you know of anyone’s experience?”

“Nothing,” Natasha said quickly. “Nothing. I have only heard stories…”

“Stories of what?” He asked, quickly twisting back around to face her as he grabbed a corner of the sheet to cover himself. “My life before this marriage is none of your concern.”

“I’ve not heard stories of _you_ ,” she tutted. “Only stories of… love making.”

The tension was getting a little too high, she thought. Perhaps she should have brought this up over a private supper? Or during their ride the next morning. But really, was there a good time to bring this topic to his attention? Steve probably wouldn’t have preferred any one time over another.

“And these stories of love making,” he countered. “What of them?”

“Steve, calm down. I’m only asking for more than you’ve been giving me. I know you’re capable of it and it’s hardly that I don’t _enjoy_ what we already, but I’ve heard--”

Steve looked horrified. She wasn’t sure if he was more horrified by the idea that she’d been talking about sex or the idea that she was asking for something he clearly wasn’t providing her, or possibly even the idea that she enjoyed sex at all. Women were there to provide children, not act like vixens. It was practically uncouth for her to admit that she enjoyed things that way.

“As far as I know, you were raised to be a lady,” he said firmly. “All you need do is make sure that we conceive a child. I ask no more of you.”

 _All_ she needed to do was get pregnant? Natasha pressed her lips together and crossed her arms over her bare chest, finally grabbing for the sheet to cover herself up. “I don’t think--”

“I don’t _care_ ,” he interrupted. “I think it is time you remember your place here.”

Natasha was so taken aback by the contrast between her sweet Steve who had agreed to take her horseback riding and this stranger in front of her that she actually almost started to cry. Why did he have to be so cruel? Her place was as his wife, to stand _beside_ him, not trail behind.

They went to bed angry that night, backs turned towards one another and Natasha’s lovely shoes left in a pile on the floor. The next morning, there would be no horseback riding as Steve would be gone long before Natasha even opened her eyes.

But perhaps that was for the best because at the end of that month, after weeks of awkward silence followed by one night wherein Steve just rolled over and started their semi-regular nightly activities up again, after ages not mentioning a single thing about the fact that she was left unsatisfied each and every time they went to bed together, Natasha skipped her bleeds.

One trip to the doctor confirmed it. 

After five months of trying, Natasha was finally pregnant.


	6. Chapter 6

_"The flower doesn't dream of the bee. It blossoms and the bee comes."_

_\- Mark Nepo_

 

Steve couldn’t remember the last time he felt so scandalized. How dare Natasha ask him questions about his previous partners? And what was she _talking_ about, wanting more from him? What was she getting at? He’d never done any more than he was doing now; perhaps in other positions, certainly not in his bed in the palace… but the same thing.

For the first time, Steve was _seriously_ considering the idea that he’d wasted his bachelor days if only because his previously untouched bride was acting like she knew more about love making than he did! For almost a week and a half after that, he could hardly look Natasha in the eye, let alone roll over in bed and perform his own duties. He was stressed and all that pent up frustration was only taken out on Bucky in the form of some wrestling in the ring or sparring with their swords. It wasn’t as though Steve was going to run out and find a mistress.

Eventually, he just forced himself to do it and tried to forget about what Natasha had said to him. She still seemed to enjoy it; soft moans, carding her fingers through his hair, touching his shoulders and his arms while they made love. It was all perfectly pleasant for her, or so it seemed. And since Steve was absolutely finding his pleasure with her, he didn’t see a problem.

Nevertheless, things went back to ‘normal’. Natasha visited the orphanage at least twice a week, fed the poor on Sunday afternoons, and visited the sick every two weeks to avoid overexposure. Steve had meetings and sat in on things with his father, sparred with Bucky, went on another hunting trip… Nothing of note happened at all and maybe that was just what they needed right now.

 

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It had to be the tea. Natasha was putting all her faith in the tea Bruce had given her and therefore, she sent him a letter thanking him for all his help and asking him to please, please accept the enclosed payment to do with as he pleased. It was the least she could do.

The palace doctor said that she was only a few weeks along and Natasha asked her to please keep it a secret for now because she wanted to tell Steve herself. There were no words to express how truly excited she was that she’d managed to achieve what many believed was her entire purpose. She was _pregnant_ , carrying the heir to Steve’s throne.

Of course, it was only a day or two later that she realized she was only eighteen and had already basically fulfilled her life’s purpose. Natasha had come up with so many plans to tell Steve that they’d finally conceived the baby they’d been waiting for, but was it possible that he wouldn’t want her after that? She supposed that once they had a child, he had no reason to return to her. He could seek out pleasure from anyone else, perhaps from someone who didn’t question what he was doing or someone who wasn’t so… proper. Because Natasha was getting the feeling that women in her place were not given the same treatment as the women below them and _sometimes_ , it was to their detriment without the men in their lives even realizing that.

To combat the feeling of being pushed into adulthood before she was truly ready, Natasha chose a gown with soft, rainbow colored layers on the bottom. She felt like a princess even more than usual and since she hadn’t really begun to show just yet, she could still pull off the tiny waist required. She wondered what it would be like to have a child, to nurse him or her and bond, to fall asleep knowing she’d brought life into the world.

 

 

Her favored plan to tell Steve would involve nothing particularly complex; just a walk in the gardens and a flower. That very evening, she slipped off her shoes and met Steve in the gardens after supper regardless of his issues with her lack of shoes sometimes. He couldn’t see her feet anyway and honestly, he couldn’t yell at a pregnant woman.

Boldly taking his hand, Natasha led the way down the path while she asked about his day and murmured her agreements to some things he idly complained about. It felt good sometimes to just escape the palace and enjoy the fresh air. Now that spring had come, Natasha felt very much like she ought to take advantage of the warm weather. After all, they hadn’t had much of a springtime back home; just a warmer winter.

“Did you visit the orphanage today?” He ventured after some time.

Natasha smiled to herself and led them to the right. She needed to be near a particular flower in order to do this the way she wanted to. “No, I didn’t go today,” she mused. “I think I’ll go next week, though. I’d like to join them for breakfast one day.”

“That sounds nice,” he mused. “You like it there, don’t you? I don’t think I’ve ever met a noble who enjoys their charity work more than you do.”

Looking up to him, Natasha raised her eyebrows. “That _almost_ sounds like a compliment,” she teased.

Steve smiled, eventually glancing down to Natasha. “I hope so,” he answered. “Because it was absolutely meant to be a compliment.” He gave her another smile (two in the space of a few minutes!) and shrugged a bit. “I think it speaks to your character that you are so willing to give your time to the care of others.”

“What did I tell you about being sweet?” She laughed, moving quickly to stand in front of him once they got to the right flowerbed. “I have so little argue about when you’re sweet.”

Steve reached up to tuck a few errant strands of Natasha’s hair back behind her ear. “The last time you called me sweet like this, I believe I got a kiss in return,” he murmured. “Do you think I might get one this time as well?”

Natasha leaned in close and tipped her head back, lifting herself right up on her toes-- but she didn’t quite let their lips touch. “Not yet,” she told him, lightly tapping her finger against his lips.

Steve pouted a little and it was so comical that Natasha actually laughed. “Ooh, look at these flowers,” she started, drawing his attention to the flowerbed beside them. “Chrysanthemums.”

She looked to him for some kind of recognition and found none, so she soldiered on. “You know, chrysanthemums are the birth flower for the month of November.”

Steve nodded and feigned interest (he was a terrible liar, really) but Natasha just kept looking at him. She smiled widely and he frowned, looking back and forth between the flowers and Natasha, who brought one hand subtly to her stomach. It took him a few long moments, but eventually…

Well, she had said before that her favorite smile was when he was laughing, but Natasha hadn’t yet seen the smile that Steve gave her when he found out she was pregnant because it was nothing short of radiant. “You’re pregnant?” He asked. “Really?”

Natasha couldn’t stand it anymore. She smiled and nodded quickly, opening her arms to accept what she assumed would be the first real hug they’d ever shared. What she got instead were Steve’s hands at her waist and _lifting_ her up in the air to spin her around. When he set her back down, he leaned in and swept her into a kiss that made her knees weak and left her breathing hard even after their lips had parted.

With one hand still holding the back of her head and the other holding her waist, Steve said something that Natasha would remember for a long time. Because he could have said that he was happy and he could have said that he was relieved, but what he actually said was…

“Thank you.”

Those two words were filled with more affection and more genuine feeling than Natasha had ever expected from him at this point. “You don’t have to thank me,” she told him, keeping her voice quiet like anything louder would break the thin bubble around them right now. “We did this together.”

Steve smiled and leaned down to kiss her again, slotting their lips together for a few long moments before pecking her on the lips once more, and leaving another quick kiss on her forehead for good measure. “Thank you all the same,” he said warmly.

The pregnancy was announced within the walls of the palace when she was just a month along, only days after she’d told Steve the good news. Things went relatively back to normal except for one crucial thing; Steve didn’t touch her. At night, he would hold her very close to him as they slept. Natasha had taken to curling into his chest sometimes because she liked hearing his heartbeat, but otherwise he would simply lay his arm over her waist and sleep with his chest to her back. Natasha felt treasured in a way she simply hadn’t before, but she worried that now that she was with child, Steve would lose any carnal interest in her.

The ‘thank you’ that he’d given her could very well turn out to be gratitude because his perceived ‘duties’ were finished. A week later, Natasha decided that the lack of sex was a problem for more than one reason. Simply put, she missed it. The pleasure that came with their nights together, which wasn’t anything incredible to say the least, was still _something_. Frustrated, she penned a letter to someone she knew would give her the most open, straightforward advice on such matters. The letter she received in reply was exactly as she’d expected; scandalous.

_  
_

_Natasha,_

_How nice it was to hear from you! It gets dreadfully dull sitting around and waiting for Thor to return sometimes, but you must know that very well. I suppose a lover’s work is never done, though, as he does keep me up quite late._

_Terribly sorry to hear about the difficulties you’ve been having. In my experience, most men simply don’t take the time to figure out what works for the women they’re with as they think the answer to the world’s every problem is within their cock the way they choose to use it. Forgive the vulgar language, but if that offends you then I don’t think the rest of this letter will do you any good._

_Steve is a traditional sort of man, I assume. I count myself very lucky to have found Thor. With all his amiable qualities, he does have something of a roguish streak in the bedroom and so we’ve always gotten along fabulously. What I would do, love, is simply take control. Put him on his back and take what you want without regard for his pleasure. (Take it from me, he will find his pleasure regardless.) If you don’t think he’s amenable to that or feel he needs to be coaxed into it, then there are other ways to give yourself pleasure without your husband._

_Love, you have two nimble hands and ten wonderful fingers. Explore what they can do._

_Don’t be shy. Your body is yours to do with as you please._

_All my love,_

_Loki_

 

It would be an understatement to say that Loki’s letter left Natasha feeling rather embarrassed. Taking control was one thing; she’d be able to do it if she phrased it the right way, perhaps if she somehow communicated to Steve via someone else that opening up to new experiences was a good thing. But she wasn’t sure she could do that right now, while she was carrying his child.

Touching herself, however, was far more manageable a thing and now was the time to try.

She waited patiently for a day that week wherein she was left to her own devices and Steve had said that he would be late coming back because he was going to spend some time with Bucky. Once her handmaidens had dressed her in her nightclothes and been dismissed for the night, Natasha took it upon herself to blow out most of the candles in the room and sit on the bed.

Now. ...What now? Sipping a cup of water she’d set down nearby, she idly wondered how improper Steve would find this if he knew. Ladies weren’t supposed to find pleasure on their own; it came directly from their husbands. But if one’s husband wasn’t providing pleasure, what then? They never _said_ anything about that. No one had ever told her what to do if she wasn’t getting what she wanted other than to ignore it. And Natasha didn’t want to ignore it, which meant…

She was going to do this.

With her water half finished, she laid back against the pillows and began by lightly cupping her breasts the way Steve would. The nightgown she wore was thin enough that she could see the way her nipples hardened through the material once her thumbs had brushed over them. She felt _awkward_ and strange touching herself like this, but soldiered on in the pursuit of whatever it was she was missing all this time.

Growing bold, she untied the sash at her waist and parted the material so she might enjoy the way the pads of her fingers dragged over the sensitive skin of her breasts first, then down over her ribs, over her barely protruding belly, and down-- She stopped with her hands on the tops of her thighs and sighed. There was no turning back after this. She let out a long breath and closed her eyes as she spread her legs and let one hand wander between them.

Past soft, red curls, she found first and foremost that she was _warm_ . It was true that arousal had already sparked and settled as usual, but the warmth that enveloped the tips of her fingers as she began to explore was a little surprising. That said, she found herself pressing a tentative finger forward and within a few minutes, she’d basically reached the level of pleasure she found with Steve, though she was missing his weight on top of her and the way he’d say her name.

Furrowing her brow, she started to imagine his hand in place of her own and added a second finger for more of a familiar feeling, though Steve had to be much bigger than her two little fingers. Regardless, she imagined him touching her like this as she continued, eventually bringing her free hand up to cup her breast at the same time. It felt freeing, and lovely, and impossibly _naughty_ , but Natasha found that Loki’s advice had been very good.

She didn’t realize _how_ good until she let her hand slid up a little up and brushed over something different. Oh. Wait. Refocusing her attentions, she let her fingers brush over a little nub and shivered at the contact. Desperately seeking the crest of that pleasure she’d been building up, she rubbed against it, begging off now and then when it felt like things were becoming a little too much. She was clumsy and inelegant and instinctively bucking her hips up against her hand, but eventually?

Eventually, her lips parted in soft, panting gasps and her cheeks flushed as the coiling in her belly finally came to a peak it had never reached before. All of a sudden, this wave of pleasure washed over her, filling her from head to toe and pulling deep, broken moan from her as well. Startled by it, she shivered a little more and immediately pulled the blankets up and over her, turning onto her side so she might curl up and recover. So _that_ was the culmination, that was what she was supposed to feel.

The only question that remained was how on Earth she would get Steve to do that for her.

 

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It would seem that a marriage to Natasha came with endless surprises. Steve would admit that some were good, but some were bad and others were so confusing that he found himself wishing ardently that his mother were there so he might ask her advice. Women, it turned out, were rather complex. The news of a pregnancy was still lightening his spirits to some extent, but Steve couldn’t have possibly prepared himself to come back to their chambers one night, head into their bedroom, and find Natasha with her hand between her legs.

He’d doubled back immediately and pressed his back against the wall just around the corner so he would not be seen. She obviously hadn’t noticed that he’d come into their chambers at all or he assumed that she would have stopped. Now, Steve had not pleasured himself since he was a teenager, certainly not since it was explained to him that royal seed would be wasted by such activities. But he had never heard that an honorable woman would do so at all, certainly not after she was married! The thought itself was impossibly scandalous and in addition to that-- How was Natasha pleasuring herself without a man present?

A soft moan pulled him from his thoughts and Steve peeked around the corner to find Natasha arching her back as one hand cupped her breast and brushed over her nipple. That ought to be _his_ hand, not hers, and yet the sight of it… Steve found himself pressing the heel of his hand against the growing strain in his trousers.

It wasn’t until she began moving her hips that he gave in and plunged one guilty hand into the front of his trousers to relieve some of the pressure. There was some guilt that came from the knowledge that she didn’t know he was watching her, but it was easily dismissed. What _wasn’t_ easily dismissed was the crushing weight of knowing that he was giving in to base instinct because she was doing something unholy and untoward by herself in the dark.

As Natasha’s moans grew more breathy and more insistent, Steve tugged his trousers open and honestly gave in to the fact that this was happening. He stroked himself quickly so he might get this over with as soon as possible, but then something happened that he didn’t expect. Natasha let out this _sound_ , this moan like nothing he’d ever heard before and his hand actually stopped.

What was that? Why did she never make that sound when they made love?

When she turned over, Steve ducked back behind the wall and scurried as quietly as he could to the other room, where he would finish himself off and lament the fact that he’d been so easily tempted into wasting his seed. His father would be so very disappointed.

 

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Not three days after Natasha had discovered the way to obtain pleasure without upsetting her husband, Steve announced that he would be traveling to Asgard for a meeting in place of his father. Natasha asked to go as well, but her condition was used as a reason to leave her behind.

“Very well,” she sighed. “Tell Thor and Loki I said hello. And tell Loki I’ll be writing to him soon enough.”

Steve left with a kiss on her forehead. They had not been together for over a week now.

For some reason, Natasha found that she was quite bored without Steve around. She slept alone, she dined alone or with Maria, and she had no one to talk to early in the morning beside Yelena.

Frustrated by the second day, she marched herself into the more public dining area for breakfast and stopped beside Bucky. “Can I have a word?”

Bucky looked up and stood immediately, offering her a bow that was ignored in favor of Natasha leading him away for some privacy. “Please tell me that you’ve nothing to do today,” she started. “I’m terribly bored and I’d like company to walk the gardens.”

As always, Bucky’s charming smile was somewhat calming. He was a very laid back sort of person and Natasha appreciated that, especially in comparison to all of Steve’s rigidity. She had a lot of respect for her husband, but having a friend sometimes made up for all manner of sins. “I’d be happy to,” he answered. “Maybe we can take lunch near the lake.”

Natasha perked up a little bit and smiled widely. “Yes, thank you,” she said graciously. “Then I’ll meet you at the gate at midday and I’ll even bring a basket.” She reached out to touch his arm heedless of who might notice and who might be watching. “Thank you.”

She turned and marched off, wandering into the kitchens so she could ask them to prepare a picnic basket with their best lunch meats, breads, some cakes and pastries, wine and water as well. She even asked for the fruit that she knew Bucky liked. Finally, she would have a day with new conversation and new experiences, hopefully. It would be just what she needed.

At midday, she ventured to the gate with her basket and tipped her head back to enjoy the sun. She’d chosen a gown with flowers decorating the bodice and trailing down some of the skirt as well. It was long enough to hide the fact that she wasn’t wearing shoes and light enough to billow around her once they sat on the ground. True to his word, Bucky arrived right on time and she took his arm once he’d taken the basket so they could walk down the path together.

 

 

“You know, I think you are something of an enigma to Steve even now,” Bucky said at some point. “You challenge everything he thinks he knows about women. Personally, I think it’s good for him.”

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “And what do you know that he doesn’t?”

“Me?” Bucky laughed. “I know that there isn’t a recipe for how to treat a woman,” he reasoned. “I know that women do not all take kindly to being coddled or pushed aside.” He shrugged a little and gave her a cheeky wink. “I’m a commoner, Natasha. A commoner who has lived in the palace for most of his life. I know very well that royal women, certainly not all royal women, are nearly as prim and proper as they seem. There’s a difference between being quiet and not listening, just as there is a difference between never arguing with your husband and being faithful.”

Near the lake, they stopped and Bucky set the basket down so he could pull out their blanket and set it on the ground. “You’ve had affairs,” she concluded. “With noble married women?”

Bucky smirked to himself as he smoothed the blanket out. “Now, Natasha,” he teased. “It’s not polite to kiss and tell.”

 

 

He sat himself down and Natasha gracefully took to her knees, leaning back a little as he dress settled around her. “You can’t be comfortable like that,” he pointed out and, since it was only Bucky and Steve wasn’t there to protest, Natasha crossed her legs under her and relaxed quite a bit. “There we are.”

As Bucky started to spread out the food and drink the kitchen had given them, Natasha watched him more carefully than she ever had. He was handsome, to be sure. With a strong jaw and lovely blue eyes, not to mention a thick crop of brown hair that fell into his eyes sometimes as he talked, he was certainly not unpleasant to look at.

 

 

Could she have an affair with him? Once their child was born and all was well, could she really lower herself to the level of being unfaithful to her husband? If Bucky could give her the happiness that Steve couldn’t, then why not? Then again, Bucky was Steve’s closest friend. Pitting them against one another would be cruel. But she could have Bucky as a friend, surely. She could have him as a confidant, someone to talk to when and if she ever needed something of an escape from Steve, sweet as he was at times.

“If you won’t kiss and tell, can I at least ask you something about Steve?” She tried once they’d started to eat. “I promise, I won’t say a word to him about it.”

Bucky gave her a dubious look, but inclined his head. “Alright.”

“Before we were married, did Steve… That is, was he as _knowledgeable_ of women as you are?”

Bucky laughed immediately. “Steve? No. No, Steve’s never been knowledgeable of women.”

Natasha took that to heart. If Steve didn’t have experience, maybe that was why he was so insecure about her bringing it up. Perhaps he was innocent in all of this. “And… in being knowledgeable of women,” she said slowly, dropping her eyes to the piece of bread in her hand. “Do you think that having more experience makes a man a better lover?”

Raising his eyebrows, Bucky considered that and nodded slowly. “Sometimes,” he shrugged. “I don’t have much experience with other men in terms of their skills as lovers. But I have heard that some women prefer experienced men, yes.”

So she wasn’t alone in that, apparently. “I see,” she answered quietly.

Bucky considered her for a moment and reached out to touch her knee. “Remember what I told you,” he said. “Steve has a good heart. Give it time, Natasha.”

As they moved on to lighter topics (like which married women Bucky had seen in compromising positions, not that he would give her their names), they were both unaware of any eyes on them. But the fact of the matter was that someone _was_ watching them, and that someone did not like what they saw there. In fact, that certain someone was already thinking that Natasha needed to be taught a lesson for her bold behavior.

 

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The night Steve returned, he was both happy to be home and eager to find out how Natasha was developing in her condition. She had yet to be confined, of course, but he wanted to see if she was showing yet. He wanted to touch her belly and speak to their child the way he was told he should. Besides, he’d purchased a gift for her in Asgard _and_ he brought a letter and a package from Loki as well. He assumed Natasha would be happy about that.

But he’d barely stepped back into the palace when Yelena came up to him. “Your highness,” she greeted. “Can I have a word?”

“I wish you could, Yelena, but I’d like to see my wife. I presume she’s in our chambers resting…”

“Miss Natasha asks that you meet her in the gardens, in the field on the far side past the roses.”

Why would Natasha be in the gardens this late at night? The sun had set some time ago and even if the weather was warming, the breeze was still cool in the evenings. “Thank you,” he said quickly, turning in another direction to head into the gardens instead.

He saw no trace or sign of Natasha until he came to the beginning of the field. Beside a large rock, he found a pair of sandals- Natasha’s, no doubt. Sighing, he continued on until he heard someone’s voice and stopped again, frowning to himself. It sounded like Bucky, but what would Bucky be doing out here _with_ Natasha? Steve continued up the small hill and eventually they came into view; both of them, together.

Natasha was wearing a thin, white gown that glowed nearly blue in the moonlight along with what looked like a thick wrap to combat against the cool breeze. Her hair was down and she was laying on her side in the grass, propped up on one elbow as she looked down at Bucky, who was laying on his back beside her. “See, that’s the Big Dipper. But if you look further, it’s a part of the constellation called Ursa Major, which comes from the story of a nymph named Callisto who was _so_ beautiful---”

 

 

Steve stopped not ten feet away from them. “What is this?”

Natasha’s gaze snapped up to meet his and she smiled- _smiled_ -at the sight of him. “Steve! You’re back! We weren’t told. I would have been back in our room---”

“No, I see you’re quite busy here,” he countered through clenched teeth. His gaze fell right to Bucky, who sat up somewhat guiltily.

“Steve, it’s not what it looks like. Take a deep breath.”

Steve scoffed and shook his head. “Not what it looks like. Tell me, Bucky, what does it look like?”

Bucky stood up and gestured widely, although that only served to show Steve that he was in nothing but an undershirt and his trousers, his boots abandoned just a foot away. Clearly, Natasha had convinced him to try it as well. “It _should_ look like your best friend and your wife having a conversation,” he reasoned, remaining terribly calm in Steve’s opinion.

Then again, it had always been Steve who had the temper of the two of them. “Outdoors, alone, half dressed and lying around together in the grass.”

Natasha frowned and stood up as well. “Steve, you _can’t_ think there was anything untoward going on here,” she added. “You can’t.”

“Oh, I promise you that I can,” he answered. “I’ve told you before that you are to act like a princess ought to. And you’ve disobeyed me time and time again. And now this. Why should I not think something inappropriate is happening here?” In the back of his head, Steve knew that he sounded bitter. He _felt_ bitter not only because he knew that they weren’t doing anything and had gotten angry anyway, but because … because Natasha never looked that happy when she was with him.

Was that his fault? He’d tried to be a good husband. He’d given her more freedom than many husbands would and he hadn’t taken any lovers beside her. And Natasha was carrying his child. Didn’t that count for anything? Didn’t his affections so far count for _anything_ ?

“Because you should know that I would never do that to you,” Natasha argued. “If you’ll just let me explain, you’ll know I’m telling the truth.”

Bucky nodded. “Steve, it’s innocent. This is just two people looking at the stars as _friends_. Don’t you want us to get along?”

Not like this. He wanted Bucky to respect his bride and he wanted Natasha to approve of his relationship with Bucky, but did they have to be alone together? He loved Bucky, but he’d always been so much better with women than Steve and Natasha-- He wanted to be good to her. He wanted her to love him, but it felt like being the person he’d been told to be wasn’t good enough.

“Natasha, go to our rooms,” he said firmly. “I’ll be there in a moment to finish this conversation.”

She clearly wasn’t happy about it. Natasha’s lips pressed together in a thin line, but she marched past him, grabbing her shoes on her way back into the palace to presumably wait for him.

Steve turned his attention to Bucky. “She isn’t a conquest, Bucky. She can’t be.”

“Do you really think I’d do that to you?” He asked, giving Steve a sad look. “Really, Steve?”

Upon some consideration, Steve sighed and sat heavily on the ground, rubbing both hands over his face. “No,” he mumbled. “I don’t.”

Bucky joined him there on the ground and leaned back, letting out a long, relieved sigh. “Listen, I like Natasha. I _genuinely_ like her. I think she’s smart and funny and she’s got a view of the world that you don’t see every day.” He nudged Steve’s arm. “And she’s really trying, Steve. She wants to know you.”

Steve scoffed. “Then why is everything an argument? Why does she fight me on every decision I make?”

“Because she wants better than she’s getting,” he explained. “Consider that. Would you let someone give you less than you thought you deserved?”

They hugged it out in the end and Bucky’s words weighed heavily on Steve’s mind as he headed back to their rooms knowing his things would have already been taken there. He had every intention of going into that room, confronting Natasha, and hopefully mending a few tears in their relationship. He didn’t want to fight; he’d wanted to talk to their child and give her the gifts he’d picked out. All he needed to do, he told himself, was remain _calm_.

 

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Natasha paced back and forth, back and forth in their main room. First of all, how dare Steve ever even consider the idea that she was being unfaithful? Besides the fact that she had considered such a thing, she didn’t think she could _ever_ and the idea that Steve thought she was capable was practically a slap in the face! Secondly, to speak to his best friend like that! Now Bucky probably wouldn’t want to spend time with her anymore and it was entirely Steve’s fault.

The very second he walked in, she whirled around and frowned, giving him a cold glare. “Are you here to further accuse me of adultery? Because I won’t stand for it, Steve. I won’t.”

Steve shook his head. “No, I’m not going to accuse you of anything,” he said. “I know Bucky wouldn’t touch you that way. We’re practically brothers.”

Oh, but he didn’t trust _her_ to not touch _him_. “You should know I wouldn’t do that no matter who I was spending time with.”

“Do you trust me to be faithful to you?”

Natasha hadn’t been expecting that. It was different for men. They weren’t _expected_ to remain faithful, only make sure that they didn’t have any children out of wedlock. And even if they did, it was excused somehow. “There are different expectations for you than there are for me.” She knew there was bitterness in her voice, but she didn’t care. “One must consider why that is, why you are able to seek out your own happiness and I am not.”

Steve was visibly taken aback and she thought she saw something akin to hurt ghost over his features, but they hardened again a moment later. “It is because it would be _indecent_ for a noble woman to seek out pleasure from another man.”

“But not indecent for you to seek pleasure from another woman,” she reasoned.

“No, because this is an _obligation_ that I must fulfill, but I will always need that release because I’m still a man. If I don’t want to see to you, then I don’t have to.” He shrugged. “I’m sure the church would prefer we only make love for the purposes of reproduction.”

Natasha’s shoulders fell a little bit and her cheeks flushed in embarrassment. This, she thought, was why Bucky had been able to have affairs with married women. Because they weren’t happy and their husbands simply didn’t care. “Well, then,” she answered. “Your _duties_ have been fulfilled, your highness.” With that, she turned her back to him and marched right towards her sitting room so she could get undressed for the night. She’d had just about enough of his mouth and his insults and how _stupid_ he acted sometimes-- but a hand closed around her upper arm and he stopped her. Natasha fumed. “Let me go.”

Steve turned her around and held her there. “You may not like me very much, but I’ve fulfilled every role I was supposed to as your husband and I am ready to fulfill them for the rest of our lives. I don’t think you can honestly say the same and I fear you have no intention of trying.”

With that, he released her and Natasha scowled for a moment before disappearing into her sitting room to think. How could he say that she hadn’t tried? She’d certainly made herself available to him each and every night! She’d done her charity work and gone above and beyond to appeal to the people- _his_ people. It was as she thought about their argument in the field with Bucky that her handmaidens came to undress her and a thought occurred to Natasha. “I told no one where I was going today,” she announced while everyone was still in attendance. “Which of you followed me and told my husband where I was?”

There was silence for a long time before a voice spoke up. “I did.”

Natasha turned to find Yelena standing before her looking entirely unapologetic. “You? Yelena, how could you? Why?”

Yelena stepped closer. “You were growing too bold,” she told her. “Miss, your behavior was more befitting for a stubborn child than a princess and the disrespect you showed your husband was unbelievable. You needed a reminder of your place here.”

Natasha folded her hands in front of her and pressed her lips together. “What is said and goes on between me and my husband is _none_ of your concern.”

“It is when you are turning yourself into an embarrassment.”

Oh. So that’s how it was going to be. “I feel sorry for you, that you would sabotage someone who has always treated you more like a friend than what you are. If you insist upon inserting yourself into places you do not belong, then I have no choice but to demand you leave.”

Yelena actually looked shocked. “Do you think your father will stand to hear of this? He'll be mortified by your behavior here."

“My father does not dictate the people I keep in my company,” she countered. “You will leave tonight, and you will not return.” She stepped closer. “And if I ever hear that you are spreading _rumors_ again, I will make sure you never find another job in your field ever again. Am I clear?”

She was. She was crystal clear, unfortunately. Yelena left right away and the rest of Natasha’s handmaidens scurried off before they were caught in her crosshairs as well. Alone again, she let out a broken sigh and moved to sit down for a moment. Yelena had been with her since she was a child. She knew what she had done was the right thing, but was she meant to be alone for good? What would her father think if Yelena opened her mouth to him? Would her child ease the pain of having only the friends she was allowed to have? Those who didn’t turn on her, of course.

Suddenly exhausted, she returned to their bedroom assuming that Steve had already crawled into bed. What she found instead were two packages sitting near her pillow and a folded letter from Loki. There was no sign of Steve. For once hating the absolute silence save the soft sounds from the flickering candles, Natasha slowly unfolded the letter and began to read. Loki spoke of Thor very often, but he also extended his hopes that Natasha had followed his advice. She had, of course, but she was in no mood at present to relay that to him. Instead, she turned her attention to the box beside her, which Loki said was a present fit for a queen, and something that would hopefully inspire her husband to be a little more amenable to her suggestions.

Natasha tucked it into her closet without opening it because she wasn’t feeling up to hoping that after this latest fight, she would ever want to use it. But the other package was a little velvet pouch with a note tucked inside.

_I know it’s a little more modest than whatever Loki gifted you, but I hoped you would like it anyway. -Steve_

Setting the note aside, she pulled from the pouch a beautiful necklace. It was crafted excellently with gold and purple stones, and diamonds along the middle. As she brushed her fingers over it, she realized the significance of it and smiled sadly to herself. “Chrysanthemums…”

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***READ THIS***
> 
> I want to give a quick WARNING that this chapter contains a Sad Thing that might be upsetting for some people. It's nothing violent or particularly gory or anything, but if you're worried you can always message me on tumblr for more details. I just... want to maintain the element of surprise, which is why I'm not tagging it or anything.

_"The flower that follows the sun does so even in cloudy days."_

_\-  Robert Leighton_

 

For almost two weeks, Steve did everything in his power to avoid Natasha. She knew that because aside from a kiss on the cheek when they were in public or letting her take his arm when they were walking together, he made no contact with her at all. Natasha had even thanked him for her necklace and he remained… distant. Had he truly meant what he said?

All Natasha knew was that as she reached two full months of pregnancy, the pressure increased tenfold as her condition was announced to the public and considering Natasha was already questioning where Steve was spending all his time, she felt like she needed some rest. It was with that in mind that she finally found the time to write to various people; Loki, May, even her father. She knew he wouldn’t write back, but she told him she was expecting and made her life in America seem much happier than it was because she couldn’t bear to think that he might worry after her.

She also wrote to Pepper and asked her to come visit and the other woman showed up the very next day with a gift basket and the kind of diversions that Natasha appreciated to no end.

Still, she found that she couldn’t quite relax. Everything was made worse by the fact that Steve remained cold to her. He hadn’t touched her in ages and so, Natasha had taken to taking care of her own needs in the bath whenever she got the opportunity. She felt guilty for it sometimes, but she had been warned that she would experience mood swings while she was with child and so the fact that she burst into tears after one of her baths wasn’t entirely shocking.

Steve had also taken to spending his time outside the palace, and until quite late. Natasha went to bed more often than not and each time she did, it was more troubling. She was really beginning to show now; there was this slight swell of her belly that had never been there before and she would comfort herself by lightly rubbing over it as she wondered what their child would look like. Maybe a little boy with bright eyes and her curiosity or a little girl with blonde hair and a sweet laugh…

 

 

 

Honestly, she didn’t know anything was wrong until a sharp pain woke her before midnight one evening, just a few hours after she’d gone to sleep. It all happened in a blur: looking for Steve to find his side of the bed empty, screaming for help, the tears that came before she could even think about stopping them, the blood. There was so much blood.

The handmaidens that found her told the guards to fetch the doctor and Natasha remained silent as she was examined. “It’s not uncommon,” the doctor told her as gently as she could. “You’ll be able to try again in a few months. For now, you need to rest. I don’t want you leaving your rooms for at least two weeks and walking as little as possible.” She paused. “Is there anything you’d like right now?”

Natasha kept her gaze straight ahead. Why had this happened to her? “There’s a doctor in the city named Bruce Banner,” she said quietly. “I want him here.” She let out a short breath and looked away as more tears welled up. “And someone find my husband. He has to be told.”

She calmed enough to stand with the help of her handmaidens and they helped her wash up, stripping the bed and gathering her nightgown to get rid of any evidence that something was wrong. Natasha considered her nightgowns and deemed them all perfectly inappropriate for what was happening right now, so she went to Steve’s wardrobe instead and plucked his dressing gown off a hook instead. It was red and warm and far too big for her, but Natasha wrapped herself up in it and crawled back into bed to mourn.

The doctor had said that she could have stomach cramps for days. To combat that, Natasha laid on her side and pulled her legs up as much as she could, but it didn’t help very much at all.

And where was Steve?

Would he hate her?

The uncertainty of the situation only made it that much worse.

 

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Steve had been in a tavern when someone came looking for him. He had spent a lot of time there in the past couple of weeks and honestly, it was getting old. He’d yet to take another lover, though. It just felt like he’d be disappointing Natasha somehow and he hadn’t ever been too eager to take strange women to bed anyway. It was a loss, but not a big loss.

What was a loss was the tentative trust and affection he’d built up with Natasha.

He was only on his second pint when two guards came running into the tavern and asked for him. Steve frowned and stood up immediately to ask them what was wrong and the moment-- the moment they said, ‘It’s the princess, your highness’, he felt like his heart dropped.

They ran the whole way back and when Steve burst into their bedroom, he already knew what had happened. No one had needed to tell him; he just knew. And when his gaze fell upon Natasha, all curled up in his robe in their bed with tears still falling, he wanted to cry himself.

He closed the door and stepped forward, blindly removing his boots and jacket so he could crawl into bed beside her. Steve didn’t care about anything else right now. Expectations aside, fights aside, everything else aside, she was his wife and she needed him. Period.

And she was still so young. It wasn't fair, he thought, for someone so young to experience so much heartache. Natasha didn’t waste any time at all before curling into him and burying her face in his chest. Steve felt impossibly inadequate in that moment, unsure of himself and what to do to make it better.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Steve, I lost our baby.”

Steve could have sworn that he heard his heart breaking. He wrapped his arms around Natasha’s shaking form and rubbed her back, one hand going up to stroke her hair as she cried. “Shh…” He leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “Shh, it’s alright. _You’re_ alright.” He paused. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” he added. “I should have been.”

Natasha cried for a long time, eventually putting her arms around his waist and drawing him so close that there was no space between them at all. Steve knew it wasn’t because she loved him, but because she wanted _comfort_ and who else could she turn to? No one. He would never, ever begrudge her that comfort, not when she was inconsolable like this. He did wonder if it was all because of what had happened tonight or if she was mourning her life here, their marriage…

There was something that just didn’t sit right with him about making Natasha cry.

It took a long, long time for her to fall asleep. Eventually, he assumed exhaustion won out over misery and she settled in his arms, her flushed cheek pressed up against his chest. Steve didn’t sleep that night. He felt terribly guilty for not being there like he should have been, but there was more than that. Maybe he wasn’t in love with Natasha the way he’d imagined he might be in love with his wife, but he did care for her and she was hurting. He wouldn’t risk her waking up to deal with that pain alone. And so, ever vigilant, he kept her close in his arms until she started to stir just after dawn had broken.

At first, she didn’t say anything at all. He could see that she’d opened her eyes, but Natasha didn’t move, didn’t speak, hardly even took a breath. Minutes later, she slowly pulled away from him and lifted her gaze, but she didn’t quite meet his eyes. Steve watched as she took a deep breath and slowly let it out through barely parted lips. Her eyes were still puffy from the night before, he noticed. And she was far too pale. “Where were you last night?”

Steve hated how accusatory she sounded, but he supposed that he couldn’t blame her in the grand scheme of things. He _had_ been spending a lot of time out of the palace and it was nearly midnight when… when they’d come to find him. He should have been home. There were very few reasonable explanations. On top of that, she looked so young in that moment that it nearly jarred him right out of bed. “I was at the tavern,” he answered honestly. Her gaze snapped to his. “Drinking.”

Natasha studied him for a long moment. “Alone?”

He supposed he deserved that. It wasn’t any of her business, of course, and she couldn’t do anything about it if he _wasn’t_ alone, but he had been. So it didn’t matter. “Yes, alone.”

She paused for another moment before nodding slowly and letting her shoulders slump. “I’m not supposed to leave the room for two weeks,” she said quietly. “The doctor said I shouldn’t stand very much.” There was another little pause and Natasha’s hand went instinctively to her belly. “She said we can try again in a couple of months,” she whispered, her voice breaking again.

Steve nodded in silence. The implications were implicit in what she said. He knew he was free to seek out a mistress in that time, and she knew it as well. “What do you need me to do?”

Natasha kind of looked like she didn’t know for sure. “I’ve called for a doctor to come here,” she told him. “Someone I saw when you were away. I didn’t want to see the doctors here.”

“You went into the city on your own?” He asked. “Natasha, that isn’t safe.”

She shrugged and wrapped her arms around herself. “I didn’t want anyone to know.”

Steve frowned. “You didn’t want anyone to know what?”

Natasha huffed and shook her head. “That it was taking us so long. I wanted advice concerning fertility aids.”

Fertility aids? He hadn’t even vaguely considered the idea that they weren’t conceiving fast enough. Was she that worried about it? “You should have told me,” he said. “But I understand why you didn’t. I’ll make sure the doctor gets here and comes to see you.”

Natasha nodded a little bit. “Thank you.”

It was awkward, he couldn’t lie. Steve knew that he had to see his father that morning both concerning a political matter and concerning the loss of their first pregnancy, but he didn’t want to leave Natasha feeling vulnerable and alone. “You should eat,” he told her. “I’m going to have your breakfast brought here while I go to see my father and then I’ll come back to check on you.”

Natasha readjusted herself in bed, pulling Steve’s robe more tightly around her and smoothing the blanket over her lap as he stood up. “Before you go, can you do something for me?”

Steve raised his eyebrows. “Of course. What do you need?”

“I’d like the necklace you gave me,” she said quietly. “Please.”

Turning around, Steve headed over to her vanity and opened her jewelry box, quickly selecting the gold chrysanthemum and holding it in the palm of his hand for a moment. He’d given himself time to mourn last night while he held Natasha, but he supposed it would take its toll over the months they had to wait. At this point, the most important thing was that he had to be there for his wife.

He handed it over to Natasha and watched as she held it in one hand and brushed her fingers over it. “Thank you,” she whispered, keeping her eyes down. Even so, he could see how upset she was getting all over again and he decided that she needed to eat if she was going to make it through the day.

Crawling over to her again, he smoothed his hand over her hair and leaned in to leave a firm kiss on her forehead. “I’ll be back before you know it,” he promised. “Try to rest.”

Natasha nodded, but he left her with tears in her eyes and her lips set in a stubborn line like she refused to cry again. She was strong. Steve had no doubt that she would be okay eventually, but this was something that had clearly hit her hard, and there was no reason it wouldn’t, really. It would hit _anyone_ hard to lose a child this way.

 

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There were no words to describe how empty Natasha felt right now. All she kept thinking about was whether or not she’d done something wrong. Had she caused this, somehow? Was it because she had too much tea and too many cakes? Was she too active? Should she have been resting more often? No matter the reason, her baby was gone.

One of her handmaidens brought her breakfast in on a small try; just tea, toast, and a little bowl of fresh fruit, doctor’s orders. She had no appetite, but she nibbled at the toast and tried to get some of the fruit down if only because she felt she should keep her strength up.

She had to admit to herself that she was glad Steve had come back as soon as he had. Natasha was under no illusion that he hadn’t at least considered being with someone else while they were apart, but he’d come back when it mattered most and there was certainly something to that, at least in her mind. And Steve had been so sweet to hold her all night long, allowing her to leave her sorrows as tears on his shirt. Everything else aside, they were in this together and that really did make her feel like they had a chance.

Before Steve returned, one of her handmaidens announced that the doctor was there to check up on her and Natasha made sure she was decent before allowing him in. Bruce was sympathetic immediately, his big, brown eyes full of the kind of sorrow and comfort that put Natasha at ease right away. “Your highness,” he greeted, standing beside her bed. “I’m terribly sorry for your loss.”

Natasha swallowed and inclined her head as she patted bed beside her to invite him to sit. She dismissed her handmaidens with a wave of her hand and turned her attention to him. “Thank you so much for coming on short notice,” she said quietly. “As soon as it happened I realized that I wanted you here. I can’t explain it, but I’d very much like it if you stayed on as my private physician.”

Bruce’s eyes widened. “Oh. That’s not necessary, your highness. Not that I don’t appreciate the opportunity, I do, but I’ve got--”

“Work to do in the city, yes. I would only ask that you be on call should I need you,” she clarified. “I understand how important you are to those people.”

“It’s a privilege to be able to help them,” he said. “And, if you’ll let me continue my work, it’ll be a privilege to help you as well, in any way I can.”

Natasha reached out to lay her hand over his on the bed. “Thank you,” she said warmly. “I’m going to need you once we are able to try again. I don’t want it to take as long as it did last time.”

Bruce smiled understandingly. “Let’s just focus on making sure you’re healthy right now. Losing a child like this can weigh heavily on your shoulders and I would not have you suffering any further, your highness. It is important that we take time to recover before we trudge forward.”

“How long must we wait?”

“I wouldn’t recommend trying for three months,” he said firmly. “It would put too much of a strain on your system were you to become pregnant before then.”

Natasha nodded and turned her eyes down to where her hands quickly folded in her lap. “Three months,” she said quietly. “That is three months that my husband may yet search for comfort elsewhere.”

Bruce understood that. She could see in his eyes that he disapproved, but he knew as anyone did that a prince would have no reason to remain faithful to his bride. “I could speak to him,” he blurted out. “Give him my professional opinion…” He wouldn’t want to be in Natasha’s position; married to a man who could leave her side at any moment to seek out someone else.

“Could you really?” Natasha perked up just a little bit at that, her tone hopeful. “Yes, I’d like that.”

“I can’t make any promises,” Bruce added. “But I’ll do what I can. I’ll tell him the truth and if he cares for you, then he will understand and do as I say.”

With Bruce’s assurances that he would speak to Steve in a medical capacity, Natasha allowed him to do a brief exam, promised him that she would stay in bed as much as she could and rest plenty while also making sure to drink plenty of water, and allowed him to leave. Left alone again, it was very much like the veil of normalcy had been lifted and once again, she was reminded of all she’d lost.

When Steve returned, he was carrying a tray with her lunch. It was so out of character and so strange that she just stared at him for a long time before finally sitting up and accepting the tray on her lap. “The doctor came,” she told him as he sat down on the edge of their bed. “He says he wants to talk to you about… what happens going forward. He should be back this evening, after he sees to his other patients. I hope that’s alright.”

“Of course,” he answered. “I want to make sure you’re getting whatever you need.”

The rest of the day was spent in a way that neither Steve nor Natasha had ever expected. After she’d eaten all she could for lunch, Natasha sat back with every intention of taking a nap as Steve insisted she try to do. The problem was that once she had nothing else to focus on, it was terribly easy to remind herself of their little tragedy. Knowing that Steve was sitting only across the room with a book he’d pulled off a seldom touched bookshelf, Natasha decided to try her luck.

“Steve?”

 

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Steve was in unknown territory right now. His meeting with his father (and Schmidt, unfortunately) had been uncomfortable in that talking about the loss of Natasha’s pregnancy was still difficult. It was a sore subject and yet he knew that he had to be very strong in front of them. He soldiered through and excused himself as soon as possible so he could return to Natasha. She seemed to appreciate the lunch he brought her, though she ate far less than usual and only sipped at the wine he’d brought.

He’d said that he would stay and chose a book to read while he sat there, but she spoke up and he was torn from an admittedly entirely random choice of reading material. “Yes?”

There was a long pause and he nearly asked again, but Natasha spoke up and he fell entirely silent. “Can you sit with me?”

Was it wrong that Steve was happy she wanted him there? Natasha could have told him to leave or asked him to leave her alone during this hard time, but she wanted him there. Setting his book aside, he stood up and moved towards her, but she stopped him. “That book,” she said, indicating a book on a side table that she’d clearly started reading at some point. It was a novel specifically geared towards the whimsies and demure fantasies of women, but Steve picked it up and continued over to the bed without pause. “Read to me?”

Steve wasn’t sure he could do the voice in the book justice, but he sat down beside Natasha and let her rest her head on his chest while he opened the book and began. The story itself was very sweet; all about a man and a woman who just couldn’t see eye to eye. But a lot of it was overdone drivel, the sort of thing that Steve would never read on his own if indeed he ever picked up that kind of book for pleasure’s sake. Still, Natasha listened carefully until he noticed that she’d drifted off to sleep.

It wasn’t wrong to want that for her. It wasn’t wrong at all to want Natasha to be happy and in love with someone who understood the way she acted and the things she thought were important. As he lightly stroked her hair and remained still so she could rest, he wondered… if he could be that man.

The ironic thing was that, as he’d said before, his mother would have adored Natasha. And Steve probably would have happily married whoever his mother chose for him, so why was he having such a problem now? Where had that spirit he’d had as a child gone? Then again, he’d grown up. Wasn’t it normal to grow up and start taking responsibility for one’s actions? Steve might still have a hot head, but he knew the kind of person he had to be in order to lead when his father couldn’t anymore.

That evening as Natasha read quietly by herself in bed, Bruce returned and asked Steve for a moment or two in the main part of their rooms. Out of Natasha’s earshot, they sat down together for a talk. “Your highness, I know it is… customary at this point for nobles, especially those in marriages such as this one, to seek out comfort in the form of other partners,” he began. “It isn’t my right to get involved in your affairs, but what I will tell you is that I advise you resist that temptation.”

Steve blinked in horror, his back as straight as an arrow. So it was going to be this kind of conversation, then. Very well. “Has my wife asked you to say this?”

Bruce shook his head. “No, she doesn’t know what I’m telling you, sir. But she did express some concern to me that you would step outside your marriage and I think that if you did, if she found out that you had… I think that it would add to her sorrow at this point in time.” He sighed. “Natasha is very fragile right now,” he explained. “She is a strong woman and I have no doubt that she will recover, but right now she needs comfort and understanding. She doesn’t need any undue stress that might come from worrying about you.”

Steve nodded very slowly and considered Bruce’s words. “If you think it would affect her health in a negative way, then I will abstain. Is there anything else you’d recommend?”

Bruce raised his eyebrows like he was surprised or possibly distrusting of Steve’s words. “Now is not the time to limit yourself to what you must do as her husband,” he added. “Be there for her as a friend.”

“Natasha seems to have put a lot of faith in you,” he said. “I think she was wise to do so.”

For the two weeks that Natasha was relegated to their shared chambers, Steve stayed with her as much and as often as he could. He kept his word and didn’t seek out any other company, but he also refused to lower himself to pleasuring himself in the bath or when he had time alone, which meant he was just a little more stressed than usual. Still, he understood the reason for all of this. Natasha worried about her place given that she’d lost a child and that was, in many ways, one of the most normal worries and opinions she’d had since they’d met.

Sometimes, she cried. Steve woke up one night to Natasha sniffling into his chest and held her for nearly two hours while she mourned their loss. There would be mood swings like that, he knew. The doctor had told him as much. The only time Steve had allowed himself to cry was during a solitary walk in the gardens when he passed the spot where Natasha had told him about her pregnancy. He’d wept silently as he picked a few of the golden chrysanthemums and laid them down in the chapel while he said a prayer for their unborn child.

Bucky paid a hesitant visit, offering Natasha a warm hug the very moment she’d looked at him and started to tear up. Steve stood watchful nearby, but there was clearly nothing to worry about. Bucky only held her hand and talked about what he’d been up to in the city over the last few days. Flowers also arrived from Clint, who had heard via letter that Natasha penned just the day after, and she received a soft, warm blanket along with her father’s deepest condolences.

 

 

The king had even made a visit, dropping by one evening to sit with Natasha and express his condolences and sympathies for what she’d been through. Steve’s mother had once suffered a miscarriage, he said. It was a terrible experience no matter the circumstances.

All in all, though, Steve quite liked spending time with Natasha like this. With the stresses of being in public left out of the equation, they were almost free to be themselves. Almost. Steve learned that Natasha enjoyed music, so he invited a talented harpist to play for them one evening while they ate supper on the balcony. Natasha had been craving fresh air and so, he’d had something special set up for her. In return, Natasha had hesitantly allowed Steve to draw her while she sat near the window.

He couldn’t quite get all her beauty down on paper and refused to show her the finished work, but he had a sneaking suspicion that she’d peeked while he was bathing one day because she told him he was sweet and even gave him a little kiss for it.

When her two weeks was up, Bruce recommended that they begin her rehabilitation by taking short walks from their rooms to their dining room or from their rooms to the garden and back. Natasha, however, was concerned about making her first public appearance and delayed venturing out of the room until Steve was forced to confront her about it one day.

“Natasha, it’s beautiful outside,” he told her. “The sun is shining, the birds are singing… Please?”

Natasha made a face and shook her head. “How can I go back out there? Everyone must be so disappointed in me.”

Steve frowned. “No one is disappointed in you,” he promised. “These things happen sometimes no matter how hard we try to prevent them. Bruce has said that he’s seen it happen to the healthiest of women…”

“But everyone knows,” she argued, shaking her head. “Everyone knows I lost it.”

Left without options, Steve sat down beside her and took her hand. “Natasha, no one understands how you feel more than I do,” he started. “But no matter what, we must always get up.”

Natasha turned her gaze to him and smiled a little. “Why do I feel like there’s a story behind that?”

Steve smiled and leaned back a little bit. “You’ve heard Bucky’s stories about what a troublemaker I was when I was a child,” he began. “Well, whenever I was in a fight, I usually wound up being knocked down right away. My mother mended so many scrapes and cuts and bruises that she could have been a nurse in her own right. He frowned a little as his thoughts turned serious. “But above everything else she taught me, she said that I should never give up. Never let them see me suffering. You always get up.”

 

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Two weeks of being cooped up in their rooms had turned into days of avoiding venturing outside. Natasha just couldn’t make peace with the fact that everyone knew her intimate business and that they knew she was in mourning. Her dress would certainly exhibit that fact, if nothing else.

But Steve was trying and the story he told her was so symbolic and so telling of his character that she found herself leaning in to hear more. “You always get up,” she repeated. Steve would be a wonderful father. “Well, then. I can’t argue with that, can I?” Natasha pushed herself up and leaned down to peck Steve on the lips. “Let me get ready.”

She disappeared into the other room, where her handmaidens solemnly dressed her in a black gown. It was a little too warm for all the layers that most traditionalists would insist upon, but Natasha didn’t particularly mind. It had a modest neckline along with a full skirt made of fabrics layered on top of one another. Her baby, she decided, would have liked the dress. And yes, she sounded sentimental and ridiculous even in her own mind, but she was going to allow it. She could mourn the way she felt was right.

 

 

When she came back out, Steve was already dressed in black trousers and a black shirt, with a matching brocade jacket as well. He took her hand immediately so they could leave the rooms together and Natasha appreciated to no end the fact that he squeezed lightly as soon as they stepped into the hallway because people stared. Servants, other nobles, guards… Everyone knew what had happened and everyone stared openly like they would be able to see the misery written all over her face.

But Natasha held her head high, eyes focused straight ahead as they made their way from their rooms to the gardens. Even out in the sunshine she couldn’t quite forget what had happened, but she almost wanted to. Her child’s memory would stay with her forever, she supposed. As it should.

“Natasha.” Steve’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts and Natasha looked up at him. “Sit here.”

Confused, she took a seat on the bench Steve indicated and watched with evident surprise as he knelt down in front of her. Calm as could be, Steve lifted just the hem of her gown and carefully removed one shoe, then the other. He held them in his left hand as he stood again and held his right out to her. “Come on, then,” he urged. “We’ve a long way to go until we reach the lake.”

Oh. Oh, he was being so nice to her. Natasha reached out to take his hand and let him pull her up so her feet could sink right into the soft grass. They laced their fingers together and started to walk again, both seemingly taking pleasure in the somewhat comfortable silence between them. “Thank you,” she said at some point, lightly squeezing his hand as she hazarded a small smile.

 

 

Steve smiled as well. “You’re welcome,” he answered. They were silent as they wandered through the gardens, eventually coming to a stop near the lake. “Do you want to sit down for a while?”

Natasha actually did. She felt practically winded just by all the walking they’d done already. “I can make it back to the palace,” she told him. “If you want to sit properly.”

Steve glanced at the ground and back up at Natasha. “We can sit here,” he said. “I’ll sit with you.”

What on Earth was he doing? Natasha’s brow creased slightly as she tried to figure out where all this had come from, but she couldn’t understand. Since when? Was this all because of her miscarriage?

“Steve, you don’t have to…”

“Have to what? All I’m suggesting is that we sit on the grass and… relax.”

Natasha gave him a suspicious look, but she allowed Steve to hold her hand for support as she sat herself down and watched him carefully as he joined her. He looked ridiculous, all straight shoulders and hands on his thighs instead of on the grass, but he was obviously going out of his way to do something for her comfort and she appreciated it to no end. Leaning back, she closed her eyes and just tried to focus on the soft wind and the warmth of the sun on her face. She smiled a little and blindly reached out for Steve’s hand to lace their fingers together again.

It was going to be alright. _Everything_ was going to be alright.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick thank you to everyone who's sticking with me. I really appreciate how nice everyone's been. <3

_"Who would have thought it possible that a tiny little flower could preoccupy a person so completely that there simply wasn't room for any other thought."_

_\-  Sophie Scholl_

 

Three months went rather quickly for Natasha despite the ups and downs that came with mourning the loss of their first pregnancy. Steve had been very good to her in that time. He took walks in the garden with her, read to her on particularly slow afternoons, and brought all sorts of cakes from the kitchens to please her when she didn’t feel like going to the main hall for supper. It wasn’t quite as easy as she had hoped it would be to get back into the rhythm of things, but Natasha found that she was able to keep her chin up amidst each wave of depression that overwhelmed her and each whisper in the halls.

Near the end of it all, she found herself growing more and more eager for things to resume in such a way that she might actually be happy for a while. Maybe it was selfish of her, but she wished she could put it all behind her and focus on the future, which was simply what she had to do to survive. Besides, the memory of the one and only time she’d been truly overcome with pleasure was becoming something of a goal now. She had been ready to make sure their love life was more exciting and more pleasant on her end before all this and she wasn’t going to back down just because of what they’d suffered.

Truth be told, she was even more set upon broadening their horizons if only because she felt like Steve had endeared himself to her over the past twelve weeks or so. They were closer than ever and she knew that he felt it too because he was kissing her a lot, leaving little pecks on her neck and over her shoulder in the early hours of the morning or before he headed out for the day. She’d gotten to know a whole other side to her husband born of tragedy and her need to be cared for, she supposed. It spoke to the kind of person he was; distracted at times by what was deemed ‘proper’, but ultimately a good man.

Of course, there was this tiny voice at the back of her head that kept reminding her she wasn’t ready to be pregnant again. It might have sounded foolish to Bruce or to Steve should she want to speak to them about it, but Natasha was nervous. What if she miscarried again? It was absurd women miscarried all the time and went on to have perfectly healthy babies, but it felt very strange to know that she’d failed at something so basic once and could absolutely fail again.

If there were a way to prevent pregnancy in the short term, Natasha would have done it. The sad truth was that first of all, Steve would never agree to such a thing and she felt it was too deceitful to do it without his knowledge and second of all, she didn’t trust that whatever herb or tea or potion Bruce prescribed her wouldn’t permanently end her chances. Instead, she focused on other things; mainly the letters she’d received recently from Loki, Clint, and May.

Each told her something of import that she would keep with her that evening. First, May reminded her that she was a warrior, that she fought the most daring battles without ever picking up a sword. Natasha wrote back saying that she did not always feel like a warrior, but that she wanted every woman to know this sentiment. She would serve as an example of strength, if nothing else. She would not allow this to make her wilt.

Second, Clint told her in between apologies for the timing that he was getting married! He’d fallen in love with a woman named Laura and they were to wed as soon as possible. She sent back her very best wishes and all her love to both.

And finally, there was Loki, who told her that there was no shame in moving forward and putting a painful past behind her.  

‘Time moves forward and so should we,’ he wrote to her. She knew there was a story behind it, but she did not have the heart to ask. Instead, she took pains to remember that her life was her own and that she could make of it exactly what she wanted. She could live knowing that she had tried to give a child life only to have it taken from her, just as she could live embracing her physical desires.

She wanted to make an effort. Steve had been patient for three whole months, never once spending a single night out late or anywhere but in their bedroom. That evening, she wore a white dress to dinner; something to symbolize something of a rebirth, a new beginning. It was made of thin fabric all woven together to create a long, flowing skirt and a cinched in waist as well. She looked at herself for a long time in the mirror before letting her hair out almost completely (save for a diamond clip she used to hold one side back) and telling herself to get out there because she couldn’t hide from the rest of the court or her _people_ forever.

 

 

Steve had the proper reaction, thankfully. He watched her every second as she walked into the dining room and took her seat across from him at the table. And Natasha felt powerful. She felt like she had him in the palm of her hand and surely their trysts in bed later on had to be better because of it. All she had to do was remember what Loki said and take what she wanted because she was worthy of as much pleasure as she desired.

“You’re looking much better, my dear,” the king offered, giving her a warm smile. “I think I speak for all of us when I say that we have sorely missed your smile.”

Natasha blushed a little and leaned into him. “I think I’ve missed it too,” she whispered teasingly. “Thank you, your highness.”

King Joseph scoffed a little and waved her off. “My dear, when are you going to start calling me ‘father’?

“You’d like me to?” Natasha was a little caught off by that request, although she supposed that he _had_ referred to her as his daughter on the day of their wedding.

“Yes, of course,” he laughed. “Come now. Let’s hear it, my dear.”

Natasha laughed in return and sat back. “Very well, Father,” she said sweetly. “It would be my pleasure.”

The king grinned widely and straightened up in his chair. “How kind you are to indulge an old man,” he told her. “I’m very proud to have you as a daughter, you know.” He reached out to lay his hand over hers. “With all your eccentricities and all your wit, my dear. I am so glad you are part of this family.”

Natasha offered him a warm smile and tipped her head to the side. “That means the world to me, your-- Father,” she answered, even leaning far over to kiss his cheek. “Thank you.”

As their first course was served, Natasha glanced up and met Steve’s gaze over the table. He smiled and she couldn’t help but duck her head a little bit. She knew it was indecent, but she had missed the weight of him on top of her and the warmth of her skin against his… She wanted him, and that was a revelation that she supposed was a long time in the making.

When they retired that evening, they walked down the hall together holding hands and he stole little kisses in an alcove as they passed by; something that was rather bold for him, though Natasha supposed it had something to do with the fact that they hadn’t slept together in more than twelve weeks. Steve might be just as eager as she was.

When they reached their rooms, Steve pulled her into a deep kiss and Natasha gave herself over to him without a second thought. She let him pull the straps of her gown off her shoulders and put her arms around his neck while he idly pressed her against the wall. She even let him duck down to kiss her neck and over her shoulder while she got his vest undone and pushed it off before starting on his shirt as well. Natasha had missed him terribly, but her mind kept jumping between that one, amazing experience on her own that she so badly wanted to replicate… and all the reasons why she didn’t want to risk this activity at all.

It couldn’t be helped. There was no point in anything but surrendering to this while it felt good.

Pulled distinctly out of her own mind, Natasha was swept up off her feet and carried to the bed, where Steve crawled over her and palmed her breasts, kissing over her breastbone as he brushed his thumb over her nipple as well. It was good. In fact, it was better than she could remember it ever having been before, but maybe that was because of the length of time she’d gone without it.

 

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Three months was a long time to wait, but Steve couldn’t help but notice that they hadn’t really been together for some time before that and so, he was very eager that evening. Determined to pull the same sounds from Natasha that he had heard while watching her that one time, he kissed her several time on their way down the hall and swept her up in his arms—all under the assumption that romance and passion was what would please her.

When he crawled over her, he tried to replicate how he’d seen her touching her own breasts and her back arched into his touch, but… there were no moans. Furrowing his brow a little bit, he ducked down to kiss between her breasts and further down to her belly, nuzzling into the soft skin there for a moment before pulling himself back up for another kiss. She let out a soft moan into his mouth that time and Steve mentally congratulated himself on a job well done. Success, he thought, was right there in that one little sound she’d let out. Surely after that, everything would proceed the same way.

And so, he pushed down his trousers and fell between her legs, idly grinding himself against her while he tried to pull more sounds from her with soft, wet kisses left along the line of her jaw.

When he finally pressed into her again, Steve let out a moan himself, but he muffled it in the meat of her shoulder in some attempt to remain decent. “Natasha…” God, there was just something about the way her nails pressed into the skin of his back and the way she hiked her legs up to give him more access. Natasha might not have been a perfect bride, but he hadn’t meant what he’d said to her in anger. He knew she was trying.

Maybe he was being arrogant, but it felt like this was better than it had been in a while and he gave himself over to deep, satisfying thrusts that eventually became just hard enough to hear their skin lightly slapping together. He pushed himself up enough to look down at her and found a crease in Natasha’s brow and her eyes closed. Somewhat more disturbingly, however, he watched in horror as her hand slipped between them to rub—

“What are you doing?” He asked quickly, pulling away from her so fast that he was left stumbling onto his feet and out of bed, his erection bobbing ridiculously in front of him.

Natasha’s eyes popped open and they just kind of stared at each other for a few seconds. It was the kind of silence that put them both on edge, filled only by their heavy breathing and the flickering of the nearest candle. Steve wasn’t even worried about his own nakedness, not when he was so very confused and worried about what Natasha had just done. It certainly wasn’t something he’d ever expected. How often did she touch herself in the way he’d seen?

He watched as she slowly sat up and seemingly searched for the right thing to say. Natasha had never given him that look before; guilt, he supposed. She didn’t often feel guilty for her decisions.

“I was only trying to…” Steve gave her an unsure look; not necessarily angry, but certainly worried. Natasha fell silent again after that and grabbed the nearest sheet to cover herself. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

There was something she wasn’t saying and all of a sudden, Steve found himself feeling incredibly insecure. He grabbed a robe and pulled it on, tying it hard around the waist and thereby ending their activities that evening. “I think that’s enough for tonight,” he said succinctly, turning on his heel and marching out of the room in a huff.

For the first time in ages now, he slept on the chaise lounge in their main room and left that morning without so much as a goodbye. Steve wasn’t angry. No, in fact he was so humiliated that he was more likely to avoid Natasha than actually confront her and that wasn’t like him at all.

He managed to basically avoid anything more than a short conversation with Natasha for going on three days- right until he was reminded that they’d received word of T’Challa’s upcoming wedding during her three month period. He hadn’t told Natasha for fear it might upset her somehow and now it would seem that he had dropped the ball. They would have to leave in just a couple of days if they wanted to make it in time.

Steve decided to bring it up at dinner. In the company of his father, Bucky, and Schmidt, he mentioned that they would be leaving in two days for T’Challa’s wedding. He caught the surprise in Natasha’s gaze and ignored the guilty feeling in his stomach as his father made sure to ask Natasha if she was up to it.

She was, of course. Natasha began her plans for their trip after dinner that night while Steve headed to the tavern with Bucky. He did… vaguely think about asking his friend if he’d ever come across something like that before, but ultimately stopped himself because he didn’t want to seem inadequate. Instead, he waited a day and wandered into the city to see out Bruce’s private practice.

“Y-Your highness?” Bruce started. “What are you doing here?” Pause. “That is, how can I help you?”

Steve sat himself down and sighed. “Doctor, I find myself in something of a bind. My wife is a complex woman, as you well know, and there are certain things she does that I simply do not understand. I was hoping you might be able to shed some light on them.”

Bruce blinked in surprise, but he sat down as well so he could at least try to help. “Go on.”

Anxiously rubbing his hand over his thigh, Steve tried again to find the right words to express what he needed to ask. “Have you ever before heard of a woman…” He averted his gaze and shook his head, hardly believing he had to voice this inquiry. “Have you ever heard of a woman touching herself?” Sigh. “In bed. While making love to her husband.”

Immediately, Bruce looked about a thousand times more uncomfortable than he usually did. Between the two of them, a healthy level of anxiety had been reached maybe two seconds after Steve arrived. “Uh…”

Steve sighed. “It’s alright to say if you haven’t. I’m worried about her and the other night, she—she reached between us. It was all very disturbing.”

Bruce held up a hand to stop him before he got into any more vague detail. “It’s likely that Natasha was trying to… further her own cause,” he tried, hoping Steve got it from there. “Do you understand?”

Steve nodded for a moment, then shook his head and frowned. “No, I’m afraid I don’t.”

Bruce looked like he had the whole world on his shoulders and Steve appreciated the fact that he was even trying. As Bruce was definitely at least a little older than him, he could rely on his advice with some confidence. “Your highness, there has been a longstanding rumor that women do not feel pleasure as we do,” he started. “I’m afraid that it is just that; a rumor. Natasha has likely discovered that for herself and is simply doing what she must to achieve that pleasure.”

“But… do you not think it is indecent for a woman to give herself to pleasure that way?”

Raising his eyebrows, Bruce shook his head without even giving himself time to consider it. “Why should I?” He asked. “We as men give ourselves to pleasure all the time. I have known men entirely disarmed by a glimpse of a woman’s flesh and yet they are weak for surrendering to their own desires. The human body is the human body, your highness. There are differences between the sexes, but this is not one of them.”

Steve didn’t know what to say. He’d never considered anything like this and the fact that Bruce had was just as alarming as the idea that Natasha had as well. “Because they are women,” he answered slowly. “Because it is indecent for a woman to be a slave to any desires at all; lust, greed, gluttony…”

Bruce tilted his head to the side and watched Steve as he rattled off a handful of sins that everyone was guilty of every once in awhile. “Are you telling me that you do not lust after your wife?”

“No! No, of course not. I’m attracted to her, of course, but it is not lust that makes me share her bed…”

“Oh, of course,” Bruce answered knowingly. “It’s obligation. I’m quite positive that anyone of your… position would lay with his wife each and every night and worry about her behavior in bed no matter how attractive their bride happened to be.”

Steve scowled a little, clenching his jaw and staring daggers at Bruce. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that we all feel lust sometimes. We all want, we all eat a little more than we ought to, we are all jealous. These things are what make us human and to expect all women to never experience any of those things is simply… unfair. That is the very simplest way I could possibly explain it.”

There was a long pause as Steve considered Bruce’s words. “If I accept this,” he said eventually. “Then I must also accept that what I am giving her is not enough.”

Bruce nodded slowly. “Yes, I suppose you do.” He began to fidget as Steve rubbed his jaw in thought. “If it helps at all, I know you’ve just been through something very difficult, but… in my experience, women who experience the kind of pleasure and release that Natasha wants usually have less difficulty conceiving children.”

Steve glanced up. “Truly?”

“Yes, in fact… I’ve spoken to many women who have had trouble until they’ve tried something new in the bedroom. All they need is for their husbands to… open their minds, as it were.”

“I see.” Steve nodded to himself and idly rubbed a finger over his lips. “Thank you, Doctor. I appreciate you being so honest with me.”

Bruce’s shoulders sagged a little bit and he waved off the gratitude. “It’s no trouble,” he answered, clearly glad to be rid of this conversation. “If you need anything else, don’t hesitate.”

Unfortunately, it would have to wait until they returned from Wakanda. Steve knew some things he could do to make their time together a little more exciting, but he was currently questioning whether or not he’d ever given the right amount of pleasure to any of the women he’d been with. It was worrying, to say the very least. With luck, however, he would be able to have a talk with an expert in these matters, maybe exchange a letter or two with a foreign expert, and improve.

 

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The trip to Wakanda wasn’t quite as lively as Natasha had hoped it would be. Conversation was stilted and she already missed the sweet Steve she’d had all to herself for three months. Apparently they needed some kind of tragedy to become close because otherwise, she was going to keep doing things that bothered Steve and Steve was going to keep doing things that bothered her in return. It was going to be terrible until everything else was terrible enough to make what they had look good in comparison.

And that would just be her life.

Except that to Natasha’s utter joy, Wakanda was every bit the lovely distraction that she needed. The palace was huge and very sleek in comparison to their own, but there was more than that to interest her. Their land was rich in lush, green foliage and blue skies, every person seemingly busy going about and pulling their weight. And, she noticed, women seemed to be working right alongside the men. Beside T’Challa sat a beautiful woman dressed in a silvery gown that contrasted beautifully with her dark skin and yet also matched the white of her hair. Ororo was by all accounts quite possibly the most beautiful woman Natasha had ever seen.

“Welcome!” T’Challa stood up to greet Steve and Natasha smiled widely. “I’m glad you could come.”

“We wouldn’t miss this,” Natasha assured him. “And it’s a pleasure to see you again, your highness.”

T’Challa smiled and gestured for Ororo to join him, eventually taking her hand and immediately lifting it to his lips for a kiss. “May I introduce my future bride and the love of my life. Steve, Natasha… This is Ororo.”

She bowed gracefully and they did the same with ease. “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Natasha said warmly. “I adore your gown.”

“You’re very sweet, thank you,” Ororo answered. And thus a friendship was born. Perhaps they wouldn't have a close friendship, but there was a sort of mutual respect and understanding between them, especially considering the sort of important men they had married.

The rooms they were given had more character than either Steve or Natasha knew what to do with. Bright, colorful fabrics decorated the bed and the couches and lent a very different tone to the whole suite. Natasha had her things unpacked in an instant and she was very glad she’d decided to wear one of the gowns T’Challa had given her to attend the wedding. It would feel far more at place here than it would at home and Steve wouldn’t be able to say a single thing about it, or so she hoped.

They slept with their backs to one another that night and got dressed in silence the next morning, much to Natasha’s chagrin. Honestly, it was like Steve only wanted her when she was vulnerable and sad or ultimately happy. She wasn’t going to apologize for what she’d done and she wasn’t going to explain herself unless he asked. And still, walking out to meet him all dressed up in her Wakandan gown garnished the kind of reaction she expected when walking into a room: awe.

The women in Wakanda seemed to favor dresses that were more fitted than the gowns Natasha wore at home. There, modesty was something most people valued above all else, even if that modesty destroyed a person’s character. Natasha slipped into the gown she’d chosen already feeling rebellious considering she wore no corset, but her reflection in the mirror only made her smile a little more. The gown was made from a soft, shiny material that draped over her breasts and hugged her hips, showing off the little curves she had to their fullest extent.

She was nothing in comparison to the women she’d seen already, though. They were all so lively and unrestrained... and it was so amazing to see those women standing out as equals to the men. Maybe she didn't compare to them in a lot of ways, but she _adored_ the way the dress split into a v to show off most of her back and loved even move the way the tight part of the skirt stopped before he knee and flared out into a wider part at the bottom. It was flattering in a way they likely wouldn't readily accept at home.

 

 

She paired the dress with earrings made of emeralds and sat down so her handmaidens could press a jeweled clip into her hair as well. It was nice to feel this pretty every once in a while.

 

 

“You’re going to catch flies if you keep your mouth open like that,” she told him, brushing past on her way to her vanity. The two handmaidens she’d brought with her had twisted her hair up into a style similar to the popular styles they’d seen around the palace; that is, they’d managed to curl her hair and pile on top of her head. It was a poor approximation, but she was determined to have fun with this, really getting into the culture here and enjoying it while she could. Steve was smart to not say anything, but she could tell that he at least liked what he saw, even if he said nothing about it, based on the way he kept sneaking glances at her during the ceremony.

Of course, nothing and no one could compare to the vision that was Ororo. She was tall and statuesque on her way down the aisle and Natasha was just stunned by how beautiful her gown was, even from a distance. It was a stunning white and decorated by the most intricate little flowers all the way down to her skirt. The dress itself was strapless and hugged her hips before fanning out again at the bottom and it suited not only her body, but her personality. In just the short time they’d gotten to speak, Natasha knew she was queen material; which was saying something because Natasha wasn’t sure about her own capacity to rule. Her veil was quite possibly even more delicately made than her dress and boasted a hem of flowers to add into the theme of her look.

 

 

The ceremony itself was beautiful in that T’Challa and Ororo clearly loved one another very much. Their vows spoke of love and promises the same way that Natasha and Steve’s had, but there was genuine affection there as well. Natasha found herself taking Steve’s hand as they listened if only because she knew that under everything else, they were in this together. As much as she wanted to be in love with the man she’d married, Steve likely wanted to feel the same about his wife.

The reception was held in a hall outside, with thick walls protecting them from any wildlife while the sky remained visible and birds flew overhead. The idea that there were panthers and snakes and all sorts of things just outside the walls was actually quite exciting to Natasha, who wished she could see one of the big cats up close. Nevertheless, she enjoyed the exotic foods and the heavy drum music they played nearly as much as she enjoyed watching the dancing that went along with that music. At some point, Ororo came up to her and offered a hand, pulling her up so she might dance with some of the other women.

It took her a few moments to get used to the beat and move her hips in a similar way, but Natasha threw her head back and laughed as they all danced together, heedless and without worry about what Steve would say. This was not their home anymore; she could immerse herself in a freer culture while she had the opportunity and since it would only build diplomatic relationships, he couldn’t say a word.

By the end of the night, Natasha’s skin was covered in a light sheen of sweat and her hair had come undone to fall in wild curls all the way down her back. She danced with her arms in the air, rocking her hips and holding hands with some of the other women while they danced together. It was a wonderful party, a wonderful distraction. She hadn’t laughed this much in ages. She’d also had a fair amount of the sweet, fruity wine provided at the reception and when they got back to their rooms, she fell into Steve’s chest and leaned up to kiss him. Maybe she’d had a little too much wine.

 

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“Tonight was fun,” she told him, pressing their lips together in a somewhat sloppy kiss before brushing her lips over his jaw and down to his neck. “Didn’t you have fun? You didn’t dance.”

Steve’s hands settled at her waist and he looked down at her with a little smile. “Dancing isn’t really a strength of mine, remember?” He looked… amused or something like that, like he wasn’t sure what to do with a slightly tipsy wife. “Besides, watching you dance was far more interesting.”

“Was it?” She ventured, idly kicking off her shoes and standing on tiptoe so she could kiss him again. “You liked seeing me dance?”

Steve was more than a little amused by Natasha’s level of inebriation. He’d never seen her like this and perhaps… Perhaps this would give him an opportunity to figure out what was going on in her head. “I did,” he confirmed. He wasn’t sure if he’d say she looked more beautiful than usual, but she did look... tempting. He supposed that he was lusting after her in that moment. After all, only dancers in brothels moved their hips that way at home.

Natasha offered him a wide smile not at all constrained by propriety or sobriety for that matter. “You think I’m pretty,” she teased. “And you like my hips.”

Steve raised his eyebrows. “Your hips? I guess… I do like your hips?”

She laughed again and it was like music to his ears because even though she was kind of laughing at him, it was done without malice. “You’re always touching my hips,” she pointed out, giggling along even though it wasn’t particularly funny. “When we kiss, when we’re in bed together, whenever you get to touch me. You’re always touching my hips.”

Was she right? Natasha looked very confident of herself and Steve supposed he had to take her word for it. “Do I?” He chuckled in response. “I guess I do like your hips, then. They’re very…” Beautiful? God, he couldn’t keep calling everything beautiful. “Full,” he tried. “And soft.”

Natasha tipped her head lazily to the side, her hair cascading over her shoulder as she slid her hands down Steve’s arms and tugged his hands up a little so they were resting on her bare back instead. “You liked my dress too,” she laughed. “Tell me how much you liked my dress.”

Steve blinked in alarm. Words were not a strength of his, it would seem, unless he was talking about war strategy or a political issue. “I… I think it’s very well made.” Natasha smiled and leaned into him a little more, effectively draping her body against his. “And flattering…” She slipped her arms under his and wrapped them around his middle. “But it’s not my favorite.”

Surprised, Natasha lifted her head and rested her chin right between his pectoral muscles, which made her look kind of silly, to be honest. “Really? Do you have a favorite?”

Well, he supposed he should have expected that. “You mean besides your wedding dress?” He thought about it for a moment before immediately coming up with what should have been the obvious answer. “You know what gown I really loved?” He mused. “The one you wore on our first walk in the garden, with the butterflies all along the bottom?”

Natasha smiled again. “Even though I had no shoes on?”

“Even though you had no shoes on,” he answered. “You looked beautiful.”

Natasha’s smile turned from wide and warm to a little suggestive and she leaned back, grabbing his hand so she could drag him to the bed. Steve was far too shocked to do anything but follow and he even allowed her to push him down on his back, though he wasn’t sure where things were going from there. Natasha was clearly a little inebriated so maybe he ought to put a stop to this before—

She was straddling him, straddling him like he was a horse or something. She’d hiked her skirt way, way up to her thighs to be able to spread her legs like that and now she was seated on top of him with her hands on his chest and steadfastly unbuttoning his jacket. “Natasha, what on Earth—“

“Shh,” she told him. “I’m working.” Working? Steve acquiesced and allowed her to unbutton his jacket, but he had to sit up for her to take it off and wound up with his face nearly pressed into her chest to do so. Before he laid back again, she tugged his shirt off as well and finally pushed him back so she could… rake her nails over his chest from his collarbones all the way down to his belt.

Steve actually shivered and he honestly wasn’t sure if it was because of what she was doing or the way she was acting. Indecent as it was, he found himself very… interested in all of this. “Working on what?” He asked eventually, reaching out despite himself to brush the tips of his fingers over the outsides of her bare knees. “What do you want me to do?”

Natasha was still a little drunk, he could see that. He saw it in the lazy way she smiled and the way she giggled and the way she was swaying very, very slightly on top of him. “What do I want?” She laughed, palming his chest even then. “I want you to kiss me like I’m not a princess.”

Raising his eyebrows, Steve allowed her to pull his hands up to either side of his head and lace their fingers together, but he ultimately used that hold to flip them over and put Natasha on her back again. Was that what she really wanted? Steve considered her for a long moment and took in the way she was watching him; half lidded gaze, parted lips, flushed cheeks… He acted before he’d actually made a decision, leaning down to seal their lips together.

And this time, he stopped it there. Steve put all his focus into that one kiss, releasing one of her hands in favor of tangling his fingers in her hair and coaxing her lips apart. He took it slow, only parting from her for a second or two before diving back in for more. At some point, he pulled away and she let out the softest sound, just enough to get another brief, soft kiss…. And another, and a third before he leaned back down to give himself to her again.

Steve couldn’t say how long they laid like that, sharing soft kisses and hard kisses and kisses that he never imagined he’d be sharing with his wife. Natasha arched her back into him each time, reaching up when she could to lightly rake her fingers through his hair and hold him close. When they both needed time to catch their breaths, Steve took another moment to just look at her without attributing the words ‘princess’ or ‘proper’ or anything else to her character. He was looking down at _Natasha_ , who had a pretty pink color on the apples of her cheeks and rosy, swollen lips curving into a playful smile. He was looking at someone who had been patient and very nearly serene even in the face of insults and massive difficulties, someone he _respected_.

That, he supposed, was a realization in itself. He respected Natasha for doing what she had to do for her people and for making the best of a situation he knew she didn’t particularly like. Licking his lips a little, he leaned down to kiss her again, but found her response a little more lacking this time. Parting from her again, he smiled as soon as he realized that she was slowly falling asleep. Letting out a little puff of laughter, he moved to lay beside her and slowly moved away to kick his boots off all the way. Going around to Natasha’s side of the bed, he urged her up so he could get her out of her gown for the evening. Natasha giggled as she was undressed and ultimately kicked her shoes off beside the bed in favor of diving under the covers for warmth without even bothering with clothing at this point.

Steve watched as she reached out to him and dragged him back to the bed with her, going willingly because regardless of how thrown off he was by how sweet she seemed right now, he did want to be closer to her. He landed on his back and Natasha landed half on top of him, her arm thrown over his chest and her cheek pressed into his shoulder. In about half a minute, her breathing evened out and he knew she’d fallen asleep for the night, her bare skin on display up until the moment Steve managed to pull a thin blanket over them.

The next morning, he woke up to find that Natasha had curled away from him and wrapped the sheets around herself like a cocoon as she slept on. He crept out of bed and asked that their breakfast be brought to their rooms, eventually accepting a tray rich with ripe, juicy fruits and freshly baked bread along with a hot tea made from native leaves of some kind. With a cup of the tea in hand, he wandered over to the bed and looked down at Natasha with a smile.

She looked endlessly comfortable like that, all tied up in the sheets.

 

 

“Natasha,” he whispered, eventually sitting down on the edge of the bed beside her. “It’s time to wake up…” Smiling indulgently, he brought the tea down a little bit so she could hopefully catch the sweet scent. “I have tea,” he tried, watching her slowly start to wake up.

Eventually, her eyes opened and she smiled, moving only to stretch her arms over her head and yawn widely, eventually rolling over onto her stomach and rubbing her face with both hands. “Is it morning already?” She asked. “I feel like I’ve hardly slept.”

Steve chuckled. “That might be because of the sheer amount of wine you had last night,” he said. “Here, drink this. It should wake you up, at the very least.” He offered her the tea as she sat up, keeping the sheet wrapped around her body. “I’ve got breakfast as well, if you’re up to it.”

Natasha took a sip and hummed lightly as she nodded that yes, she certainly was. Getting right out of bed, she padded over to their table and sat down with the sheet still around her and her tea in one hand, hair in now wild curls over her shoulders. “This looks delicious,” she mused, plucking a piece of yellow fruit right of the tray and popping it into her mouth. “Oh, it _is_ delicious.” They’d only been served berries the day before, along with the same breads and so on. But this was something new. “We should bring some of this home with us.”

And so, they did. They were packed up and properly dressed by midday with a generous sack of mangoes all packed away in their trunks for when they arrived home. They stopped by the main hall of the palace to say goodbye to T’Challa and his new bride, both all smiles as they thanked Steve and Natasha for coming and for the lovely gifts they’d brought. Soon enough, though, they were heading back home together, all tucked into the back of a carriage pulled by two horses as usual. Natasha bravely stayed awake for as long as she could, but ultimately let her head fall to Steve’s shoulder so she could rest a little longer. If Steve happened to turn his head to the side and bury his nose in her hair for a moment, no one actually had to know about it but him.


	9. Chapter 9

_"Deep in their roots, all flowers keep the light."_

_\-  Theodore Roethke_

 

Both Steve and Natasha had a letters waiting for them upon their arrival home. Although they were both tired from their journey, Steve was called away for a meeting with his father and a few other important men, which meant Natasha was left all on her own to see to her letters. Laying on the bed, she opened them one by one, taking in each bit of care and advice so she might consider it later on. Despite their night spent kissing, some of which she didn’t completely remember, they still hadn’t slept together since that night she’d tried to give herself more without speaking to Steve and she was worried about it. A wife could not be a useful wife, let alone a useful _queen_ if she did not deliver an heir. It was a difficult truth to accept, but a truth nonetheless.

 

_Darling,_

_I’m absolutely gutted to hear about your loss. I hope you’re doing well now and that the future has only wonderful things in store for you. I know I cannot possibly know that kind of unhappiness, but I do know that you don’t deserve a moment of it. If there is anything I can do to cheer you up, please do not hesitate to tell me what that something might be._

_But on to happier things, I think. Here I am talking about dreadfulness when you have yet to tell me how your seduction attempts have been going! Did you try what I suggested? Please tell me you did, I’m dying to hear how you feel about it. And how did Steve react to your new suggestions, hm? Was he absolutely scandalized?_

_You simply must give me all the details, love. I live for the details. I’d tell you all about Thor, but I don’t want to give you more than you can handle. Perhaps once you really sink your teeth into your own lover, hm? I’ll leave you with this; just the other night, I managed to tempt him into sex on the balcony- not even our private balcony, but the one off the grand hall where anyone might see! It was sinful, love, but very worth it. You’ll see. One day, I’m sure you’ll understand._

_All my love,_

_Loki_

 

The letter was just the kind of encouragement Natasha needed. She _was_ going to do this. She felt closer to Steve than she ever had and she was determined to make sure that they fell back into bed together, and with some passion this time. If everything went according to plan, she would have Steve the way she wanted him and he would be able to give her exactly what she wanted _from_ him. But how was she to accomplish that? What were the details of this supposed plan?

And moreover, how was she supposed to make Steve open his mind to new things?

 

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After a long conversation with his father about how important it was that they begin an even more serious conversation about various improvements and decisions that needed to be made, Steve retired to the rooms he shared with Natasha. He found her napping on a long couch in the main room and smiled because it was quite late anyway and she might as well get to bed. Already in her nightclothes, she only mumbled something as he scooped her into his arms and carried her to bed so he could tuck her in for the night. He left a kiss on her forehead and wandered back into the main room for a cup of wine and a little privacy to read the letter he had waiting for him.

 

_Steve,_

_I knew there was something special about her. She was challenging the way you see women and the world from the moment she came there, wasn’t she? My friend, I’m afraid it is time that you understand how it is you truly please a woman. There is such a thing as getting to know what each one likes from her partner and in your case, I think you should simply act on your passions when they come or do what I’m sure sounds unthinkable to you and allow Natasha to guide you._

_The most important thing to know is that each woman is different and doing the same thing over and over again will bore even the most patient partner, male or female._

_I hope you appreciate my honesty. I have the feeling that Loki has been hinting to your bride that she ought to take control of the situation as he does… when he can, perhaps sometimes when he thinks he is pulling the wool over my eyes. If she is half as determined as Loki, then she will do what she can to entice you. As your dear friend, Steve, I strongly suggest that you give in._

_Relax. Do what comes naturally. You are enough without everything else you think you have to bring to the table. Good luck, my friend._

_Thor_

 

Steve did ultimately appreciate Thor being so bold as to tell him that he didn’t know how to please a woman if only because he really meant that Steve didn’t know how to please _this_ woman. And given that Loki was apparently writing to Natasha concerning the same issues… Well, there was only one thing to do. He had to get himself ready to do whatever he had to do to please her; and not just because she was his wife, not just because it was his obligation, but because he wanted Natasha to feel the same pleasure he did. Why would she deserve anything less?

Unfortunately, Steve just wasn’t comfortable going into this half-cocked because he had this awful feeling that Natasha would know something he didn’t and that wasn’t acceptable. And so, he sought out Bucky instead.

When he’d finished _laughing_ , Bucky tried to take another sip of his drink and met Steve’s sour gaze. “What? Come on, Steve, that was hilarious. You’re asking me what you should do to your wife in bed? Specifically? Are we having this conversation?”

Steve glared at his best friend, took a sip of his own drink, and quickly delivered a hard punch right to Bucky’s arm. “You’re a terrible best friend,” he told him. “Just awful.”

Bucky scoffed and shook his head. “Is that any way to speak to the person who is going to single-handedly save your esteem in the eyes of your wife?” He threatened another punch, but Bucky just laughed and waved it off. “Alright, Steve. I want you to listen _really_ carefully.”

Over three more pints and nearly an hour, Bucky went over every conceivable thing that he’d ever done in bed with a woman. He talked about hands and mouths and _positions_ and by the end of it, Steve was equally as horrified by the sheer number of women he’d been with as he was by how in depth they were getting here. His cheeks were red, he was seriously worrying that he’d go too far and wind up offending Natasha somehow, and--

“You’re already thinking too much.” Bucky smirked and swallowed down the last few gulps of his drink. “Just let it happen. What happens in the bedroom, especially between a husband and wife, stays there. Is isn’t as though Natasha is going to gossip about you to the entire kingdom.”

Or so he thought. What if Natasha still wasn’t pleased? Steve supposed there was this inherent concern that he wouldn’t be enough for his wife and all the feelings that had plagued him when he was much younger would come rushing back. Still, he supposed he could hope that Natasha was the right partner for him after all, even if it didn’t always feel like that. On his walk back to the palace that night once Bucky had found someone more voluptuous to entertain himself, he started to think about the old days, way back when he was still sick all the time.

Besides Bucky, he’d never had a lot of friends. The other children teased him for a multitude of reasons; his title, his size, his naturally argumentative nature. He was tormented more often than not and spent most of his childhood either suffering through physical altercations or dealing with illness. He was only six or seven when Miss Margaret Carter was introduced to him.

She was like a little angel in a blue dress with her hair all pinned up with a matching bow. Steve was immediately smitten and when she voluntarily began to spend time with him, it felt like he was walking on air.

Peggy had spirit too. She fit in beside Steve and Bucky flawlessly, managing to temper Steve’s impulses while pulling Bucky into more dangerous and precarious situations that he normally might have allowed. As the oldest of the three, Bucky was more than happy to see Steve finally getting along with any girl, but he did like Peggy very much. She was fond of running and playing in the fields, of eating more than her share and sneaking cakes out of the kitchens so they could enjoy them in private. Peggy was the kind of girl that had Steve smiling all the time even back then.

The fact of the matter was that unlike Bucky, he couldn’t simply bring Peggy to court with him as a friend. Although his mother liked her very much, it simply wouldn’t be acceptable for the crown prince to marry someone not of royal blood. When Peggy moved to the far side of the kingdom when she was ten, they wrote for a while… but ultimately it was a childhood friendship that faded away as more pressing matters took precedence. He hoped that she was happy, wherever she was.

Wasn’t her spirit like Natasha’s? Why was it that Steve just couldn’t get past her eccentricities when he would have happily married a commoner at some point in his life? He was the same person.

He was the same person even with the loss he’d suffered.

It would be an insult not to let Natasha get to know who he was beneath everything else! As soon as he found the perfect time, Steve was going to try to be unapologetically genuine. In private.

 

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Two days passed.

Natasha kept telling herself to sit Steve down and have a talk with him about what was going on because they couldn’t go on like this forever. They had to start things up again and she had to conceive again not because she was in a rush, but because the kingdom demanded it. She could not be the future queen and fail to give her husband an heir. And there was no telling whether it would be a boy or a girl either! Natasha could pray for a boy, but there was no way to ensure that.

Besides that, she wanted to have him in bed again. Natasha had never felt badly about what they’d done and so it was perfectly natural to want more. All she had to do was take control and show him that it was alright to get back to this as soon as possible, the sooner the better.

Still, having a talk with Steve seemed so impossible. He hadn’t exactly taken her attempt to touch herself in bed very well and therefore, she could only assume that he needed something of a push. It was only when she and Bucky were taking tea together one afternoon while Steve and the king met in private that she made a discovery.

“I trust you and Steve have been getting along better than before,” Bucky mused over his cup. “If he was not trying before, he certainly is now.”

Natasha frowned and gently set her teacup down so she could digest that tone. What on Earth did he mean? They hadn’t touched each other since their kisses in Wakanda and given the suggestion in Bucky’s voice, she nearly wanted to ask him if Steve had said something different.

“We haven’t fought in some time,” she answered slowly. “I suppose the lack of animosity is an improvement.”

“Well, sure, but Steve has been more… amorous as of late, has he not?”

Natasha narrowed her eyes at him. “Why would you think that?”

Bucky raised his eyebrows and immediately backtracked. “That is, I just assumed he was because you’ve looked so beautiful lately and surely Steve’s taste for beauty hasn’t suffered even with all the blows to his head he’s taken…”

“I see,” she answered primly, taking another sip of her tea.

“Certainly not because he’s been talking about your habits in the bedroom,” he added quickly, much to her amusement. “And certainly not because he’s been talking about you in anything but the most respectful way.”

Natasha watched him with a small, amused smile. “I see,” she said again.

“I have to go.” Bucky was up and pushing his hair back and adjusting his coat within a minute or so. “Never mind anything I’ve said. In fact, never listen to anything I ever say. I hardly know what I mean half the time.” With that, he laughed nervously and left her alone to think.

So, Steve had been seeking advice from his friends just as Natasha had been. The thought that he might want to improve or at least try to understand her was encouraging, if nothing else. And Natasha kept that in mind for the next three days after that while she waited for the perfect moment to strike. Except that she didn’t know it was the right moment until she was already there.

The day had begun with a completely new request from Steve. He wanted her to come to the training grounds and support him while he competed against Bucky, Sam, and a few other men as well. It would be hand-to-hand combat, he said, and since Maria would be there, he thought…

“I’d be happy to,” she said quickly. “I can’t wait.”

But what she had thought would be a respectable round of sword fighting was not actually all that respectable at all. For the occasion and to combat the heat, Natasha had chosen a dress she’d been saving for such an outdoor occasion. It was white and it was made of many sheer layers all settled on top of one another to create the illusion of a solid skirt. The top was little more than two straps of fabric over either side of her back that connected to a more complete piece in front, though it still boasted quite the deep neckline. Her sides just under her arms were bare and so, she was kept just modest enough. She’d even decided on a pair of delicate, flat sandals for shoes because she assumed she’d be standing most of the time.

 

 

For her hair, Natasha let one of the maidens comb it through and twist it up into a messy bun of curls that could be easily undone should she want to let it down for a while. She chose to wear no jewelry at all save her wedding ring and a small pair of delicate silver earrings; just enough to be decent. And with all that, she’d left her chambers to make her way to the training ground.

She met Maria just before she arrived and they stepped into the area together. “Oh, you’re going to enjoy this,” Maria told her. “I know it’s bad form, but there is nothing quite like watching them training together.”

Natasha raised her eyebrows in interest. “Why? What could be so enticing about…?”

They came to the viewing area and Natasha let her question trail off because she already had her answer. There were no swords involved, she noticed. No, there weren’t any swords at all. In the center of a little platform were two men; Steve and Bucky. They were shirtless and glistening with sweat and Natasha’s lips made a little ‘o’ as she stared. “Oh.” She understood. Perfectly.

As they took their seats in the front row to watch, Steve’s grappling with Bucky became even more intense and Steve eventually flipped Bucky onto his back to continue. Natasha had no concept of why this was so utterly arousing to watch, but she couldn’t take her eyes off of them. Steve’s body had been impressive from the start, but like this? She could see the way every muscle bulged and quivered and tensed and moved under his skin and it was just so… diverting.

By the time Bucky tapped Steve’s arm for mercy, Natasha was fanning herself with the little paper fan Maria had handed her. Goodness. Maria sat up a little straighter as Sam joined the fray looking just as firm and impressive as the others. He and Steve exchanged a few words before grabbing long, wooden sticks to spar with and it was glorious for both women sitting on the sidelines. They looked like warriors or something; like they belonged in battle, covered in sweat and dirt and coming out victorious over their enemies.

Bucky had wandered off to speak to one of the other women watching them and so when the match ended, Steve and Sam were the only ones to come over to their wives, shirts abandoned somewhere nearby. “I hope you enjoyed the show,” Sam greeted, immediately leaning down to kiss Maria’s cheek before taking a seat beside her.

She blushed and let her hand rest on his thigh. “Always,” she assured him. “Even if you always give me a sweaty kiss for my trouble.”

Natasha smiled, but she could not take her eyes off the glistening chest of her husband in front of her. Steve cleared his throat and she looked up, but that didn’t help to rid her of the butterflies in her stomach. She had a feeling that nothing would; nothing except--

“Maria, Sam,” she said as she stood up. “If you’ll excuse us.”

She took Steve’s hand and pulled him back towards the palace. “I need to see you in private.”

Steve did ask her where they were going, but Natasha said nothing at all until they were in their rooms with the door closed and firmly locked behind them. She kicked off her shoes first as he stood and watched her, then pulled the pins from her hair as well. Left in only her gown, she stepped forward, reached up for the back of his head, and pulled him down into a fiery kiss.

She had _never_ been so attracted to him. She’d never allowed herself the chance to feel so purely aroused. And no, she didn’t love him. Or at least she didn’t think that she did. But Natasha was sure of a few things despite that. First, she trusted him. Second, she _wanted_ him. And third, possibly one of the most important things here, he wanted her too. For once, she gave herself over to the desire to part _his_ lips and lick into _his_ mouth. She gave in to how badly she wanted to bite softly at his full lower lip before diving in for another kiss.

And bless all the gods in the world, he gave in to her as well. Natasha could feel it in the way his arms encircled her waist like he was claiming her as his own and the soft sound he let out as she caught his lips the second or third time. She absolutely felt it against her hip as she was pulled flush against him as well, and in the way one hand came up to hold the back of her head.

There was no pretense this time, no words, no questions. Natasha’s delicate hands immediately went to the laces on Steve’s trousers and she got them open while he kicked his boots off entirely. Emboldened and remembering Loki’s words to her, she slipped her hand into the front of his trousers and began to stroke him; gently at first until she realized that with a grip that as just a little more firm, she could pull deep groans from him. He did bury those groans in the curve of her neck, but she felt the vibrations through his lips on her skin and triumph blossomed in her belly along with the arousal already seeded there.

It didn’t look like Steve knew where to put his hands, so he settled them in his favorite spot just above the curve of her bottom. Natasha reached out with her free hand and pushed them down until he was able to squeeze and pull a little moan from her as well. Eager and desperate to take the lead here, Natasha stepped back eventually and pulled the top of her own dress off her shoulders, letting Steve watch as it slowly dropped into a pool of fabric at her feet.

They were both breathing hard by then. Natasha could see Steve’s eyes drop as he looked her over and she gave him a very pointed look that was far more confident than she actually felt. He got the idea a moment later and dropped his trousers so they were both nude, both _equally_ vulnerable and so on. Natasha pressed her lips together and slowly dropped her gaze to give him her first good, long look. He was usually inside her before she actually got a chance to see him and so… she wanted to take some time here.

It wasn’t entirely what she thought it would look like, she had to admit that. Steve’s cock was long and seemed impossibly big considering it had been inside her multiple times now… Interested, she took a step forward and watched as her hand encircled him again. She couldn’t quite go all the way around and on each upstroke, she watched the skin pulled back to reveal a thick, flushed head. She even pressed her thumb briefly over the tiny slit at the top and turned her gaze back up when Steve sucked in a sharp breath.

This felt wholly different from immediately getting on her back and spreading her legs. Natasha felt powerful, like she had Steve right in the palm of her hand. When she let go again, she pushed him back until his legs hit the edge of their bed and he fell back, instinctively dragging her along with him. They fell with a whoosh of breath and Natasha actually smiled before she kissed him again, both hands bracing herself on his chest as she spread her legs to bracket his hips.

 

 

With all the heat building up between them, Natasha started to roll her hips down the way she did sometimes when she was touching herself in the bath. To her utter delight, Steve shuddered a little bit and Natasha took that as his silent approval. She continued the slow movements of her hips while she traced the long lines of muscle on his chest; down from his collarbones to his nipples to the neat little rows along his stomach. Steve made quite the sight beneath her; lips parted, brow furrowed, cheeks flushed. He was quite pretty sometimes, wasn’t he?

 

 

But Natasha took mercy on him and reached between them again, holding him steady while she brought herself down. It was a little clumsy, but she gasped as he breached her that way and eventually settled down on top of him so she could adjust. He felt bigger, somehow. Thicker. And while there was a little voice at the back of her head questioning whether or not he would see her differently in a bad way after this, Natasha knew she was too far gone to back off now. And she wanted this. Besides, Steve looked equally unsure of how this would affect their relationship.

Planting her hands on his chest, Natasha began lifting herself up on her knees and moving back down again and _oh_ the position was so much better this way. With their eyes locked together, she continued that particular motion even after her thighs started to burn, even as Steve’s big hands reached out for her hips to follow her movements. She let out soft moans whenever they came to her and eventually let her head fall back as she moved a little faster, grinding her hips down as heat pooled in her lower belly the way it was supposed to.

 

 

The most encouraging thing was that Steve was looking at her like she was some kind of goddess. He was looking at her like he finally understood who she was. Because she wasn’t going to settle for anything less than what they both deserved.

“Steve…”

Steve’s grip on her hips tightened a little bit and she could feel him start to press his hips up from underneath her, meeting her movements in the middle and pulling something of a cry from her as they really got into it. She might have been a little self conscious at that point were it not for the fact that her release was right there, just a moment away. She briefly bit down hard on her lower lip, but soon enough she was tossing her head back and shivering from head to toe as she let out a loud moan. Finally. Finally, they’d been able to do this together.

 

 

But Steve hadn’t finished yet. Did he not like the position? No, he liked seeing her like that, but he needed more. That was alright. Natasha, who was out of breath and more overly sensitive than she could ever remember being before, leaned down to press a few tired kisses to Steve’s lips and urged him to flip them over, which he did immediately. But it was different this time. Steve’s movements were hard and firm, the kind of thrusts that had her inching up the bed as she tangled her fingers in his hair and let her head fall back. He mouthed over her throat until he finally came with a muffled shout and went still.

 

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When it was all over, Steve could hardly move. He let some of his weight fall right on top of Natasha and kept his nose buried in the soft curve of her neck as he slowly caught his breath. That had been… wonderful. No! Fantastic. Steve could hardly believe that they were the same two people and all he’d had to do was let his guard down enough to give Natasha the control. There was a place inside him that wanted to come out and say that he ought to be the one teaching her and not the other way around, but at the moment, with his head still spinning and his whole body kind of pleasantly humming, he couldn’t bring himself to care. Slowly lifting his head, he met Natasha’s gaze and smiled bashfully, ducking his head right back down within a second or two. She let out a soft laugh as she raked her fingers through his hair and he could feel her smiling as she turned to kiss his neck.

When he’d gathered himself, Steve slowly rolled off her and landed on his back. Natasha quickly pushed herself up and draped one leg over his hip, laying a hand flat on his stomach and resting her chin on his chest. When he met her gaze, he realized that she seemed not only satisfied, but also a little nervous. And he understood why, he really did. But there was no reason for it because he’d loved what they had just now and pulled her up into a kiss to make that perfectly clear.

Now, Steve might have been able to overlook the fact that Natasha knew more about sex than he’d taught her and give in to her… new positions. But given what Bucky had told him, there was more he could do and given what he’d _watched_ while Natasha was on top of him, he wanted to see more as soon as possible. On top of everything else, his pride had taken a little hit because it felt like she’d done all the work and he ought to be taking care of her rather than having her take care of herself. Maybe this was more a pleasure and far less an obligation, but he still wanted to pull his weight.

Turning onto his side, he gently dislodged Natasha and leaned down to kiss her again. “Can I ask you something?” He murmured against her jaw.

Natasha hummed a little bit and tipped her head back to allow him access. Her skin was so _warm_ right now and in the interest of feeling even more, he let his big hand slid over her belly to fit into the curve of her waist. “Go ahead,” she agreed.

“What brought this on?” He asked. “What was it that made you bring me back here?” He kissed her jaw again, then down to her neck and over her collarbone as well. “Tell me, please, so I know what I should be doing again.”

Natasha laughed and Steve smiled against her skin. “If I tell you, then you will know my weakness,” she teased. “I will tell you what did it _if_ you tell me what about me… inspires some of the same feelings.”

Ah, so a bargain. Steve chuckled and lifted his head to rest his chin on her shoulder. “Right now, the first thing that comes to mind is the way you said my name,” he confessed. “You’ve never said my name like that before.”

Natasha’s cheeks flushed a little bit and she smiled down at him. “Very well, I suppose.” She reached out to brush his hair back off his forehead and traced one finger teasingly down his nose. “I rather liked seeing you training with the others. Seeing you moving that way…” She trailed off and let out a soft sigh. “I can’t explain it, but I wanted you the moment I saw you like that.”

Oh. Steve would take that to heart and keep it in mind for the future. “It is a good thing you did,” he told her, leaning down to kiss her breast. “Because seeing you in that dress might have given me the same thoughts…” Steve pressed another kiss to the same breast just beside her nipple and took pleasure in the faint sound she made. “And yet I might not have acted on them.”

Laying his head briefly on her chest, he let his hand wander gently over her skin, tracing the slight curve of her lower belly and up, just barely brushing over her belly button before flattening his hand again until he brought it way up to cup her as of yet neglected breast. “I wish you would,” she told him as she arched her back. “Act on them, that is.”

Steve looked up as he brushed his thumb over her nipple. “Really?” His hand wandered again, lightly cupping her waist before moving further down until his fingertips were just resting lightly between her thighs.

Her hand moved over his and she briefly traced over his fingers as he moved to kiss her shoulder. “Yes,” she whispered. “Please.” Steve was in basically uncharted territory here, but he took that as permission that he was doing well and cupped his hand between her legs, deftly finding the slit between them and pressing one finger inside. She let out a breath and Steve continued kissing his way over her neck even as he focused _very_ carefully on becoming familiar with what was between her legs in a more intimate way.

 

 

Natasha started to move a little bit as his finger pressed firmly inside her, idly rocking her hips to get more. But that wasn’t what Bucky told him to do, at least not in the end. Steve carefully added a second finger and let Natasha grind her hips down little by little, one hand eventually coming up to hold his bicep and squeeze lightly like she needed him to do something in particular, but he wanted to figure it out on his own.

Like Bucky had said, eventually Natasha’s movements ebbed a little bit and Steve slowly pressed a third finger into her. He earned a shuddering little moan from Natasha, who let her hand wander up to his hair, nails lightly scraping over his scalp… All of that was taken up at least three notches when he finally pressed the heel of his hand against her rather hard and started moving again. Natasha grabbed onto his hair with one hand and her lips parted in a long moan as he continued to grind the heel of his hand against her, just like Bucky said. Natasha’s hips were working too, rolling and pressing as she arched her back to seemingly get even more.

Steve lifted his head for the chance to watch her, taking account of the way her cheeks flushed, the way she licked her lips between breathy moans, the way her brow creased as she continued to move her hips... She was beautiful, surely, but there was more there. If Steve was given more time, he was positive that just watching her would be enough to arouse him again.

“Steve,” she said, snapping him out of it. “ _Steve_.”

All of a sudden, her whole body went tight and Natasha’s lips parted wide as she let out a few broken moans, her one hand flying to his bicep and nails biting in _hard_ as she shuddered and tightened her thighs around his hand. She twitched a little as she came down from her release and Steve slowly removed his hand once she’d allowed him the room to do so.

Whatever his expectations of a wife might be, Steve couldn’t possibly imagine regretting what they’d just done. He’d never seen anything so beautiful as Natasha lost in the throes of pleasure brought by his hand.

 

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Two. Steve had given her _two_ wonderful, satisfying releases within the space of almost no time at all. Natasha inwardly congratulated herself for taking some initiative and she also inwardly thanked Bucky for having whatever conversation he’d had with Steve. As she came down from the second one, she shivered and curled right into Steve’s chest without even stopping to kiss him first. With her face buried right between his pectorals, Natasha wrapped her arms around his waist and tried to catch her breath.

Steve laid his hand flat on her back and Natasha practically shivered as she tried to get closer to him. They still had to leave the room for dinner! The idea that they’d done this in the middle of the day and had to get up and go back out there was just ridiculous because all she wanted to do was see if she could make Steve do that again. “What are the chances that we have time to take a nap?” She mumbled into his chest. “Would it be terrible form to miss supper this evening?”

The deep chuckle she got in response was felt rather than heard and she smiled because of it. “Not _terrible_ form,” he mused. “We’re a young couple. Surely we can’t be expected to conform to every social expectation when we have so many other things to do.”

Natasha picked her head up and gave him a look. “Now there’s the troublemaker I’ve heard about,” she teased lightly, reaching up to touch his lips. “Then I formally request we take a short nap, your highness. You’ve thoroughly worn me out.”

She gave him a nod and turned around, putting her back to his solid chest and pulling his arm around her for additional warmth. He cuddled in close and they fell asleep just like that, naked and warm and impossibly comfortable with one another considering the bumpy road they’d dealt with so far. It was ridiculous, wasn’t it, that she felt so complete just because they’d made love in a satisfying way? Steve still had the same old fashioned beliefs and he was still rigid, and she was sure that he knew she was still going to break rules and challenge those beliefs.

They were bound to keep fighting as well, but she hoped that underneath all that, there was some foundation for a real marriage to be found. They’d come so far from when they’d first met. Surely things could only get better from here.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an FYI- there's a picture of a dick in this chapter. XD

_"Life is the flower for which love is honey."_

_\-  Victor Hugo_

 

It would seem that by taking the initiative that she had, Natasha had seemingly spurred Steve on and now found herself the recipient of his physical affection at nearly every turn. Now, she didn’t mind it in the slightest, but finding herself bent over a table in the middle of what was supposed to be a private dinner for the two of them was something of a surprise anyway.

 

 

As Steve held her hips and Natasha held onto either side of the table, she began to think about how likely it was that she would get pregnant sooner rather than later. After all, they were making love _much_ more often and certainly more rigorously than they had been, so surely… Surely, it would happen again. Soon. Natasha let out a pleased moan as Steve finished as usual, already a little oversensitive from her own release just minutes prior. Steve was careful about that, about letting her find her own pleasure before he saw to his own. She supposed it was gentlemanly.

He leaned over her and kissed her bare skin just above the back of her dress while he was still inside her, giving her behind a final squeeze before slowly pulling away. “So far, I think this is the best dinner I’ve ever had,” he said with a huff of laughter as he watched Natasha readjust her dress and turn around to give him a kiss. “We can keep eating now.”

Natasha laughed as she took her seat again, idly crossing her legs at the knee while she took a long sip of her wine. “You know, if we keep this up, we’re never going to eat a meal straight through ever again.”

Steve smiled in that bashful way that made her want to tell him he was _cute_ and took a sip of his own wine. “I can’t speak for you, but I’d gladly have all my meals interrupted that way.”

“As long as those meals aren’t interrupted in front of your father or the other members of court, I think we can safely agree,” she quipped. They went right back to their meal after that and Natasha even got Steve to agree to take her horseback riding the next morning, though he still wanted her to ride side-saddle.

Natasha refused. Steve acquiesced.

If they could keep going like that for their whole life together, everything would be perfectly fine. Because she had a sense of humor, Natasha decided to wear the exact same outfit she’d worn on that morning Steve had caught her. When she came out to show him, he’d laughed and pulled her into a kiss that made it very clear how far they’d come. Of course, the fact that he was touching the insides of her bare thighs as they trotted along beside one another made things a little more comfortable between them than the first time.

And after they’d set a blanket down and enjoyed a cold breakfast right there under the shade of a few trees, it was made clear that Steve was going to take advantage of all that privacy. He crawled over her and Natasha let him lay her back with her hair fanned out underneath her and laughed as he hiked her skirt up and unlaced his trousers to fall right between her legs. Natasha hiked her legs up around his waist and slid her hand between them without fear this time.

She cried out loud enough to disturb a few birds above them and Steve laughed his way through his own release. He kept her boots on the whole time.

 

 

All things considered, Natasha felt like her life was finally headed in the right direction. They were getting along, they were making love at least every day and beyond everything else, she felt _beautiful_ and happy and taken care of. All she needed was to make sure that she conceived again and make sure that this time, everything went the right way.

But by the time Steve’s birthday came around at the beginning of July, she still wasn’t there. And despite only taking a break from their love making when she was dealing with her bleeds, they’d been having sex on a very regular basis. Natasha went back to drinking the tea Bruce had first prescribed to her once they’d had another chat on the subject and moved on to planning something a little special for Steve’s birthday. It involved another letter to Loki and plans for the day of Steve’s celebration, but she managed it.

In honor of the prince’s birthday, they’d be having a grand ball. It was a formal event and anyone who was anyone would be in attendance if they could make it. Natasha had chosen something very special to wear to the ball itself, but the real surprise would come in the form of the lingerie Loki brought with him the day before and opened with her over tea that afternoon. It was _deliciously_ naughty; the kind of thing no queen Natasha knew would even attempt to wear, although she supposed she didn’t know Ororo very well.

“It’s _scandalous_ ,” she announced upon opening the box in Loki’s presence that day. “Oh, he’s going to love it or hate it, there is no in between.”

Loki grinned devilishly. “That’s the idea,” he said confidently. “The best thing you can do is tempt him into such a state that he acts without thinking for one second about whether or not it’s appropriate.”

Natasha supposed she understood that. If Steve was too aroused to think straight, then there was little chance they would have an opportunity to fight. And yet, she supposed that she did want… more than that. God, she was being very greedy, wasn’t she? “I need to ask you something very directly.”

Loki raised his eyebrows and gestured for her to go on. “You must know the rumors about you,” she said. “Are they true?”

“You mean, did I come from a brothel and ensnare the prince’s heart with my skills in bed?”

Natasha blushed a little bit, but nodded. “You know what I mean.”

Loki sighed. “Very, very basically, yes,” he answered. “I was abandoned when I was a child and raised by a poor woman who died when I was just seventeen. After that, I had to find my own way and I did. Male prostitutes like me were quite rare in Asgard; they’re all so big and blonde and golden and I’m…” He gestured idly to his own body. “Well. Exotic.”

“Alright. Then tell me this. How did you go from having Thor in your bed… to being who you are now?” She asked. “How did you win his heart?”

Loki smiled and leaned back as he thought about that. “Love, I don’t think I did anything at all,” he said sincerely. “As surprised as everyone else was when he brought me back to the palace in an official capacity, I think I was the _most_ surprised. I’d been so convinced he would leave when he got bored.”

Natasha nodded slowly. “But he didn’t get bored. He fell in love instead.”

Loki shrugged a little and huffed out a short laugh. “I suppose he did,” he mused. “In my limited experience, I don’t think we can force anyone to love us. We can manipulate them into wanting us and into fearing us, but you cannot force anyone to give you their heart.” He leaned forward and touched her hand. “But that does mean that they will not give it freely,” he added. “Give him time.”

She supposed she didn’t have any other choice.

On the night of, she dressed in a gown made of red satin. It had a fitted, strapless bodice that tied in the back with unforgiving corset strings and a full skirt that swished as she walked. Now, she knew it was a little traditional for her taste, but this was a day to celebrate Steve and she knew that he would like it. They would look like a couple for this event, especially considering Steve was wearing his red velvet jacket for the occasion.

 

 

As for her hair, she allowed one of her newly acquired handmaidens to twist it up and pin it into a style that made her feel even more like a queen. It was neat and fun at the same time, though she supposed it looked a little more dignified than having her hair down, which was what she usually preferred. She also selected a delicate necklace to wear around her neck, just to pull the outfit together.

 

 

When she came out at last, Steve stood up and smiled. “You look perfect,” he blurted out.

Natasha couldn’t help but notice over the past couple of months how utterly unprepared for this kind of relationship Steve seemed to be. He was incredibly genuine and she liked that about him, but she liked even more the fact that he seemed to be bashful and sweet now that he was warming up to her in private. It would take time for them to really know one another, but they’d made such progress!

“Thank you,” she answered. “I could say the same thing about you.”

“Well, I try,” he teased back, idly tugging her closer to him with a gentle hold on her skirt near her hips. “Listen, I… I got you something. Something special that you can wear tonight.”

Natasha looked up in surprise. “Steve, it’s _your_ birthday, not mine.”

He shrugged a little. “Maybe so, but I want you to wear this tonight. Think of it as your present to me.” Steve smiled and retrieved a velvet box from a drawer, returning to her so he could open it and display a beautiful necklace with tiers of diamonds that almost looked like little blooms. She immediately stepped forward to brush her fingers over it. “Do you like it?”

 

 

Steve was always eager for approval. Natasha leaned up for a little kiss and smiled widely. “I love it,” she said. “I _love_ it. And I’d be happy to wear it.” She turned her back to him and unhooked the necklace she was wearing. “Can you put it on?”

She heard the box hit the sofa as it was tossed aside and soon enough, Steve was removing one necklace and draping his around her, carefully clipping it together. His fingers brushed down the exposed length of her spine and he leaned down for a moment to kiss her shoulder before she turned back around. “It suits you,” he said, offering his arm to her. “Ready?”

The evening itself began with a feast in Steve’s honor. Steve and Natasha sat at a private table, the king sat with his mistress (much to Steve’s displeasure), and everyone else was arranged at large, long tables while they ate. Between the actual meal and dessert, couples began filling the dance floor and this time, Steve wasn’t going to get away with sitting it out. Natasha took his hand and pulled him up with her so he could lead them through several clumsy dances, much to her amusement.

“I can’t understand how you are so graceful with a weapon and so quick on your feet when you’re wrestling with Bucky, but you still can’t dance,” she teased.

Steve sighed. “I don’t know,” he laughed softly. “Honestly, I’ve tried. I’m still trying. Perhaps I just wasn’t taught properly.”

“Well,” she decided. “Let’s correct that right now, shall we?” Natasha straightened her back and took a very proper position with one hand on Steve’s shoulder and the other held in his. “Follow my lead.”

He gave her this brief look that clearly spoke to how hesitant he was to let her have the lead, but ultimately nodded once and straightened up as well. “The key,” she said. “Is to feel the music in your body. You must stop thinking about the steps and _feel_ them instead, do you understand?”

Steve blinked. “Feel the music,” he repeated. “Alright, I’ll try.”

Natasha smiled and stopped them, sliding her hand right onto his chest over his heart. “Listen first,” she instructed. “Close your eyes and just _listen_.” She softly tapped the beat of the music out against his chest. “Now you try.”

Steve was a fast learner, she’d give him that. He did the same thing, attempting to tap out the beat against her hand on his chest, until Natasha told him to begin moving. When he opened his eyes again, his brow creased a little and he began to move along with her, hoping that it was going a little more smoothly this time. He got his answer when he stepped right on her toes and jumped back with an apology.

“Come on, I’m not made of glass,” Natasha laughed, pulling him back to her. “It takes practice.”

“Yes, yes, and practice makes perfect.” Steve just mumbled to himself as he glanced down at his feet and tried to find that beat again. Three dances later, he was getting a little better at it and even managed to dip Natasha at the end, much to everyone’s entertainment. They eventually made their way back to their table just as Thor and Loki wandered over to wish Steve a happy birthday and many healthy years to come.

Loki nudged Thor’s arm to remind him of something and the golden prince lit right up. “Yes! I nearly forgot. Steve, Natasha, we thought we might invite you to Asgard when the weather settles down,” he said. “We have a massive feast to celebrate the harvest at the end of September. Perhaps you might honor us with your presence then.”

Natasha beamed and looked to Steve right away. “We’d love to,” she said quickly. “Right? Tell me we’d love to.”

Steve took one look at her and smiled, but he turned back to Thor and gave him the customary inclination of his head. “We’d be honored,” he answered officially.

Thor grinned. “Wonderful. Now, I’m going to insist that I have at least one dance with your lovely wife _if_ you would be so kind as to entertain Loki for a short while.”

Natasha stood and took Thor’s hand as Loki slid into her seat for a chat with Steve, not that they had anything in common. Loki could entertain almost anyone and he very much felt like he was the one doing the distracting here, not the other way around.

As Thor spun her expertly around the dance floor, Natasha found herself laughing and smiling without a care in the world. There was such fun in dancing; it was a pity Steve didn’t enjoy it more easily because she could have danced all night long. She supposed that came from her childhood, but oh. Oh, Steve would have been so scandalized to know how she’d been trained in ballet.

“Are you pleased that you’ll be visiting Asgard someday soon?” Thor ventured. “I hope you are, because I _greatly_ look forward to seeing you there.”

“Do you?” She laughed. “Why is that?”

Thor grinned brightly as he took her hand and lifted it up, spinning her around twice before pulling her right back against his chest. “For many reasons. I look forward to seeing how a woman such as yourself fits into my court. And it would be nice for Loki to have a friend at court for a while.”

Natasha frowned a little. “He doesn’t have friends at court usually?”

“It would seem that most of the women at court find him… inappropriate,” Thor explained. “Our society is not as rigid as yours, but I’m afraid I’ve still managed to push the boundaries of what is deemed acceptable.”

Oh. Well, that made her feel terrible for Loki. Even she had friends at court; Pepper and Maria, mostly, but she was friendly with the others as well. She certainly wasn’t _isolated_ and she knew her choices in gowns were already making her something of an example others wanted to follow. Truth be told, she couldn’t imagine how she would have made it through the hard times with Steve if she hadn’t had _anyone_ to speak to.

“I’m… I didn’t know,” she said quietly. “He’s been so nice to me. I feel terrible that I haven’t kept up our letting writing as much as I should have..”

“Love, you have been _wonderful_ for him.” Thor stopped their dance and led Natasha off to the side of the room to speak privately. “He’ll never say anything on his own, but he brightens up whenever he receives a letter from you. As much as I enjoy your company, he is… one of the main reasons I’ve invited both of you to stay for a while.”

He sighed and shook his head for a moment. “Sometimes I think he was happier before we met,” he confessed. “It isn’t right, the way that people talk about him.”

Natasha leaned up on her toes and kissed Thor’s cheek. “You’re very sweet,” she told him. “Loki is lucky to have you. And I speak for both of us when I say that we are _very_ excited to visit you.” She paused. “And Thor? I don’t think Loki regrets for a single moment his decision to be with you.”

Together, they made their way back over to the table where Loki was telling Steve all about this terribly interesting book he’d read. But upon their return, he turned and smiled widely as he vacated Natasha’s seat. “There you are,” he said warmly, immediately taking Thor’s hand and lacing their fingers together. “I do believe I’ve missed you.”

Natasha, who had taken her seat beside Steve again, watched them very carefully. Would she and Steve ever get to that point? As she watched Loki lean up to get a kiss, she had to wonder if they’d ever be so in love that they missed one another sometimes when they were in the same room.

She snapped out of it when Loki spoke up again. “We’ll leave you two alone, but have a very happy birthday, Steve,” he offered, pausing so Thor could echo that sentiment. “And _enjoy_ your evening.” He winked and led Thor away, likely to find a dark corner where he could lay claim to his lover’s lips again.

Meanwhile, Steve raised his eyebrows and turned to Natasha. “What did he mean by that?” He asked. “What was that tone?”

Natasha took a sip of her wine and gave him a briefly suggestive look and an innocent smile. “I haven’t the slightest idea.”

The cake was next. After they’d devoured two big pieces of moist cake and thick, creamy frosting, Steve idly took Natasha’s hand and kissed her knuckles while they watched some of the other couples gather on the dance floor. She didn’t think anything of it until he kissed her hand a second time. “Your highness,” she teased. “I get the feeling you're trying to tell me something.”

Steve smiled and gave her the most charming, boyish smile she could imagine from him. “Let’s go back to our rooms,” he suggested. “I’ve had enough socializing for tonight.”

Natasha couldn’t help but smile and let him pull her onto her feet so they might escape for the evening. A jolt of interest shot straight through her as soon as the door was closed and Steve pressed her right up against it, much to her amusement. “You look beautiful tonight,” he murmured, sliding his lips down to her neck and his hands around to the back of her dress. Once he began to tug at the corset strings, Natasha laughed and tipped her head back as he grunted in frustration.

He’d just gotten them open when she stopped him, one hand on the front of her dress to keep it up. “I actually have something of a surprise for you,” she told him, holding one finger to his lips. “Something I had Loki procure for me.”

Steve raised his eyebrows. “Something Loki procured,” he repeated. “What kind of surprise is this?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see,” she told him, tapping his lips lightly and slipping away from him to get changed. The negligee that Loki had brought for her was made of a dark purple silk and black lace. It was held up by two thin straps around her shoulders and ended somewhat boldly close to the tops of her thighs, leaving her legs bare. Now, Steve had obviously seen her naked many, many times now, but Natasha was betting that seeing her dressed like this would tantalize him more than usual.

 

 

She let her hair down as well and brushed it through to make sure it was soft to the touch, and she elected to remove the necklace he’d given her so it wasn’t damaged in any way. Barefoot and very slightly self-conscious, she took a deep breath and left the room to rejoin Steve. He was already sitting on the bed, shirt tossed aside with his boots and his trousers undone. Natasha found him so handsome like that. There was something about him being seemingly uncouth or unrestrained that usually had her biting her lower lip and sometimes pressing her thighs together as well.

“Well? What do you think? Could I pass for an Asgardian princess?”

 

*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

 

Considering that this was his first birthday as a married man, Steve was having a lot of fun. The feast had been satisfying in a number of ways; the food itself, the gifts from his friends, even the dancing. He had a sneaking suspicion that Natasha was to thank for that last bit. She had been very patient with him, after all. When Natasha disappeared into the other room, Steve disrobed part way and leaned back on the bed to relax. He would not fall asleep before he saw whatever it was Natasha was putting on.

When she spoke up again at last, he turned his gaze up to her and just froze right there. The little dress itself was enough. He loved how the silk was thin enough to just see the barest outline of her nipples in the candlelight and the way it slid over the curve of her hip as she leaned against the door frame. His gaze slid down from her hips to where the hem stopped, leaving most of her legs entirely bare. She looked… dangerous.

Tempting.

Very much like something worth lusting after.

Steve stood up and immediately approached her, backing her up right against the nearest wall and sealing their lips together. He wasn’t sure what had come over him, but there was this drive to show her exactly how passionate he could be.

Over the last few weeks, he’d become much more comfortable with touching her in such a way that she was able to get quite a lot of pleasure from that alone. He hadn’t quite made good on everything Bucky had told him, but Steve justified that by reminding himself that he was still learning.

He supposed he was taking great strides to catch up tonight, as he was slowly hiking Natasha’s leg up around his hip; first one so that she had no choice but to wrap her arms around his neck for balance, and then the other so that she was pinned against the wall with her legs around his waist.

As he kissed her, he became very well aware of several things: the way she was arching her back to get more contact between them, the way she was gasping against his mouth as he rocked his hips forward, and the fact that she eventually had a hand between them to push his trousers down. It was clumsy and very nearly frantic, but his trousers were down a moment later and Steve wasted no time before pressing into her all at once, apparently hard enough to pull a broken moan from Natasha right away.

 

 

This was entirely different. Steve’s big hands spread out on Natasha’s bottom to hold her up and spread her open at the same time and he let himself go a little bit, thrusting into her perhaps a little harder than he should have- not that she was complaining. In fact, it was quite the opposite.

Natasha was doing all she could to encourage him, including pulling at his hair and raking the nails of one hand down his arm. As they thumped lightly against the wall, Steve found himself bowing his head to mouth over her neck, but Natasha wouldn’t have it. She took his head in both hands and pulled him up for a fierce kiss, dragging their mouths together until she could bite down rather hard on his lower lip and tug gently, eventually beginning another before the first kiss was done.

Steve decided in that moment that if he wasn’t entirely sold on having sex like this without a conscience, this would be the time that did it for real. He was already close thanks to the position and Natasha’s nails and the constant moans he was pulling from her, but she just had to take it a step further. She had to do this one little thing that sent him so far over the edge that he was sure he saw black for a second. 

“ _Harder_.”

As his fingers really dug into the meat of her ass, Natasha clung to him and let him practically pull her into his thrusts, onto his cock over and over and over again until he was able to let go. The sound of their skin slapping together was really what did it for him; well, that and the little noises Natasha was letting out right into his ear. Steve hardly registered the fact that Natasha let out a surprised cry near the end and shivered right there in his hold, but he stumbled forward a little and his hand shot out to grab the wall while the other continued to hold Natasha up.

She shuddered a little and pressed exactly three kisses to his shoulder and neck before tipping her head back to catch his lips. “If it is not too bold,” she whispered against his lips. “I think I will take pains to surprise you more often, your highness.”

Steve let out a breathless laugh and shook his head at her. “You’re terrible,” he accused teasingly. “You could wrap the most ill-humored man around your finger, Natasha. I truly believe that you could.”

Natasha smiled as he pulled out and slowly let her down on her feet so he could adjust—and then decide to remove his pants entirely. “Maybe I already have,” she countered, smiling widely as she held onto his hands to make sure her legs were steady.

That earned a real laugh and a moment later Steve had her hand on her cheek as he leaned down to kiss her again. “Is that so?” He murmured. “Are you saying that you’ve tamed me?”

“Maybe,” she laughed. “If one of us is going to be tamed, I think it should be you.”

Steve tilted his head to the side. “Why is that?”

Natasha didn’t even have to think about her answer. “Because it would be impossible to tame me,” she reasoned. “The sooner you stop trying, the happier we can be.”

She leaned up to peck his lips again and slipped away to pour them both a cup of wine before bed. Steve turned back to watch her, eventually moving to her side to accept the cup she offered him. “You don’t want to continue?” He asked after a single sip. “You’ve not…finished.”

After all this time, Natasha still blushed a little bit. “Actually, I did,” she said coyly over the rim of her cup. “Believe me; it was as surprising to me as it is to you.”

Well, how about that. Steve smiled to himself and swallowed down the rest of his wine in a few mouthfuls, setting the cup down thereafter. It wasn’t long after that they fell into bed together and Natasha took her favorite position with her back to Steve’s chest, pulling her husband’s arm around her and tucking it in against her chest so she was comfortable. Steve fell asleep not too long after her with his nose buried in her hair.

 

*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

 

Eventually, it was decided that they would be spending a little over a week in Asgard, during which they would celebrate Natasha’s nineteenth birthday. It was with some shock that Natasha registered that it had not yet been a year since they married and yet so much had happened since they’d met all those months ago. She also realized with a moment of silence one day that it had been a year and still, she did not have a child.

She would make sure to speak to someone in Asgard regarding fertility. According to Loki, they were quite adept in helping women conceive, although she wouldn’t think of actually taking anything until Bruce had given her his opinion on it. Packing for their trip was easy enough. Natasha chose a series of amazing dresses to wear, including those Loki had gifted to her that she’d yet to actually wear.

She had every intention of enjoying this trip as much as she possibly could because when they got back, it would be no nonsense and all about conceiving another child. She couldn’t wait any longer without jeopardizing her reputation at court, especially with the king and the king’s advisers.

The trip to Asgard was evidence of why Thor and Loki didn’t visit as often as they would like to. Natasha felt like they were traveling for ages on end, but they did eventually arrived in a beautiful city with cobblestone streets and a massive golden palace. They were escorted inside by the head of the guard; a stoic man named Tyr who greeted them and led the way down an ornate hallway until they were announced and let into an equally elaborate throne room.

At the head sat Odin and Frigga; the legendary king and queen of Asgard, and Thor’s parents. Natasha and Steve both bowed low before even thinking about opening their mouths. “Prince Steven of America,” Odin said. “It is a pleasure to see you all grown. How is your father, the king?”

“He is well, your majesty,” Steve answered. “He sends his regards.”

“Please be sure to send him mine in return.” Odin’s gaze fell to Natasha, who was busy looking around the room at the beautiful statues that lined the hall. “And you, princess? Are you excited to see Asgard for the first time?”

Natasha snapped to attention and smiled. “I am, your highness. Already, I can tell that it will leave me quite spellbound. I’ve heard your gardens are not matched anywhere.”

Frigga smiled. “Do you enjoy the gardens?” She ventured, looking briefly to Steve. “Do you remember me visiting your mother when you were a child? I was the one who started her off in the gardens, you know. She had such a lovely green thumb.”

Steve offered the same sad smile he always did when his mother was mentioned, but Natasha quickly took his hand and answered. “I didn’t know that,” she offered. “I’d love to see yours if that’s alright. I’m no gardener, but I do love being outside…”

“I’m sure Loki would be happy to guide you,” she said warmly. “Or perhaps we can all take a walk later this afternoon.”

“That sounds wonderful. I’d love to, your highness.”

With those plans just about made, Thor’s booming voice interrupted them as he entered the room. “My friends, at last!” He said warmly, going right up to Steve and hugging him tight around the shoulders. He turned to Natasha a moment later and bowed down to kiss her hand, earning a laugh and a kiss on his cheek when he stood up again.

Loki smiled as Natasha turned to him and hugged him right around the neck. “You must be tired from your journey. Come. Come and we will take you to your room immediately,” he said knowingly, linking his arm with Natasha’s and leading them away.

The rooms they’d prepared for Steve and Natasha were grand in a way that had the latter gaping in disbelief. There were tall, golden walls and rich, lush furs thrown over the bed, not to mention a roaring fire in the hearth and a huge balcony with a view over the city below. Natasha immediately rushed outside with Loki beside her to take it in, tipping her head back to appreciate the cool breeze. “It’s beautiful here,” she sighed. “Thank you so much for inviting us.”

Loki led her to the railing of the balcony and pointed towards a field off to the side. “I thought you might take Steve on a little adventure when you’ve rested,” he suggested. “Just beyond that hill, there is a lake surrounded by thick forest. It has always been a favorite place of mine, should I want some privacy for a cool swim.”

Natasha made note of where he was pointing and smiled. “I think that sounds like fun,” she agreed. “It’ll be good for Steve to stretch his boundaries a little more.”

“Something tells me you've been challenging those beliefs on a daily basis,” Loki quipped. “How goes it?”

Natasha sighed rather contentedly and leaned right into Loki beside her. “It's wonderful,” she answered. “It's like he's a different man.”

Loki smiled widely. “I hardly knew he had it in him,” he laughed easily. “But I'm glad you're feeling better about it. I know it's been difficult for you, but I'm quite sure you'll conceive again in no time and then you can truly relax.”

“Speaking of which,” she said quickly. “I have heard that your healers might be able to help.”

“There is no harm in asking them, at the very least. I'll take you myself after you've rested and had something to eat.” Perfect timing, because Thor and Steve joined them on the balcony a moment later and Natasha watched as Thor easily draped his arms around Loki's waist from behind, resting his chin over the latter's shoulder. “We'd be terrible hosts if we didn't at least feed you after your journey. Isn't that right, love?”

Thor grunted. “Yes, of course,” he added. “Of course. I'll have a meal brought here so you can enjoy in peace and perhaps later on you'll join us for a proper feast in your honor?”

Natasha raised her eyebrows in surprise. “In our honor?”

“You are our guests,” Thor explained. “Tonight, after sunset. There will be a feast beyond your wildest expectations, and dancing as well. I think Loki might even be tempted to perform for us.”

The princess immediately looked to her friend. “You never said that you danced!”

Loki smiled. “Yes, it is one of many things that does not at all endear me to the Asgardian elders,” he said dryly. “But I shall perform if Thor wishes it.”

“Do not be so cross,” Thor chided gently. “I know how you love to dance.”

Loki rolled his eyes fondly and turned in Thor's arms to give him a little kiss. “ _You_ love my dancing far more than I do, I think.”

Thor beamed and Natasha had to smile just at the display. That was what real love looked like, she thought. It was natural and beautiful and she was _envious_ of them in that moment. “You might be right,” he answered. “I am not ashamed of that, nor have I ever been.”

Steve cleared his throat and put an arm around Natasha's waist as if to say, 'There is affection between us too.' Thor only picked up on the thought that they might want to be alone and rest. “We'll take our leave now. Please don't hesitate to summon us or a servant for whatever you might need.”

With that, the happy couple left them and Steve stepped away from Natasha to unpack their things for the week. She turned to help him right away, carefully putting her dresses away until she would have use of them. “Loki hinted that we might enjoy taking a walk on our own tomorrow,” she told him. “There's a pretty view over the hill that way... Would you like to go?”

“I'd love to,” he answered easily. “We're here to explore and relax in equal measure.”

And thus, he was left without a single clue.

 

*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

 

Asgard really was beautiful. It was a wonder that Loki and Thor ever wanted to leave because it seemed idyllic in every single way. Of course, Steve loved his kingdom and wouldn't trade it for the world, but Thor was... on another level, somehow. Once they were left alone and unpacked, both he and Natasha elected to lay down and take a short nap just to recharge from their trip. When they woke, Natasha called the two handmaidens she'd brought with her and bathed thoroughly before dressing for her afternoon with Loki and Frigga. Steve, on the other hand, decided to try meeting with Thor for their training sessions to push himself a little harder.

Natasha elected a dress in a soft pink with a jeweled belt that tucked in at her little waist. The neckline actually reached that belt, though the soft material over her breasts kept her modest...enough. Steve supposed there were allowances that ought to be made here, where she was trying to match their culture. It even included a piece that fell over her back like a cape. Steve thought she looked beautiful and told her so with a kiss, even going so far as to trace the outlines of her hips just because he could.

 

 

“Are you certain you won't be running off with an Asgardian?”

She laughed at that. “Why? Do you think many Asgardians will want to run off with me?”

“I think _every_ Asgardian is going to want to run off with you. You can hardly blame me for worrying that you might find a better offer.”

He was joking, mostly. Steve smiled as Natasha draped her arms over his shoulders and smiled indulgently. “I think you are too severe on yourself,” she said easily. “Trust me, I'm not going anywhere.”

With that, she leaned up for a quick kiss before leaving him there to meet Loki and Frigga for her tour of the gardens. She was clearly looking forward to it; that he could tell based on her smile and the fact that she'd worn shoes that could be easily slipped off. He had a sneaking suspicion that neither Frigga nor Loki would mind in the slightest. Perhaps that was good for her; to be in a place without such harsh expectations of women for some time. Maybe it would let her work it out of her system.

Once he'd dressed appropriately (Thor had offered him a pair of the light trousers they usually trained in), Steve headed off to meet not only his friend and fellow prince, but other men as well. “Steve! I'd like to introduce Volstagg, Hogun, and Fandral. My friends, this is Prince Steve of America.”

Salutations were made and eventually all five men decided to split up and go at it. Thor and Steve put themselves against Volstagg, who didn't pull his punches and happened to be bigger than both of them. It was a workout like Steve had never had before; intense and impossibly difficult, leaving them all covered in sweat and breathing heavily at the end of it all.

“And you do this how often?” He laughed.

Thor clapped him on the shoulder. “At least five times a week, if we can manage it,” he said proudly. “More if we're feeling particularly stressed.” The Asgardian culture was primarily made up of warriors like them, Steve realized. There was a place for politics and peace, but strength, bravery, and talent with a weapon were lauded here above most other things.

“How you have energy for anything else, I don't think I quite understand.” And Thor was seemingly full of boundless energy all the time! Steve didn't know whether to be impressed or a little frightened by it.

“Ah, my friend.” Thor signaled for water for both of them and eventually put his arm around Steve's shoulders. “Come and you will find out how I have the energy for other things.”

Thor led Steve through the grass and around a few corners until they were entering the gardens. Frigga had been right to offer Natasha a tour; they were beautiful and then some. But as they came upon the small group; that is, Frigga and Loki on either side of a barefoot Natasha, he realized what was going on. “You want to go over there like this? Thor, we're half dressed and... moist.”

Thor laughed and clapped him on the shoulder again. “Do you trust me?”

Steve gave him a dubious look. “I suppose.”

Grinning widely, Thor pulled him forward. “Then trust me. You won't regret this. Besides, I'm quite sure Loki knows we're coming.”

 

*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

 

The gardens were _breathtaking_. Natasha listened carefully as Frigga told her about all the different plants, even telling a few stories about where they'd come from or what they meant should she ever want to gift flowers to someone. Natasha adored every word that was spoken and she was beginning to take to Frigga very much as she assumed she would have to her own mother.

“Mother,” Loki said at some point. “Natasha has expressed some interest in fertility aids.”

Natasha blinked in surprise because as far as she knew, they were to talk to the healers, not the queen! “Oh, is that so?” Frigga mused. “Well, I'm sure we can cook up a few things for her to try, can we not?”

“Forgive me, your highness,” Natasha said. “I didn't realize you were--”

“Experienced in healing? Yes, I am. Before I married Odin, I used to make potions and teas for the women of the court in Vanaheim.” She smiled fondly at the memory. “I have always found that women must on some level fend for ourselves. There are some things we hold in our hearts that men cannot comprehend.”

Natasha took her words to heart, though she did smile as Frigga looked to Loki. “That isn't to say that some of them do not come very, very close,” she said warmly, earning a smile from Loki as well.

They continued to walk for some time, even stopping briefly to feed the ducks in the pond, but eventually Loki grinned to himself and leaned over to Natasha. “I hope you've had your fill of the garden,” he told her. “We're about to have some company, I think.”

Natasha tipped her head to the side. “What on Earth are you talking about?”

“If I'm not mistaken, the men will likely be finished with their training and if I know Thor, he'll be coming this way to make something of a statement.” Loki seemed awfully confident of himself; so confident, in fact, that Natasha had no choice but to believe him.

It was therefore only _something_ of a surprise when Thor and Steve came striding through the grass in boots and trousers alone, both shining with sweat and smiling widely. “Well,” Frigga laughed gently. “I do think I'll take my leave of you.” She marched right up to her son and reached up to pat his cheek, no doubt telling him to 'behave', but she was gone a moment later and Natasha and Loki were left with their slightly ridiculous significant others.

“I hope you're enjoying the gardens, Natasha,” Thor said warmly. “And I hope you don't mind me stealing Loki away.”

“Isn’t that awfully presumptuous?” Natasha teased. “To think that Loki wants to--” She looked to the side to find Loki silently looking Thor over like a predator would a piece of meat and narrowed her eyes for a moment before looking back to meet Steve’s gaze. “I have a feeling this happens _often_.”

Steve seemed nearly as bewildered as Natasha felt, although she couldn’t argue with Loki about how attractive they looked. “Gentlemen, if you wouldn’t mind… I think you can both wait in your rooms for the inevitable reward for your hard work,” she said smoothly. “I need a word with Loki.”

Thor inclined his head and smiled. “Very well.” But he stepped forward instead of moving away and pulled Loki into him, leaning down for a fierce kiss that left almost nothing to the imagination. “Do not keep me waiting,” he rumbled when they parted. With that, he turned to leave and dragged Steve alongside him to give their partners a moment alone.

Natasha whipped right around to face Loki. “What are you going to do?”

Loki smiled in amusement. “You mean, what am I planning to do to Thor once I get in there?”

“I know there is more you haven’t told me,” she said wisely.

There was a great deal that Loki hadn’t told her, but she wouldn’t press. If he wanted to give her more details from his past, then she was sure that he would. “Well,” she mused. “To be very blunt, I plan on tasting every inch of his chest… and then taking him with my mouth… and then riding him until he decides to take charge and finish it.”

Natasha’s cheeks flushed and Loki smiled knowingly. “Love, take it from me. Sometimes it can be quite a satisfying thing to know that you have all the power even when you’re on your knees.” He reached out to touch her shoulder and gave her an encouraging grin. “Just take it slow, love. You don’t want to choke.”

With that, he winked and walked off to meet Thor in their rooms. Natasha, in the meantime, pondered how far she could go without making Steve reject her again. She supposed there was only one way to find out, although that way didn’t sound especially appealing to her. Then again, she knew Loki wasn’t teasing her or lying to her when he told her what he would be doing; in fact, he looked like he couldn’t wait to start. And so… truly, how bad could it be if Loki enjoyed it that much?

Calm as ever, she found her way back to the chambers she and Steve had been given and walked in to find Steve standing on the balcony dressed in only the thin trousers he’d been wearing before. He’d removed his boots already, which made him look… rough around the edges, she supposed. Less like a prince and more like a handsome man she’d find in town or in the stables. Were it not for the way he held himself, she might have been able to pretend.

But as it was, she went up to her prince and settled both hands on his chest. She squeezed very lightly before moving down, taking in the light sheen of sweat still making his skin shine even now. “There’s something else I’d like to try,” she told him, looking up through her eyelashes for a fleeting moment as her fingers traced over his stomach. “But you must trust me.”

Steve let out a shaky breath and nodded. “I trust you.”

Good. Natasha would need trust and patience to do what she was about to do. Remembering Loki’s words about tempting Thor into making love on a balcony, Natasha leaned up to kiss Steve and wrapped her arms around his neck. She wasn’t shy about this anymore. In fact, she gave herself entirely, pressing their bodies together as she coaxed his lips apart for more. But when he went to back her up into the room, she put her hand on his chest to stop him. “Wait,” she said. “Stay here.”

No one could see them; there wasn’t another balcony beside them or anything and if she ducked down she would be completely invisible to anyone below them as well. Determined, she slowly began to lower herself down, leaving soft, wet kisses along the length of his chest and stomach until she was on her knees right in front of Steve. She looked up at him from there and smiled. His cheeks were flushed and she briefly considered the idea that this wasn’t so new to him. It was entirely likely that he’d had this done to him before. She wondered how she would compare.

Reaching out, she carefully slid her hands up his thighs and squeezed lightly as she leaned forward to kiss just over the hem of his trousers, right under his belly button. The skin there was flat and warm, and she could practically feel the arousal just rolling off of him in waves. Looking up at him, she began to undo the laces and eventually tugged his trousers down until they were sitting in a pool at his feet.

When she turned her eyes back down, she was actually somewhat thrown off by the proximity, but she recovered quickly and wrapped her hand around the base of his cock to… adjust. He was just so thick. It was amazing that she could fit him inside her at all. Licking her lips, Natasha slowly dragged her hand up and back down, watching the skin pull over his head and reveal the pink tip. Hm.

 

 

She hazarded a glance up at Steve before leaning forward and stretching her mouth around the tip; just the tip, just for a moment before slowly pulling off again. Steve shivered from head to toe and Natasha had to smile because she knew she was getting to him. She held him basically in the palm of her hand as she had quite a few times now, but there was an added bit of strength in the form of taking him into her mouth. When she leaned forward again, she carefully took him as far into her mouth as she could, but ended up gagging a little and pulling back to cough daintily into her hand. But she wasn’t giving up there.

She tried again, carefully this time, and managed to earn a startled moan from the man above her. It was clumsy at first, but eventually Natasha figured out what he liked (when her lips pressed down hard, when she traced along the vein on the underside with her tongue, when her hands were on his thighs) and what didn’t work so well (attempting to go too far, bobbing her head too fast). She took things nice and slow, and she appreciated not only the fact that Steve was moaning openly even as he tried to stay relatively quiet, but the fact that his fists were clenching and unclenching at his sides before his hands came up to tangle gently in her hair.

Natasha’s jaw was starting to ache by the time Steve tugged lightly and she pulled off with a soft pop, her lips swollen and red. Looking up at him, she tipped her head to the side. “Is something wrong?” Even her voice was affected; it was a little rougher than it usually was, no doubt.

“No, nothing,” he told her. “Nothing’s wrong.”

She liked how his voice got deeper when they were like this. It was almost as if she could feel the words from inside his chest like when she was able to rest her head there. Smirking rather mischievously, she went back to work right away and challenged herself to take him just a touch deeper than before. When she realized that she couldn’t make it all the way, she carefully wrapped her hand around him instead and managed to stimulate every last inch of him in turn. All ten of Steve’s fingers slid into her hair at some point and Natasha took that as some kind of encouragement. She hollowed her cheeks the way she’d discovered she could and congratulated herself on the long groan she was able to pull from her husband.

Loki was right; this was rather empowering. She had all the control here somehow, perhaps only because Steve allowed her to have the control. But regardless, she felt good.

At some point long after her jaw had begun to ache again, Natasha took note of the way Steve’s thigh began to tighten under her free hand and glanced up at him only to find him looking back down at her. She blinked once and watched as he threw his head back, stammered out some kind of warning, and-- released, right there in her mouth. Taken aback by it, Natasha pulled away just in time to earn a streak of his seed across her cheek and another on her chest.

She had no choice but to swallow what had landed in her mouth and though she was sure it wouldn’t hurt her, she was… just a bit thrown off by the notion of it. Nevertheless, Steve offered her a hand and pulled her onto her feet so he could get rid of the evidence. “My apologies,” he huffed breathlessly. “I certainly didn’t mean to--”

“It’s alright,” she said quickly. “I’m not hurt, just a little startled.” She wondered if Loki also let that happen. She supposed they were probably far less rigid when it came to things like this, so she took it in stride out of equal parts stubbornness and determination. “Did you enjoy it, then?”

Steve smiled and brushed her hair back. “I did,” he said honestly. “Very much. I’m almost scared, however, to ask you where you learned…”

“Loki.”

He nodded. “Of course.”

“It is an awfully one-sided activity,” she observed. “But he was right, I did enjoy it.”

Steve raised his eyebrows. “You did?”

Natasha nodded. “I did,” she confirmed. “It was… rather exciting to know that I was singularly responsible for every noise you made, not just what’s between my legs, but _me_. It’s awfully nice to have that amount of control.”

Steve actually swallowed. She could see the way his Adam’s apple bobbed and she associated that reaction with _interest_ , which she found very interesting. “I… I thought we might bathe together before supper,” he offered. “The tub looks big enough and it might afford me the opportunity to reciprocate what you gave me just now.” He smiled bashfully. “One way or another.”  

Oh. “Did you really come up with that all on your own?” She teased. “No help from Thor?”

“No help from Thor, I promise.” He held up his right hand like a pledge and Natasha laughed. “Is that a yes, then? Come on, I’ll run the bath myself.”

Natasha happily followed him once he’d taken her hand, idly watching the way his trousers just barely kept themselves up over the curve of his behind. She bit her lower lip as they walked and only looked up when he turned around to face her again, though he didn’t quite temper the smirk she was wearing. “Will you be undressing me yourself as well?”

Steve raised his eyebrows and stepped closer so he could reach out for her waist again. “Would you like that?”

“Very much,” she answered, laughing softly as Steve’s hands immediately raised to slid the straps of her dress off her shoulders. Once they were both bare and Steve’s fingers had traced up from her waist over her stomach and further up over her breasts, Natasha was just about ready to jump up and hope he caught her solidly enough to press against the wall again. Instead, he lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles before climbing into the tub and leaning back. She followed suit, carefully climbing in and settling herself in front of him so she could lean back against him between his legs.

 

 

Steve’s hands immediately slid around her and Natasha arched her back as she reached one arm back to hold onto him somehow. His nose was in her hair the whole time; as one hand cupped her breast, as the other slid down to cup between her legs as she hurried to part them for him. When it was all over, Natasha was left with a warm body still behind her and cooling water, and she was struck by the realization that this was her life. It wasn’t nearly as bad as she’d feared.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the patience! It's a pretty long chapter, but I've had a lot going on lately. With any luck, the next chapter after this won't take nearly as long!

_ “One person's weed is another person's wildflower.”  _

_ ― Susan Wittig Albert _

 

The feast held in Steve and Natasha’s honor was as massive and impressive as Thor had boasted. There were three huge wooden tables stocked full of dignitaries and friends alike, along with another table set up in front of the room that was reserved for the royals themselves- and Loki, of course. The tables were stocked with plates upon plates of food; roast pig and duck, fresh fruits, plates of freshly baked bread, bowls of vegetables and potatoes and everything else they could imagine. And there was more promised!

Thor had made certain to mention that they would be enjoying dessert quite late that evening, after several hours of hot food and drink- and dancing, of course.

Natasha looked exceptionally beautiful that evening, all dressed up in a gown that Loki himself had chosen for her. It was a very pale blue with little gold and silver leaves decorating the bodice and trailing down to the skirt. She was also fitted with a piece of soft material around her shoulders and secured with a thin brooch that looked very much like a snake.

 

 

Not ten seconds after they’d each finished their first plates of food, Steve was whisked off to the dance floor by Natasha’s hand and he laughed as she tried to match the movements of the Asgardians around them. Their dancing was a little less formal than their own and Steve wasn’t entirely comfortable at first, but by the time he was twirling Natasha and smiling as she came back and pressed up against his chest, he was able to move right past it. 

When they needed a drink, they sat down together for their second plates and Natasha was finally introduced to the three men Steve had previously sparred with: Hogun, Volstagg, and Fandral. She was most taken with Volstagg just because he smiled so much and welcomed her so warmly, but it was Fandral who took her hand and placed a kiss right on her knuckles. “Welcome to Asgard, Princess,” he said charmingly. “If it’s not too bold, I’d be honored if you’d agree to a dance with me later on.”

Natasha raised her eyebrows at him and slowly pulled her hand away, but ultimately nodded. “I’d love to,” she answered kindly. “As long as you intend to behave.”

Fandral grinned, obviously pleased that his personality had already come through. “I’ll do my very best, your highness.”

Steve wasn’t too pleased with that and he put his hand on Natasha’s thigh under the table, imperceptibly staking some kind of claim like she might actually try to run off with a handsome Asgardian. Nevertheless, they left them at some point and his attention was drawn not back to Natasha, but to a beautiful woman striding confidently towards them instead. She was pale and confident with silky black hair and fierce, expressive eyes… and she wasn’t coming towards them, she was going towards Thor.

 

 

“You didn’t invite  _ me _ to spar with the visiting prince?” She asked him. “How  _ unbelievably _ insulting.”

Thor looked up very seriously for a moment and met her gaze. They stared at each other for nearly ten seconds before both smiled widely and laughed loudly enough to earn two surprised looks from Steve and Natasha, along with a slightly unhappy look from Loki, though Steve couldn’t quite explain that. “Steve, Natasha,” Thor boomed. “This is Lady Sif. She is my dear friend and a warrior in her own right.”

Steve stood up to greet her and he could  _ feel _ Natasha giving him a look as she stood up as well. “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” he said as she briefly inclined her head to him. “Although I don’t think I would have liked to meet you for training…”

“Why?”

“Well, because you’re so--”

“Small? Delicate?” Sif gave him a fierce, unimpressed look and stepped just a little closer. “Do you think there’s even the slightest chance that I wouldn’t be able to hold my own?”

“No! No, that’s not—“

“Oh, I see,” she continued. “So because I have breasts and a  _ cunt _ , you think I’m weak.”

Steve looked nothing short of actually alarmed and he quickly tried to cover his tracks, but it was no use. Sif leaned over the table and stared right into his eyes with the most aggressive look she could muster---

But a moment later, she leaned back and offered up a wide smile instead. “Never fear,” she said boldly. “I won’t ask your highness to prove himself. I’m sure you’re every bit the man I’ve heard you are.”

Steve swallowed and sat back down as Natasha held out a hand to greet Sif at last. “It’s a pleasure,” she said politely. “A true pleasure. If it is not too bold, I think I admire you already, Lady Sif.”

“You’re a woman of good taste,” she answered. “I look forward to getting to know you, Natasha.”

Natasha actually blushed and sat down as soon as she was able to in favor of taking a few long sips of her drink. Steve didn't know what to make of that, but he almost felt threatened. When Sif left them, Loki stood up and excused himself saying that if he was to perform, he would need time to prepare. There was something very different in the way he spoke, but there was not time to figure out what that something pertained to.

Not long after, Thor was commanding the attention of the room and announcing that they would be enjoying a very special performance this evening in honor of Steve and Natasha’s visit to their kingdom. There was a toast made first, but eventually the lights were lowered via several servants blowing out about half the candles around the room, and the performance began.

All Steve could think of at the moment was just how glad he was that Thor and Loki had never attempted what was happening in front of him right now at his court in America. Because while the display was clearly something that took years of practice and no small amount of skill, it was both brazen and quite daring for anyone to attempt in front of a crowd.

Loki had taken the floor close to midnight that evening. Steve had watched beside an enraptured Natasha as a familiar figure (although certainly not familiarly dressed) made his way onto the main part of the dance floor. It was hard to find him anything but beautiful once he started to dance; every move he made was fluid and impossibly graceful.

 

 

Beyond everything else, though, the dance was  _ erotic _ in that Loki’s gaze was entirely different from what Steve was used to. He looked like he was trying to seduce every person in the room- and based on how talented he was, he might have been succeeding. Thor was clearly eating it right up, leaning forward in his seat for most of it and only leaning back when Loki came closer to him. They’d surely be having something of an interesting evening later on.

When he finished with a dramatic position on the floor, Steve immediately started to clap alongside Natasha and Thor. Others applauded as well, but there were obviously people gathered who didn’t appreciate his performance. It would have been polite for them to at least clap.

“Did you like it?” Loki asked, still slightly out of breath as he approached them. 

Natasha beamed right away and stood up to examine his costume, brushing her fingers over the delicate chains and bells and jewels he wore. “I loved it!” She exclaimed. “Loki, you were wonderful! I had no idea you could dance like that!”

Loki smiled widely. “Well, it’s one of my  _ many _ talents,” he laughed. “I’m glad you liked it, love. I designed the dance with you in mind.”

“Oh, I  _ miss _ dancing,” Natasha answered. “There’s nothing quite like it, is there? Just losing yourself to the music and using your body to tell the story… Oh. I miss it terribly.”

As they continued to talk excitedly, Steve frowned to himself. She missed dancing? When had Natasha ever danced other than with him or perhaps with another partner at home? What was she talking about? Certainly she’d never done what Loki had just done for them, right? Surely even her culture wouldn’t allow such a thing.

Once Loki excused himself to clean up (and Thor mysteriously disappeared right after him) Natasha took her seat beside Steve again and briefly leaned her head against his shoulder.

By all accounts, she looked very much like a queen.. But she danced? Steve had to get to the bottom of that matter right away if only because he was very curious and certainly not because he was imagining her hips moving the way Loki’s had. 

“What did you mean?” He ventured because he simply couldn’t hold back. “When you said you missed dancing, what did you mean? I know we don’t dance  _ often _ , but we danced just this evening and so, I find myself confused.”

Natasha lifted her head and gave him a small smile. “I am trained in ballet,” she explained. “It is… something that many little girls learn in Russia. I was quite good at it, I think.” But there was clearly no place for something like that now that she lived in America, especially not when she was in such a public position. “I do miss it sometimes,” she confessed further. “I had almost hoped that you would have such a guilty pleasure and we might share them together.”

But he didn’t. She didn’t have to say it, but Steve knew that as far as she knew, he liked nothing that would be considered inappropriate or a waste of his time. “Perhaps I do have something,” he blurted out, eager as he was to connect this way. They’d made such progress, but he felt there was still room for improvement and since she had confessed something so private, he knew he ought to do the same. “But I will have to show you. Tomorrow, if that’s alright.”

Natasha looked incredibly pleased. “Of course,” she told him. “I can’t wait.”

Unfortunately, only Thor returned at some point and he looked like he’d had a less than wonderful time with Loki. He gulped down an entire pint of ale before Natasha spoke up to ask if everything was alright. “Loki has decided that he would rather stay in our rooms than continue putting on a facade,” he said bitterly. “You’re welcome to try and talk some sense into him, but I doubt anything will help.”

Natasha nodded once and stood up to excuse herself as well. “I’ll retire for the evening once we’re done,” she said, leaning down for a quick kiss. “Good night, Thor. Thank you so much for the lovely celebration.”

Thor smiled and nodded to her. “Sleep well, Natasha.”

She left them and Steve sat back, all with his gaze still on the other man. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No. It won’t help to talk about it. Nothing can be changed.”

 

*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

 

Natasha made her way to Thor and Loki’s chambers and knocked three times before she announced herself and was admitted immediately. She had expected that Loki would be upset or saddened by something, but he was  _ angry _ . He slammed the door shut and marched back over to a plush couch where they could both sit and have some wine once Natasha had slipped her shoes off. “Loki, what’s the matter?” She asked. “What’s going on?”

“You do not want to know,” he said, sipping his wine. “You’ll hate the very idea of it as much as I do and I’ll not have my guests worrying about---”

She gave him a look and pressed her lips together. “I’m your  _ friend _ ,” she said. “Not simply some diplomatic guest. You’ve listened to all my problems since my marriage to Steve. It is time I return that favor, and I am pleased to do it.”

Loki sighed. It was like that one little thing drained all the anger from him and in its place was the sadness Natasha had been looking for. “You know how important it is to carry on a royal bloodline,” he began. “And you must know that it is impossible for me to do so.” For the first time since she’d known him, Loki averted his gaze almost shamefully. “I didn’t  _ think _ ,” he insisted. “I didn’t mean for this to happen, I didn’t know…”

Natasha moved closer and took his hand as a gesture of solidarity. Maybe Loki wasn’t a woman, maybe he would never have to suffer losing a child, but she had a feeling that they were far more alike in some things than he’d yet to admit. “They are insisting that Thor sire a child,” he said. “The woman would have no title, no power. But she will always be the mother of his child. And she will always be a presence in our lives.”

Oh, that was awful. Natasha squeezed his hand and welcomed Loki’s head on her shoulder. “Odin has decided,” he continued, though she could tell it was getting harder and harder for him to give her the details. “That the woman should be Sif, as she is… of good stock, for lack of a better way to put it. She was the woman Thor was slated to marry before I came along. I suspect he hopes that Thor will change his mind in the process.”

Natasha didn’t know what to say. If she were unable to have a child, she would either be cast out of America so Steve could marry again, or this would be the solution. He would have a child with another woman and she would be expected to raise it as her own. The very thought was so demeaning and insensitive that she wanted to throw something in Thor’s face for clearly considering this without regard for Loki’s feelings. “Is there no other way?” She asked.

Loki shook his head. “It would not be so difficult were Sif not the one,” he admitted. “She has admired Thor since they were children. I cannot  _ give _ him what she can. I can’t be a queen and a mother…” 

Of course he couldn’t. It was an impossible standard placed upon someone who could never live up to it, at least not in the natural sense. Loki couldn’t give birth to a child, period. He had the wrong equipment to do so. “Loki, I know how hard this must be, but do you really think Thor would stray now? He loves you so much, it’s clear every time he looks at you.”

“Love can be lost to convenience and what might be better for his kingdom,” he said bitterly. “And when it comes down to it, when all the jewels and the fine clothing is stripped away, I am only what I have always been; a whore.” 

Natasha refused to hear that. “You are not  _ only _ anything,” she reasoned. “You’re a good friend, and a wonderful lover to Thor. You’re a beautiful dancer and a confidant and you’ve got the loveliest handwriting I’ve ever seen.”

He laughed a little at that, but there were tears in his eyes and they stayed like that for a long time. Eventually Loki laid his head on Natasha's thigh and she stroked his hair gently, very much like she would an upset child.

Natasha supposed that no marriage, no relationship was perfect, but she hated that two people so in love with one another still had to face the difficulties that came with producing an heir. Surely there had to be some way they could move past that. At some point, Loki fell asleep right there on the sofa and Natasha remained where she was, lightly stroking his hair. He deserved some rest after the night he’d had. Poor thing.

When Thor came in to find her there, he could hide neither the surprise nor the dismay that Loki had seemingly needed comfort. “Natasha,” he greeted. “I hope we haven’t kept you...”

Natasha carefully slipped out from under Loki and stood up, wordlessly slipping back into her shoes. She marched right up to Thor and stared way, way up at him with her brows creased. “If you hurt him, I’ll be endlessly disappointed in you,” she said bluntly. “Do you understand me?”

Thor blinked and leaned right down to Natasha. “I have no plans to hurt him, I just—“

“You  _ just _ need to have a child,” she interrupted. “There are many things men  _ just _ need.”

Hurt and annoyed, she stormed past Thor and left the room. She found Steve already undressing and she wondered for a moment if he would do it, if he would really forsake her to sleep with another… just to have a child? What would hurt worse? Infidelity for no cause at all, or infidelity that produced a child she would have to pretend was hers? Would it be more painful to know that someone else had been able to give Steve what she could not?

“I’m exhausted,” Steve said by way of a greeting. “I think this might be the first time I ever sleep until noon.” He paused and finally sat down on the edge of their bed with a groan, but when Natasha hadn’t answered he knew that something was obviously wrong. “What’s happened? Are you alright?”

Natasha trusted him to some extent, but Steve was still a man. She had previously thought that unless she held his heart, there was no way to know what he would do or how often he would stray… She had never imagined having to watch him stray right in front of her, with her knowledge, even if he did love her the way Thor loved Loki.

Quickly undressing, she crawled into bed in a thin nightgown and curled up right in Steve’s arms. “I’m alright,” she told him, tucking her head under his chin and wrapping her arms around his narrow waist.

He didn’t say anything, but she knew in the way his arms tightened around her that he understood there was something she wasn’t going to say. Some things weren’t meant to be said aloud.

When they woke the next morning, it was already close to noon and Steve’s stomach was growling loudly enough for Natasha to hear clear across the room. They made their way into the hall for lunch and ate side by side as most of the people they knew were nowhere to be found. Natasha hoped that Loki was doing better, although she suspected that he was not the type to talk it out with Thor rather than pout and hope that the message came across.

For the day she hoped to spend on their walk, Natasha had chosen a dress that mixed purple, pink, and blue hues and tied with only a thin string around her neck. It was daring, but it fit in with the gowns she’d seen some of the women at the feast wear and she thought she looked good. Given how Steve had kissed her good morning on their way out, she was feeling even more confident.

 

 

As they’d said the day before, Steve and Natasha set out together to explore the fields at Loki’s suggestion. They neglected taking horses just in case Natasha was in a delicate condition, but the sun was bright and warm, and Steve even held her shoes while they walked. “Have you told Thor that it’s my birthday tomorrow?” She wondered aloud.

Steve smiled. “Oh, I can’t remember if I’ve said anything,” he teased. “Hm... We talk about so much, that might have slipped my mind.”

Natasha rolled her eyes and nudged his side, though she was clearly very curious as to what was planned to celebrate. She didn’t expect or need very much, but… she hoped there was something. This would be her first birthday celebrated away from home, her first birthday celebrated with Steve. They kept walking until they’d managed to get over the hill and wandered towards the trees. She led him right where Loki had said and eventually found the secluded lake Loki had told her about.

“Wow, this is beautiful,” Steve said as they approached the bank of the lake. “And it’s so quiet…”

Ah, and that was exactly why Natasha felt confident taking this to the next level. She turned to face Steve and leaned up for a little kiss that turned into a deeper kiss-- which was when she slowly pulled away, leaving him almost following her. Stepping back, she gave him a smirk as she reached behind her neck and untied the thin cord, letting the shimmery material fall to a pile around her bare feet. She wore nothing underneath and the warm sunlight just barely filtering through the trees made her feel even more confident than usual.

“What are you doing…?” Steve seemed less annoyed and far more interested than she thought he would be right off the bat. Then it all seemed to click and he laughed in disbelief. “Wait, you’re not--”

“Oh, but I am,” she answered. “I am.” Natasha smiled and turned her back, stepping barefoot into the water and shivering a little as she waded in up to her shoulders. “What are you waiting for? The water’s nice and cool.” And yet with the sun coming through the trees, it was just warm enough to be comfortable. “And there’s no one around…”

Steve looked hesitant and she watched as he chewed on his bottom lip for a few moments before nodding along. “Alright. Alright, I’m coming in.” 

Natasha inwardly cheered as she watched Steve disrobe, dropping his shirt and his boots in a pile before removing his trousers as well. If someone  _ had _ been watching, Steve would have been an impressive sight; tall and broad and muscled in all the right places. 

He stepped into the water and moved right to Natasha, where the water came up to just under the smooth curve of his chest. “You know, I never would have imagined doing this,” Steve told her. “It wouldn’t have even crossed my mind, especially not with a woman in my company.”

“Then let’s be thankful you have me to think of such things for you,” she countered, making a mental note to thank Loki when she had the chance to do so. Leaning back, she swam away from him a little bit and smiled as he came right after her. “Chasing me, are you?”

“You can hardly blame me,” he laughed. “You’re far too tempting for me to not chase you.”

Natasha evaded him for a short while, but eventually allowed Steve to catch her and pull her right into his arms. There in the lake bathed in sunlight, he kissed her and brushed her hair back, slid his hands under the water to hold her behind the way he liked so much, and she absolutely felt him become aroused, little by little, underneath the water.

As he leaned down to kiss her shoulder, Natasha huffed out a breath that was supposed to be displeased, but wound up sounding kind of… amused, almost needy. Were they really going to do this here? In a lake? Interested in the direction this had taken, Natasha wrapped her legs around Steve’s waist and held onto him while he continued kissing over her shoulder and up the side of her neck. To her utter amusement, he eventually started wandering out of the lake and easily lifted her as he made his way back to shore. There, he fell back on his own discarded clothing and left her on top so she wouldn’t get dirty. It was a sweet gesture even now, despite what they were doing.

Out there in the forest where no one could see them and no one could disturb them, she felt very much like she could let go of a little bit of pretense and just do what she wanted to do. Once she had him inside her, Natasha wasn’t at all shy about planting her hands against his chest and rocking her hips to get the most out of the experience as she possibly could. She liked to imagine that Steve found her bold and exciting because of it, instead of improper and slightly problematic as far as their reputations went. It did seem as though he’d worked past his discomfort because his hands moved from her knees to her hips to her waist, all the way up to her breasts and back down again. He settled them just over the curve of her hips as they moved together and Natasha welcomed the way he bent his legs up to give her a little more support.

When it was all over and Natasha had sprawled out on top of Steve for a while, they decided together that they really had to head back to the palace. They dressed and walked back hand in hand, both feeling content and alive in that moment. Thank Loki for secluded lakes.

That afternoon, Natasha had arranged to have tea with Loki and Frigga together, but the former didn’t show. Leaving Natasha in the queen’s capable hands, he’d apparently decided that the night before was just too embarrassing and he needed time to recover. “Loki is quite dramatic when he wants to be,” Frigga told her. “But I care for him a great deal. I have never seen my son so happy.”

Natasha nodded as she sipped her tea, but Frigga gave her a knowing look. “There is something you wish to say or ask me,” she pointed out. “Do not be afraid to do so. It is only you and I here, Natasha. The men cannot hear us.”

She smiled guiltily. “Forgive me, your highness, but I cannot-- I cannot stop thinking about Loki’s situation. How can he possibly look at Thor the same after it is done?” She shook her head sadly. “And I’m afraid I’ve started to wonder if Steve would do the same thing were I unable…”

She trailed off and took another sip of her tea. “What Thor must do is as much a burden to him as it is to Loki, and to Sif,” she explained. “My husband may have ulterior motives, but Loki must understand what is at stake here.”

Natasha supposed that made sense. “He is worried that Thor will leave him and marry Sif instead,” she confessed. “I cannot imagine it, but I understand his fears all the same.”

Frigga smiled wisely and sat back. “Believe me, Thor will not marry Sif,” she said confidently. 

Frowning a little, Natasha tipped her head to the side. “How do you know?”

“My child, there are some things that we do for obligation and some things we do for love,” she explained. “I’m sure you’ve heard that Sif was to marry Thor. That engagement was made out of love, but not the kind you are thinking.” 

She didn’t understand. “Why would they become engaged if they did not want to marry?”

Frigga took a cookie and snapped off a piece that she popped into her mouth. “Because Thor needed to marry,” she reasoned. “And although they have never said a word to me about it, Sif needed to marry someone who would not treat her like a wife. It was… an escape, I think. For both of them.”

Natasha blinked twice. “An escape,” she echoed, thinking it over. “Because she does not want to be married. She doesn’t want a man controlling her life.”

“Yes, that is part of it. Although we are not quite as limited as you are, the last thing she wants is a  _ man _ controlling her life.” 

Natasha understood immediately and actually laughed a little bit. “Does Loki know this? We must tell him! He’ll feel so much better knowing that she never had any real interest--”

“We must not tell him.”

Deflating a little, Natasha stopped there. “Why ever not?”

“Because Loki must learn to trust,” she said quietly. “Or they will never last.”

Oh. Natasha nodded, obviously overruled by the queen’s wisdom in all this even though she felt terribly guilty that she couldn’t tell her friend. “All will be revealed soon enough,” Frigga told her. “But we’ve come here to talk about you, my child. Not Loki. Tell me of your troubles.”

Natasha related to Frigga how her last pregnancy had gone and stumbled her way through the awkward questions the queen asked regarding their bedroom habits; how often, when, whether or not she enjoyed herself, etc. By the time their little interview was over, Natasha’s cheeks were stained pink and she’d gone through two cups of tea and about five little cookies and cakes.

“A miscarriage is not indicative of your ability to get pregnant, my dear,” she explained. “I prefer to think of it as your body, or perhaps the gods, telling you that you aren’t ready just yet. What I’m going to do for you is give you a special tea I’ve blended together myself that should aid in conception.” Frigga got up and procured two bags from a chest off to the side. “And I’m going to give you this as well.” She showed Natasha a small vial of what looked like a very thick oil and smiled. “This should be utilized while you’re making love.”

Natasha’s cheeks darkened again, but she took the teas and the vial as well. “I do not have words to thank you enough,” she said sincerely. “Truly, I cannot tell you-- what this means to me.”

Frigga smiled and immediately opened her arms for a hug as Natasha stood up. She smelled like a mother ought to, Natasha thought; like flowers and sweet cakes and just a touch of wine. “My dear, it is my pleasure,” she said warmly. “Do not ever hesitate to write to me if you need anything else.” 

They ended their tea on a high note and Natasha went back to tuck the tea and the oil into the chest that contained her things for the trip home. The rest of the evening went without incident, though Natasha decided when Loki was not at dinner that he was due to a visit from her.

She stood up mid-meal and asked one of the servants to bring a dinner for two to Loki’s rooms before kissing Steve on the cheek and marching off without a word to Thor. She was still finding it difficult to look past the fact that  _ he _ hadn’t been up-front and honest with Loki even if there was a good reason Frigga was letting them work it out on their own. When she arrived, Loki immediately made some excuse as to why he couldn’t let her in, but Natasha pushed through anyway.

“Do not think that I’ll be losing you as a friend all because you’re embarrassed by what happened last night,” she told him as firmly as she could. “I already miss you and I won’t have a moment more of this, so we’re going to have dinner and you’re going to tell me more about your dancing.”

Loki frowned as the servants trailed in behind her and set out a lovely supper for the two of them complete with wine and desserts. “Come on,” she urged, sitting herself down at the table with her shoes abandoned nearby. “I fully expect you to eat  _ and _ talk.” 

There was some hesitation, but Loki ultimately took his seat and poured wine for both of them as the servants left. “I’m sorry I left you with Frigga,” he said. “I didn’t want to face either of you.”

Natasha shook her head. “You don’t need to apologize. It was fine. She gave me teas and oils to help me… She’s a lovely person. I envy you your mother figure.”

Loki smiled a little. “She is wonderful,” he agreed, slowly filling his plate and settling in for their chat. “For the record, I’d very much like to see you dance. I’m sure you’re very good at it.”

“Well, I don’t know about all that,” she laughed. “Let’s see if I can do a little something for you.”

The dress she was wearing wasn’t entirely made for this sort of thing (as it was a gown and absolutely not the pretty ballet dresses she’d learned to dance in) but there was plenty of room for movement and so, Natasha would try. She stood up and raised her arms over her head while she lifted one leg, curling her foot in to the opposite knee before raising it way, way up in the air.

 

 

Twirling balanced on the balls of her feet, she wondered what Steve would think of such a display. It wasn’t as though she was entirely covered; in fact, her legs could be seen quite a few times as she moved and hiked up her skirt to aid in that. She’d find out soon enough, she supposed. Eventually they would be exchanging those hidden passions they’d talked about and he would see her dance. 

When she finished, she sighed and bowed as Loki applauded her efforts. “I really do miss dancing,” she said honestly. “It’s a shame it’s not quite accepted for me to perform like that at home.” 

“It’s their loss,” Loki told her. “You dance beautifully.” 

They sat down again and chatted for a while, but not about the situation with Thor. Natasha assumed that Loki didn’t want to and for her part, she didn’t know if she could talk about it without revealing the truth to end his suffering. Instead, they talked about dancing, about food and drink and all the things Loki had planned for her birthday that he refused to actually reveal.

That night, Natasha slept in Steve’s arms again… but she spent quite a lot of time before that thinking about the teas and oils in her trunk. She would have to speak to Bruce first before she started to use them. She did trust Frigga, but she wanted to make sure that he was kept abreast of her situation and her attempts to conceive. 

The next morning, Natasha woke up to Steve’s nose nuzzling into her neck. She smiled and stretched a little while he wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her in close. “Happy birthday,” he murmured against her skin. “You’re a beautiful nineteen.”

“Aw, thank you,” she laughed, shifting onto her back to give Steve a kiss good morning. “It’s strange, but I don’t actually feel any different. I thought I might, but… I suppose I was wrong.”

“Well, it’s early.” Steve kissed her cheek and pushed himself up. “Maybe after breakfast…”

Natasha sat up as well with every intention of getting dressed, but Steve stopped her from leaving. “Put on a robe,” he told her, grabbing his own to pull it on and tie it around his waist. Natasha took hers and did the same, but she immediately went to ask him what all this was about-- and got cut off at some point.

“Come here,” he mused, taking her hands. “Close your eyes.” 

Natasha gave him a look, but did as he asked and allowed him to lead her from the bedroom to the main room of their chambers. “Alright, step forward just once more. There you go.” He lifted her hands and gave each them a little kiss before letting go and stepping aside. “Open.” 

When she opened her eyes, Natasha found herself staring a beautifully set table for the two of them. It was set with two places and little candles, stacks of the hot cakes she’d loved the morning before, a plate of grilled sausages and bacon, a dish of fresh fruit set next to a dish with cream, and a carafe of the sweet milk she’d come to appreciate. Behind the table was a clear blue sky over the balcony and bright sunshine just bathing the whole kingdom and then some. It was beautiful, just lovely. 

“You did this for me?” She turned to Steve and looked up to him, searching his eyes for the answer-- but she almost didn’t have to because his smile was so wide and so telling that she knew right away that he had. Standing up on her toes, she pulled him into a soft, sweet kiss and pulled back just a few seconds later. “Thank you.”

They ate together and talked about the promised feast later on. Natasha told him all about how Loki had insinuated that he had all these things planned and Steve laughed as he said that Thor would say absolutely nothing about it for fear of revealing something he wasn’t supposed to. Whatever the plans were, Natasha intended to look especially nice for the day and even nicer for that evening. She had two dresses already picked out; a light blue gown made in the same style as another she’d worn during their visit, and a gold gown for the feast. She supposed it was a little traditional, but she hadn’t brought anything nearly as appropriate.

 

 

She donned the blue gown first and came out only to be informed that they would be going on a short trip and she should bring a wrap of some kind. Alright. Natasha retrieved a thin wrap and followed Steve with some curiosity, although the smile on his face was far more distracting than anything else. It would seem that, given the opportunity, Steve was something of a romantic. 

“Here we are,” he announced when they arrived in front of a carriage. He offered his hand to help her in and Natasha sat herself down on the far side so he could join her. Once he’d had words with the driver, he sat beside her and Natasha took his hand.

“Do I get no hints at all about where we’re going?” She asked. “None at all?”

Steve smiled and shook his head. “None at all, but I  _ promise _ you that you will enjoy it when we get there. And, if the driver keeps to his word, you will enjoy the journey as well.” He reached over her and moved the curtains aside so they might see out the window as they moved through the city. Soon enough, the city turned into lush fields of grass and wildflowers alike and Natasha just watched as they moved through them. Steve was right; she was enjoying it. 

Not half an hour outside the city, they came to a stop and Steve turned to Natasha, taking her hand. “I don’t want you to get too excited,” he told her. “It still needs some work.”

The door opened and Steve got out, leaving Natasha to step out with his support again. When she’d landed safely on the ground, she looked up and just… froze right there. In front of her stood a house surrounded by lush trees and sweet little rose bushes. It wasn’t enormous; just two floors that could probably house the two of them, maybe a couple of guests, and their servants. It might have been something of a fixer-upper with it’s overgrown vines and tattered door, but it was just  _ lovely _ too look at, all nestled into a country road. 

 

 

“Is this…?”

“It’s for you,” Steve confirmed. “Or for us. I see how much you like it here and how close you’ve become to Loki… I thought it would be nice for us to have somewhere to stay should we want an extended stay at some point or another.”

Steve had bought her a country house. The very idea of it was hard to understand, but Natasha appreciated the gesture more than she could possibly say. She turned and threw her arms around Steve’s neck to give him a tight hug. “Thank you,” she said warmly. “It’s beautiful.”

“You really like it? We can change some things…” He waited for her to release him and led her inside by the hand. The decor was a little dated, but they were blessed with natural light and lovely, hardwood floors along with this sense of  _ warmth _ that she loved. “I know it needs some work; decorating, painting, that kind of thing.”

Natasha quietly wandered around the main room for a while, then led them through to the sitting room, into the kitchen… She eventually wandered upstairs as well to check out the big master bedroom and--- and the much smaller room on the side. Oh. Oh, it would be perfect for a nursery.

In that doorway, she kind of stopped and stared at the fading blue paint on the walls. Would she ever be able to give Steve a baby for a room like this? She didn’t even feel him come up behind her, but she turned and immediately hid her face in his chest. “I know the walls aren’t  _ that _ dismal,” he teased lightly, but Natasha didn’t move for a moment.

What if he had to go to someone else? What if she couldn’t do the one thing she was expected to do other than smile and look pretty all the time? “Natasha,” he tried, concern leaking into his voice. “What’s wrong?”

Finally lifted her head up, she gave him a guilty look and sniffled a little. “I want a baby.”

Steve’s face just  _ dropped _ , but it wasn’t because he didn’t want the same thing- she knew that. It was because he felt bad for her and for what she’d been through. Natasha knew him well enough to know that, at the very least. “We’ll have a baby,” he told her. “When it’s our time.”

“But what if our time doesn’t come?” There it was; the fear that kept Natasha up at night and the fear that was in the back of her head all the time. “What if-- I can’t?”

“Natasha, there’s no reason to think that you can’t,” he tried, shaking his head. “You’re so young and we’ve got time. We have plenty of time.”

Natasha was quiet for a few moments before averting her eyes and pressing her lips together. “Odin wants Thor to have a child with Sif to carry on his line,” she said quietly. “That’s why Loki was so upset.” Her gaze snapped back up to his and she studied him carefully for a reaction. “Would you do that to me? Would you sleep with someone else to have a child if I cannot?”

Steve searched her gaze for a moment and shook his head. “No,” he said sincerely. “No, I know that they would want me to, but I could not--” He shook his head again, brow furrowed in determination. “You are my wife. I will have no children but those I have with you. If we cannot have a child, which I do not think is the case, then… perhaps my line is meant to end with me.”

Natasha had never felt more grateful for her husband than she did in that moment. It meant more than the world to her that he would take their vows so seriously, not to mention reassure her of his fidelity when he knew she was vulnerable. She leaned up immediately and sealed their lips together, one hand on the hard line of his jaw to keep him as close as possible. “Thank you,” she told him when they parted.

“Do not thank me,” he answered gently. “I would only do what I deem is right.”

“Modesty suits you,” she countered, laying a hand over his heart. “But you are a good man for saying what you did. And a good husband as well.” Natasha leaned up for another kiss, took his hand, and they wandered through the rest of the house together. She could still hardly believe that it was all theirs.

When they were through, they climbed back into the carriage and decided to take a longer way back to the palace just so they had time and the opportunity to appreciate the scenery nearby. Sequestered away in private, they shared soft kisses nearly the whole way back, although the curtains were closed when they entered the city in order to maintain some decorum.

That evening, Loki had said that there was to be another feast; but this one would be just for Natasha. There would be ‘surprises galore’ and ‘festivities beyond your imagination’, though neither Steve nor Natasha knew exactly what that meant or what they ought to expect. Surprises, it would seem, were the theme of the day—a fact solidified when they returned to their rooms for a rest and Natasha found a large box there on the bed with her name on it and a note to open it in private as it was to be a surprise for Steve as well.

He chuckled and allowed her time while he bathed, leaving her to open the box and reveal a dress so beautiful that she was nearly shocked into some kind of fainting spell. It was gorgeous; all made of this luscious green material with a lace overlay and soft bits of fabric draping off either side of the hips… It was strapless as well, with a slit that came all the way up to mid-thigh on one side. The shoes that Loki had included were very nearly as daring; silver and green and pretty enough to be on display. If Natasha added one of the elaborate necklaces she owed, she was sure it would take Steve’s breath away.   


 

 

Packing it back up for now, she wandered over to the vanity where her jewelry was kept and chose a necklace that would complement the dress, as well as a pin for her hair made with the same vibrant green. She would twist her hair up, she thought, and have her maidens enhance the natural curls as much as they could. “So?” Steve asked eventually. “Did you like the gift?”

“Oh, it’s beautiful,” she gushed, turning around to face him- and take in the sight of him with water dripping slowly down his chest. He’d made an effort and put a towel around his hips, but Natasha couldn’t quite understand  _ why _ . “You’re going to either have a heart attack or be struck entirely speechless, but either way I think you’ll grow to love it too.”

Steve gave her a dubious look and raked his fingers through his hair. “I feel like that means it’s going to be pushing the limits of propriety,” he laughed softly. “But as it’s from Loki, perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised.” 

“Speaking of which,” Natasha piped up. “You promised me you would show me your secret pleasure and we never got around to it. How long must I wait?”

“Ah, I guess I can’t delay any longer,” he laughed bashfully. “Let me put my trousers on and I’ll show you.” 

“Well, if you  _ have _ to put your trousers on first…” She gave him a mischievous grin and laughed as he sputtered for a moment before moving away to do as he said.

Soon enough, Steve returned with a handmade leather book and handed it over to her. “Before you look through this, know that it is one of several volumes. And...you needn't be kind if you don't like them. I can take criticism as much as the next person.”

Natasha gave him a look. “Are you a writer?” She guessed, taking the book and admiring how the leather felt under her fingertips. She idly traced around the edges, appreciating both how worn they were and the masterful construction that had allowed them to last so very long.

“No, not an author,” he said, smiling bashfully. “Just open it. The suspense is killing me.”

Turning her eyes back down, Natasha opened the cover of the book to find an inscription neatly scrawled in the center of the page:

 

_ To my darling boy, _

_ Never let anyone tell you who you must be. Never let anyone make you feel like you are less than worthy of everything you could possibly want. I am so proud of you, my love.  _

_ What do we say when we fall down, Steve? _

_ You  _ _ always _ _ get up. _

_ Your Mama _

Oh.

Natasha carefully brushed her fingertips over the words and looked up again, but Steve just kind of shook his head and gestured for her to move on. Respecting the fact that he clearly didn't want to talk about it, she turned the page and  _ gasped _ . Right there in black and white, in the midst of lines drawn by Steve's own hand, was a lovely woman with wrinkles around her eyes and a warm smile.

“Is this her?” She asked quickly, looking up to get a little nod in response. “Steve, this is beautiful.  _ She’s _ beautiful…”

Again, she very, very carefully traced just her fingertip over the edges of the drawing like she could recreate the skilled movements that had gone into it. Her husband had talent, that was for certain. She wondered what it was like for Steve as a sickly boy to also have such an affinity for something generally considered a feminine pastime- or at least a pastime not entirely appropriate for a prince. There must have been a reason for his mother’s words; Natasha had a feeling that Steve was not always so well liked and that it had gotten to him more often than not.

Turning the page, Natasha’s smile only grew because the next drawing was of the king himself, several years younger and looking as regal as ever. After that was a landscape, likely the view from Steve’s room and that was followed by a picture of a young Bucky smirking happily. As the pictures went on, they got more defined. Steve’s style clearly grew and progressed until she-- she came upon the last drawing, which was absolutely of her.

The sketch showed her all wrapped up in their bed, asleep with her hair spread over the pillow and the sheets tucked around her chest, though he’d also made sure to include her bare legs peeking out from under the covers. She looked peaceful and happy, her lips just barely curled into a little smile while she slept on.

For some reason, the sight of it really gave her hope. She knew that they were growing as a couple, but this was on another level so sweet and so objectively good that she wanted to hold onto it a little bit longer. “Steve, this is amazing,” she said sincerely, carefully closing the book to hand it back to him. “You’re very talented, you know that?”

Steve ducked his head bashfully and smiled as he waved off the compliment. “I don’t know about all that,” he answered. “But thank you for being kind. I’ve been drawing since I was a kid. This book… My mom gave this to me just before she died. I only draw the most important things in it, but I have others at home as well.”

Natasha smiled, and then she smiled a little wider and averted her gaze to her lap. “What’s that smile?” Steve laughed. “You look like you want to say something.”

With a little more prodding, Natasha lifted her gaze to Steve and blushed a little bit, but she couldn’t hide how  _ pleased _ she was. “I’m one of the most important things,” she said at last.

Steve smiled in return and moved to sit down on the bed beside her. “Of course you are,” he answered. “Of course.”

Natasha leaned over and gave him a little kiss right on his cheek. “You’re very sweet, my prince. I’ll show you my secret when we return home, I think. You already know what it is, but I refuse to perform without the right costume and I don’t have one here.” 

Before Steve could really respond, Natasha got up and headed into the other room to dress for their grand birthday celebration that evening, calling along two of her maids to help with the dress and her hair. They took care of her hair first, twisting it up and securing it there with a few tendrils curling down near her chin on one side. It made her look older, she decided. Maybe just a little more mature as well.

 

 

And then there was the dress. She had to give it to Loki for his approximation of her size because it fit like a glove and then some; just tight enough around her bust and waist to be flattering, and then it brushed over her hips and fell to the floor. She stood in front of a full mirror for a long time and studied her reflection; everything from the pink they’d put on her lips to the smooth expanse of her leg beneath the slit. Steve was going to love this, or hate it. There was no in between.

When it was time for the big reveal, Natasha held her head high and walked out to meet Steve. He looked impossibly handsome, all done up in a jacket she was certain Thor had something to do with and black trousers to match. And when he turned around to see her at last, his eyes told the story that she didn’t think his mouth was actually capable of. They traveled down from her face to the way her necklace just draped gently over her cleavage to the curve of her waist… and then finally down the length of her bare leg on display before snapping back up.

“What do you think?” She asked, settling one hand on her hip. “Do you like it?”

Steve kind of let out this little huff of indignant breath before speaking. “What do I think? I  _ think _ that Loki’s trying his best to make sure I embarrass myself at least once before leaving because I already want to touch you…”

“Even in this dress?”

“Especially in that dress, even if the first thing I want to do is take it off you.”

Indulging him for the moment with a little kiss, Natasha quickly took Steve’s arm so he could lead her into the dining hall for her celebration. She had been expecting a feast, but upon entering she realized that it was so much more than that. Yes, there was the requisite table with food, but Loki had transformed the hall itself into something far off what it had been the night before. Instead of the well lit room she was used to, he’d dimmed the lighting and pushed the food off to one side, leaving plenty of space between the smaller tables for the  _ performers _ dancing up and down the aisles.

He had dancers, acrobats, jugglers, and men who seemed to breathe fire. The spectacle was not even slightly hindered by the fact that they were surrounded by people Natasha didn’t particularly know, nor was it hindered by the fact that both Loki and the beautiful Lady Sif were in attendance. Thor and Loki were  _ noticeably _ apart, though. Natasha saw that right away.

“Natasha!” Loki swept right over to her and took her hands so he could look her over. “You look wonderful, love. Like a dream. Come, you  _ must _ see the cake I’ve picked out for you.” He took her arm and waved Steve off towards the main table. “Thor is that way.”

Natasha gave Steve a look and allowed Loki to pull her away to where there was a massive cake decorated with intricate, golden designs and soft, red highlights. “Oh my goodness,” she laughed. “That’s all for me? Loki, you’ve outdone yourself.”

Loki happily linked their arms together as they wandered about the hall to check out the various performers. “We’re just getting started, love,” he promised her. “We’ve still got a surprise for you at the end of the evening.”

“Another surprise?” Natasha stopped them near a troupe of acrobats to watch them leap and soar about. “Surely I cannot be worth all this trouble.”

“Of course you are, love.” Loki left no room for argument; he merely patted her hand and moved them along to check out one of the fire breathers instead. “You’re my closest friend.”

Natasha remembered what Thor told her about Loki being rejected at court and realized that when he said she was his closest friend, it was entirely possible that she was his only friend. The thought made her want to stand up in front of everyone and remind them that Loki was a person too no matter what he did before he got together with Thor. “That means a lot to me,” she said instead. “And I hope you know I feel the same.”

Eventually, they returned to the main table and took their seats for the feast. Natasha ate and drank and thoroughly enjoyed the theater show that Loki had arranged to take place right there in the main hall. When that was over, the dancing began and Natasha took turns with Steve, Thor, and Loki as well. She even let Fandral have a dance, and she laughed as Volstagg twirled her around as well. The whole evening was so wonderful that she’d nearly forgotten about the surprise Loki had mentioned.

While they were all enjoying generous pieces of the lovely cake, Loki hinted that they’d be going outside afterwards for the surprise. “Outside?” She ventured. “What could you possibly have to show me outside?”

“Only time will tell,” Loki answered mysteriously. He smiled until he met Thor’s eyes, at which point he frowned a little and looked away again. Natasha decided that it was time to put this to rest. Loki did trust Thor, but he was faced with an inevitable obstacle that no one was bothering to explain to him and she just couldn’t handle him being unhappy.

She came up with a plan and decided to enact said plan during the next round of dancing. Sure enough, she spotted Sif just across the room and got up once the music began playing to approach her. “Lady Sif,” she greeted warmly.

The other woman turned to her and gave her the kind of once over that Steve was now famous for in Natasha’s mind. “Natasha, it’s a pleasure,” she said. “You look beautiful tonight.”

“Oh, thank you,” she gushed in return. “Might I say that you look rather beautiful yourself.”

Sif smiled and brushed imaginary dirt off the skirt of her gown, lovely as it was. She was no longer wearing the silver dress she’d worn the first time they met, trading that in for a shimmering gold dress that showed off her leg and gracefully draped itself over her body in a way that could not be called anything less than flattering. She looked strong and beautiful all at once, something Natasha would hope to achieve at some point.   


 

 

“I hope you don’t think it too bold of me to ask, but would you like to dance? I noticed you seemed rather hesitant and I thought we might be able to have some fun.” This was certainly new to Natasha. She was slightly nervous that Steve would object to it and wind up making a scene, but she had to try.

Sif actually looked surprised, but she nodded eventually and offered her hand. Together, they made their way onto the dance floor and started an easy, casual dance with their hands clasped together—it reminded Natasha of how she might dance with Pepper or Maria, though Sif seemed far more concentrated on the experience than she was. They twirled together for a long while until the song ended and Natasha led Sif over to the main table with their arms linked together.

“Isn’t she a wonderful dancer?” Natasha enthused. “So graceful.”

Sif held her head high and smiled. “A dancer is only as good as her partner,” she said warmly. “And Natasha, you are… quite the partner.”

Natasha held her gaze for a long moment as the three men at the table stared in shock. Steve was silent, Thor was silently laughing to himself, and Loki was just—outraged. “Is this—What—What is the meaning of this?” He asked eventually. “What’s going on that I don’t know about?”

Sif turned back to give Loki a sour look, not because she was trying to steal Thor away from Loki, but because she genuinely disliked him. “You pretend to be so very wise,” she snapped. “But you cannot even see what is right in front of you.”

Loki frowned and looked from Sif to Thor, then back to Sif. “You—“

She glared and tightened her jaw. “Yes.”

For several long moments, they just stared at each other. It was a pity they didn’t get along; they looked so much alike and they could probably drive Thor completely crazy if they conspired against him somehow. “I see,” Loki said quietly. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem as though he was through being angry with Thor. “Come,” he said instead, holding his hand out to Natasha. “It’s time for your surprise.”

Natasha took Loki’s hand so he could lead her away and glanced back to make sure that the others were following. They walked into the gardens, past a bunch of trees and many, many flowers until they found themselves in a field. Servants placed a few chairs right there for the women; Natasha, Sif, and Frigga were invited to sit while the men stood around them. Loki directed Natasha’s gaze to the sky and she watched with interest that exploded into wonder as colors erupted in the sky.   


 

 

They were beautiful! Natasha gasped as the show continued, huge bursts of color painting the clear sky as Steve crouched down to take her hand. “Happy birthday, Natasha,” he said warmly, leaning down to kiss the back of her hand. 

Natasha turned to give him a wide smile and reached over with her free hand to tilt his chin up. She leaned down to kiss him right on the lips, lingering there a moment before another bang had her looking up to see more of the wonderful fireworks above them. At some point during the display, Natasha turned to find Thor leaning down to speak quietly into Loki’s ear, his hand settled on the latter’s lower back. They still had something hard to get through, but with the assurance that Sif would never be romantically interested in Thor, Loki was bound to relax at least a little bit.

When it was over, Natasha stood up and immediately wrapped her arms around Loki’s neck for a tight hug. “Thank you for the wonderful celebration,” she told him. “I can’t imagine a better birthday.”

Loki returned the embrace and smiled into her neck while she spoke. “It was my pleasure,” he said warmly. “My pleasure entirely.”

He went to pull away, but Natasha tightened her hold a little bit to keep him there. “Try to forgive him,” she whispered. “He loves you very much, Loki. I would hate to see you lose something that makes you so very happy, all for some bureaucratic necessity.”

They pulled away from one another and Loki met her gaze, his brows furrowing a little bit as he nodded. “You are wise beyond your years,” he told her. “I will do what I can. Have a very good night, love.”

Natasha leaned forward to peck him on the cheek. “I will,” she said warmly. “And so will you.”

With that, she turned to take Steve’s hand and allowed him to lead her back inside, draping his jacket over her shoulders when she shivered a little bit. “Have I said enough how unbelievably beautiful you look tonight?” Steve whispered to her as they made their way down the hall towards their suite.

“I don’t think you can ever say that  _ enough _ ,” Natasha laughed softly. “What do you plan to do about it?”

Steve grinned in a way that was just boyish enough to make Natasha a little suspicious. What on Earth was he up to? Hand in hand, they made their way back to their rooms and Steve immediately pressed her back up against the wall when the door closed. Settling his hand on her waist, he leaned down to press their lips together and slowly draw her into a deeper kiss little by ever so little. 

Natasha found herself leaning into him, both hands grabbing onto his shirt to pull him closer to her as his hands slid down. Eventually, he settled one on her hip and moved the other down to brush over her bare thigh while he leaned in to kiss her neck. “You look  _ beautiful _ ,” he murmured against her skin. 

Natasha shivered and held onto him a little tighter, especially as that same hand slipped under the fabric of her dress so he could give her a squeeze. She gasped as soon as his hand found its way between her legs, cupping her there and idly pressing against her while she tried in vain to resist grinding her hips down against it.  

Chuckling as she held onto his shoulders and tried to press her hips down against his hand, Steve eventually let up and took her hand to guide her to the bed, his jacket left in a heap on the floor. Standing beside it, he circled her as he removed his vest and the shirt he'd been wearing before finally seeing to the zipper on the back of her dress. The dress crumpled to the floor and Natasha turned immediately, throwing her arms around Steve's neck to drag him into another kiss.

Steve hoisted her up and laid her right back down on the bed, crawling over her to just enjoy their kisses for a while. Even as his hands wandered, it felt like he had a particular goal in mind here and Natasha wanted to ask, but she didn't want to ruin the surprise or anything. Instead, she just let her hands slide over his firm muscles, thoroughly enjoying the way they shifted under his skin. 

At some point, she arched her back as he left a trail of soft, wet kisses down the center of her chest. Natasha had long become used to Steve's usual pattern: kisses on her lips, neck, breasts, belly… and then he would usually either touch her for a little while or get straight to it. Either way, she had been expecting one of two things when she closed her eyes and sighed, totally relaxed and ready for whatever Steve had planned.

But with her eyes closed, she felt Steve slip a little lower and a soft kisses pressed to the inside of her thigh. Natasha's brow furrowed a little bit and she opened her eyes, pushing herself up on her elbows to watch him as he lavished the insides of her knees and thighs with kisses and soft, teasing suction. “Steve, what--”

“Shh…” He gave her a look and wiggled his eyebrows a little bit, which only served to make her more curious.

Natasha supposed, only supposed, that if some pleasure was derived from her mouth on him that there was a chance pleasure would be derived from his mouth on her as well, but… surely he wasn’t about to attempt that. Was he? Steve looked so determined just then, brow furrowing a little as he finally kissed the very tops of her inner thighs and brought his hand up to brush over her center.

She laid back and concentrated on her breathing; in and out, in and out, but that didn’t stop her from letting out a gasp of surprise as Steve gently spread her open and leaned forward to bury his tongue right between her legs. It was something Natasha had never felt before and certainly nothing like she’d imagined either. Steve’s tongue was touching her everywhere, pressing into her in place of his cock and curling up like his fingers did. That in itself was enough to make her toes curl, but it was later on when he sealed his lips around her sensitive little nub that Natasha’s back came off the mattress and one hand shot out to grab his hair.

“Yes, oh my God, Steve…”

Steve fumbled for a moment as he reached out for her hands, but Natasha allowed him to take them and lace their fingers together. As she tugged against his hold, she was forced to press harder against his mouth and it was all just--- just this endless circle of being too sensitive and yet eager for even more than he was giving her now.

Still wearing her heels, Natasha draped one leg over Steve’s shoulder and tried to pull him in closer, inadvertently leaving the imprints of her shoes on the back of his shoulder. She felt herself squirming against his mouth until he was just perfectly situated and her lips parted in soft, increasingly needy moans and her brow furrowed as he honed right in on that one perfect spot…

When her release hit her at last, Natasha felt her thighs shaking and groaned as she fell right over the edge of that particular cliff- but there was more. She felt oddly wet and for a moment, she very nearly panicked as he pulled off and licked his lips, but the smile he gave her was enough to assuage any doubts she had as she huffed and fell back to the mattress. Steve crawled up to lay beside her and gave her quite possibly the biggest smile she’d ever seen on his lips.

“You look awfully proud of yourself,” she teased lightly, reaching out to brush the wetness off his chin. She would not insult him by asking where he learned how to do that, but she would offer him praise in the hopes that he would do it again sometime. “That was wonderful.”

Despite where his mouth had been, Natasha leaned up to peck him on the lips as well and took his surprised smile afterwards as a pleased reaction as well. “But we aren’t done yet, are we?”

Steve’s smile turned into a bashful laugh as he glanced down towards his trousers, which were pulled quite tight in the front. “If you wouldn’t mind…”

Natasha grinned and reached down to undo the laces on his trousers. Steve lifted his hips so she could get them off and once he was bare, took her time in sliding her hand up his thigh and over the hard length laying against his belly. “It would be my pleasure,” she teased, stroking him a few times before moving to straddle him. Sinking down on him after the pleasure he’d just given her was even more thrilling than usual, especially since she was able to watch him throw his head back once she was fully seated on top of him. 

And once she started to move, she got to watch the little wrinkle form between Steve’s brows. She got to watch the way his soft lips parted as he pressed his hips up and reached out to touch her thighs. Natasha joined him in no time at all, belatedly letting her head fall back as she rocked her hips down against him and sought out her second release of the evening. But Steve had other ideas. He moved once to flip them over, hiked Natasha’s right leg up to her chest, and resumed the fervent pace she’d started for them. The only change he made after that was to let her leg down and settle into a rough pace that had Natasha’s fingers in his hair and her neck bared for him to kiss as he toppled over his own precipice.

She shuddered as he came down from it all and within no time, they fell into a heap on the bed with their legs still tangled. Natasha laughed softly as she turned to hide her face in his neck, happily accepting Steve’s arms around her and the gentle touch of his fingers as he brushed her hair away from her face. “Quite the night, my prince,” she commented.

Steve smiled and gave her a look. “It’s not over yet,” he answered. “I’ve one more gift for you.” Sitting up, he grabbed a pair of loose trousers from nearby and pulled them on. “Actually, it’s from me, Loki, and Thor-- but they said they would permit me to give it to you.”

Natasha pushed herself up into a sitting position and reached down to pluck Steve’s discarded shirt from the floor and pull it on. It was too big for her and partially transparent, but it would do for now. “From all three of you,” she said slowly. “Alright, you have my attention. What is it?”

Holding up one finger to tell her to wait, Steve disappeared into one of the adjoining rooms and came back holding-- a kitten. Natasha blinked at the little black ball of fur that stared back at her with big, green eyes, and then turned her gaze up to Steve. “You got me a kitten?”

 

 

 

Steve rushed to explain. “In Asgard, it’s custom to get a new bride a kitten to celebrate her marriage. I think it’s so they’ll have something to take care of and something to keep them company.” He sat down on the edge of the bed and let the kitten go so she could slowly wander up to Natasha and venture into her lap. “I thought maybe you’d like her. She’s quiet and graceful, just like you.”

And she was a baby. It went without saying, but Natasha understood the reasoning behind Steve being so excited about this. He was able to give her this little, innocent thing to take care of and hopefully it would make up just a little bit for the loss of their first pregnancy. Turning her gaze down, Natasha stroked the soft fur and smiled as the kitten began to purr as she curled up in her lap. “She’s beautiful,” she said softly. “I’ll have to think of the perfect name.”

Steve offered her a crooked smile and reached out to lightly brush his fingers over the kitten’s fur. “I’m sure you’ll think of it,” he said confidently. “Does that mean you like her?”

Natasha smiled and leaned forward a little bit to peck Steve on the lips. “I love her already,” she answered. “And I think I have a name.” She looked back down at the kitten and scratched idly behind her ears. “Teni.” Lifting her gaze again, she shrugged a little. “It’s in my native language. T-n-ee. It means… shadows.”

“Perfect,” he agreed, trying his best to pronounce her name the same way. “Teh-ni.”

Natasha laughed lightly as he smiled and moved to lay down beside her for the evening. “Close enough,” she told him, shaking her head. “Close enough.”

Together, they got comfortable and Teni slowly considered their positions before curling up on one of their pillows for the night. Natasha fell asleep that night feeling not just happy, but rather cherished. Steve had put so much thought into her gifts that day and Natasha was grateful that he had because it meant he cared. She slept peacefully with her whole body curled into Steve’s chest and his scent all around her thanks to the shirt she wore.


	12. Chapter 12

_ "Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food, and medicine for the soul." _

_ \-  Luther Burbank _

 

The rest of their trip to Asgard went smoothly. Natasha spent as much time with Loki as she possibly could, including a trip to the house Steve had purchased for her that was mostly made up of brainstorming ideas for new decorations and the like. Loki would be overseeing whatever work Natasha ordered while she was no longer there. 

When the time came to say goodbye, it felt as though Loki’s hug was a little tighter than usual. Natasha held on in a similarly earnest way and they whispered quietly to one another while Thor and Steve said goodbye as well. “I know you can do this,” she told him. “Sif is no danger to you and even if she were interested, I don’t believe Thor would ever stray.” She reached out to touch his jaw. “I know it is hard, but if it is any consolation at all… I think you’ll be a wonderful father when the time comes.”

Loki allowed a small smile at the thought of raising a child as his own and nodded slowly. “I will do my very best to try,” he promised her. “And when we do have a child, I expect that you’ll have one of your own as well. They’ll be the best of friends.”

Smiling widely again, Natasha leaned into another hug and held him close until Steve put a hand at her back to let her know it was time. She took a moment to say goodbye to Thor and Frigga, whom she thanked again for her counsel, and they climbed into their carriage to leave while making sure that Teni was sleeping soundly on the opposite seat.

Returning to America felt very much like coming home, even for Natasha. Their things were unpacked in their rooms and she followed Teni around as the kitten explored her new surroundings and eventually claimed a spot on one of the couches as her own. She was a mischievous little thing who had a habit of being exactly where Steve wanted to be and therefore instigating a whole negotiation wherein she hissed at him instead of actually letting him sit down, but Natasha felt like Teni was just teasing him. She wasn’t vicious or anything.

The next day, she called upon Bruce to visit her and told him of the teas and oils Frigga had given her in order to help with conceiving another child. “She said the oil was to be used during sex,” she informed him. “And the tea I was to drink once a day. What do you think?”

“This came from Frigga, the queen of Asgard?” He asked as he opened the little satchel and the vial of oil to examine them. “They don’t seem to be harmful in any way. Mostly herbs, perhaps a few oils…” She watched as he sniffed them and nodded. “I would try them. I’ve heard that medicine in Asgard is quite different from ours, but there is one thing for certain; their sick do not suffer long.”

Inspired by Bruce’s approval, Natasha brewed herself a cup of tea that very day before she was taken about the village to visit the children and see to her duties as princess. The day was a busy one and since the day after called for more duties in the form of responding to various correspondences, she wasn’t able to call for Pepper and Maria to join her for tea until nearly three days after she arrived back home. When they did come, they all sat down for tea and little cakes so they might catch up. She told them all of Asgard she could remember and they told her any gossip she had missed while she was away.

But there was something else, evidenced by the smile Pepper gave Maria at some point and the little nudge in Natasha’s direction. “Tell her,” she urged. “Go on.”

Maria looked like she didn’t want to say, but Natasha smiled warmly to ease her into it. Little did she know. “I’m-- I’m pregnant,” she said quietly, but the way her lips curled up into a little smile betrayed how excited she was. Oh, and Sam must have been elated as well.

Natasha immediately felt guilty that Maria would even hesitate to tell her, but she did understand why. Nevertheless, she was happy for her friend! “That’s wonderful!” She enthused. “I’m sure Sam was very happy to hear the news, yes?”

“He was,” she confirmed with a laugh. “He’s so happy, I can hardly stand the attention.”

They talked about plans for the baby and the morning sickness she’d dealt with already, but ultimately they left after a discussion concerning new dresses and a visit from one of the merchants while she was away. Left alone, Natasha took a seat on the balcony and welcomed Teni onto her lap for some comfort.

Maria was pregnant. Natasha was so happy for her and yet, the envy that bubbled up inside her was so raw and real that it left her silent for quite some time after they’d gone. She missed dinner that night and when Steve returned, all she could do was let him pull her into his arms, wrap herself around him beneath his jacket where he was warm, and cry quietly into his chest. Maria deserved all the happiness in the world and she hoped that the child was born healthy and strong and beautiful. But… what of her own happiness? What of the child she needed to bring into the world? Would it ever happen for her?

Without a mother to consult, Natasha decided that what she needed right now was advice from her father. She sat down the next morning with her hair tied into a loose braid and still wearing her nightgown and robe to pen a letter to him in the hopes that he would have something useful to say to her, something to lift her spirits.

__

_ Father, _

_ I regret not writing to you more often. I’ve missed you terribly this last year, as you well know, and I find that now I am in need of your advice and your comfort more than I care to admit. Despite how our relationship has improved, Steve and I have yet to conceive another child. My dear friend Maria has just announced her own pregnancy and I find myself… despondent. I am happy for her, but I cannot help but wonder when it will be my turn. _

_ Father, what if I cannot? My doctor has said that undue stress can make conception more difficult, but I cannot help but worry! _

_ Truly, I do not know what I ask of you, Father. All I can say is that I am trying. I am doing everything I can to make it happen and yet, nothing. Please consider writing back to me, I implore you. I cannot say how it would lift my spirits if you wrote just a few words. I miss you dearly. _

_ All my love, _

_ Natasha _

__

She sent it knowing that she would likely not receive a reply. Her father had said that once she left, her new life was to be her priority and that he was not a true part of that new life, but she knew how much he’d hated saying goodbye to her. Natasha would simply allow herself to hope that he understood how much she needed him right now.

But it felt like ages passed after she sent it and no reply came. 

Natasha felt like she was slipping into some kind of state where she was always tired. Hearing stories of Maria’s pregnancy was unavoidable and she listened intently, but there was always a point later on when she would just sit and stare and mourn the fact that she seemingly wasn’t able to do the same thing. And it couldn’t be easy for Steve to hear about it either. He was probably questioning their marriage and her worth and it was awful to think about because they’d been getting somewhere together. She flattered herself to think that he  _ cared _ about her by now.

Unfortunately, the fact that their sex life had suffered thanks to her moods and the awkward tension surrounding them only made things worse. If they weren’t making love as often, then it would take even longer for her to conceive again. Natasha was beside herself with the notion that she’d already failed at the tender age of nineteen to fulfill what most viewed as her whole life’s purpose. Something had to snap her out of this.

It was a rainy Tuesday afternoon when Natasha noticed her handmaidens flocking to the balcony of the sitting room she’d chosen to occupy that day. They were all talking about something, but she couldn’t understand what it was until one of the youngest turned back to her and smiled.

“Princess, it is the king.”

The king? Natasha frowned and stood up to see what was happening. Had Joseph done something outside? She moved to join them and upon looking over the railing saw not Steve’s father, not the king of America, but her own father. Oh. Oh, he was here. He was  _ here _ .

There was very little pretense to the way she rushed out of the room and down the hall, eventually leaving her shoes as they were making it difficult for her to run. He had just stepped into the main hall when she found him there, raced across the room, and threw her arms around his neck for a tight hug. He chuckled at her enthusiasm and returned the embrace, lightly rubbing her back even as the wet from outside soaked into her clothing. Natasha didn’t care. Her father, her papa, was there with her and she felt very much like crying.

“Не могу поверить, что ты здесь,” she whispered into his shoulder. “Я так по тебе скучала, папа.” Natasha hadn’t spoken her native language since she’d left home. It felt right to speak that way now, all words nearly muffled by the thick furs he wore. She hadn’t let go yet either, her eyes burning with tears as he held her close to him.

When they parted, she hardly moved away from him. But her father, Andrei, was insistent upon making his proper greetings. “Get changed,” he said warmly. “You are all wet.” He reached out to brush her hair back behind her ear and she nodded in agreement.

“Yes, Papa,” she answered, reaching for his hand. “And thank you for coming.”

__

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__

“Your highness!” Steve’s head shot up from the book he was currently studying and he slammed it shut as one of his advisers rushed into the room and gave a quick bow. “My apologies for the intrusion, but the Russian king has just arrived unexpectedly and your father demands your presence immediately.”

_ What? _ Natasha’s father was-- What? Steve nodded and tucked the book under his arm as he rushed to his chambers to stash it somewhere and make sure he was presentable. He traded his plain shirt for a nice coat and buttoned it up as he rushed right back out to join his father and Natasha’s father in the throne room.

When he arrived, they were already speaking amiably beside one another. Steve was thankful for that, at least. As they were both older and clearly both of similar temperament, there would not be a fight regarding the fact that this visit was not previously announced. “Your highness,” he greeted, giving Andrei a low bow out of respect. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

“And you,” Andrei answered, inclining his head. “It is a shame that I have not had the opportunity to welcome you into my family until now.” He stood up and nodded as he looked Steve over. “I hope you are as good a husband as you are a son and soldier.”

“I am trying to be,” Steve said sincerely. “Is… that why you’ve come, sir?”

Andrei smiled and shook his head. “No, it’s not. I received a… a troubling letter from my daughter and I felt that I could not answer her with anything less than a visit.” 

Oh. Steve frowned in concern and let out a slow breath. “It’s true, she has been… quiet lately,” he admitted. “I think it has something to do with the fact that one of her close friends is with child.” 

Both older men nodded in thought. “I would have some time alone with her,” Andrei said as he stood up, also placing a once strong hand on Steve’s shoulder. “And time alone with you, if you will have me.” 

Steve nodded. “Of course, your majesty. I’m at your disposal.” 

Andrei patted his shoulder as Natasha finally joined them again looking far more put together than she had when she was running into her father’s arms. “Gentlemen,” she greeted, folding her hands in front of her. “This is quite the meeting, isn’t it?”

 

 

“Yes, my dear, but we’re through for now, I think.” Andrei immediately went to her side and settled his hand at her back for support. “I have heard  _ wonderful  _ stories of the gardens here and since I believe the rain has stopped, would you mind escorting me through them?” 

Steve watched as Natasha took her father’s arm and smiled. “I’d be happy to,” she agreed, turning briefly to Steve and Joseph. “If you’ll excuse us.”

As they left Steve turned back to his father and raised his eyebrows. “It would seem as though King Alexei is more willing or capable of travel than we initially thought,” he said quietly.

Joseph smiled and leaned back. “He finally had a reason to,” he answered. “Take it from me, my son. We do many things for our children simply because they are our children. He would do anything for his daughter, even if that means traveling this far from home.”

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“Your Steve seems like a fine young man,” Alexei began once they were alone.

Natasha smiled despite herself and ducked her head a little bit. “He is good to me,” she said quietly. “It was a difficult beginning, but I think we have learned to accept one another for our faults and eccentricities.” 

“Are you happy, Tasha?”

That was a difficult question. “I’m not… unhappy,” she said slowly. “But Papa, the pressure is unbearable.”

Alexei patted her arm. “Because you haven’t conceived,” he said knowingly. “Tasha, you are still young. There is no reason to think that it cannot happen for you.”

“That is what everyone says,” she huffed. “Loki, Frigga, Steve… Anyone I talk to says the same thing, that I am young and it will happen when it is meant to happen.” Natasha led him down a small stone path to avoid the wetness of the grass. “But I want it to happen now, Papa. If I cannot do this, then what purpose do I have here?”

“Tasha,” he admonished softly. “You are not only what you can produce, you know this."

Natasha shook her head sadly. “Things are different here,” she whispered. “They do not value me for much else, I assure you. I have a suspicion that the king’s vile adviser will recommend that I am… dismissed should I not produce an heir soon enough.”

Alexei considered her words very seriously. “Tasha, I don’t think you give your husband enough credit,” he mused. “Do you think he cares so little that he would cast you out this quickly?”

“I know that he cares for me,” she said. “But I have seen couples more in love than he and I suffer in ways that cannot be helped all to have the all important heir to the throne.” She sighed quietly, still thinking of what Loki must be feeling even though some of the threat was certainly gone. “I have grown to admire him, Papa. Being turned away would hurt more than my pride.”

On a stone bench halfway into the gardens, Alexei insisted that Natasha sit down for a moment. He took her hands in his and kissed her knuckles twice. “Мы всегда больше подвержены риску стать жертвами тех, кого любим,” he told her. 

Natasha’s eyes shot up. “I do not love him,” she said automatically. “I  _ admire _ his good qualities; his strength, his kindness, his good humor.” 

Alexei gave her a warm smile. “You will find that love manifests in many, many ways, little one. If we confront the fears we have concerning the love we have in our hearts, we may find some peace.”

Natasha slowly shook her head and blinked, trying to get rid of the tears in her eyes and only succeeding in making them fall. “I do not want to disappoint him,” she whispered. “I do not wish to disappoint  _ myself _ . And I fear that should I fail again, they will find other means of producing an heir, perhaps means that do not include me.”

She went on to explain Thor and Loki’s predicament knowing that her father would keep their secrets as she did. He had no quarrel with Asgard and he would not judge based on their customs. “That is a difficult situation for all,” he agreed. “But I do not think Steve would ever allow it to happen.”

“Papa, you’ve only known him a few minutes,” she protested lightly. “How can you know that?"

“There is a lot one can tell of a man from his handshake and the way he treats his elders,” he shrugged. “And his reputation remains untarnished. I plan to have a conversation with him as well, but I do not think I will change my mind.”

Natasha sighed and leaned down to rest her head on her father’s shoulder. “I hope you are right,” she told him. “I hope there is no reason for them to ever seek out an alternative, but… if things remain the way they are now, I do not know how long they will wait.”

Alexei leaned down to kiss her hair. “We must always have hope,” he said wisely. “Always.” 

Once Natasha escorted her father back to the palace, she wandered off her on her own to have her daily cup of tea and think on what they’d talked about. Patience and hope were her best bets right now, though she supposed that using some of the oil Frigga had given her wouldn’t hurt. She would have to make an effort to reignite the flame between herself and Steve considering they hadn’t quite… been together in several nights now.

Trying her very best to work up to the good humor that her father wanted for her, Natasha retired to her chambers before long and made preparations for that evening. If there was any justice in her world right now, Steve would fall in line without question.

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Steve was enjoying a cup of wine and a small snack of bread and cheese when Alexei found him again. “I was hoping we might have that conversation now,” he said. “If you wouldn’t mind.” 

Of course, Steve jumped right to his feet and nodded. “Yes, absolutely. Why don’t we step into another room for some privacy?”

Alexei followed him down the hall and into a small sitting room with a fireplace and soft couches so they might sit and talk for a while. Once he was settled, Natasha’s father considered the young man in front of him and smiled. “I’m sure you’ve noticed by now that my daughter’s character is quite strong.”

Steve let out a soft laugh and nodded. “Yes, that was apparent right away. I have found that I’ve come to admire her for it. Her spirit is… charming.”

“I am glad to hear you say that,” the king admitted. “It must have been difficult for you to be there for her when she needed you. I don’t think my Tasha has ever had to deal with such heartache before.”

The reminder of their loss did make Steve’s smile fall a little bit. “I did what I could,” he said quietly. “It was terrible to see her that way and know I could not do anything to really make it better. But I feel as though it brought us closer together. Tragedy does have a funny way of bonding people together sometimes.”

Alexei nodded along. “Wise words. I trust you understand that while tragedy can bring people together, frustration and hopelessness can drive a wedge between them.”

“Yes,” he sighed. “Yes, I do understand that.” They hadn’t been together in days. Natasha was slowly pulling away from him and Steve didn’t know how to fix it simply because it felt like anything he did would be deemed insensitive. Making love had been fun for them for quite some time… Now that they were dealing with such tremendous pressure, they were also losing that ‘fun’ aspect and it made the whole thing a little more difficult than it ultimately had to be.

“I understand that many think a woman is responsible for mending that gap,” he continued. “But I hold you responsible for it, Steve. You are the one who must go to her. We are far too greedy with our emotions, I think. Something tells us to hide and keep from them the way we feel, but we cannot do that if we expect honesty in return.” 

Steve considered him very, very seriously. “What do you think I should do?”

Alexei reached out and laid a hand on Steve’s knee. “You need to tell her that you care for her,” he said bluntly. “And you need to understand that she cannot trust you completely until she is able to bring a child into the world.” 

Steve nodded slowly, though he hated that Natasha couldn’t trust him. It felt like there was always going to be something over them. “I do care for her,” he confirmed. “I do. I will… do my very best to make sure she knows my regard for her is sincere and certainly not tied to the child I know she can give me.”

“You’re a good man,” Alexei decided. “I cannot lie to you, I worried for the person you might be behind the royal curtain, behind the reputation, behind everything I’d heard. But I am glad that my Tasha has you.”

They parted on good terms and Steve privately thanked God that Natasha’s father approved of him. It wasn’t as though he could do anything to change their marriage, certainly not with the resources he needed in return, but Steve personally felt that it was important for Natasha’s father to think that he was doing a good job as a person and as a husband to his one and only daughter. 

The rest of the day was spent first retrieving his book from its hiding place and then squirreling himself away in the library to read. The topic? Helping someone cope with the loss of a child and the fallout from that. He wanted to give this his best shot and unfortunately, Steve needed some outside help. For dinner that evening, they had a private meal with the happy couple, their fathers, Bucky, Schmidt, and the king’s mistress. It was a more intimate meal than usual and Steve wasn’t sure if he was glad for it given how quiet Natasha seemed to be.

“I meant to ask earlier, Alexei, but how long will we be graced with your presence?” Joseph seemed happy to have him there; they’d had time to discuss trade and resources that Russia sorely needed. Honestly, it was refreshing having a king there with such progressive views and such an easy temperament.

Alexei glanced to Natasha for a moment before looking back to Joseph. “Just three days,” he said. “I’m afraid I do not have a prince to run the country while I’m away and I am eager to return now that I am sure my daughter is well.” 

Steve watched from beside her as Natasha offered a small smile and decided that laying his hand on her thigh for comfort was the right thing to do. But she didn’t seem to really react to it, so he just gave her a little squeeze and pulled his hand away. “Well, you are welcome here as long as you like,” Joseph answered. “Especially if you can pull a smile like you have from Natasha.” 

Natasha smiled on cue and Alexei had to smile along with her. “She has a way of making an old man feel useful again,” he said warmly. “It has been too long since I have been able to look upon her.” 

“Papa…” Natasha looked like she might cry and Steve reached out again, this time to take her hand right there on the table and brush his thumb over her knuckles. It was a simple gesture, but meant as an offer of solidarity, to show that he was absolutely there for her. They were one hundred percent in this together. 

That evening, their party gathered in a nearby sitting room for coffee and the little cakes Natasha loved. She ate sparingly, preferring instead to sit with her father and ask after everyone back home; especially Clint and a few of the servants about the palace. Steve listened attentively, but he was rather worried that Natasha seemed so much more animated when her homeland was involved. This was her home now. He wanted her to be happy here.

He also worried that once her father left, she would even more upset than she was already. 

Eventually, the kings retired and Natasha stood up, taking his hand as she did so and pulling him along. Steve took the cue and followed her, wishing the others a good night as he left them behind. They walked in silence and since Natasha clearly had something in mind, he didn’t think to question or stop her. Except that when they arrived, she turned and leaned up to give him a soft, chaste kiss before sitting him down on the bed and leaving him there. 

She looked… resigned. Steve hated that she wasn’t her usual self, that she wasn’t the spitfire he’d come to really admire over the year they’d spent together. He hated that he didn’t know how to make her smile again, not really. It wasn’t as though he could snap his fingers and give her the child she wanted. But he would if he was capable of it.

While he waited, Steve got his jacket off and tossed it aside before seeing to his boots as well. Left in his undershirt and trousers, he wondered what it was that Natasha was going to be wearing when she came back out- it didn’t feel like the sort of evening to be celebrating anything, so he wondered what the occasion for all this was. When she did come back out, he got the sense that she was doing what she could to push through whatever feelings currently keeping her down.

Natasha wore a blue satin nightgown with a white slip underneath. She’d let her hair out and Steve thought she looked younger than usual; like she was unsure of herself and unsure of what she was doing. He felt for her because she shouldn’t have had to be so very insecure when it was just the two of them, not after all they’d been through together already. Under his watchful gaze, she slowly gathered the material at the tops of her thighs and pulled up, slowly revealing her bare legs inch by glorious inch.   


 

 

And Steve… Steve felt like maybe he shouldn’t be aroused, but he was absolutely getting there. She was vulnerable; he could see it in the little line that formed between her eyebrows and the way her lips were pressed together a little more tightly than they had to be. “Natasha,” he started, hoping to communicate to her that she didn’t have to do this if she didn’t want to, that they still had so much time, that he couldn’t bear to take her like this knowing she was unhappy.

But she moved to straddle him and slid her arms over his shoulders for balance once she’d pulled his shirt off completely. It would seem that she just couldn’t have his chest covered up. “Steve.”

He looked up and when their eyes met, he knew this was happening. They weren’t going to make love because they wanted to or even because they had to, but because she needed to do this in order to feel better, or feel something at all. Steve felt very much like he needed to do this for Natasha’s state of mind and he was happy to be there for her in this way, at the very least.

It was slow and simple this time. Natasha undid the laces on his trousers and Steve held her close on his lap as they moved together. She brushed her fingers through his hair as he buried his nose in her neck and aside from the soft, reverent sounds escaping their lips, they made not a sound.

When it was over, Steve disrobed completely and pulled on a pair of soft trousers to sleep in instead. He joined Natasha in bed and carefully put an arm around her waist to pull her back against his chest, but he worried for her. He worried for them if things did not change rather soon. “Sleep well,” he whispered to her, kissing the back of her shoulder for good measure.

She didn’t answer him and though Steve tried his best, he fell asleep knowing that she was still very much awake.

 

*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

 

Why hadn’t she used the oil?

Natasha had stared into the darkness for ages asking herself that very question. Why hadn’t she used the oil Frigga had recommended? If it would help her conceive a child, then she ought to be using it each and every time they made love… so why hadn’t she used it this time?

She thought about it for a long, long time before she was able to fall asleep and came to one solid conclusion: she was scared. If she did conceive again, who was to say that she wouldn’t lose that child just as she’d lost the one before it? Natasha didn’t think she could bear such pain and humiliation again. That night, she slept fitfully and woke up still thinking about the implications of her decision to disregard the oil the night before.

The next morning, she woke up already thinking about how she might spend the day in her father’s company. She could show him the library! Or she could take him further into the gardens now that the sun was shining. She supposed she could also introduce him to Teni and the rooms she shared with Steve, although she wasn’t certain he would be interested in either. Slipping out of bed immediately, she washed and dressed all before Steve had even stirred on the bed. In fact, he didn’t open his eyes until she was seated at her vanity and brushing her hair through from root to tip so she might twist it into a braid for the day.

The dress she’d chosen was regal and appropriate for her father’s visit; something a little more traditional and just a little more conservative than usual. She loved him very much, but he was still a little old fashioned in a lot of ways and she had no desire to change him. It was a sort of magenta color, with soft, flowery designs decorating the neckline, which wrapped around her shoulders leaving her collarbones bare. It had a full skirt with intricate detailing and Natasha rather liked it, especially since it had pockets she could use to hold little treats or whatever else she’d like to carry. So few gowns she’d seen actually had pockets as well. 

 

 

When Steve shifted to sit up in bed, Natasha glanced back via the mirror and smiled just a little bit. “Good morning,” she said easily. “I hope you slept well.”

“I did,” he answered groggily as he meandered into the bathing room for the time being. A moment later, he called out from there. “Did you?”

“As well as I might have hoped,” she said dryly. “I’m hoping to meet my father for breakfast.” She paused because she felt as though she needed to invite him along even though it should have been clear that he was more than welcome. “You will join us, won’t you? I know my father quite likes you.”

Steve came right back out and smiled eagerly. “Does he? I quite like him as well, he’s very wise.” He moved to lay his hands on Natasha’s shoulders as he stood behind her and met her gaze in the mirror. “He has a vast well of knowledge about my mysterious wife and perhaps even the key to her happiness.”

Natasha ducked her head a little bit. “Have you two been talking about me, then?” She asked, feigning ignorance. “How untoward! I should be furious with both you and him for such an offense.”

Steve barked out a laugh and leaned down to be closer to her. “Do you deny that you’ve talked about me in the company of my father?”

Natasha pressed her lips together. “I won’t deny nor confirm what I have or haven’t said in the company of your father,” she said primly, but her tone was the lightest Steve had heard it directed his way in a couple of weeks. “All I can say is that he’s as wise as my own. I find his counsel very enlightening.”

She paused as Steve just smiled and shook his head at her. “Nearly as enlightening as the advice I get from Bucky.”

Steve’s smile drooped a little bit and he pointed at her through the mirror. “Don’t listen to him, whatever he says. I’m sure whatever comes out of his mouth is a vicious lie.”

Natasha turned around to face him and tipped her head back to meet his gaze. “Actually, he has nothing but the nicest things to say about you,” she said coyly. “He’s very sweet.” 

Steve pouted a little bit and moved away to get dressed. “He’s not that sweet,” he mumbled.

Pleased that Steve was a little jealous of her praise of Bucky, Natasha went ahead and finished her hair, tying it off at the end and letting it hang down the length of her back. Once he was dressed, they left their room together and wandered into the main hall where their fathers were already happily chatting over their breakfasts.

“Good morning,” she said warmly, leaning down to give her father a kiss on the cheek and, when she noticed Joseph giving her a little pout, giving Steve’s father a little kiss as well. “I think I speak for both of us when I say I am so glad you’re getting along the way you are.”

One big, happy family. Steve nodded in agreement as he took his seat and served himself his usual portion of food; that is, twice what Natasha could eat and then some. “What did we have planned for today?” He wondered aloud. “I’m sure your highness would like to see more while you’re here.”

Alexei nodded and looked to Natasha. “All I want is to spend some time with you, mой маленький шпион.”

Natasha smiled despite herself and nodded right away. “I’d be terribly disappointed if you came all this way and we didn’t get to spend any time together,” she responded. “Perhaps a picnic?”

“If I can get these old bones down to the grass, then I would be happy to,” Alexei agreed. “But I may need your husband to help me back up.”

Joseph laughed loudly and smiled at the three of them. “If you would permit me to join you, I think we might be able to help each other up!” Steve looked mildly amused by the idea that his father was going to attempt this, let alone with such enthusiasm.

They agreed to meet back in the main hall close to noon, but in the meantime Natasha would take her father on a tour of their shared rooms and introduce him to Teni while Steve did whatever it was he did during the day and Joseph saw to some official duties. As it turned out, he got along famously with the kitten, welcoming her onto his lap and smiling as she purred under his big, weathered hands. “She’s very sweet,” he observed, idly stroking her soft fur.

Natasha laughed. “She is sweet when she wants to be. Otherwise, she challenges Steve for his space in bed and enjoys swatting at his toes in the morning.” But not hers. Teni never swatted at her at all, but she supposed Steve made himself a target considering how often he would hum in the mornings and tap his feet to whatever rhythm was in his head. “She’s already been something of a companion for me,” she continued. “In my lowest moments, it’s comforting to know that there is one who does not judge me for my weakness.”

Alexei reached out for her hand and gave it a small squeeze. “My child, anyone who judges you for a moment of weakness doesn’t deserve a moment of your time.”

She smiled, but Natasha couldn’t help but think that it was best for her to look as strong as she possibly could-- in front of everyone, including her husband. They needed to know that she was capable of facing challenges and overcoming them. “I will try to remember that,” she said.

The morning passed quickly and soon enough, they were heading back towards the main hall to meet Joseph and Steve for their picnic. The kitchen had helpfully provided a basket stuffed to the brim with wine, meat, cheese and bread wrapped in a soft cloth beside a bowl of ripe fruits as well. Natasha smiled as soon as her husband came into view with that basket in hand and went right up to him to take his hand. Despite her urge to stay at her father’s side, she felt like it was important to make him very well aware that her marriage to Steve was a relatively happy one.

“Our children make a wonderfully pleasing couple, do they not?” Joseph mused as he welcomed Alexei to his side instead.

Alexei smiled as he walked alongside the other king, his ailing leg only slightly creaking from the prolonged movement. “I have not see a more pleasing couple since my wife and I looked in the mirror on our wedding day.”

Natasha smiled up at Steve as they took the lead out towards the gardens with their fathers trailing along behind them. “I hope you’ve come to terms with the idea that we’ll all be sitting on the ground together,” she teased lightly. “I know how scandalous it might seem.”

Steve huffed out a soft laugh. “I’m starting to realize that pushing the boundaries of polite society is more thrilling than stressful,” he reasoned. “Especially since it serves to bring me closer to you.”

Now those words made Natasha smile. How could they not? Steve was so sincere and she actually blushed as she met his gaze before ducking her head back down for the time being. “Steve, not in front of our  _ fathers _ ,” she chided gently, but she remained unaware of the way the two old men behind them smiled knowingly as she walked just a bit closer to her husband after that. 

When they reached a nice, shady spot under a tree, Steve spread out the blanket they’d brought with them and set the basket down so they could settle in. Natasha carefully got to her knees and spread her skirt out to remain decent while their fathers teased each other on their clumsy way down to the grass. Soon enough, they’d spread out their humble feast and Natasha found herself at the mercy of her father’s flair for storytelling.

“Oh, you should have seen her! Ten years old and covered head to toe in mud. Even her hair was brown!” He laughed at the memory while Natasha shook her head at him. “My princess was something of a difficult little girl, and that’s putting it lightly. Why, I remember an incident in which she actually broke another little boy’s arm-- Love, do you remember why?”

Natasha nodded. “Oh, I do remember why,” she said easily. “Little Dmitri thought he had some sort of divine right to look under my skirts when I was seven. I thought he deserved to be taught a lesson.” 

All three men laughed at her recounting of the story and Natasha smiled rather proudly to herself. “As I recall,” she continued. “He cried and never touched me again, so. Justice was rightly served.”

“Steve did his share of troublemaking as a child,” Joseph chimed in. “I remember once he was bold enough to stand up to a bully practically three times his size and after he’d been bested in what I’m told was a very short fight, do you know what he did?” He took a sip of his drink and continued. “He had to be held back from having another go at the same person!” 

Alexei chuckled and Natasha smiled in amusement as she reached out to pat Steve’s knee. “That sounds very brave,” she praised.

“It-- That’s right, it  _ was _ brave,” Steve huffed, giving his father a glare even though he really didn’t mind the stories being told. He had a feeling that Natasha had heard plenty about his childhood from Bucky already. “Thank you.”

Natasha just offered him an understanding smile and went back to plucking another grape off the vine. “How lucky we are,” Alexei observed. “To have arranged such a perfect marriage.”

Steve choked on his wine and Natasha raised her eyebrows as she glanced over to him, then back to their fathers. Smiling a little, she leaned towards her husband and lowered her voice- but not so low that they couldn’t hear her. “Just keep pretending, you’re doing great! Let the old men think what they want and we can go back to hating one another when they leave.” 

Both kings rolled their eyes and chided her for her jokes. “You would fool two old men?” Alexei asked, feigning shock. “How cruel.”

Joseph chuckled and nudged Alexei’s arm. “Look at them. I don’t know about your daughter, but my son has never been a talented liar. I don’t think he could fake being in love this convincingly.” 

There was that word again! Natasha leaned away from Steve and plucked another piece of food from the trays in front of them, eager to have something in her mouth so she wouldn’t have to speak right away. “Father,” Steve groaned. “Please, have mercy.”

That was how the rest of the picnic was spent; with Alexei and Joseph sharing stories from years ago when their respective children were very young. Both Steve and Natasha endured their share of embarrassment, but there was nothing worse than the moment when their fathers asked that they just kiss already and end the soft looks they’d been sharing all afternoon.

Natasha glanced up at him and shrugged almost imperceptibly as she wordlessly allowed him to lean in for the kiss they’d requested. She even smiled as he did so, chastely pressing their lips together as she reached up to lightly press her hand against his chest. Their fathers applauded like the troublemakers they were and when the couple pulled apart, both Steve and Natasha were a little flushed in the cheeks. “Who knows what they’ll be asking for next?” He teased, earning a soft swat on his chest for his boldness. 

Personally, Natasha thought this was wonderful. She and Steve were getting along so much better and their fathers seemed to like each other as well. Their marriage would secure the future of her people and, if everyone was to be believed, she would eventually secure the future of Steve’s line as well. Could it be that everything would actually work out the way it was supposed to?

Days later, on the morning of her father’s departure, Natasha insisted that they take a walk by themselves through the garden. “It pleases me to know that you are happy here,” he told her. “I know there are challenges, but Steve cares for you and I have faith that Joseph will keep you safe and sound as I would.”

Natasha was sad to see him go, but she knew that seeing him had bolstered her confidence and perhaps given her the spark she needed to really see to moving forward. “Thank you, Papa,” she said warmly. “I cannot thank you enough for coming.”

“Perhaps sometime you can convince your husband to step out of the sun and into the snow,” he laughed. “You may visit whenever you choose, my Tasha.”

In front of his waiting carriage, Natasha threw her arms around his neck for a tight embrace and held back the tears that threatened to fall. After all, the reality was that she didn’t know when she would be seeing him next. “Я люблю тебя, папа,” she whispered to him. “Клянусь, я заставлю тебя гордиться мной.”

Pulling back a little, he took her face in his hands and gave her a warm smile. She could have sworn that he was on the verge of tears as well, but she didn’t dare say anything about it. “Я всегда был и горжусь тем, что ты моя дочь.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead as tears finally spilled over and traced delicate paths down Natasha’s cheeks.

She moved to stand at Steve’s side as he left, eventually turning to hide her face in her husband’s chest. Natasha missed him already. “What did he say to you?” Steve wondered aloud as he idly stroked her hair.

Natasha sniffled and turned to rest her cheek right over his heart. “He said he was proud to have me as his daughter,” she told him. “I could not ask for praise any higher than that.”

That same night, Natasha was no less than fully determined to use the oil that Frigga had given her. It would work, she told herself, because it had to work.  _ Something _ had to work. As Maria’s pregnancy progressed past the point where Natasha knew how it felt, she was even more dedicated to making sure that she could do the same thing. She dressed in a simple nightgown for the evening; just a little something in white satin that felt good against her skin. She stood in the bathing room with the door ajar and held the vial close to her chest while she prayed. And usually Natasha just wasn’t the praying sort, but for this? For this, she felt like she needed the help of beings beyond her, if they even existed.

With her eyes closed tight and her hands wrapped around the vial, she didn’t hear Steve come in behind her and jumped a little as he settled a hand at her lower back. “Natasha, what are you doing? What is that?”

Caught with her weakness sitting right there in the palm of her hand, Natasha turned to him and gave him a look somewhere between pleading and defiant. “It’s oil I was given by Frigga while we were in Asgard,” she shared. “It’s supposed to help in conceiving a child. Dr. Banner approved it.”

Steve smiled. “Well, that’s great,” he said easily. “We might as well give it a try, then.” Leaving a kiss on her forehead, he turned to head back into the bedroom, but she didn’t follow and he glanced back at her. “Natasha? What’s wrong? Are you worried it won’t work?”

Natasha shook her head. “No. I’m worried it will.”

Tipping his head to the side, Steve took a few steps towards her and frowned. “Do you not want a child?” He asked in confusion. “We still have time, Natasha. We could wait--”

“No,” she said quickly. “No, I want a child, but…”

Steve moved to her again and carefully reached out to take her hand. “Tell me what worries you,” he urged gently. “But…?”

Natasha could feel her cheeks flush a little bit and she looked up to meet his gaze, however briefly. “What if I lose another one?” She whispered. “What if you give me another baby and I lose it all over again?”

“Natasha, we cannot live in fear,” he said gently, ducking down and curling his fingers under her chin to lift her gaze again. “I hope you know by now that I do not  _ blame _ you for our loss… and when you do conceive again, I have all the faith in the world that you can carry that child to term.”

Steve’s words were so sweet and sincere that Natasha found herself actually believing them. Perhaps there was real hope for the future after all; a future wherein they loved one another in such a way that  _ nothing _ was questioned. Perhaps they wouldn’t even have the troubles that Thor and Loki did. And perhaps everything would just be  _ okay _ like Steve said.

Reaching up with one hand, she lightly patted his cheek and smiled. “How happy I am that you turned out to be sweet,” she told him. “Now, if you’ll kindly carry me into the bedroom, I fully intend to bring out the scoundrel in you.”

Steve could only grin and scoop Natasha into his arms when she told him to, easily carrying her into the bedroom and laying her down as usual. Despite her nerves, Natasha clearly had a plan in mind here. They kissed for a while until she managed to flip them over and put Steve on his back so she could kiss her way over the hard muscles on his chest.

The oil didn’t actually come into play until she was seated on his thighs with his trousers long gone. She grabbed the vial from their nightstand and carefully coated her fingers with it before taking hold of him and stroking him several times to spread it around. The oil made it all so slick and Steve actually found himself letting out a surprised groan as her hand glided over him- but that was nothing in comparison to the way it felt when she finally lowered herself down.

It was so  _ smooth _ . Steve knew it was always smooth, but this was something different if only because the slide was even easier and it felt like things were warming between them the more they moved. Steve eventually sat up and wrapped his arms around her, meeting her lips in an eager kiss while Natasha continued to grind her hips down with abandon. “Natasha,” he gasped out, tipping his head back to just watch her move. “God, just--”

“Just a little longer,” she panted in return, sliding her fingers into his hair for a little leverage while she continued to seek out her release. Steve held on as long as he could, but he let go at the very  _ second _ she threw her head back and shivered on top of him, which meant that his fingers were digging into the meat of her hips as her nails dug into his scalp and his shoulder and it was all very intense for several long moments there.

Natasha laughed as she came down from it, cradling his head in her hands as she leaned down for a long kiss. It felt good to just relax about this and as she settled beside him with her fingers tracing little patterns onto his chest, Steve hoped that her worries were put to rest as well.

Over the next two months, the weather became much colder and it was like they worked doubly hard to combat that by spending as much time wrapped around each other as they possibly could. Their sex life had gladly returned to the robust levels they’d both become accustomed to. Natasha developed a schedule wherein she would use the oil at least twice a week and since she was having her tea once daily, she was hopeful that they would conceive again soon.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actual apologies for the length. I got carried away. ^^;

_“A garden to walk in and immensity to dream in--what more could he ask? A few flowers at his feet and above him the stars.”_

  _-Victor Hugo, Les Misérables_

 

Natasha slowly began to find pleasure in some things again. Prompted to share her secrets with Steve now that he’d shown her his sketchbook, she arranged for a beautiful ballet costume to be brought to her and asked Bucky to push their furniture around so she had room to dance. The costume itself was just perfect; all made of a very thin fabric layered many times over to create a soft skirt paired with a jeweled bodice and tights. The last little bit were her shoes, which had been tucked away in a trunk for ages. Once she’d cleaned them up, she felt confident enough to practice a little bit before asking a servant to fetch her husband immediately.

Steve came running right away and Natasha laughed outright at the expression on his face when he saw her. Dressed in her costume with her hair pulled into a neat bun, she likely looked more Russian in that moment than she ever had before. “I wanted to show you my secret,” she explained, indicating the chair placed in front of her open area. She’d had Bucky lift the rug as well so she could dance on the hardwood floor underneath; a much better platform for this kind of movement. And she was joined by a surprisingly talented Bucky even now as he sat in front of the piano and began to play at her signal. _  
_

 

 

Smiling to herself, she began a quick series of movements that left her twirling around the impromptu dance floor she’d created, eventually lifting her leg in the air for a moment to show off before leaping and hopping and twirling some more. The song she’d worked on with Bucky was a happy one, so she was able to keep her spirits up and her smile on as she worked her way through, eventually coming to a stop with an intricate little bow in front of her husband.

And he applauded. Steve just about exploded into applause and praise alike, standing up to clap for her performance. ”That was wonderful!” He beamed. “Natasha, I had no idea you were so talented.”

Pleased to bits, Natasha blushed and went right over to him so he could give her a little kiss on the forehead. “I’m out of practice,” she told him, but he would hear nothing of it.

“You were perfect,” he said warmly and even though he wouldn’t know ‘perfect’ ballet if it ran up and bit him, she was flattered by it.

Even Bucky came up to join them and touched her lower back as he gave her a smile. “He’s right,” he said easily. “You were wonderful.” He leaned down to kiss her on the cheek and patted Steve’s shoulder on his way out the door.

Still studying her costume, Steve took her hand and slowly twirled her around to see all of it. “You look beautiful,” he told her. “And even more so when you were dancing, I just can’t believe you can move so gracefully… Although I suppose I should not be surprised. You are still so full of surprises.”

They ended the evening with Steve painstakingly disrobing Natasha. He started with her shoes and peeled her tights off before moving on to the corset on her costume and so on. They made love no less than three times that night and slept with her chest pressed solidly against his.

Christmastime was with them in no time at all and Natasha went through the trouble of planning a massive celebration complete with a feast, a ball, and a huge, sparkling tree at the center of it all. Maria was becoming truly heavy with her burdens and did what she could to help, but Natasha turned mostly to Pepper so she didn’t wear out her friend in these delicate months. She already had Steve’s present figured out, although she was unbelievably hesitant about the whole thing, and so… life went on as it was supposed to with no drama and no changes. It was actually rather nice, if she was being honest.

On Christmas Eve after an intimate dinner (meaning only immediate family plus Bucky), the happy couple returned to their rooms to rest. In Steve’s mind, that usually meant either quiet time with his sketchbook, which he didn’t bother keeping hidden from Natasha any longer, or time in bed. In Natasha’s, all she wanted to do now that there were finally soft, beautiful snowflakes falling from the sky was curl up in front of the fire with Steve.

He compromised and sat on the chaise lounge in front of the fire, leaning back so Natasha could rest against his chest while she read aloud for both of them from a novel of her choosing. Steve had long since discovered quite the appreciation for her voice and he tipped his head back as she read, idly playing with loose strands of her hair.

 

 

The next day was the big day, however. On Christmas morning, Natasha was woken up by _someone_ nuzzling into her neck from behind. “G’morning,” Steve murmured against her skin. “Merry Christmas.”

She smiled and lazily turned over so she could give him a good morning kiss. “Merry Christmas to you too,” she answered. “I have this wonderful feeling that it’s going to be a good day.”

Steve pulled her a little tighter against his chest and gave her another kiss. “Even though you’ve been driving yourself half mad planning the celebrations tonight?”

Natasha groaned. “I think you have that wrong,” she quipped. “It’s not ‘half’ mad, I’m all the way there.” She wasn’t, really. Planning the celebrations had been quite stressful, but she was sure that it would be worth it in the end. “And now we have to get up.”  

“Well,” he murmured. “We don’t _have_ to get up right away…” His intentions were pretty clear there and Natasha smiled widely, but ultimately only let him kiss her a few times before gently putting an end to it.

“Breakfast is calling,” she laughed. “Stop being such a terrible influence.”

Natasha chose a pretty red dress for the day; a ball gown fitted with layers of tulle and a strapless bodice decorated with little flowers that trailed down onto the skirt as well. She wore her hair down for the occasion as well, though she tied a portion back around the crown of her head to keep it out of the way as she had work to do. But before she could even leave, Steve was in front of her wearing black trousers and a red velvet jacket and she forgot what she was doing just long enough to lean up and kiss him again.

 

 

“Don’t tell me you have to rush off already,” he mused as he grabbed two handfuls of her skirt and tugged her right up against him. “I’ve got a present for you.”

All of a sudden, Natasha was far more inclined to stay. “Oh? What kind of present? Have you bought me another house?”

Steve laughed softly and ducked his head a little bit. He looked bashful then, and rather young. “No, I’m afraid not,” he admitted. “But it is something that… that I hope you understand represents my regard for you.” Pulling away, he crossed the room to pull a jewelry box from one of his desk drawer and held it between his hands as he returned to her. “It’s been… some time since we were married,” he said quietly. “I think it is time you knew that my affections for you have grown.”

It felt like the air between them was thicker somehow. Natasha felt like her heart had already leapt up into her throat and it wouldn’t slow down no matter how deeply she tried to breathe. “Steve…”

“No, you have to let me do this,” he laughed softly. “No matter how inarticulate I might sound.” Once she’d nodded and smiled, Steve took a deep breath and continued. “Natasha for over a year now you have had my hand in marriage. It’s time that I finally offer my heart to you as well and hope that despite everything, you still want to take it.”

With that, he opened the box to reveal a beautiful gold necklace with a massive ruby at the center all laid into a heart of gold. It was indescribably sweet and so very _cliche_ , but that was just who her Steve happened to be. “I love you, Natasha,” he said quietly. “Truly.”

 

 

Natasha actually gasped when the necklace came into view. She’d never seen a ruby so large and it was cut so beautifully… but that hardly compared to the sentiment behind her gift. Steve had said the three most important words he could possibly say and she was standing there gawking at a necklace? No. No, Natasha stepped forward immediately and wrapped her arms right around Steve’s neck in a tight embrace. “I love you too,” she said into his neck, more than welcoming his solid arms around her in return. “Thank you so much.”

When they parted, Steve clasped the necklace around her neck and Natasha reached up to reverently brush her fingertips just over the smooth surface. “It’s beautiful,” she told him. “I can’t tell you how much I adore it.”

“Nearly as much as you adore me?” He teased.

Natasha laughed and rolled her eyes at him. “ _Nearly_ ,” she quipped back. “But not quite.”

Unfortunately, their duties for the day kept them apart after that, but Natasha felt like she was walking on air the whole time. Those little words from Steve were enough to make any last minute preparations feel like nothing at all. “You look happier than I’ve ever seen you,” Pepper remarked as they took a quick rest for some tea. “Are the holidays so exciting?”

Natasha smiled over the rim of her cup. “Perhaps,” she answered. “But I confess there is something else as well.”

Pepper raised her eyebrows. “What’s that?”

“Steve said that he loves me,” she shared. “He gave me this just this morning…” She touched the ruby heart hanging from her neck and smiled. “And he said that he loves me.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful,” Pepper said warmly. “I’m so happy for you both. And if I might say, it’s about time. I was starting to wonder when you two might admit it.”

By dinnertime, the main hall was decorated exactly as Natasha had envisioned. There were red candles lining the tables along with plates filled with every sort of dish one could imagine and candles about the room to cast their celebrations in a warm, welcoming glow. The tree she’d so carefully decorated was glittering behind the main table in front where the royals would be seated; the king, the prince, and his bride. Natasha had also gone through the trouble of hanging mistletoe in a few opportune spots; over the doorway leading out onto the balcony, over the doorway coming in, and in two other places throughout the large room. She wanted this to be an occasion wherein people were so jolly and flush with wine that they were having fun regardless of propriety.

When most of the guests had arrived, she and Steve made her grand entrance after the king and took their seats at the main table for supper. They were also coincidentally getting closer to the moment where Steve would be given his own Christmas present. Thankfully, their table was far enough away for them to have a private moment afterwards.

“You did a spectacular job, Natasha,” Joseph praised, getting Steve to nod along in agreement. “Honestly, this is wonderful. It makes me wish we could have everything seem this warm all year round.”

Natasha smiled widely. “Well, I had a lot of fun planning,” she admitted. “I did. It was diverting in the best possible way.”

Steve reached out to take her hand, but it was nearly time for him to make his toast to welcome everyone and he was standing just moments later with a cup of wine in hand. “Everyone,” he announced. “I’d just like to take a moment to welcome everyone to our Christmas celebration. On a day like this, I think it is most important that we surround ourselves with those people we truly love. My friends, I hope each and everyone of you has a wonderful evening, the merriest Christmas, and a truly prosperous new year as well. Enjoy, everyone! And thank you for coming!”

He raised his cup and everyone echoed the sentiment before taking a drink and turning their attention to their meals. As Steve sat back down, he reached for the dome covering his plate to keep it warm and Natasha stopped him with a hand over his. “I got you a present too,” she whispered to him. “I don’t want you to get too excited about it, but it’s right on that plate in front of you.” She pointed to the plate and smiled as she let go of his hand. “Go ahead. Open it.”

It felt like her heart was in her throat again. Natasha watched carefully as Steve removed the dome and set it down off to the side in favor of staring down at the tiny silver rattle sitting on his plate. It felt very much like all the noise around them died down as Steve considered the rattle for a long time before turning to face her and slowly giving her a wide, elated smile.

“Are you--?”

Natasha nodded quickly, one hand going instinctively to her stomach. “I am.”

Steve couldn’t smile widely enough. He immediately laughed and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her shoulder and her neck and her lips no matter who was looking. “I love you,” he said again as he pulled back. “I knew you could do it, Natasha. I knew it. I never doubted it for a second.”

“Thank you for having faith in me,” she told him. “Even when I had no faith in myself.”

Joseph looked over and caught sight of the rattle before basically beaming at the two of them. “Congratulations!” He said warmly, though he kept his voice down as Steve casually tucked the rattle away in his pocket for the time being. “How far along are you?”

“Only a little over a month,” Natasha admitted. “But I’ve already seen Dr. Banner and he confirmed it.” She was excited, yes, but also scared. What if the same thing happened? Bruce had been calm with her about all that, reminding her that stress wouldn’t help anyone and that she had to believe that this was the time for it to happen. They’d waited long enough.

She also spent quite some time that same afternoon asking Bruce a number of questions that left him blushing and left her feeling very much in charge. Natasha wanted to know if there was anything she shouldn’t eat, how much exercise and fresh air she ought to get, and her limitations in the bedroom. Bruce anxiously listed a few things that he’d heard could threaten the health of a child (large amounts of wine, too much fish, improperly cooked meats) and some guidelines regarding exercise (Don’t over do it. Walks are good. No horseback riding, no lifting heavy things.) before moving on to the last topic.

To her surprise, he _encouraged_ her to continue sleeping with Steve the way she usually did, but perhaps tone down the urgency of the act itself. Natasha’s cheeks flushed a little more at that and she agreed, only asking a few more questions like whether or not certain positions were less safe than others. Bruce didn't say it, but Natasha decided on her own that if riding a horse was dangerous then it followed that she shouldn’t be on top of Steve. It was, after all, the same motion.

In order to prevent the embarrassment she’d suffered before, she also decided that she would only be telling those closest to her until her pregnancy had progressed further than last time. At this point, the only person outside their immediate family who knew was Bruce. Natasha intended to write and tell Loki her good news, but she would tell no one else except her handmaidens, who had to know in order to serve her. They would be sworn to secrecy.

Over the course of that night, Steve remained close to Natasha. They danced twice, but ultimately she allowed him to fetch a wrap for her and they spent some time on the balcony overlooking all the freshly fallen snow in the gardens. With Steve’s arm around her shoulders, Natasha happily leaned into him and smiled as he lightly stroked her hair. They were going to have a baby and _this time_ , she wasn’t going to let anything mess it up for her.

When they went to bed, it was very late and Natasha let her hair out once she’d changed into a thin nightgown. Steve was already in bed when she got there and Natasha crawled in beside him, happily putting her back to his chest and welcoming his arms around her. “Sleep well, Natasha,” he whispered to her as he let one hand drift down to the _very_ slight swell of her stomach.

Natasha smiled to herself, but it was when Steve wrapped his arms around her again and leaned up to kiss her cheek--- that was what really sent her off to sleep feeling safe and happy and loved.

 

 

As it turned out, it was a good thing that Bruce had given his permission for Natasha to continue having sex because just two weeks into the new year… something changed. First, she felt overheated all the time. Either she was actually sweating, or she was just under the impression that she was wearing far too many layers of clothing. She thought she might be ill, but she felt perfectly fine aside from a little morning sickness and dismissed it as her body going through changed to accommodate the baby. Except that second, she became increasingly aware of literally every man that she passed and how lovely all of them were.

Steve, of course, was especially beautiful. She would catch herself just watching him sometimes; the slope of his neck, the way his chest would move with each and every breath, the way his muscles would shift under his skin. Still, she held back because this had to be a phase that would pass eventually.

It was wildly inconvenient in that it came to a head one afternoon when Bucky (poor Bucky) made the mistake of wandering through the palace half dressed and ran into Natasha making her way to the gardens for some fresh air. He had his shirt over his shoulder and was using it to wipe sweat from his brow and Natasha just wanted to _lick_ him.

She actually felt herself reach out to touch him in the middle of whatever he was saying and flattened her hands over his chest with a barely suppressed shudder.

“—Natasha?”

The redhead took a deep breath with her eyes still focused on Bucky’s chest and slowly lifted her gaze up. “My apologies,” she said, still not moving her hands away. “Do you know where I can find my husband?”

Bucky blinked twice and swallowed. “He… I left him near the training grounds,” he said. “He should still be there. I think he was planning on staying a while longer.”

Natasha nodded and briefly glanced down at his chest again, still glistening and covered in sweat and her hands as well. “Thank you,” she answered. “I’ll just—seek him out there then.”

They both nodded a little bit and Natasha slowly pulled her hands away in favor of just standing in front of him. There was a moment wherein they just kind of stared at each other in agreement that this wouldn’t ever be mentioned again before wordlessly parting ways. Bucky made his way to his chambers, and Natasha bustled herself down the hallway to find Steve.

When she did find him, she took one look at him standing bare-chested amongst a group of men talking and seemingly laughing about the previous match and marched forward. Heedless of what they would know was going on, Natasha took his hand and pulled him after her. “Natasha? What’s wrong? Are you alright?”

Natasha turned around and looked up to Steve with her brow furrowed. She felt like she was actually dizzy from lack of contact or something and it was driving her crazy. “I’ll be alright once I have you back in our rooms,” she told him. “Am I understood?”

Steve’s cheeks darkened and he turned to wave to the other man gathered around. “If you’ll excuse me.” He let Natasha drag him away after that and when she moved to press him right up against the wall of their main room, Steve allowed her to do that as well. Her kisses were desperate and needy; the kind of kisses that left her husband panting after her even as he clearly held himself back from doing too much. “And you’re—ah—“ He paused as Natasha’s hands went right to his belt to get it undone before he could continue to protest. “You’re sure this is okay?”

“Bruce said it was fine,” she said quickly, leaning up to kiss over the side of his neck and ignore the fact that the taste of his sweat seemed to be setting her on fire. “As long as we’re not too rough.”

Eventually, they tumbled onto the bed and Steve brushed Natasha’s hair back as he rolled on top of her. The dress Natasha was wearing was light enough and had a loose enough skirt that they would be able to bunch it up around her waist when the time came. Exactly ten seconds later, however, Steve realized that he was putting far too much pressure on her stomach and recoiled, earning a frustrated look from his wife. “And where do you think you’re going?” She asked. “We’re in this together, remember? And this is what I need right now.”

Steve frowned a little. “What if it hurts the baby?”

“It’s not going to hurt the baby, Bruce said it’s normal,” she reiterated. “I don’t think I should be on top, maybe we could just change the position.”

At this moment in particular, Natasha didn’t think she could stand the thought of being denied. She was already reaching up to let her hands slide over his chest and down to his stomach, only to decide that where she really wanted to touch was the cut lines of muscle leading down to his groin.

“Maybe if you lay on your side…”

Natasha groaned and sat up so she could give Steve a stern look. “Do you not want to do this?”

“No, of course I want to,” he answered. “But the baby…”

“…Is still very small and very safe inside me.”

For about fifteen solid seconds, they just stared at one another. Steve was still worried and Natasha felt like she might die unless there was an end to her nearly constant state of arousal. Alright. He wanted to toy with her while she was this desperate? Fine. “I touched Bucky’s chest today,” she told him. “It’s not quite as hard as yours is, but still very nice indeed. You see, I find that I am _aroused_ to the point where I can hardly think straight, and…”

Steve dove right down to kiss her again, though he kept his weight on his hands and knees above her. Well, it was something. Natasha slid her hands over his shoulders and back again, letting them move over his chest and over his stomach again until she could effectively shove his trousers down at last. But it would seem that even though Steve was jealous and distracted, he was still worried about the baby.

To Natasha’s dismay, he went about arranging her on her side and hiking up the skirt of her dress while she tied to get comfortable. By the time his hand found its way between her legs, Natasha let out a rather desperate moan and tried to press her hips forward a little bit. “Steve,” she urged. “Please...”

Now, it took some doing, but Steve managed to maneuver himself so that his chest was pressed up against her back and within a few moments (a few moments too long, in Natasha’s opinion), he was able to press into her. Natasha hiked her leg up and Steve slid his hand up the underside of her thigh to help keep it up while he developed a slightly awkward rhythm. It wasn’t anything like what Natasha was used to, but it was _something_ , and it was nice enough.

And with some practice, she was able to arch her back to take him a little deeper and Steve got over himself enough to work up to a normal pace. Biting down on her lower lip, she urged Steve on as much as she could and eventually let her hand wander down between her legs to just add a little bit more to the mix. Now that she was giving in to what she’d been wanting on and off in intense stages for at least three full weeks, Natasha was just _losing_ herself to it, shamelessly rocking her hips as she tried to drive herself right over the edge.

Her release surprised her and Natasha shuddered right there in Steve’s arms even as he continued moving. “Steve, get on top,” she panted, twisting back to kiss him- again, with some difficulty. There was some hesitation, but Steve eventually pulled out and Natasha rolled onto her back to look up at him and spread her legs. “You’ll be fine. It’s fine.”

Steve pressed back into her, but he kept his weight supported on his hands pressed into the mattress on either side of her instead of leaning down. Natasha decided that as long as he was enjoying himself, she wouldn’t press. But she did wrap her legs around his hips to drag him in a little closer and accepted warm, open mouthed kisses when he leaned down to her a little bit.

He finished with a long groan and buried his face in Natasha’s neck for a moment before carefully rolling off her so he wasn’t putting any weight on top of her. Natasha couldn’t be more pleased that she’d had some relief and rolled onto her side to give him a smile. “See, that wasn’t so hard,” she teased him, earning a laugh in return. For a while, they just laid together with Natasha’s head on his chest and Steve’s fingers lightly brushing over the bare skin on her back wherever he could find it. Sometimes cuddling with Steve (at least these days) was nearly as good as actually making love to him. Natasha blamed the pregnancy, Bruce had confirmed her suspicions just days before.

It was when she tipped her head up and found Steve dozing off that she felt just a little guilty for tapping his chest to wake him again. “Steve,” she whispered. “Ste-eve…”

Steve grunted first and slowly opened his eyes to look down at her. “Hm?”

Natasha draped her leg over his hip and gave him a smile. “Make love to me again.”

And that was how the next two months progressed. Natasha found herself very nearly insatiable when it came to three things; food, sleep, and sex. She would get these terrible cravings for specific things, such as the morning she woke up absolutely dying for roast chicken and had a servant bring her a tray in their rooms because she didn't want to sit at breakfast with a whole chicken for herself that she actually managed to nearly eat all on her own. After that, she fell asleep right on a chair in the main room with her head tipped back-- which was how her handmaidens found her when they came to get her dressed for the day.

Terribly embarrassing, but not nearly as humiliating as it was to realize at dinner one evening that she’d been staring right at Steve even as she ate her dinner. It was pointed out by Steve himself, who smiled bashfully and asked her if she was alright, but as soon as he had… Bucky chimed in with a snarky remark and soon enough, Natasha was glaring daggers at the other men at the table and telling Steve that she was fine. She was huffy about it all the way back to their chambers, but when Steve tried to go to bed _clothed_ , her bad mood temporarily dissipated in favor of enticing him into another round of sex before she put her back to him and went to sleep. Apparently mood swings, according to Bruce, were also something she might suffer during the length of her pregnancy.

During the first week of the fourth month, Natasha woke up with terrible stomach pains and immediately shook Steve until he woke up as well so he could call the doctor. There was no blood, but the pain in her stomach was intense and Bruce rushed to her side to make sure that everything was okay. Steve remained at her side the whole time and Natasha refused to cry just yet because no blood had to mean that things could be just fine in the end.

“It’s alright,” Bruce announced after a thorough examination. “It’s alright. Natasha, I want you to get up and take a walk around the room. The pain should lessen with time.”

Natasha blinked in surprise. She’d been hoping for the best, but also nearly expecting him to tell her that the baby was in danger or gone again. “It’s alright?” She shook her head a little in disbelief and reached out for Bruce’s hand, which still remained on the swell of her stomach. “Are you sure?”

Bruce smiled and Natasha finally realized how messed his hair was, plus the fact that he was standing there half dressed with his glasses sitting crookedly on his nose. “I’m sure,” he said warmly, leaning in a little closer. “It’s gas pain.”

Natasha’s cheeks flushed. “Gas pain.”

“Yes.” Bruce patted her hand as he readied himself to leave and looked briefly to Steve to give him a nod and calm him down. The prince had been _very_ on edge from the moment Natasha had woken him up, of course. “It’s normal, I assure you.”

“Thank you, Bruce,” she said warmly. “I’m sorry to have woken you so suddenly.”

“That’s quite alright, your highness. Although I do think we should discuss bed rest, though. This is the fourth month and you’ll start gaining more weight than you realize… I would feel more comfortable if you rested a bit more than you are now.” Bruce looked hesitant about even bringing it up (obviously because he knew what Natasha was like), but he did so because it was his duty as her physician.

Natasha sighed. “Let’s have tea some afternoon and talk about it,” she suggested.

Bruce agreed and left them, advising Natasha to try and get as much sleep that night as she could once she’d walked about the room. She took that to heart, but she still asked Steve to walk with her around the room and he obliged, keeping her hand in his and his other hand at her lower back for support. They didn’t talk about the panic or about her inevitable bed rest and Natasha was grateful for that, even more so when her pain did eventually disappear and they were able to crawl back into bed. She put her back to Steve’s chest and pulled his arm around her, but he lowered it to rest his hand on her stomach and Natasha fell back to sleep almost immediately.

Now, Natasha wanted her pregnancy to progress smoothly, but the last thing she wanted was to be on bed rest. For several important reasons, it was a bad idea for her to be so… limited in where she could be and what she could do, not to mention that she would go crazy with boredom. With that in mind, she may or may not have actively avoided meeting with Bruce for almost ten days before he showed up unannounced while she was having tea one afternoon in the company of Pepper and a heavily pregnant Maria.

“Ladies,” he greeted. “I apologize for the interruption, but the princess and I have some matters to discuss.”  

Natasha sighed and let her shoulders slump a little bit. “Very well. I’m sorry, I do have to speak to him. We can continue this tomorrow.” She smiled as Pepper helped Maria up and they left together, giving Natasha and Bruce all the privacy in the world.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” he pointed out as he slid into a seat at her table.

“Avoiding you? _Hardly_. I’ve just been very busy with… with Steve.” Natasha met his gaze and Bruce raised his eyebrows at her. “How can I help you, Dr. Banner?”

He shook his head at her, but took a cookie for himself and continued. “You need to be on bed rest by the end of the month,” he told her. “I worry that you haven’t gained enough weight and with the stress that comes with your title and Steve’s role… I think bed rest is the best option.”

Natasha sighed and set down her cup of tea for the time being in favor of idly rubbing her belly. “I don’t want to be on bed rest,” she told him. “Am I to stay in bed all the time?”

“With… very little exception, yes. I would like to make sure you are moving around the room, changing and bathing regularly, sitting at a table to eat, and so on. But I would advise against wandering the palace grounds, especially on your own.” He paused. “I’m also going to ask that the meals brought to you have a higher fat content than usual. I want to make sure you’re giving the child what they need to grow.”

There was clear displeasure written all over Natasha’s face and she averted her gaze for a moment to think it over. There were still a lot of reasons why she didn’t want to do this, but Bruce’s words told her one thing: that bed rest was what was required in order for her child to be healthy and strong. If she was to be a good mother, she knew that sacrificing some of her own wants and desires was a necessity as well. “By the end of the month,” she agreed. “I promise.”

“There is one more thing,” he said cautiously. “Natasha, I’m asking you to stop laying with Steve. I know your symptoms have faded by now and I’d like to be on the careful side.”

Natasha’s eyes widened and she quickly turned back to Bruce to give him a shocked look. “I thought it was normal! You said it was alright to lay with Steve while I was pregnant, did you _lie_ to me?”

“No! Your highness, it _is_ normal. It is. But the last thing I want is to push the envelope now that you’re in your second trimester.” Bruce looked sincere and he continued on very seriously. “Natasha, it’s important that you understand that I’m only working in the best interest of you and your child. I think it would be best if you abstained until after the delivery.”

Natasha reluctantly agreed and eventually, once her questions were answered, Bruce left her to contemplate her next move. She supposed she had no choice, but since she had plenty of time until the end of the month, she decided that she would enjoy the lovely sunshine while she could.

She spent the majority of the rest of the month outside either wandering in the garden or visiting the horses in the stables. Natasha knew Steve wanted her to stay within the palace grounds for her own safety and for once, she understood the reasons why. It wasn’t so much that she was ‘weak’ in her delicate state, but that he worried for any accident that would threaten either her or the health and well-being of their child. He was being good to her.

The discussion regarding the cessation of their sex life for the time being had not been easy on her. Thanks to the pregnancy, Natasha was in tears by the time she actually got the words out and Steve wound up holding her on their bed for upwards of half an hour while she wept for no reason in particular. Eventually, she fell asleep and woke up to Steve dozing nearby with a tray of chocolates and lovely, ripe pieces of fruit sitting on the bed waiting for her. Steve was woken up by soft sniffling and jumped to his feet right away so he could find out what was wrong.

“Nothing!” Natasha said quickly. “Nothing, I’m just so happy.” But there were tears in her eyes and a very confused Steve just kind of hesitated before sitting beside her and slowly putting his arms around her in the hopes that he could help.

On the last day of March, Natasha spent the entire day bathed in sunlight in the garden. She ate there, read her book with her back up against a tree, and eventually took a nap right there in the grass. Steve found her close to sunset still laying on the ground with her eyes closed and sat down beside her. “Natasha, it’s getting chilly outside,” he said warmly. “I’m afraid I have to ask you to come inside.”

Natasha sighed and opened her eyes to give him a petulant look. “It’s too early to say goodbye,” she said sadly. “Five months inside the walls of the palace. How can anyone ask that of me?”

Steve smiled and leaned over to kiss her forehead. “You know it’s for the best,” he reminded her.

“Yes,” she whispered. “I suppose you’re right.”

With that, Steve helped Natasha up and they headed back inside together to enjoy dinner in the main hall with their friends and family before retiring for the evening or, in Natasha’s case, for the next five months.

As April began, Natasha slowly realized that staying in bed was not only going to drive her crazy, but it might very well drive other people crazy as well. Her handmaidens were working doubly hard to make sure that she was comfortable and had everything she needed, but as Natasha was in a _terrible_ mood from the moment Steve left without her, they had their work cut out for them.

The days passed very, very slowly. Natasha felt like they just blended together; breakfast, book, knitting, lunch, music, letter writing, dinner with Steve, sleep, repeat. She got up maybe three times a day or so, but that was all. It was _terribly_ boring and thanks to her cravings plus boredom plus access to very loving handmaidens, Natasha spent about fifty percent of her downtime snacking on everything from little cookies to candied nuts to bowls of fruit. She was gaining weight just like Bruce wanted her to, thank you very much.

And then there was at last some good news. Maria gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy on April 12th and when Natasha was finally informed that all was well with mother and son, she immediately wanted to go visit them. Steve said no, obviously, but Natasha glared up at him from bed and pressed her lips together. “She’s my friend,” she argued. “I’d like to see the baby before the _seasons_ change.”

“You’re supposed to stay in bed. Dr. Banner said so.”

But Natasha just kind of stared at Steve for a long time. “Then I suggest you get in contact with Bruce and find out exactly how much rest I need because I very much want to see my friend and I’m not making her come to me.”

A slightly flabbergasted Steve quickly summoned Bruce to them and waited impatiently for the doctor to arrive so he might talk some sense into Natasha. But Bruce, seemingly amused, sat on the edge of Natasha’s bed and asked her how she was feeling like she wasn’t threatening to visit a friend while she was ordered to rest in bed.

“I’m incredibly bored,” she said honestly. “But otherwise, I feel perfectly fine.”

Bruce gave her a brief exam and praised the weight that she’d gained, but it was what he agreed to afterwards that had Steve hovering worriedly beside him. “I think a visit to Maria would be very good for you,” he said warmly. “You’re nearly through your fifth month and you do still need a little exercise. If Steve would be good enough to accompany you…” He glanced up at Steve. “And make sure you do not overexert yourself…”

“Of course,” Steve said immediately. “I’ll stay at her side the whole time.”

Pleased that she’d gotten her way, Natasha threw her blankets off and moved to get out of bed so she could get dressed and visit Maria. Steve was probably more nervous than anyone, so she told him to wait in the main room while her maidens helped her into one of the maternity gowns she’d ordered from the seamstress and had yet to wear. It slipped on and they zipped her in and tied the ribbon around her waist so Natasha could admire her new silhouette in the mirror.

 

 

The gown itself was made of very light, pink material that flowed around her figure and made it difficult to make out exactly how much weight she had gained. It even brushed over the belly she’d grown and hid it until she smoothed her hands over it to highlight the curve. She rather liked it, she decided. She looked… mature. Maternal. This was her ‘right time’ to bring a child into the world.

Taking Steve’s hand, she left the room without even putting any shoes on (her feet were swollen anyway) and let him lead her to the rooms Sam and Maria shared in a different wing of the palace. When she walked in, she found Maria sitting up in bed with a tiny bundle in her arms and just beamed. “Oh, Maria,” she sighed, sitting down on the edge of her bed. “He’s beautiful.”

“Thank you so much for coming! Are you sure you’re able to be up and around?” She looked tired. Maria’s still was still slightly flushed and her hair hung in soft curls all down her back. Sam hadn’t left since the delivery, she was sure of it, and he still stood nearby talking quietly with Steve.

“I’ve cleared it with the doctor,” Natasha promised, reaching out to lay her hand on her friend’s knee. “I had to come and see you. Oh, he’s so lovely, Maria… You must feel so relieved.”

Maria smile and looked down at her son for a moment. “I am,” she answered softly. “And Natasha, it’s-- it’s not quite like what they describe, but when it’s over the pain is so very worth it.” She glanced between her son and Natasha for a moment before smiling even brighter. “Would you like to hold him?”

“Can I?” Maria nodded and Natasha carefully took the baby out of her arms to hold him for a few moments. He was so small, his skin still kind of squished and so very soft, and his eyes hardly opened as he settled against her chest. Oh, he was lovely. “Have you chosen a name yet?”

“Yes, Sam wants to call him Riley,” she said easily. “After a friend he lost some years ago.”

“Riley,” she whispered, reaching up to brush the back of her finger along the baby’s cheek. “It’s so nice to meet you. Look at you, look how beautiful you are…” There was something very cathartic about seeing a child actually brought into the world in real time looking healthy and beautiful. As she passed the child back to his mother, Natasha smiled gently. “I couldn’t be happier for you,” she said quietly. “For both of you.”

The visit didn’t last very long. Maria was still exhausted and Natasha was actually surprisingly tired as well. They wished each other all the best and Natasha took Steve’s arm again so they could head back to their own rooms. She didn’t actually want to go back and it showed, but Steve acquiesced and joined her for tea on the balcony rather than insisting she got back to bed right away. “The sun is so nice,” she sighed, tipping her head back a little bit. “I’ve missed it.”

“I know you have,” Steve said easily. “I know. And I know how difficult it is for you to sit around all day, but I’m _proud_ of you for how hard you’ve been trying.”

Natasha appreciated that as she appreciated his foot rubs every now and then or the sweets he’d bring home some nights. He’d even make sure she had new books to read, more yarn for her knitting (pitiful as it was, since she had yet to master it)... Steve was being incredibly helpful and good to her, especially considering it had been almost a month since he’d last been able to make love to her.

Days later, as they sat together for lunch, Natasha hazarded another request. “Would it be terribly irresponsible of us to just take one little walk to the gardens?” She asked at some point. “We can rest there, I just want to sit in the grass for a little while.”

Steve hesitated, but Natasha gave him a pleading look and he sighed. “Alright,” he agreed. “A short walk, and a rest in the grass. But that’s all. And if you grow even the least bit weary, we return here. Understood?”

“Yes, I understand.” She smiled excitedly. “Thank you.”

 

 

When their tea was finished, Steve offered his arm again and they made their way to the garden together. Natasha insisted upon remaining barefoot to deal with her swollen feet and the discomfort that came with squeezing them into shoes, but it really didn’t matter. They sat down on the grass together and Steve allowed her to position herself between his legs so she might lean back against his chest. It was wonderful just to have Steve’s hands on her belly and the sun on her face. Natasha wasn’t aware of anything else at that moment; not the fact that she was supposed to be in bed, not the fact that she’d gained weight… Nothing else but Steve and the sun mattered at all.

And then-- something happened. Both Steve and Natasha started as there was unexpected movement. “What--”

Natasha slid her hands onto her belly and waited patiently until there was yet another little kick against her hand. She smiled widely and laughed a little, quickly grabbing Steve’s hand to hold it over the same spot. “Wait, wait…”

Another little kick had Steve laughing out loud. “How amazing!” It would seem as though their child was eager to say hello as there were little bumps and kicks for quite some time after that. They enjoyed each one, marveling together at the fact that there was _life_ growing inside Natasha.

 

 

It was an hour until Natasha was beginning to doze off against Steve’s chest and he smiled as he kissed her hair and suggested they get back to their rooms. He helped her up and they headed back hand in hand so Natasha could take a nap before supper. Unfortunately, it was when Steve helped her out of her lovely gown that Natasha got a peek of herself in the mirror and blanched because she had _certainly_ gained weight. Her belly wasn’t even that big yet, but her thighs and hips had certainly gotten bigger and her breasts were noticeably swollen as well.

Frowning, she quickly grabbed a long robe and pulled it on despite the strange fit over her belly. Steve didn’t seem to notice, thankfully, and Natasha allowed him to help her into bed and kiss her forehead as she fell asleep for the time being.

From that evening on, Natasha became very, very conscious of how much weight she was gaining. It wasn’t so much that she’d doubled in size, but she was _softer_ now and despite the fact that pregnancy was supposed to be this beautiful thing, she found that she was rather worried about it. Over the course of her fifth month, she’d woken up to Steve pressed up against her back nearly every day unless she’d gone to sleep with hot flashes and asked him to stay on the other side of the bed. And on the majority of those mornings, she woke with something very hard pressed up against her behind. She couldn’t blame him, of course. They’d had wonderful sex some mornings before she’d conceived, but as she couldn’t help him in the proper way now…

She worried instead.

A few times, she’d struggled to turn over and used her hand to give him the kind of release he needed, but Steve actually seemed unsure of what he was supposed to do afterwards. Natasha knew in the back of her head that using his hand on her probably wouldn’t cause any harm, but she felt… Well, for the first time, she felt rather unattractive. She didn’t _want_ him to see her naked.

By the time her sixth month and the end of her second trimester rolled around, Natasha became aware of two things. First of all, she was getting bigger by the day and moving had turned into an ordeal, just like sitting, and dressing. She spent loads of time writing letters to everyone from her father to Loki to Clint and all her other friends. She’d shared news of her pregnancy sometime in the fifth month and basked in their congratulations and offers of love and support, but she also truly appreciated the diversion from her increasing immobility.

Second of all, Steve was beginning to seem very eager for contact and since Natasha felt all but particularly attractive, she felt like she wasn’t quite seeing to his needs as well as she should have been. The poor man seemed distant and secretive, although she couldn’t ever say that he stopped tending to her just like a perfect husband ought to.

Still. She knew what many men, especially royal men, did in times like these and due consideration had led her to a decision at last. She would rather Steve lay with another with her permission rather than do so behind her back. At dinner one evening, she sat back and fixed her gaze on her husband, convinced that she could get the proper words out.

“Steve, I think there’s something we need to discuss,” she began. “I don’t want you to get worked up about it either, no matter what your opinion on the matter is. I know it isn’t… strictly proper for me to bring it up.”

Granted, he looked a little scared, but Natasha soldiered on without giving him a chance to question her. “I know… that it’s been some time since we’ve been able to lay together and I think… I’ve given it a lot of thought and if you feel like you need to lay with someone else…”

“Natasha, please…”

Shaking her head a little, Natasha held up a hand to stop him so she could get through this. “I know you love me,” she said softly. “The least I can do is understand if you need to find release with someone else. It won’t… mean anything. I know that.”

Steve looked somewhere between horrified and guilty. “Natasha, I’m not going to do that,” he said immediately, gesturing with one hand to really drive that home. “I couldn’t, I wouldn’t _ever_ even _think_ \--”

“Steve.” He stopped and looked up, finally meeting her eyes again. “Please don’t lie to me.”

She could see the guilt in Steve’s eyes and smiled just a little to herself even as he took a deep breath before continuing on. “I… appreciate your concern for me,” he said quietly. “I want you to know that I haven’t… done anything with anyone else.”

Natasha nodded and offered him a small smile as she reached out to take his hand. “Thank you for being honest with me,” she answered. It was difficult for her to do this and difficult for her to even imagine looking at Steve the same if he _did_ sleep with someone else, but she wanted him to be happy as well. She squeezed his hand and pulled away, quickly picking up her cup of water to take a long sip.

Steve didn’t say much else that night.

 

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It went without saying that Steve was so very happy to see Natasha’s pregnancy progressing normally. He wanted everything to go perfectly for her and he wanted to make sure that she was happy and healthy through the whole thing, but it was even more than that. He wanted to be right there with her through every little step; the morning sickness, the hot flashes, the cravings, the crying. This was something they were going through _together_ , even if she was doing most of the work.

Now, he couldn’t lie and say that going without sex was the easiest thing in the world, but Steve hated that Natasha had given him permission to seek out company with someone else.

And worst of all, once she did? He couldn’t get it out of his head. It was obviously a very common thing and no one would blame him for making the decision to sleep with another woman, but Steve still felt very strange about it. She had to be the only wife he knew of who would give her husband ‘permission’ for such a thing as if she had a say in the matter, as if he needed her permission.

Steve had never been one of those men who slept around all the time even before he married. Bucky was far more likely to go around romancing anyone he could and that was fine, but Steve? He much preferred to just stay on the sidelines. But… he found that his _desires_ and his morals didn’t quite match up these days. And when he spent one night out at the nearby tavern with Bucky and Sam in tow, he found that he had very little reason to push away a woman who sidled up to him.

Steve had a wife who was seven months pregnant sitting at home. He had a wife he _loved_ sitting at home waiting for him to join her and yet… this woman beside him was smiling at him and she smelled so _good_. She even called him ‘your highness’ and touched his chest and it felt good. By the time she was seated on his lap and eventually pulling him into a room upstairs, he wasn’t thinking about much else.

 

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Natasha was halfway through her seventh month when the night came that Steve returned in the early hours of the morning instead of late in the evening. It was a small distinction, but when he slipped into bed behind her and settled in smelling distinctly of someone else’s perfume, Natasha couldn’t quite accept it. It hurt. She knew that she’d given her permission and she didn’t regret that because it would have been worse if this had happened _before_ she’d said it was okay, but it still hurt. That power she had… she didn’t really have it. He could have done it at any time.

Now… the only difference was that he didn’t have to hide it.

Natasha realized that she might have bitten off more than she could chew. The least he could do was _bathe_ before he returned to their marital bed, but there he was smelling of whatever woman he’d spent the night with. Did he have to be so cruel about it? Or did he think she honestly didn’t care what he did in his free time?

The next morning, Natasha couldn’t look at him. She wished him a good morning like she always did, but she feigned exhaustion until he left and cried into her pillow the moment she was left alone, one hand cradling her belly. It was the right thing to do, she reminded herself. It was the right thing to do. He wouldn’t resent her now and they didn’t have any secrets. It would be fine.

To his credit, Steve never came back smelling of someone else’s perfume again. That awful memory faded because Natasha felt like she made the right decision and now that he’d gotten it out of his system, it was over. Whatever worries she had would disappear as time went on.

Close to the end of her seventh month, Bruce came for yet another visit and sat on the edge of Natasha’s bed as she explained to him how eager she was to have her freedom again. “Sometimes the walls feel like they’re closing in on me,” she laughed softly. “The weather has gotten so warm and it’s difficult to be anything but unhappy when you’re stuck inside all day.”

“You’re coming along nicely,” Bruce told her in the hopes that it would lift her spirits. “It’ll be worth the trouble in the end, I promise you. Have you thought of any names yet?”

“A few, here and there,” she mused easily. “Oh, but _Bruce_ … Can I not take a short walk?”

Bruce offered her a smile and reached out to examine her belly again, lightly pressing here and there and laughing to himself as the baby kicked against his hands. “Perhaps a _short_ walk,” he said. “No more than half an hour. Can you promise me that?”

Natasha smiled brightly. “Yes! Of course. I can absolutely promise you that. Thank you.”

She waited somewhat impatiently for Steve to return from his business with the king, eagerly sitting in the main room all done up in a gown she never would have worn otherwise. But she had plans to ask him to take her to the gardens at dusk and no one else would be around anyway. With her belly covered only by the lace overlay, she felt _almost_ comfortable despite the constant heat. And her body, which she still hadn’t quite come to terms with, was still as covered as it needed to be for her comfort. When Steve finally, _finally_ , arrived home, Natasha sprang up as fast as she was able and gave him an excited smile. “Bruce said I could go for a walk. Can we go now? Please?”

She would have gone without him, but Natasha knew Steve well enough to know that he would hate the idea. It was for his benefit that she’d waited at all. “Now? Can it wait a few minutes? I’m tired, Natasha. It’s been a long day.”

Well, that just about crushed her. Natasha slowly took her seat again and frowned, but ultimately nodded. “I suppose it can wait,” she said, glancing out to the balcony to see that the sun was already beginning to set. “A little while.”

Steve moved to pour himself a cup of wine and downed it in a few large gulps before refilling it again. They were silent and the expectation in the air only made things a little more tense, especially considering Natasha was waiting and waiting and --- Why was she doing this to herself? She was an adult, a grown woman! Huffing quietly, she struggled to her feet and straightened out her dress.

“I’m going for a walk. Join me if you like.” With that, she kind of waddled towards the door and let herself out as Steve stared in shock after her. He obviously ran after her as soon as he’d realized what was going on and fell into step beside her in the hallway, but Natasha just soldiered on without pause.

“Natasha, what are you doing? Slow down, you can’t just--”

“I can’t just _what_ ?” She hissed back at him, not bothering to pause in the slightest. “I’ve been waiting for _ages_ for you to come back, you could have at least come out with me right away.”

Steve groaned a little and rubbed a hand over his face. “It’s just a walk,” he reasoned. “You couldn’t have just waited a little longer--?”

“No!” Natasha huffed a little and shook her head as she padded down the hall and finally, finally stepped outside. As her feet sunk into the grass, she sighed and let her head tip back to take advantage of the cool breeze.

“Look, Natasha, I’m sorry I--” Steve stopped as she put her hand up and just watched her instead.

Once she’d had a chance to take a few deep breaths in the warm, summer evening, Natasha opened her eyes and looked to Steve. “We’re here now,” she said quietly, taking his hand and pulling to make him move forward with her. “That’s all that matters.”

 

 

They walked together in silence for a while and Natasha just tried to enjoy the breeze and the fresh air the way she’d wanted to. But eventually, Steve squeezed her hand, lifted it up, and kissed her knuckles. “I don’t think I’ve told you recently how pregnancy suits you.”

Natasha looked up in surprise. “Does it?”

“Oh, yes. I finally understand what people mean when they say that women glow while they’re with child,” he said warmly. “You do glow.”

“You’re mistaking sweat for a glow,” she laughed. “But thank you, I appreciate the thought.”

“Sam mentioned that he used to talk to Maria’s stomach. I was wondering earlier if I ought to be doing that…” He paused and gave her a sheepish look. “What do you think?”

Natasha shrugged a little. “I think… if you want to talk to the baby, then you should. I talk to him or her all the time. I sing to them too.”

Steve nodded in thought and eventually asked her to stop so he could start right then. It was as though he couldn’t bear to be left out of this, like the child would come out and not know him at all.

Standing in front of her, he reached out to touch her belly and slowly lowered himself to his knees in front of her. “Can you hear me?” He whispered somewhat awkwardly. “I hope you can. It’s me…” He paused and glanced up at her. “Um, Daddy. I… I can’t wait to meet you.”

Natasha smiled and brushed her hand over Steve’s hair as he pushed the lace aside to press his lips to her bare skin right over her belly button. “I love you already,” he continued. “I’m sure you’re so, so beautiful.”

He kissed her belly again and got a hard kick for his trouble, but that only served to make him smile. “It would seem that they are eager to meet me as well,” he laughed as he stood up again.

“Of course they are,” Natasha said easily, accepting a kiss on her forehead. “I’m sure that whatever have, they will be proud to have you as their father.”

Steve gave her a real kiss for that and Natasha leaned right into it as much as she could given the belly currently preventing them from being any closer. “Thank you,” he whispered. “That means a lot to me.”

Natasha smiled and they headed back inside with her arm wrapped around his and one hand idly resting on her stomach. The sun had set and they were both content to take their evening meal right there in their chambers once Natasha was settled in bed once again. She ate off a little tray placed on the bed beside her and Steve ate from a table nearby. They talked about Steve’s day and the letters Natasha had received and replied to lately, including news from Asgard that spoke of some kind of compromise in order to give Thor the heir he needed.

Time went on. Natasha couldn’t believe how big her stomach had gotten and found herself more capable of waddling than anything else. She couldn’t even bend anymore, not that she was supposed to anyway. Instead, she spent most of her time in bed like Bruce had prescribed. She read a lot, but she also spent as much time as she could bear on knitting the blanket she’d started all those months ago and hardly worked on because she simply didn’t like it very much.

By the time Steve celebrated his next birthday at the beginning of her eighth month, Natasha felt like she might just be pregnant forever. It wasn’t an awful thing to have her baby safe and warm inside her, but she did want to get back to her life as she had known it. Although…. She supposed that after a child was brought into one’s life, one couldn’t expect everything to be the same.

“Are you sure you don’t mind?”

Natasha sighed and turned to look at him from where she was sitting up in bed, her knitting spread out over her stomach. “Steve, you know I can’t go,” she reasoned. “It would be ridiculous to ask you to stay. It’s your birthday. Go and celebrate. Have something delicious for me.”

Steve sighed and moved to sit beside her, leaning down to kiss her forehead and rest one hand on her belly. “Very well,” he agreed. “I’ll bring back a piece of the cake for you. How does that sound?”

“Wonderful,” she whispered, smiling up at him. “Go on. Don’t make them wait for the guest of honor forever.” Natasha waved him off and made sure he’d gone before she set down her knitting and just leaned her head back to think. Surely tonight would be like the others before it and Steve would still come back smelling like himself, but she still worried. She still worried.

He did keep his promise in some respect, though. Sometime after he left, a servant showed up with a glass of milk and a large piece of cake that she enjoyed right there in bed. At least Steve was still thinking of her as he celebrated.

Late that night, she opened her eyes at the sound of someone stumbling into their room and lifted her head as her husband attempted (and ultimately failed) to quietly undress for bed. He was clearly drunk, but Natasha smiled because it couldn’t be later than midnight and he was trying so hard to be quiet all in an effort to not wake her. She laid still and waited for him to slide into bed with her, pressing a sloppy kiss to the back of her shoulder and wrapping one arm around her waist to rest his hand on her belly.

Steve was home, and he was hers. Natasha went to sleep knowing that nothing else mattered.

Just a few days shy of August, Natasha felt something _wrong_ . She was sitting in bed very early in the morning because she just couldn’t sleep and all of a sudden, something popped and she was _wet_. It took her a few seconds to realize that her water had broken, but the realization left her shocked and just staring into space right up until the pain started.

Doubling over as much as she was able, Natasha clutched at her belly and let out a long, uncomfortable groan. “Steve,” she gasped. “Steve, wake up. Wake up!”

He was slow to wake, but sat up in alarm when he noticed she was clearly in pain. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I don’t—I think my water just broke.”

“Now? That can’t be. It’s too early. You’ve got another—“

“Month, I know!”

For only seconds, they sat there together and worried. Seven and a half months in and she was going into labor? They couldn’t help but wonder what that meant for the fate of their child. Steve got up to ask a servant to fetch Dr. Banner immediately and lit candles and lamps around the bed to be sure that they had enough light. Natasha threw the covers off just long enough to find that yes, her water had absolutely broken. There was no blood and that eased her, but the pain that came just a few minutes later had her crying out again, both hands holding her belly.

This was it, wasn’t it? She was going into labor and she was too early and tears already gathered in Natasha’s eyes because she knew that she couldn’t lose another one and keep going. She couldn’t do this again. Steve was at her side immediately and although he looked young and impossibly unsure of what to do, she let him hold her and kiss her hair and tell her that it was going to be okay.

Bruce arrived in ten minutes flat and immediately told Steve to leave the room so he could do a proper exam, but Steve hesitated. “Can’t I stay?”

Natasha huffed and looked up at him. “Bruce isn’t going to hurt me, just wait in the other room.”

Steve frowned. “But—“

“Steve.”

Sighing, he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “Alright,” he agreed. “But I’ll be just outside that door.”

Natasha rolled her eyes at him and smiled. “Go before I push you out myself.”

He left the room and Bruce explained what he was about to do before he did it. They removed the covers together and Natasha spread her legs so he could examine her fully. It took minutes before Bruce emerged and nodded. “Well, your water definitely broke,” he told her. “And you are definitely in labor.”

“It’s too early,” she insisted. “Can’t we stop it somehow?”

“No, labor comes when it comes. We can’t do anything to stop it, but we can make sure that the child is brought into this world in the safest way possible.” He moved beside her bed and offered his arm. “Let’s get you up first. This might take a while and I don’t want you sitting on soiled sheets.”

Natasha allowed him to help her and they watched together as her handmaidens quickly laid fresh linens on the bed for her delivery. Once Natasha was in a clean nightgown and settled in bed again, they called for Steve to return and he rushed in to sit at her side, taking her hand right away.

“What’s the verdict?”

“I’m in labor,” she told him quietly. “Bruce says there is still hope.”

Steve put an arm around Natasha’s shoulders and looked to Bruce for an explanation. “Even this early, there is a good chance that the child will survive delivery and grow up to be perfectly healthy. All it means is that we must be a little more careful than usual.”

“Then we must be even more careful than that,” Steve decided, lightly squeezing her shoulders. “I know we can do this, if we just—“

Natasha shuddered as another wave of pain hit her and had her whimpering into Steve’s chest. “How—How long is it going to last? This pain is unbearable.”

Bruce reached out and touched her knee. “I have seen women in labor for upwards of twelve hours,” he told her as gently as he could. “Some have suffered almost a day.”

That couldn’t be right. Natasha’s eyes widened and she stared at him for a moment. “You expect me to suffer like this for a day? It’s excruciating!”

“Natasha, your highness…” Bruce gave her a sympathetic look and leaned back. “This is not the painful part, but I have every confidence that if anyone can do this, you can.” He stood up. “I’ll leave you for some time. You aren’t ready to deliver the child yet, so I encourage you to rest as much as you can. Steve, a word?”

Steve hesitantly left Natasha’s side and joined Bruce across the room to speak in private. “You need to keep her calm,” he whispered. “All evidence points to stress being the worst thing for a mother, especially at this point in time. I’m counting on you to be her support. Can you promise me that?”

“Yes,” he answered immediately. “Of course. Thank you, Bruce.” He clapped Bruce lightly on the shoulder and returned to Natasha while the doctor left them for the time being. Sweat was beading on Natasha’s forehead already and Steve called for cool water and a cloth to drape over her forehead.

“Steve, what if—“

“Don’t.”

Natasha frowned and peered up at him. “But what if—“

“That isn’t going to happen,” he said calmly. “Remember how strong this child is. Remember all the kicks we’ve felt in the past months. It cannot be that a little ill timing stops them now.”

Natasha wanted to believe him and put stock in his words, but she still worried. Even as he settled in bed beside her and allowed her to doze against his chest, she thought about how she would feel if this child didn’t make it. What then? How could Steve keep her as his wife if she failed him like that?

The waves of pain came every few minutes for hours. Natasha would wake each time and at some point, she decided that she would rather be awake than jolted out of her sleep with each new wave. Eager to keep her comfortable, Steve asked that they have a kind of shredded ice brought to them in cups so she could keep hydrated and as cool as possible. It was a long, grueling process. Natasha hadn’t ever imagined it would feel like this, but it did. She was tired and she might have thought that after awhile she would get used to the pain, but it wasn’t like that at all. It was new and awful every time.

When dawn finally came nearly five hours after it had all started, Bruce returned with a thin soup and a cup of foul smelling tea in hand. “How are we doing?”

Natasha groaned, but she sat up as much as she could and frowned at the tray in his hands. “What is that?”

“Soup,” he announced. “Just broth. And a tea that should numb the pain a little bit.”

At this point, Natasha was willing to try anything. She took the tea right away and forced herself to take a sip despite the stench of it. “Five hours,” she huffed between sips. “And you’re saying it could last much longer?”

“I’m afraid so,” Bruce admitted. “I’ll be able to tell you something more accurately once I do another exam.” He waited for her to finish her tea and the small bowl of soup before asking Steve to leave her side again. Looking weary, Steve resolutely shook his head and remained sitting right beside her as Bruce lifted her nightdress and saw what he needed to see. “You are… about a quarter of the way there,” he said, breaking the news as gently as he was able to. “We still have some time.”

With promises of more tea later on, Bruce left them again and Natasha let her head fall back with a groan. Steve, who was still really not at ease with the whole situation, kissed her knuckles and decided that a distraction was the very best thing he could offer her right now. “Have you thought of any names?” He wondered aloud. “I know we can’t know yet whether it’s a girl or a boy, but…”

“Have you?” She asked, giving him a tired look. “Have you thought of any names?”

Steve smiled and leaned back beside her. “I had thought if we have a boy, we might name him something strong like Noah or John or Alexander. And for a girl, something lovely like Charlotte or Olivia or--”

Natasha tried to curl into him as another contraction ripped through her and had her hand tightening hard around his own. “They’re all very nice,” she managed, whining a little as she turned her head to bury her face right in his shoulder. When it finally passed, she turned her gaze up to him with sweat once again beading on her brow. They weren’t as bad now, not with that tea Bruce had given her, but they were still uncomfortable. “Especially Charlotte. What a lovely name.”

Another three hours passed before Bruce checked in on them again and offered Natasha another cup of tea. It was weaker that time, but it did help her get nearly an hour of sleep when he left them. It was an hour she sorely needed, since she had been in pain for nearly six hours straight by that point. Unfortunately, the tea had to wear off sometime and she woke up with a groan as her stomach clenched hard. Steve was there the whole time and she was unbelievably grateful for it, especially considering this just wasn’t the function of a prince or a husband or a man in general.

At ten hours, Natasha was really beginning to crack. She was in so much pain and she was so tired that she couldn’t even imagine the part that would inevitably come, the harder part according to Bruce.

“Ten and a half hours,” Bruce announced as he came back into the room. Natasha’s handmaidens had taken to giving her cool cloths for her forehead and refilling her ice, but as they’d been trained to aid in the delivery, they also massaged her feet and her belly to help ease the contractions. With Bruce coming back, they moved out of the way and let him peer between her legs again. “We’re getting close,” he said gently. “I would say no more than another half hour or so.”

Steve perked up. “You mean it’s almost time?” He smiled in relief and Natasha tried to do the same, but she was exhausted already and tears sprang to her eyes instead.

“I can’t,” she whined. “I can’t do it, I can’t! I’m so tired…”

“You can,” Steve told her. “Natasha, this is it. We’re so close now and I know you’ve got it in you.”

She sobbed into his shirt and it was all she could think about for a while; the fact that she just couldn’t do this! How could she be expected to push after ten hours of labor pains? But soon enough, it was undeniable. Bruce was cleaning his hands and instructing the handmaidens around, and he turned to Steve to tell him to get out. This time, Steve didn’t argue. He kissed Natasha’s temple instead and leaned down to speak to her.

“You can do this,” he told her as firmly as he could. “You’ve got this, Natasha. I love you.

“I love you too,” she said as he left, closing the door behind him and sealing her off with Bruce and her maidens and one huge job ahead of her. “It hurts. Can I push now?”

Bruce helped her bend her legs up and asked her to hold them that way with her hands wrapped around her calves. “Listen to me, this isn’t something we can rush through,” he explained. “You’re ready, but I want you to take a deep breath before we do anything.”

Natasha tried, but her exhale turned into a shout and Bruce nodded. “Good. Now, Natasha. Push!”

Gritting her teeth hard, she pushed and pushed and pushed and it felt like ages before Bruce told her to stop. There were little bits of hair sticking to her sweaty forehead and Natasha honestly felt like she was being split in two, but that moment to breathe meant the world to her.

“Okay. On the count of three, one big push,” he told her. “One, two, three.”

Again, she tensed up and pushed like it was all going to be over in a moment, letting out a loud yell as she did so. It wasn’t over. She felt this tremendous pressure between her legs and she thought just for a second that she might actually be doing this, but Bruce stopped her again.

“Natasha.” His voice faded in over the pounding in her head and the weariness quickly setting in despite how much work she had yet to do. “The baby isn’t in a good position. I need you to not push, okay?”

“Is—is it alright?” She panted. Tears streamed down her cheeks at this point from sheer pain “What does that mean?”

“It means that you need to resist the urge to push for a few minutes,” he told her. “It’s alright, but I need to move them now.”

The feeling of Bruce literally pressing on her belly to move the child within it was something Natasha wouldn’t soon forget. But if that helped, then who was she to complain? Soon enough, he was touching her hand and urging her to lift her legs up a little higher and let nature take its course.

“Good! I can see the head, Natasha, just a little more!” Natasha screamed as it all happened. The pressure was there and intense and unlike anything she’d ever felt before, but then it was over.

Through the tears gathered in her eyes, she saw Bruce handling a little blur that became a child. And as he lightly hit the backside, the child began to cry. Natasha watched in exhausted awe as Bruce handed the child to one of her handmaidens, who wrapped it—him? Her? “What is it?” She slurred. “A boy or a girl?”

Bruce smiled widely as he stood up and offered her a cup of water while they waited for the afterbirth to be delivered as well. “A girl,” he told her. “She’s beautiful. Small, but beautiful.”

Natasha took a few sips of the water, but the news of her daughter only brought more tears. “I’m so happy,” she said, trying to explain them. “Can I see her?”

“We have to get you settled first, then she’ll be over.”

The rest of the process was simple. Natasha had a few more contractions to deliver the afterbirth and Bruce insisted that they clean her up and make her comfortable before anything else. Two of her handmaidens aided in that, wiping the blood from her skin and quickly changing her bedding again while she allowed Bruce to support most of her weight.

Finally, she was settled in bed in a sitting position with a blanket over her legs and Bruce placed a bundled baby girl into her arms. Natasha’s first thought was that she was healthy, alive… “Hello, baby girl,” she whispered. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

She wasn’t what the court wanted. She wasn’t the male heir necessary, but she was perfect in her mother’s eyes and that was all that mattered. She had a little tuft of blonde hair and when she opened her eyes, they were a pretty shade of grey-blue. Under Natasha’s watchful gaze, the baby shifted weakly and gurgled as she looked up at Natasha. “Thank you, Bruce,” she said warmly, only when she was able to lift her gaze from the newborn in her arms. “Thank you so much, I couldn’t have done this without you.”

Bruce smiled. “It was my pleasure. Now, I think I’ll go and retrieve your husband. Something tells me the wait is killing him.” He opened the door to the main room and Natasha watched as Steve just about ran into the room and stopped dead at the sight of her holding their little bundle and smiling.

“It’s a girl,” Natasha told him. “Come and see her, Steve. She’s beautiful.”

Steve approached the bed and carefully sat down on the edge to peer down at his daughter. He let out a soft breath and tilted his head to the side while he really just took her in and Natasha could have sworn he wiped a tear or two from his eyes. “She’s perfect,” he whispered, only tearing his gaze away to lean up and kiss Natasha’s forehead, then her lips. “Thank you.”

Natasha’s eyes were growing wet again. Bruce had said that she might be a little more emotional than usual for a day or so after the birth, so she thought nothing of it and smiled through her tears instead. “Do you want to hold her?”

Steve looked nervous, but he let Bruce help him arrange his arms properly and accepted their little girl into the crook of his arm. She looked unbelievably small in comparison and Natasha couldn’t help but smile at how nervous her big, strong husband was just because he was holding something so precious.

“Hello,” he said, looking down at her. “You’re beautiful, little girl. Just beautiful.”

Natasha was already leaning back, her eyes weighing heavy now that her work was done and she had an opportunity to rest that likely wouldn’t last very long. “Mm. She is beautiful,” she murmured. “Our little princess.” There was a pause wherein she might have drifted a little bit, but Natasha pulled herself out of it and blinked up at her husband. “Steve?”

“Hm?” He didn’t even look away from the baby, too entranced by the way she was looking up at him with big, curious eyes.

Natasha smiled. “I think we should call her Sarah.”

 


	14. Chapter 14

_“Don't let the tall weeds cast a shadow on the beautiful flowers in your garden.”_

_-Steve Maraboli,_ _Life, the Truth, and Being Free_

 

Sarah was, without a single doubt, the most beautiful thing Natasha had ever laid eyes on. She was terribly small and Bruce listed at least a dozen things they had to watch out for just because she was born prematurely once he was able to give the child a full examination, but Natasha loved her to actual pieces. She was also underweight and they would keep an eye on that as well. All things considered, they would have to watch her carefully, but otherwise she was given a clean bill of health.

In true Natasha fashion, she’d refused the services of a wet nurse and fed the baby herself. It was painful at first, but the feeling of nursing a child right at her own breast was unlike anything she could possibly imagine. She felt… perfectly at home there with Sarah’s little hand wrapped around her finger as she nursed.

And Steve was _adorably_ helpful while Natasha was confined to her rooms for a while longer. Bruce said she needed time to heal and recover, which meant she had to spend another _two weeks_ in their rooms. He hardly wanted to leave her side, although he’d yet to actually be in attendance while she fed Sarah. Natasha suspected he preferred her breasts be used for other purposes.

Aside from that, she had woken up one afternoon after a long, wonderful nap to find Steve cradling the child in his arms and speaking very quietly to her about how they’d fallen in love. He was sweet and flustered when she laughed from her bed and caught him rambling on about how stupid he’d been to dismiss her in the beginning, and Natasha sat up to accept Sarah into her arms when she started to whine.

“I’ll get you some tea,” he said, quickly retreating and leaving them alone-- again.

Natasha sighed as she untied her robe and offered her breast to Sarah, who instantly latched on and nursed as she always did. She was steadily gaining weight, thankfully, but at the moment that only served to remind Natasha that _she_ had gained weight as well. At only nineteen, she’d had a child. Her hips were wider, her thighs were soft… She had this little pouch of fat on her lower belly that didn’t seem to be going away. Natasha was _bigger_ and softer and she didn’t know how to feel about that because while Steve had never quite talked about the sort of body he preferred…

Well, what if he didn’t want her like this?

That was a problem for another time. Right now, she had other things to worry about. Whenever the baby slept and she had energy, she wrote letters to those people who needed to know first hand about the birth of her daughter. She wrote to her father and Clint, of course, but also to Loki, May, and Kamala. She also entertained visits from Maria, who brought her son along to meet the baby as well, Pepper, Bucky, and the king. Joseph was thrilled, of course. He swept Sarah right out of Natasha’s arms and kissed her forehead, happily rejoicing in the birth of their first child regardless of the fact that she was a girl and not the heir that was so sought after.

 

Having refused a wet nurse, Natasha decided when her two weeks were nearly up that she needed to employ some kind of aid if she ever want to leave her rooms without Sarah in her arms. She needed a nanny who would start now and hopefully stay with them for years and so, she put the word out that she was looking to hire someone and waited for the inevitable.

Sure enough, she had a host of applicants not two days later and asked for Pepper’s help in sorting out those who had potential to those who shouldn’t be trusted with a child, let alone one of royal blood. In the end, just three women remained and Pepper marched them into Natasha’s main room one by one.

The first? The first was at least twenty years older than Natasha and looked like she’d taken care of countless children before. She had quite a pinched look about her: shriveled, pursed lips and beady eyes all topped off with severe grey hair pulled back into a tight bun. She told Natasha all about what she _knew_ was the right thing and how unfortunate it was that each new generation seemed to prefer taking the easy route… She was an easy one to cut out, thank you very much.

“I hope the next two are a little more flexible,” Natasha mused as Pepper joined her while they waited for the second candidate. It turned out that the second woman was even older, but she was a fair bit gentler than the first. She kept her hair in a long braid that fell over one shoulder and talked about all the lovely children she’d seen grow into wonderful people. When Natasha dismissed her so she could consider things, she actually thought she might have found a match.

“She’s very warm,” she mused when they were alone again. “I’d trust her with Sarah.”

Pepper nodded in agreement. “And she’s actually highly recommended. I spoke to a few of the families she’s worked for and she’s very committed.”

Natasha asked for tea to be served to them and asked Pepper about the last person who had yet to show up. “She’s not the one I expect you to pick, to be honest, but she has some qualities I think you’ll like. I found her by word of mouth. She’s known as a witch to the people in the village, but I’ve met her and she’s actually very sweet. I thought she might appeal to your non-traditional senses.”

Smirking a little bit, Natasha took a long sip of her tea. “My non-traditional senses, hm?”

“Yes, don’t you bother pretending like you don’t have them.”

Pepper gave her a look and they both laughed. Eventually, Sarah needed to be fed and Natasha pulled the baby onto her lap, loosened the top of her dress, and fed her right there. Pepper didn’t seem at all bothered by it and wasn’t that just very telling? Was it just because she, as a woman, understood their real purpose? Whatever the reason, they were able to carry on a conversation even as Natasha put Sarah over her shoulder and urged a little burp from her and even as she held the baby on her hip to put her to sleep. Their third and final candidate arrived right on time and as Natasha took her seat once again, Pepper led a young girl with long, brown hair into the room.

“Natasha, this is Wanda,” she said. “Wanda, this is Princess Natasha.”

“Your highness.” Wanda’s voice was heavily accented and she bowed nice and low in greeting before Pepper gestured for her to take a seat. The dress she wore betrayed both her youth and the fact that she was… certainly not part of the upper crust of society. It was very, very simple; white and off the shoulder, lacking a corset… Her hair was down as well and fell in soft waves all the way down her back. She wore clunky jewelry as well, and a pair of sandals that gave her no height whatsoever.

 

 

“Wanda,” she said warmly. “It’s a pleasure. Can you tell me a little about yourself?”

“Yes, of course, your majesty. I’m from a little town from a place called Sokovia. It is not too far from your home, I believe, but we are very small. I came here with my brother almost five years ago in search of a better life, a better chance.” She paused there, twisting her hands together in her lap. “He tries to provide for both of us, but he lacks any training… He works as a courier in town.”

“I see,” Natasha mused in turn. “So you wish to better yourself this way?”

Wanda pressed her lips together very briefly as she collected her thoughts. “I want to do what I can to contribute to my family,” she explained as clearly as she could. “And this is something I can do well.”

Natasha smiled. She liked that kind of integrity. She liked that Wanda was taking matters into her own hands, even though she had limited means to do so. “Have you taken care of children before?”

“Oh, yes. Back home, I would take care of children all the time,” she said as she brushed her hair back. “I would be happy to demonstrate for you or--”

At what seemed like the perfect moment, Sarah started to fuss in her cradle and let out a high pitched cry for attention. Natasha smiled and gestured towards her. “Go ahead,” she said patiently. “I’ve just fed her, so she’s likely just tired.”

Wanda smiled and stood so she could see to the baby’s needs. It was with sweet words that she began to calm Sarah, cradling the small child in her arms and keeping her close to her chest. But under Natasha’s watchful gaze, she also began to sing. The words were in a language Natasha didn't recognize, but the melody was beautiful and Wanda’s soft, husky voice was enough to put the women at ease as well as the baby in her arms. Within no time at all, Sarah was sleeping soundly against Wanda’s breast and Natasha was absolutely attached to her already.

“I know this seems terribly impulsive, but I think I’ve already made my decision,” Natasha said easily. “Wanda, if you’d like… I’d be happy to have you as a part of our family.”

Wanda smiled and nodded right away. “Yes, your highness,” she answered. “It would be a pleasure.”

Natasha arranged for a small set of rooms for Wanda and her brother right there in the palace and life carried on in the most spectacular way. Every single day, Sarah did something else that made Natasha smile. She was the light of her mother’s life and while Steve wasn’t around quite as much, he clearly loved her as well.

 

Thankfully, the two weeks she had to stay in her rooms didn’t last forever and Natasha was incredibly eager to rejoin the world out there. Now that it was slowly getting cooler outside again, she knew she had to enjoy the warm sun while she could even if little baby Sarah could not. As soon as she had the opportunity, Natasha left Sarah with Wanda, dressed in a gown she could only hope flattered her newer figure, and set out for lunch in the main hall.

The dress she’d chosen was secure enough to make her feel comfortable, tight enough to contain her slightly more generous curves, and appropriate for a new mother. Still, Natasha did feel as though all eyes would be on her and as soon as she left her rooms, she realized that she was right. Of course, everyone offered their congratulations as she passed them, bowing politely as they wished all the best for her first child. She appreciated the sentiments to no end, but she did wish that her husband was beside her to hear them as well.

 

 

When she arrived in the main hall, the first person she spotted was Steve standing near the balcony speaking to a woman Natasha didn’t recognize. She was terribly pretty; soft blonde hair done up the way Natasha never bothered to attempt, a dainty little nose and delicate hands to match… She was taller than Natasha by at least four or five inches and a couple of insignificant years older and when she smiled, she boasted a line of straight, white teeth as well. Beside Steve, she looked very much like she was in her rightful place as the two of them complemented one another quite nicely; two perfect blonde haired, blue eyed royals who would no doubt produce perfect blonde haired, blue eyed children.

Natasha watched them for several moments as the woman’s hand came out to touch Steve’s arm and briefly narrowed her eyes. Surely Steve would not openly bring a mistress to court, especially since he disapproved of the woman his father had been seeing since some time after his mother’s death. Surely not. But the woman seemed to step a little closer and Steve didn’t even pretend to move away from her.

Oh, Steve. Natasha understood, of course, that Steve was perfectly within his rights to take a mistress if he wanted to. As long as he came back to Natasha’s bed at the end of the day and conceived a son with her at some point, his duties were finished. Perhaps she had been silly to think that he would remain faithful to her. Perhaps she was still a little girl just dreaming about her perfect happily ever after.

She couldn’t say how long she stood there with her head tipped very lightly to the side and her hands folded in front of her, but he hadn’t noticed her presence at all. Steve hadn’t once looked away from his pretty little blonde and it hurt on so many levels that Natasha couldn’t process it correctly.

“Natasha?”

She blinked and turned quickly to find Bucky standing beside her looking apologetic. “Forgive me, I didn’t mean to startle you,” he continued. “I was only wondering if you might want to share a meal with me. We don’t have to eat here. I thought maybe the garden… There’s a gazebo nearby. I could have a servant bring a meal there for us.” Bucky looked so unsure. He didn’t meet her gaze the whole time and he kept gesturing unnecessarily with both hands. He knew something. He had to.

But the fact that Bucky was going out of his way to console her was so sweet and so touching that Natasha found herself tearing up a little bit. “I’d like that,” she whispered, nodding quickly. “Thank you.”

Bucky offered his arm and signaled for a servant to come close so he might order their meal to be brought outside and set down in the shade of the gazebo. Natasha took his arm and soon enough, they were walking together into the garden. For some time, they walked in silence and Natasha found it rather soothing instead of uncomfortable. Bucky had no expectations. He wanted nothing from her but the pleasure of her company and he knew that no matter how many kind things he did for her, she would never be his. The thought was strangely freeing.

“How is Sarah?” He asked eventually. “Doing well, I hope.”

Natasha smiled at the mere mention of her daughter. “Very well,” she confirmed. “She’s more beautiful with every day that passes. Although I will say that I am happy to have the freedom to leave my rooms.”

Bucky laughed. “I can’t blame you for that,” he said warmly. “I hear you’ve hired a nanny.”

“I have. She’s wonderful, Bucky, you should come and say hello one of these days.”

That was one thing that he could easily agree to. Eventually, they reached the gazebo and Bucky pulled Natasha’s chair out for her before taking the seat just across the modest table. She was acutely aware that this was something her husband ought to be doing for her, not her husband’s best friend. As they dug into their breakfasts, Natasha found herself feeling more embarrassed than she’d like and decided to speak up again to ask the most obvious question.

“Who was that woman?”

Bucky’s head shot up and he frowned as he swallowed down a large mouthful of food. “What woman?”

Natasha raised her eyebrows at him. “Bucky.”

He let out a great sigh and took a sip of his drink before actually speaking again. “Her name is Sharon,” he explained. “She’s a visiting duchess.” There was a pause wherein Natasha stared at him and willed him to say more than that, just answer questions that hadn’t quite been asked. “Steve is… fond of her,” he said slowly, averting his gaze. “There have been rumors, Natasha, but nothing more. He hasn’t said anything to me about whether he has---“

Natasha held up her hand and he stopped right there. She couldn’t hear it. Not yet.

“I’m so sorry,” he offered, reaching out to place his hand over hers. “He does love you, Natasha.”

“I know,” she whispered, unconsciously touching the ruby at her neck with her free hand. She’d worn it today for a good reason, because she wanted Steve to recognize it and perhaps even embrace her… but it would seem that would not be happening. “I know he does.”

She insisted that they return to their breakfasts, although Natasha didn’t eat much more than she had already. Instead, she was already wondering what Sharon had that she didn’t, other than a slimmer figure and lighter hair and more likely than not, she was more in tune to the etiquette of Steve’s court. But did that mean that Steve preferred her? Would he be unfaithful at a time when Natasha was still recovering from childbirth? Because while she had given permission---

That was just it, wasn’t it? Her permission didn’t matter. It had never mattered.

Finished with her breakfast, she tipped her head back for a moment and closed her eyes so she could just enjoy the warmth and the breeze on her face. It would all be okay. Steve would not want to sire a child with another woman because it would cause a scandal and even if he did sleep with someone else, he loved Natasha. She would remain his wife no matter what he chose to do with others.

“Would you take a turn about the garden with me when we’re through?” She asked suddenly. “I’m not technically supposed to wander about on my own just yet. Dr. Banner said there was a chance I might feel faint if I’m out in the sun too long.”

Bucky nodded immediately. “Of course. I’d be honored.”

They set off together arm in arm and Natasha allowed herself to not only enjoy the garden, but also enjoy the company of a man she trusted unconditionally. Bucky had been nothing but kind to her since she’d arrived; he’d made her laugh long before Steve had even attempted such a thing. There was no reason to not trust him. At some point, she even rested her head against his shoulder as they walked.

After some time, however, she did begin to feel a little weak. She did the responsible thing and told Bucky, who immediately put one solid arm around her waist for a little support on their way back into the palace. Despite her claims that she would be fine on her own, Bucky insisted upon escorting her all the way back to her rooms and helped her sit down there in the main room before he’d even remembered that there was a child involved.

Natasha watched as he looked up and stopped there, freezing halfway into a standing position with his hair falling charmingly into his eyes. Wanda stood just near the balcony with Sarah in her arms. She was wearing a pretty dress that day; Natasha had told her that she could wear what she liked as long as she was comfortable and appropriate. The dress was a very light purple and nipped in around her waist to give her a shape. It was off the shoulder as well, and Wanda had taken to walking around barefoot while she was indoors (with Natasha’s permission, of course), which meant that the silver bracelet she wore on her ankle could be clearly seen.

 

 

“Bucky, this is Wanda Maximoff,” she said warmly. “Wanda, this is James Barnes. He has been Steve’s friend since childhood and has been a wonderful friend to me since I came here.”

Bucky scrambled to bow to her and Wanda inclined her head in return even with the baby in her arms. “It is a pleasure to meet you,” she offered.

Natasha actually had to clear her throat in order for Bucky to reply. “Yes! Yes, it’s nice to meet you too,” he answered. “Wanda- er, Miss Maximoff.”

Well. As they stared at one another in awkward silence, Natasha found herself smiling widely. They clearly liked one another—Was this love at first sight? “I think I’m going to lay down for a while,” she announced after a moment. “Bucky, feel free to spend some time here. And thank you again for all your help today. She moved over to him and leaned up to kiss his cheek.

“Anytime,” he said quietly. “Rest well, Natasha.”

Natasha squeezed his arm and gave him a look before moving quickly to Wanda and brushing her thumb over Sarah’s little hand. “She’s been alright?”

“Yes, your highness,” she answered. “A little angel.”

“Wanda, please. How many times must I ask you to call me Natasha?”

Wanda smiled and Natasha could have sworn that there was a hint of a blush on her cheeks as her eyes darted very briefly to Bucky. “Yes, your—Natasha. I apologize.”

With that, Natasha retreated to her bedroom and allowed Wanda the opportunity to get to know Bucky. Yes, they were unsupervised, but Natasha knew that Bucky wouldn’t hurt a fly and so she found herself confident that the only thing going on between them would be a lot of very awkward flirting.

Hours later, after Bucky had long gone and Wanda had gently woken Natasha with a very hungry baby on her hands, Natasha started to think about that woman again. As Sarah nursed and Wanda quietly tidied up the other room, she thought about her options here.

First, she could confront Steve immediately and demand that he not see anyone else behind her back. Of course, he could ignore her entirely and do what he wanted regardless of what she said, but at least he would know that she didn’t approve.

Second, she could confront the woman and find out woman-to-woman whether or not something was going on between her and Steve. If something was going on, there was always the option of telling her to leave or attempting to intimidate her into going of her own volition.

Third, she could take her place on the sidelines and hope that Steve didn’t make any foolish mistakes with that woman because if he humiliated her in a public way, she’d never forgive him.

Or fourth, she could seduce him back into her bed before she was ready in an effort to show him what he’d be missing out on should he decide to be regularly unfaithful.

Now, the fourth was clearly the preferred option. Actually, the preferred option wasn’t even one Natasha had considered- that is, that Steve would _want_ to be faithful to her and do so without any outside help. But with that option aside, she knew that the fourth was the easiest option and yet she hesitated because she’d already been forced to give her virginity to a man she hadn’t loved, she was forced to have children whether she was ready or not, and she was forced to know that her reputation hinged on how she handled her husband seeking comfort in the arms of someone else. Her whole life revolved around what was between her legs and Natasha hated it. She wouldn’t sacrifice her own desires one more time.

And so, it was the third option that she decided was the right one for now. She wouldn’t confront either of them. Rather, she wanted to see how things would progress because if nothing else, she would know her husband for who he truly was behind the nice manners and the sweet words and the gifts.

She had just put Sarah down for another nap when Steve came in and asked Wanda to give them some privacy, much to Natasha’s chagrin. Whatever he had to say, she was certain he could say it in front of Wanda. If not, then it wasn’t particularly something she wanted to discuss. And yet.

“I thought you were leaving our rooms today. I had hoped to see you at breakfast and then I find… that you’ve had a private breakfast with Bucky instead.” Steve gestured with both hands like he just couldn’t fathom why she would have done such a thing. “Why?”

Natasha met his gaze and tried her very best not to openly accuse him of what she’d seen with her own two eyes. “I thought it would be nice to get some fresh air,” she lied. “Bucky happened to join me.”

Steve frowned. “He happened to join you,” he said slowly. “I see.”

“It was only breakfast,” she added quietly. “I hadn’t realized it would be a problem.”

“It’s not.” He spoke too quickly and Natasha judged him for it. “It’s not a problem, I just thought I’d see you and you weren’t there, so I thought something was wrong.”

Oh, Steve. Steve, Steve, Steve. It was hours after breakfast and he came looking for her _now_ thinking something was wrong? Natasha could smell the lie a mile away. Maybe he’d been with her or maybe he’d gotten distracted and forgotten it was even the right day for this. Whatever the reason, she wasn’t going to give in to the desire to apologize and make it all better.

“Well, as you can see,” she said easily. “I’m perfectly fine. Happy, healthy, and ready to have some afternoon tea. Would you like to join me this time?”

Steve seemed to consider her for a long moment before stepping back. “I have to see my father,” he said. “I can’t stay for tea.”

Natasha met his gaze and nodded a little bit. “Alright,” she answered softly. “Perhaps I’ll see you for dinner, then.”

“Yes. Yes, I’m sure you will.” He stood there awkwardly for a moment before moving towards the cradle to see Sarah and then finally leaving their rooms once again.

Natasha quietly took a seat and folded her hands in her lap. So. He felt guilty for what he was doing, clearly. She could see guilt written all over his face and it was actually somewhat cathartic because at least he had a conscience. At least he felt bad. At least he knew that what he was doing was wrong. It wasn’t much, but she hoped that with time… things might get better.

 

That night at supper, Natasha arrived a little late as she’d had to feed a very hungry child. But she arrived eventually and quickly sought out her place beside Steve as usual. Bucky smiled and she returned it with a smile of her own, but one glimpse to the side revealed that Sharon was most certainly at supper as well. She wasn’t sitting with them, but she was close enough that Natasha couldn’t quite ignore her presence. Convenient, wasn’t it? Awfully convenient.

When they adjourned to the parlor for piano and the like, Natasha finally got the opportunity to actually speak to the other woman, as it were. Sharon was bold enough to walk right up to Natasha where the princess was speaking quietly with Bucky. It was good that Bucky understood the need for discretion because otherwise Natasha might have seen him actually pounce.

“Your highness,” she greeted with a low bow. Sharon was wearing a pale pink gown with a jewelled collar and a material thin enough to show off the jut of her hip bones when she moved in certain ways. Natasha wasn’t certain what Sharon’s goal was here, but no matter what her motivations were, it was wrong of her to be so open to spending time with someone else’s husband. Men could unfortunately do what they liked thanks to the society that they lived in, but women had to stick together and _this_ woman obviously didn’t care about that. “I thought it was time I introduce myself. My name is--”

 

 

“I know who you are,” Natasha interrupted. “Thank you for taking the time to make your introductions like this. I hope you have felt welcome here in my absence.”

Sharon clearly disapproved of both Natasha’s interruption and the insinuation that she was quite well aware of who had been keeping Sharon company thus far. “Oh, I have,” she said. There was a hint of pride in her tone that Natasha immediately hated. “Very welcome, in fact. Your husband has been an excellent host.”

Natasha kept her gaze steady on Sharon despite the clear insult. Bucky’s hand tightened into a fist beside her and she moved as smoothly as she could to put a hand on his back and calm him. “Yes, I think I’ve trained him well,” she answered easily. “He’s so very eager to please.”

“He’s very sweet,” she offered confidently enough to make the hair on the back of Natasha’s neck stand up. Sharon needed to leave. She needed to leave their kingdom and never come back as far as Natasha was concerned, but she still wanted to keep her promise and stay on the sidelines right now. “And aren’t we lucky to have him,” she continued. “In our lives. Excuse me.”

With that, she left them and Natasha stared after her as Bucky quickly put a hand on her lower back to calm her- hopefully. “She’s-- bold, isn’t she?” He mumbled into his drink. “Too bold.”

Natasha took a deep breath and sipped at her wine while Sharon moved towards the piano, where Steve happened to be standing as well. She wasn’t ashamed of what she’d said, only of the fact that she’d tried so hard to get just a little sense of her perfume.

“You know, she’s not half as beautiful as you are,” Bucky tried when he realized Natasha hadn’t answered him. “She’s too thin. And she’s boring too. I mean, you’re not going to catch her with her elbows on the table and she’d definitely never mouth off to Steve…”

While Natasha appreciated the attempts to make her feel better about all of this, she was also very aware that Steve might prefer someone who didn’t speak to him the way she did. What if he did? What if he intended to keep Sharon around as an official mistress? Natasha didn’t even want to consider it and yet, it was all of a sudden a very real possibility.

“I don’t know if I should interrupt them or stay as far away as possible,” she confessed in a soft murmur. “It’s not my intention to deny him his happiness.”

Bucky shook his head. “You’re his wife. He loves you.”

“Love can be a fickle thing,” she reasoned. “And it is not as though I think he loves her.”

But he enjoyed her company. Perhaps he lusted after her. And since Natasha and Steve had not been together since Bruce insisted she stop making love to him, it was difficult to come to terms with the fact that he wasn’t already growing eager to be with her again. Even in bed, they laid apart.

Bucky looked troubled by the whole situation- perhaps even more troubled than Natasha. “He’s never been like this before,” he mumbled before he gulped down the rest of his drink. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

“Perhaps he is no longer content with a love that was chosen for him,” she mused. “If this is the time to seek out our own company, then he will not be the only one doing so.”

Bucky balked at the idea. “Surely you don’t mean…”

“Well,” she murmured. “I cannot allow anyone else into my bed, but I will not let his actions drive me to loneliness either. He has enough control over my life already.”

There were a few moments of silence between them before she felt Bucky’s hand at her back again. “I hope you know that I consider you my friend,” he said quietly. “And if you should ever feel the least bit poorly, I’ll be there to make you smile again.”

Natasha turned to face him and reached out to touch his cheek. “You have been a good friend to me,” she said warmly. “Believe me, I appreciate the sentiment. I won’t hesitate to come to you should I need to see a friendly face.”

They both turned as Sharon’s laughter drifted their way and Natasha rolled her eyes, much to Bucky’s amusement. “Listen to that laugh,” he quipped. “She sounds like a horse with allergies.”

Natasha laughed even though she really didn’t sound that bad and Bucky smiled proudly, like he’d proven just now that he could be a good friend to her. “You’re terrible,” she teased, lightly tapping his chest. “Absolutely terrible, Mr. Barnes.”

Bucky shrugged and gave her a wide smile. “I’ve been called worse.”

 

For the next two weeks, Natasha spent more time with Bucky than she ever had. She would have him over for tea, but ultimately decided that it was easier to explain their friendship if that friendship was public knowledge. Often they would take walks in the garden or sit together at meals and often the latter was in the company of Steve. But Steve had grown somewhat distant and while Natasha did try to engage him, he remained rather aloof.

A week into August, Steve left their rooms before Natasha woke and missed out on her brilliant idea to give the baby a bath together. Instead, she knelt on the floor of the main room and bathed Sarah in a small tub with Wanda there to help her. It was _fun_ and sweet and Natasha wished that Steve had been there because she was starting to miss him in an awful way even though she didn’t think he deserved it.

That afternoon, while Sarah took a nap and Wanda happily knitted on the sofa nearby, Natasha wandered out of her rooms and ran into Bucky close to the kitchens- by coincidence. Loneliness was beginning to set in. She felt abandoned by Steve and it was so easy to lean on Bucky when she needed him, even if she felt very weak to want a masculine touch so badly. In order to keep her spirits up, she dressed in a lovely blue gown that skimmed over her body and left her feeling rather pretty despite the current lack of anyone to appreciate it.

 

 

“Bucky,” she said brightly. “What are you doing lurking outside the kitchens? Trying to catch the eye of another pretty girl?”

He laughed and pushed his hair back. “Prettier than you? Never!”

“Oh, hush. Come and walk with me instead.” She had other things in mind for Bucky’s love life- namely Wanda, who had shyly asked about him a few days ago and blushed sweetly when Natasha said he was unattached.

Bucky agreed and offered his arm to Natasha as they headed out to the gardens and took their usual path. There had been more rumors of Steve’s infidelities, but no confirmations came. Sharon was reported to always return to her room at night and Steve to his, so no one knew the extent of their relationship. Natasha wasn’t quite sure she wanted to know, as she was aware Steve was perfectly capable of having sex in places other than the bedroom. Sharon had also been shunned by most of the women at court, who didn’t appreciate her bold advances towards their prince and her attempts to disrupt what had been a happy marriage. Unfortunately, that meant that the chances for gossip were slim to none.

“Have you ever been lonely?” She found herself asking. “So lonely that even surrounded by a crowd of people, you still feel alone?”

Bucky glanced at her and frowned. “I… I don’t think I have,” he admitted. “Is that how you feel?”

Natasha nodded a little. “He hardly speaks to me anymore,” she said softly. “When he does, it’s hollow, like he could be talking to anyone. He doesn’t touch me, he doesn’t…” It was rare that she allowed herself to get this upset, but she was beginning to seriously worry for the fate of their marriage. “Is this the fate of a married woman?”

Worried by the hopelessness of her words, Bucky quickly steered Natasha towards a bench settled under a large tree in a more secluded part of the garden. “It won’t last,” he told her. “Steve doesn’t even talk about her. He doesn’t look at her the way he looks at you.”

“What if you’re wrong?” She asked as simply as she could. “What if they’re meant to be?”

Bucky shook his head, but she continued on. “What if he doesn’t want me anymore?”

It was an awful thing to think about and not only because she loved him. Natasha knew that her _worth_ was not tied to whether or not Steve desired her, but the future of her reputation and her family was another story. She still needed to birth an heir and she still needed to rule beside him. She could not let this ruin her life and she refused to be unhappy because of him. Nineteen or not, it was time she took control.

“Natasha, who wouldn’t want you?” Bucky reasoned. “You’re beautiful. I was jealous of Steve when you first came here, you know. To have a woman like you just… just handed to me?” he shook his head a little bit and let out a long breath. “Sometimes I don’t think Steve realizes how unbelievably lucky he is.”

God only knows what made her do it. Maybe it was the sweet way Bucky was speaking to her or how sincere he sounded, maybe it was because he’d taken her hand at some point. Maybe it was just because Natasha needed validation and that made her flawed, but it made her flawed like everyone else. And she was so lonely that leaning forward and pressing her lips to Bucky’s felt like the right idea, so she did it.

Seconds later, she pulled away and sat back, slowly lowering her gaze down to her lap. “Your lips are soft,” she whispered. “I think I’d pictured them differently. I’m sorry.”

Bucky offered her an understanding smile and squeezed her hand. “It’s alright,” he said easily. “Come here.” He put his arm around her waist and Natasha leaned right into him, resting her head on his shoulder. At least he understood. He didn’t want anything from her, he just wanted her to be happy.

Not a full week later, Steve slid into bed one night after being missing in action for the entire day and reached out for Natasha’s waist. He pulled her close to him and kissed her neck, but it felt _wrong._ Natasha rolled over and met his gaze only to shake her head. “Not tonight,” she said quietly. “I’m tired.”

 

He didn’t try again.

 

Sarah was in many ways the best thing that had ever happened to Natasha. She was beautiful and perfect despite the problems Bruce said she had and might have later in life, and Natasha loved her more than she could articulate properly. Steve still held her sometimes, but things felt so strange between them that they often didn’t spend much time in the same room.

Their conversations were nothing like they used to be. In the morning, they would talk about the weather and their plans for the day and then Steve would leave on his own and come back at night to sleep. They would sit together at dinner as they were supposed to, but as Sharon was still at court Natasha preferred to speak to Bucky rather than join their conversation. She wasn’t welcome there and Sharon knew it, that was what made it worse.

At her six week post-delivery check up with Bruce, she listened carefully as he explained that while Sarah was gaining weight, she was still a fair bit smaller than another child her age would be. Natasha reminded him that Steve had been plagued with the same sort of difficulties as a child and he nodded and said that Sarah may have inherited more than that, but it was too early to tell. Natasha held her daughter for a long time after that, wiggling her fingers and smiling as she gurgled in response and reached up to grab them. Her baby girl was perfect. She didn’t want to hear anything else.

Not two days later, she was making her way towards the kitchens to fetch an apple to take to the gardens when she came upon Joseph’s private study with the door cracked open just a few inches. A strong voice she hardly recognized came from it and she stopped there, putting her back to the wall to listen once she understood the topic of their conversation.

“Your highness, it is time to consider her place here,” the voice-- Schmidt, she realized-- said. “They have been married quite some time now and she has managed not to bring us an heir, but a girl. The people of this kingdom grow weary of her ongoing failures. Think of how long it took her to conceive in the first place, and I have heard from the doctor that the child is not even very strong--”

“That can change,” Joseph argued. “Steve was weak as a child, you know this.”

“A woman cannot be heir to the throne. She could be the strongest child alive and still she would serve little purpose. Your princess is becoming more of a burden than an asset, my king. There are even rumors that your son has grown tired of her company…”

She could hear Joseph sighing and the shift of fabric as he leaned forward for the time being. “What would you have me do?” He asked. “She is still young. They have time to conceive another child. Many more, in fact.”

“Suggest to Steve that it would be in his best interest to conceive a child with the woman he’s taken an interest in,” he reasoned. “She is of fine, royal stock. I’m sure they could bring about an heir within no time and then our problems would be---”

Natasha had pushed the door open and stepped into the room before she could stop herself. Joseph looked like he wanted to apologize, but Schmidt just stood up straight and folded his hands behind his back. “Your highness,” he said coldly. “This is a private conversation. A lady knocks before entering a room where she may or may not be welcome.”

“And a gentleman would remember that if he intends to offend a lady, he ought to _close_ the door,” she snapped. Natasha didn’t know where her voice had come from, but she wasn’t taking this kind of disrespect. She turned to the king and fixed her gaze on him. “Is this truly how you feel?”

Joseph sat up and shook his head. “Natasha, you know I adore you,” he started. “Schmidt was only bringing his concerns to my attention…”

“His concerns,” she interrupted. “His concerns that having a daughter means I am somehow unable to have a son. Your highness… _Father_ . I know you are better than this. I’m asking you now to ignore this man and understand that neither of you will _ever_ know or understand what a woman is capable of.”

“Might I remind you, young lady, that you are addressing your _king_ ,” Schmidt scolded as if he had a right to do so. “And as such, you will address him with the respect earned by a man of his title.”

Natasha turned to face the adviser and glared up at him. “May I remind _you_ that you are addressing a princess and future queen,” she countered icily. “And who are you, exactly? What _title_ do you hold by birth or by marriage?”

Schmidt pressed his lips together and said nothing. “That’s exactly what I thought,” she said firmly, turning back to Joseph. “You told me once that you liked my spirit. I ask that you believe in me a while longer…” She approached the aging king and knelt in front of him, taking his hand as confidently as she could. “I can do this,” she said evenly. “I can give him an heir.”

Joseph covered her hand with his own. “My child, I never doubted you for a moment,” he said warmly. “I am concerned by the state of your relationship, however. I urge you to… to overlook certain things and try again.”

Natasha cheeks flamed in embarrassment. Everyone knew. Everyone knew that he was choosing to spend time with that other woman over her. “Yes, Father,” she whispered. “I will try, I promise.”

With that, she stood up and gave Schmidt the most venomous look she could muster before leaving them and shutting the door behind her. All of a sudden, wandering through the gardens just didn’t seem to be what she wanted to do. Instead, she returned to her rooms and landed on the sofa while a surprised Wanda looked on.

“Natasha?” She ventured. “Are you alright? You look… flushed.”

Natasha hardly knew if she was ‘alright’. She’d been humiliated for what felt like the thousandth time and although she’d at least spoken up for herself, it felt like there was still a pit in her stomach. “Wanda, do you want to get married?” She asked, turning her gaze to the younger woman. “Have you dreamt of it?”

Wanda smiled and ducked her head a little bit. “Of course,” she said quietly. “I hope to have children one day.”

“When you do marry,” she continued. “For I have no doubt that you will have whatever suitor pleases you most, remember to marry for love. Not for station, not for monetary worth. You keep your heart until you find one who truly deserves it. Do you understand?”

Obviously Wanda understood that there was something else going on here. She’d heard the rumors like everyone else and she knew very well that there was little easy warmth between Natasha and Steve right now. “Yes,” she confirmed. “Yes, I understand.”

That night, Natasha pretended to be asleep when Steve came home. She pretended that she didn’t hear him tell Sarah that he loved her and didn’t move when he slid under the covers beside her. Tomorrow. Tomorrow she would try like the king had asked her to.

 

But ‘tomorrow’ never really came. Soon enough, the week of her birthday was upon them and Natasha had no qualms at all about asking that they not celebrate. She was certain that Steve had nothing planned and decided to save them both the embarrassment by asking for a quiet dinner in the gardens at night with just their immediate family and a few choice friends; Steve, Natasha, Sam and Maria, Bucky, Pepper and Tony, Wanda, Bruce, and Clint!

Clint, who had surprised Natasha with a visit just for her birthday- and to meet the baby, of course. He’d shown up on Sunday afternoon and gone right to her rooms to surprise her. Natasha had let out something close to a scream and thrown her arms around his neck for a tight hug, immediately pulling him into the room to meet her daughter.

They’d talked for ages about how they’d missed each other. Clint was married by then and his wife was expecting their first as well, and he looked so very happy even when he talked about her. Natasha was just glad he’d found someone at last- he deserved to have whatever he wanted.

“How is Steve?” He asked over tea. “Your letters were hopeful for a while, but… Well, I confess that I came because I’m worried about you. You’ve hardly mentioned him these past few weeks.”

Natasha didn’t even hesitate to be honest with her closest friend. Clint had been there for her since they were children. He knew secrets about her that no one else knew and no one else would ever know if only because there was no occasion to talk about them. “Steve and I have drifted apart,” she explained quietly. “The doctor put me on bed rest for most of my pregnancy, as you know. He also recommended that we not lay together, for the baby’s safety.”

She took a sip of her tea and kept her eyes down. “It would seem that while I was confined to my rooms, Steve took a liking to another woman. She remains here at court.”

Clint frowned. “He’s taken a mistress?”

“She hasn’t yet been deemed a formal mistress, but if the rumors are to be believed, she is well on her way there.” Natasha shook her head a little. “I don’t understand what I did. I admit that I told him he ought to seek out other company should he feel he needed it while I was confined, but the baby is born. I am… I never thought he would…” To her dismay, tears bubbled up and she sniffled at the very thought of it. “I never thought he would do this right in front of me.”

Clint immediately moved to sit beside her and gathered Natasha into his arms so she could cry in peace. With one hand over her mouth, she cried into Clint’s chest without fear of judgement or penalty and he stroked her hair the way he had when she was younger, the way he knew would calm her eventually. “You deserve better than this,” he told her. “I have to believe that he knows that, somewhere deep down.”

They stayed that way for a long time before the late hour demanded that Clint leave her rooms. Natasha asked the servants to find a room for him and make sure he was given anything he needed before saying good night. He’d kissed her on her forehead and told her he would see her in the morning. That night, Natasha spoke to Steve to tell him that Clint had arrived and she wanted him added to the guests that would be attending her birthday supper under the stars. He wasn’t thrilled, but he agreed and Natasha went to bed with her spirits lifted just enough to matter.

On the morning of her birthday, Natasha woke up to Sarah’s cries and carried her back to bed so she could nurse. Steve was still sleeping beside them and when he woke, he sat up and averted his eyes so he didn’t have to watch the baby ‘eat’. “Happy birthday,” he offered as he rubbed a hand over his jaw and yawned widely. “Twenty years old. Time flies, huh?”

Yes. Yes, she supposed it did. “Thank you,” she answered, turning towards him in the hopes of a kiss- and finding that his head was turned away. “I-- look forward to the celebration this evening. The weather should cooperate for us, at the very least.”

“I believe so,” he agreed. “I’ve already given the cooks specific instructions and your cake should be just the way you like it. Thor and Loki also sent a few of their fireworks to set off later tonight.”

Natasha smiled as she looked down to Sarah again. “I can’t wait,” she said easily.

She supposed there would be no gift this year. She hadn’t yet been able to use the house in Asgard and while the jewelry he’d given her was beautiful, she didn’t feel right wearing anything but the heart he’d presented her with last Christmas- and that was only to serve as a reminder that he loved her. Steve slipped out of bed as Sarah finished up and Natasha set the baby down while she fixed her robe. The baby fussed and she cooed over at her, but even when Sarah was pulled up onto Natasha’s lap, her little arms reached out for her father, who was getting dressed on the other side of the room.

“Who’s that?” Natasha urged. “Who’s that? Is that Daddy?”

Sarah gurgled and popped one fist into her mouth while the other continued to reach out for Steve. “She wants you,” Natasha clarified. “Come and take her?”

Steve paused in his undershirt and very nearly hesitated before moving back to the bed and scooping Sarah up into his arms. All of a sudden, Natasha was treated to the husband she truly, dearly missed. He softened immediately and tickled Sarah’s belly to earn a pleased giggle. “Daddy’s little girl,” he murmured. “Right? My little princess.”

Natasha took a moment to just remember that scene; Steve with Sarah cradled safely in his arms, a smile on his face, warmth in his eyes… That was _her_ Steve. She hardly knew the man who spent more time with Sharon than he did with his own wife. After she cleaned up and tied a clean robe around her waist for the time being, Steve handed the baby back to her and paused there, awkwardly leaning down to kiss her forehead. “I’ll see you later, Natasha.”

It wasn’t much, but it was something.

One might think that a man in possession of at least moderate intelligence might understand when he was doing something wrong in the name of etiquette. Natasha held that opinion; that Steve understood that what he was doing was wrong and would hopefully at least keep his interactions with Sharon at a minimum in public. And yet.

Most of her birthday was spent indoors with Wanda and Sarah. Clint came to visit with a gift that turned out to be chocolates from home in hand, Bucky sent her a wonderful bouquet of flowers to brighten up the room, and Loki’s private gift came in the form of a lovely, fur wrap that he said came from a beast Thor himself had hunted down. All in all, it was a good day. She missed her husband’s presence as she always did, but she refused to let that ruin anything for her.

That night, Natasha asked her handmaidens to help her into a gown that was _daring_ considering she was still carrying some extra weight. Wanda had gasped when she came out and told her over and over how beautiful she looked; mature and sophisticated and absolutely beautiful. The gown she’d chosen was actually quite fitted from the strapless neckline down to the middle of her thighs. From there, it turned into a soft skirt that trailed all the way down to her feet. The sleeves were sheer and wrapped around her arms from her shoulders down to her wrists, though the material only made it look like there were little bits of gold adorning her skin. The whole dress was gold and white and although it was definitely fitted, Natasha decided that she looked beautiful. At least she still had her tiny waist, although her hips had widened just a little bit and her breasts were certainly more generous than they had been before.

 

 

With her hair twisted up into an easy, braided style with little curls falling gently into her eyes, Natasha almost felt like the young woman she had been before all this nonsense began. To her utter delight, Steve even stopped when he returned to escort her to dinner and looked her up and down. “Wow,” he said. “You look wonderful, Natasha.”

“Thank you,” she answered. “It’s been too long since I last dressed up.”

Taking Steve’s arm, she glanced back at the healer who would be looking after Sarah for the evening now that Wanda had left to get dressed and let him lead her out the door for her party.

To Natasha’s surprise, it would seem that Steve _had_ taken something of an interest in at least making this night about her. In the garden, they had put up a large tent of sorts and nestled a large table inside it. There were candles illuminating the table itself, which was filled with plates of all her favorite foods and the sweet wine she preferred over the strong ale usually served to the men. The best part, however, was that all her dearest friends (except Thor and Loki, unfortunately) were sitting around it. Sam and Maria sat close to one another at one end, Clint sat alone beside them with Natasha’s empty seat on his other side, Bucky and Wanda had _somehow_ wound up beside one another with Wanda dressed in a gown Natasha had given to her for this occasion in particular (not because her clothes weren’t fine on their own, but because Wanda had expressed some concern about fitting in), and Tony and Pepper fit in beside them to complete the circle.

As Natasha and Steve approached, everyone lifted their cups to greet them and wish Natasha a happy birthday. “I can’t believe you’re all here,” she said as she sat down. “Thank you so much for coming. I can’t imagine a better way to celebrate my birthday than surrounded by my closest friends.” They all made a toast to her health and after that, it was time to eat.

For a long time, the conversation was perfectly normal. Natasha supposed she was lulled into a false sense of security by how utterly warm everyone seemed. Steve was smiling beside her and it felt like they hadn’t talked in ages, yet they could manage to carry on a completely normal conversation now. Wasn’t that the mark of a good relationship?

“Natasha, how does it feel to finally join the adult world?” Tony asked at some point.

Natasha scoffed. “If I’ve been a child all this time, then I weep for what childhood has become,” she quipped back. “Besides, I’m hardly _your_ age.”

Tony scowled teasingly amidst the laughter. “The adolescent years are gone and out come the claws,” he countered. “Steve, you had better be careful. I have it on good authority that women become even more ferocious at this age.”

Pepper gave him a look and Tony grinned widely. “What? You know it’s true.”

Everyone rolled their eyes at him and Natasha laughed again, thoroughly happy to be where she was in that moment. Even Bucky and Wanda were talking quietly to one another and she felt like she couldn’t have asked for a better time for them to get to know one another- even if she also knew that Bucky was stopping by her chambers every now and then just to say hello to her nanny.

And the dress they’d picked out together fit Wanda like it was made for her. It was a corseted top paired with a soft skirt in some shade between blue and purple that matched the sleeves that draped just over her shoulders. The corset had intricate beading as well and all together, paired with Wanda’s long, wavy hair, it made her look quite… mysterious. And yet it also fit her age and made her feel as beautiful as she ought to.

 

 

Bucky was clearly entranced and Natasha was excited because she wanted it to work out between them. Knowing both of them as well as she did, she was convinced they would be a good fit. All in all, their evening was going much more smoothly than Natasha had imagined. Steve looked like he was having fun, _she_ was having fun… The food was good, the wine didn’t ever seem to run out, and most importantly it felt like it used to feel when she was at Steve’s side.

She even leaned into her husband and smiled up at him. “Thank you for this,” she told him. “It’s all beautiful.” Natasha did appreciate what Steve had done here and she knew that they weren’t exactly on solid ground, so all the effort he’d put into this meant even more.

“It was my pleasure,” he answered. “I’m glad you like it.”

Bucky chimed in as innocently as he could. “Kiss!” He laughed, encouraging most of their other friends to chime in until Steve smiled and leaned down to press their lips together. It was brief, but Natasha leaned into him in the hopes that it would be the start of something new. Maybe if he could just remember how he felt about her, everything else would go away.

Maybe it was just because she was so bitter, but the moment their wonderful time ended Natasha felt like she’d been lulled into a false sense of security and so it became a time to question the intelligence of her husband. Didn’t he understand that they were making progress here? Didn’t he _want_ this? Didn’t this mean anything to him?

Apparently not. To Natasha’s dismay, she saw Sharon coming towards them and casually joining their party even though she wasn’t welcome and didn’t have a seat. She was wearing a jeweled dress that fit and flattered her thin frame, though Natasha imagined she still looked pinched and awful. “This all looks lovely, what are we celebrating?”

 

 

“It’s Natasha’s birthday,” Tony answered when no one else did.

“Oh, how nice,” Sharon mused as she neared the table. It was awkward because no one made any effort to actually invite her into their little celebration- until Steve did.

“Let’s get you a chair,” he suggested, signaling one of the servants. Soon enough, they had a chair added to the table and Sharon slid right into it as she gave Natasha a brief, triumphant look, and made herself comfortable.

She wasn’t _welcome_ here. Every single person at the table knew who she was and knew that Natasha didn’t want her here. Even if she had been a formal mistress, this gesture would be considered rude and very nearly cruel on Steve’s part. Did he not see that? “We were just talking about places we’ve traveled,” Steve said easily. “Tony’s been to California quite often and we know that Natasha’s favorite place to travel so far is Asgard…”

“Have you not done much traveling, Natasha?” She asked. “What a pity, the world is such an amazing place. Asgard can’t be the most interesting place out there.”

Natasha pressed her lips together. “Whether or not it’s the most interesting on whatever scale you’re using for reference, it’s beautiful to me. And since it is home to two of my dear friends and a lovely house given to me for my last birthday, I think it will remain my favorite.”

Minor triumph. She was still Steve’s wife and Natasha _doubted_ that Steve had given her any gifts of that kind. Something told her that she would have heard about them from someone, given how Sharon was prone to being quite proud of her dalliance with the prince.

Sharon laughed softly and reached out to touch Steve’s arm because of _course_ she’d been seated on his other side. “Steve and I were just having a conversation about traveling the other day, about how he’d like to visit the ocean more often and see mountains again… It must be terribly inconvenient timing to have a baby depending on you, isn’t it? Oh, I feel for you, Natasha. You must feel so tied down.”

Natasha didn’t know what to say. She was perfectly polite in tone and in the way she looked and in the way she smiled, but everyone knew that her sentiments were tainted. She was a social climber, nothing more. And yes, it was true that many women felt like they had no choice but to do something like this in order to make a name for themselves, but that didn’t make it any better.

“With all due respect, children don’t tie us down,” Maria chimed in. “They bring us joy.”

Sharon glanced over to the other woman and shrugged. “They seem quite limiting. I hardly think life is the same once you’ve had one. Imagine trying to attend every party at court with a screaming infant on your hip.”

Steve let out a short, quiet huff of laughter and it turned out that it was the last straw. Natasha met Bucky’s eyes for a moment across the table and gave him a look before standing up and excusing herself. Without pause, without unnecessary explanation, and without guilt, she made her way right back towards the palace before anyone could see how upset she was. Unfortunately, she was only halfway there when a familiar voice rang out.

“How can you sit there and pretend you have any right to treat her this way?”

Clint. Oh, no. Natasha turned back and froze in her spot as Clint stood up and raised his voice. “You’ve got no right to treat the woman you supposedly love as some kind of breeding machine for your children and then fuck off with someone else right in front of her! What kind of man are you?” He turned his attention to Sharon next. “And _you_. Never in my life have I met someone so pathetic. Is your life not enough that you have to corrupt someone else’s?”

He threw his napkin down on the table and shook his head. “No, don’t get up. _I’ll_ make sure your wife is okay.”

With that, he left the table and moved to put his arm around Natasha’s shoulders. For one terrifying moment, she met Steve’s horrified gaze, but ultimately turned back towards the palace and allowed Clint to lead her to her rooms. There was no chance that Steve would let that go. Clint wasn’t even a royal and he’d spoken to two members of the upper class like they were commoners. He’d even been a little vulgar. Steve wouldn’t take it lying down.

 

Back in her rooms, Natasha realized that she wasn’t crying. She wasn’t sad at the moment, just angry. How could he do this to her? And on her birthday? Steve was turning into a completely different person and it hurt, but Clint’s boldness had awakened something else inside her; rage.

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright?” Clint asked her as the hour grew late. Now that the woman watching Sarah was gone, they could speak freely. “He won’t…”

“Hit me?” Natasha huffed out a breath as she looked down at her baby girl sleeping peacefully in her crib. “No, he wouldn’t. He won’t do that no matter how angry he is. Steve might have changed, but he isn’t that kind of man.”

Clint hugged her again and Natasha buried her nose in his shoulder just to surround herself with something familiar and constant. “I’m not sorry for what I did,” he told her. “But I am sorry if it makes things worse. He needed to hear it.”

Natasha smiled and pulled back a little. “Thank you for standing up for me that way,” she told him, leaning up on her toes to kiss his forehead. “I think you might have just inspired something of a revolution.”

He left soon after and with the baby sleeping in their bedroom, Natasha undressed and sat in the main room in a dressing gown wrapped around her. Steve would return eventually, she supposed. She knew for sure that the other guests would be leaving the party as quickly as possible, so unless he planned to spend much more time with Sharon…

 

Sure enough, Steve marched himself into their rooms not half an hour after Clint had left and he looked as angry as she’d expected him to. “I want your friend gone by tomorrow morning,” he began. “What right does he have to speak to me like that? I should have him punished for it.”

“He was protecting me,” Natasha answered. “Something that most people would find admirable.”

“This isn’t about you. It’s about propriety and manners, and your friend just insulted two people out there. He was rude, he was vulgar, and I’m not going to tolerate being treated that way.”

He would not be treated that way. Unbelievable. Steve was really pushing it here. Natasha wanted to slap him or push him or flee, but Sarah was (thankfully) still sleeping in the next room and she would not leave her. “It’s not about me,” she countered, stepping closer to him. “Really? Are you absolutely sure that what he said isn’t actually about me?”

“Natasha, _you_ were just as rude as he was in not standing up to defend me. You should have told him to stop, he’s your guest.” Steve looked like he actually believed what he was saying. “And what was all that business leaving before it was over? I thought you’d learned by now.”

Oh, because she had to learn how to be civilized and act the way he wanted her to. She had to act just like Sharon; perfect manners, perfect dresses, perfect education, perfect everything! She had to be what he’d always imagined his bride would be and it was driving her crazy because all of a sudden, he _had_ his perfect bride and it wasn’t her!

“I may not be the perfect bride or the perfect wife or the perfect mother, I may not know every nuance to the manners and etiquette expected of me, but I have given you everything. I gave you my body, my heart, my loyalty—I gave you a family to come home to and a home.”

“You gave me a _daughter_.”

It was said in anger and Natasha knew that, but the words still hurt. They still cut her deep inside where the sentiments she’d overheard from Schmidt were still wedged into her. Stepping right up to him, Natasha raised her hand and slapped him hard across the face. The force behind it actually surprised her, but Steve's face snapped to the side and she ignored the throbbing in her hand.

“You don’t deserve me,” she told him as coldly as she could. “Now get out before you wake our child. I can't look at you right now.”

To her surprise, it worked. Steve tensed and marched right out of their rooms, slamming the door behind him and succeeding in waking the baby. Natasha took a moment to breathe right there in the main room before slipping into the next to take Sarah into her arms. “It’s alright,” she whispered, lightly bouncing her. “Shh, it’s okay, Мой прекрасный ребенок, моя маленькая принцесса.”

Sarah eventually fell back to sleep and Natasha put her down again in favor of getting into bed herself. That night, Steve didn’t come back and Natasha didn’t sleep. Instead, she spent her time worrying that in her attempts to stand up for herself, she’d successfully driven Steve right into Sharon’s arms. Maybe it was better that way. Maybe they deserved each other. Maybe a broken heart was better than lowering herself to the level of someone who wouldn't be faithful. 


	15. Chapter 15

_"Flowers grow out of dark moments."_

_\-  Corita Kent_

 

At the beginning of October, Sharon left court to return home for some time. Natasha didn’t know the specifics, nor did she particularly care. All she took from that news was that there was this slight chance she might be able to reconnect with her husband. Clint had gone home just a few days earlier and she was missing him, but this was a chance she couldn’t pass up. Still, things between them had been awkward since the night of her birthday. Steve returned home every night and showered his daughter in love and affection whenever he got the chance, but they slept with their backs to one another and hardly a word was spoken between them most of the time.

Little Sarah earned a visit from the doctor on the tenth to commemorate her third month and watching Bruce tickle her tummy and play so patiently with her as he checked her over actually made Natasha very happy. Steve would pick her up and kiss her and talk to her, but he hardly spent enough time in their rooms to _play_ with her. When it was all said and done, the verdict was simple: Sarah was a healthy little girl, but she was still going to be smaller than her peers and much to Natasha’s horror, her heart beat somewhat abnormally as well. They would have to keep an eye on it because even though children usually grew out of such a thing, it could pose something of a danger to her in the future.

Natasha knew she had to tell Steve.

If she was lucky, he wouldn’t call her a failure right to her face and storm out again.

In fact, in order to circumvent the possibility of that happening, Natasha decided that she would visit him in the office he kept close to the king. That way, he wouldn’t have anywhere to go should he want to leave. She ventured there in the afternoon and gained entry immediately, only to find Steve half bent over a book and piles of papers just about everywhere.

“Would you mind taking a short break from whatever it is you’re staring at so intently?” She asked, knowing for sure that he wanted desperately to take a break. Steve knew he had to take care of his responsibilities, but he had never liked paperwork.

Looking up in surprise, he stood and frowned. “Is something wrong? You never visit.”

She supposed that was on her. “Nothing’s--- Well. Sarah and I have just had our three month visits with Dr. Banner. She’s healthy, but he says she’s still underweight and might struggle with that for some time.” She took a deep breath. “And there is some abnormality with her heart that he says we must watch as she grows up because should she not grow out of it, she might have to make some changes to a normal lifestyle…”

Steve went kind of white and slowly sat back down with his hands on the table. He looked like he’d seen a ghost or something. “Steve?” Natasha stepped closer. “What is it?”

“I’m… I’ve got to be the reason why she was born with an abnormality like that.”

Natasha blinked. She had been so sure that he would blame her for it, but when he didn’t… He looked so upset that she reached out to touch his shoulder and offer some comfort. “Bruce said it’s likely that she’ll be just fine.”

“But there’s a chance she might not be. I would know, because I had the same kind of abnormality when I was a child. And it _did_ hinder me in some ways.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “I passed on broken genes.”

“Broken genes. Steve, that’s not at all what he said,” she reasoned, crouching down to look up at him. “Sarah is beautiful and she’ll be fine. Look at yourself. You grew up to be big and strong, and nothing holds you back anymore.”

For the first time since Natasha couldn’t remember when, Steve turned and wrapped his arms around her middle, resting his head right against her stomach. It felt like he just needed the familiarity and Natasha found herself thinking that perhaps… Perhaps Steve missed her just as much as she missed him. Maybe he was in over his head or something. Maybe he didn’t know how to fix things. Maybe this, maybe that.

None of it really mattered unless Steve took some responsibility for what had happened.

“I’m sorry.” His words snapped her out of her thoughts and Natasha idly carded her fingers through his hair. “For what I said the other night. I didn’t mean-- I don’t know why I said it.”

Natasha closed her eyes. “I know you were angry,” she said quietly. “I know you love her.”

That had never been questioned. Whether or not Steve still loved _her_ was another matter entirely and one that Natasha didn’t actually want to think about. Ever. They stayed that way for a long time before Sam knocked and entered, forcing them to break apart. Natasha hesitated for a moment before touching Steve’s shoulder again. “Will I see you for dinner?”

Steve looked up at her and nodded. “Yes. In our rooms?”

Natasha offered him a small smile and immediately agreed. “I look forward to it,” she said warmly, glancing back at Sam for a moment before leaning down to peck Steve on the lips. “Work hard.”

With that, she left them to do whatever they needed to do and decided to go for another walk around the garden. Shoes in hand, she wandered through the grass with a little smile on her face. Maybe this was a turning point for them. Sharon was gone, Steve seemed to at least take some comfort in her presence… Now was the time to hope.

That night, she made sure that they had a nice dinner all set up for them and told Wanda she could leave a little early. Natasha had no qualms about this; she wanted them to have a good night together. She wanted the easy conversation and the little touches. She would have even taken the awkward discussions from the beginning of their marriage- anything but the silence.

Steve showed up right on time (to her surprise) and they sat down to a meal of roast chicken and potatoes illuminated by soft candlelight. Sarah gurgled in her crib nearby, big eyes staring up at the mobile Bucky had been kind enough to bring as a gift. The fact that Natasha hadn’t been around only meant that Wanda had to explain to her who had brought it and blush her way through admitting that he’d stayed to talk for some time.

“I feel like I’ve been doing paperwork for months,” Steve admitted over dinner. “Just rows and rows of numbers and piles of letters…”

“Oh, speaking of letters,” she mused. “I just received another from Loki and it turns out that their doctors have found some way to… to impregnate Sif without Thor laying with her. Can you believe it?”

Steve raised his eyebrows. “Loki must feel much better about it.”

“Yes, he’s quite relieved. And I think he’s a little excited about having a child, to be honest. He keeps talking about what they might call him or her and imagining Thor with a child in his arms.” She smiled in amusement. “It’s really very sweet.”

“We’ll have to visit once Sarah is a little older. Is it too early to talk about marrying her to an Asgardian?” He smiled in such a way that Natasha, who nearly panicked for a moment, knew that he was joking.

She laughed and shook her head at him. “Honestly,” she chided. “Although it would be wonderful, wouldn’t it? If she fell in love with Thor and Loki’s son?” They could have a big wedding and then they would be _family_. Natasha wouldn’t push an arranged marriage onto her daughter if she could avoid it, but she could hope for that kind of happiness.

That night, after Natasha had fed Sarah one more time and Steve had steadfastly refused to watch, they slid into bed together and things went from surprisingly wonderful to awkward in the space of ten whole seconds. Steve took this opportunity to move closer to Natasha and press up against her like he used to, one arm around her waist and his lips at the back of her shoulder. It had been months now since they’d been together, but the moment his lips touched her bare skin, Natasha wanted to pull away- for _two_ reasons.

First of all, it wasn’t lost on her that they only managed to have a nice night when Sharon was away. Natasha was his _wife_ , not a means to an end. She didn’t want to be the second choice here and it felt like she was if only because he hadn’t even tried to be with her since she’d turned him away _ages_ ago. It just didn’t feel right.

And second, he hadn’t seen her naked since she was still only a couple of months pregnant and relatively small. Her body had changed while he’d remained perfectly firm and fit as always and if he _had_ been bedding Sharon, Natasha didn’t think she could handle the comparisons she knew he would be making in his head, even if he said nothing about it.

Instead, she turned over and faced him, reaching up to touch the light stubble on his jaw. From there, she traced just one fingertip over his full lower lip and down to his chin before lowering that hand. “Kiss me?”

Steve obliged without hesitation and Natasha allowed herself to sink into his warmth and the way he still tasted of ale. She wished it felt the way it used to, but she just couldn’t stop thinking about him with someone else. She couldn’t stop _imagining_ that he might not like being with her as much as he liked being with Sharon or whoever else, but as a wife… she did have duties she needed to perform. Plus, she wanted to do whatever she could to keep him. She wanted to make him happy.

As she allowed Steve to deepen their kiss, Natasha’s hand drifted down the solid chest she’d missed so much and further along to the laces on his trousers. With deft fingers, she loosened them and slipped her hand inside to wrap around him. The moan she swallowed from him was enough to bolster her confidence and Natasha began stroking him nice and slow, only encouraging him to rock his hips to seek out more.

From there, it was easy to pleasure him the way he liked it. Steve’s lips eventually found her neck and Natasha gasped as he sucked very lightly on her collarbone, nipping at the skin there when her thumb brushed over the head. Steve came with a broken groan, shivering in her hold until he was able to come down from it all. When he lifted his head, he looked completely sated and Natasha leaned in to kiss him before reality could set in and ruin it.

She even got up to fetch a cloth and clean him up, wiping the evidence of their activity from his belly and her hand before crawling into bed with him again. Because he was _hers_ right now, Natasha positioned herself with her face buried in his chest and allowed Steve to put his arms around her. This was where she belonged, she reminded herself. She just had to make sure Steve remembered that too.

 

_Days later..._

_"Isn't this nice?"_

_Steve looked up from his plate and found Tony sitting on the other side of the table. As Tony was not Steve's favorite person, he just kind of braced himself for whatever was coming next. "I'll bite," he said, taking a sip of his ale. "Isn't what nice?"_

_"This," Tony answered, gesturing around like that meant something. "The quiet. The smile on Natasha's face, the way things are supposed to be?”_

_Steve narrowed his gaze and dropped the piece of bread he'd been working on back to the plate. "Tony, what are you getting at?"_

_"I'm just saying that it's kind of telling that we're having so much peace when a certain someone is away..." He raised his eyebrows knowingly. "If you catch my drift."_

_Steve watched as Tony got up and gave him a look. "I'll leave you to think on that," he announced, turning on his heel and marching away before Steve had even thought of anything to say in response._

 

For the remainder of the month of October, Steve was shockingly _present_ . They’d have breakfast together before Steve left to see to his responsibilities and while dinner wasn’t a constant, things were a good deal lighter between them. And yet. And yet, Natasha couldn’t quite convince herself to make love to Steve right now. She felt as though it would leave her feeling used should Sharon return and pull Steve away from her again- not that it was entirely Sharon’s fault. Her husband was clearly just that kind of person and it was absolutely his responsibility to be _better_ than that.

Still, they spent more time together that month than they had in ages. They even took Sarah outside to the garden and watched her marvel at the birds and the trees, the flowers that Natasha would hand to her, the way they grass felt under her bare feet. It was a magical moment in that they were all together and all smiling… This was what Natasha imagined of her family.

Unfortunately, it would seem that all good things must come to an end. Natasha very nearly mourned when Sharon returned at the beginning of November, but she was quickly distracted not by Steve’s continuing affections, but by another visitor as well. After a long and successful merger with a neighboring kingdom, May had decided that she was due a vacation and arranged for a place at the palace for a full month. She arrived in grand fashion and Natasha welcomed her alone so she could personally escort her to her rooms after they’d taken a turn about the garden to catch up.

“I meant to say earlier that I love your gown,” Natasha said warmly. “The color is beautiful.” May had chosen to arrive in full empress regalia, complete with gorgeous golden ornaments in her hair and thick, amazing robes in blues and purples and reds… The gown itself was a simple cut; flattering to he figure with a ribbon just under her bust and layers of intricately designed fabric that fell to the floor. Just beautiful.

 

 

“You’re too kind,” she answered easily. “I hardly have anyone complimenting my taste in clothing when I’m at home.” May leaned a little closer to whisper to her even though no one was around. “I think most are too scared they might offend me somehow. It’s nice to have someone who isn’t afraid.”

Eventually, the topic turned from gowns to Sarah and Natasha finally had this opportunity to just gush about her daughter. “She’s beautiful,” she said proudly. “She’s got these big, blue eyes and light hair… She looks like her father, I think, although her temperament might be more like me.”

“Well, I can’t wait to meet her,” May answered. “Just knowing you and Steve, I know she must be an adorable little thing.”

Arm in arm, they walked through the gardens and talked about everything else they could think of, including May’s recounting of the suitors that her advisors had pushed upon her. She didn’t want to marry and hoped they respected that in the future, but she’d had no choice but to vaguely entertain the men they put forward.

“They weren’t all terrible,” she admitted. “But they were so…not what I ever imagined for myself.” She sighed and shook her head a little. “It would seem as though an empress must worry about a man making some claim to her throne even when she has helped her land flourish. Success means little unless it is the success of a man.”

Natasha felt for her, truly. “For what it’s worth, I admire you very much for who you are,” she offered. “I wish I could be more like you.” She paused. “Not that I would wish any terrible fate on my husband, but to be so strong and so confident… I try to emulate that, but I do not know if it is something I can sustain.”

“Natasha, you can be anything you want to be,” May told her as they headed back inside. “What troubles you? I can hear it in your voice.”

“Truthfully?” Natasha sighed a little and shook her head. “There are rumors that Steve has taken a mistress. She was gone for a short time and I thought we were making progress, but the moment she returned things changed between us again. I only want to be strong enough to get myself through this, and be a good role model for my daughter.”

In her chambers, she introduced May to Wanda and they crouched down on the floor to greet Sarah, who was on her belly for the time being and gurgling happy as she tried to push herself up. “And this is Sarah,” she continued. “Sarah, say ‘hello’ to May.”

 

 

Sarah just kind of made a high pitched, excited sound and Natasha scooped her up so she could say a proper hello. May smiled and allowed the baby to grab her fingers and squeeze, laughing lightly as the child reached out for the stranger’s face and lightly patted her cheeks. “She is lovely,” she murmured. “Look at those big, beautiful eyes!”

Eventually, Sarah got a little fussy and, once she’d asked May whether or not it bothered her, Natasha fed the child right there while they were served a lovely afternoon tea. As soon as the servants left and Wanda had taken Sarah into the other room to put her down for a nap, May inquired again about what Natasha had said about Steve’s mistress.

“He loves me. I know he does,” Natasha said quietly. “But this business with Sharon is… difficult. We haven’t been together in longer than I can remember and when he tried to initiate sometime while she was away, I couldn’t do it.”

She shrugged a little and took a quick sip of her tea. “Oh, but I must sound so insensitive even speaking about all this. Are you not still--”

“Untouched? Hardly.” May smiled and took a bite of a cookie before continuing on. “What you said earlier about wanting to feel more confident. I wonder if you might tell me why you feel insecure.”

“Aside from the fact that my husband is seeking other company?” She huffed out a small laugh. “I gained weight. Obviously. While I was pregnant.” Natasha shook her head a little and averted her gaze. “And I don’t know how he’ll react to seeing me now. You should see her. She’s so _thin_ , not to mention perfectly behaved, like she would never think to question him. It's the comparison between us that's doing it, I'm sure.”

May nodded slowly and set her tea down for the time being. “I have an idea.”

Natasha raised her eyebrows and smiled. “Oh? That sounds promising.”

“I have someone at home who trains me in something called ‘tai chi’. It’s a tradition in my home that is said to promote longevity of the mind, body, and spirit, but I find that it also keeps you strong and limber.” May reached out to touch Natasha’s hand and gave her a wide smile. “It will also teach you how to defend yourself,” she added. “What do you think? Would you like to try?”

Natasha had _never_ heard of any woman participating in something like this. In fact, she couldn’t even imagine what it entailed or what she would be able to do afterwards, but… she immediately wanted to do it. How could she not? “Yes. Yes, I think I’d love to try.”

They arranged to meet the next day in the gardens and Natasha went to bed that night feeling quite excited. She wanted to learn, but it was more than that. She wanted to improve her health as much as she could as it was something of a wonderful thought that she might live longer than expected and most importantly, Natasha ached to have something that was all hers, something Steve couldn’t ruin for her by spending all his time with Sharon.

The next morning after Steve left, a package arrived for her from May and Natasha opened it with a gasp. The note attached was very simple: ‘Wear these and tie your hair back.’

What she found in the package was nothing short of scandalous; a pair of soft, brown trousers and a matching tunic with sleeves that would go all the way down to her wrists. She would be covered, but the idea that she might be wearing trousers in public was so thrilling that Natasha could hardly stand it. Wanda giggled along with Natasha once she was dressed and wished her all the good luck in the world as she left after breakfast.

In a wide open space, she met May and immediately became a diligent student for the time being. She’d tied her hair back in a long braid and May, she saw, had tied her hair back in a sharp bun. She wore the same kind of outfit, but in all black instead of brown. It was so, so simple to listen to May’s calm voice as she led the way through a few simple movements to work on Natasha’s balance. They faced one another for most of it and Natasha’s attention never wavered even though she found some of the motions and poses a little hard to maintain. It was very different from dancing; no music, and they had to hold the poses a lot longer. In addition, Natasha was very out of practice and so many months on bed rest hadn’t exactly helped.

By the time May was helping her widen her stance and work on slow, sustained punches forward, Natasha’s skin was glowing with sweat and it was so very _enlivening_ that she never wanted to stop. The cold wind whipped at her face and made her cheeks flushed, and Natasha loved it. It was so very daring. Unfortunately, she hadn’t exactly noticed the crowd gathering some distance away until they were finished and turned to head back into the palace.

Amongst them were Bucky, who was giving her a proud, crooked smile, Sam, who applauded along with some of the others, and Steve, who stood beside Sharon with his lips pressed into a thin line. Natasha’s smile just about fell, but she felt more confident already and bowed for the group before marching herself back into the palace with May at her side.

Natasha was already hooked. They arranged to meet every single morning going forward and parted ways to bathe and dress for the day. Once she’d taken a cool bath, Natasha twisted her hair into a braid again, dressed in a simple gown for the day she intended to spend in her rooms with Wanda and Sarah, and put the look on Steve’s face out of her mind.

Wanda left after they shared a small meal together and Natasha picked up a book once Sarah was safely settled in her crib with a full stomach and Bucky’s mobile glittering overhead. There was a fire crackling in the hearth and her toes were tucked under a cushion on the sofa, a warm robe wrapped around her to keep her warm. It was already a wonderful evening-- until Steve came home.

“I don’t want you seeing May for any more lessons of that kind.”

Natasha looked up from her book to find Steve standing in front of her with a deep frown on his face. Oh, he had nerve getting involved in her life when it suited him and ignoring her otherwise. He had such nerve. “Why not?”

“It’s not appropriate for a princess and a mother to be wearing trousers at all, let alone moving that way when other people can see you! I’ve had friends teasing me about it all day.”

Of course. Finally, when she finally had something of her own that made her happy and made her feel useful again, he wanted to take it away. “We can do it indoors,” she reasoned. “Or in the early morning, or at night. But I won’t give it up just because you don’t like it. I’m not hurting anyone.”

Steve stepped forward. “Have you forgotten who you are here? It isn’t right for the future queen to act this way! And considering all I’ve let you get away with in the past, I can’t stand for this as well.”

“Excuse me?” Natasha marked her place and stood up, letting her book fall to the seat for the time being. “Nothing you’ve let me ‘get away with’ has been anything I should have had to fight for in the first place.”

“We don’t have time to discuss your agenda, Natasha. This is not about all women, it’s about you.”

“Yes, it’s about me,” she argued. “It’s about _me_ having something to do. Would you rather have me sitting around doing nothing at all? Letting my mind _and_ my body just waste away?”

“No, but you can use your time in other ways! In ways that are _appropriate_ for a woman. You can read and study, paint, sing, play the piano. You can knit or visit with your friends, but this? This is not something you can do!”

Natasha pressed her lips together. “We can’t _all_ be perfect,” she snapped at him, grabbing her book and holding it close to her chest. “I’m not giving it up and if you love me, you won’t force me to.”

With that, she marched right past him and into the bedroom, where she slid under the covers and turned onto her side for the night. Steve didn’t join her for several long minutes and when he did, he said nothing at all. But he didn’t stop her from meeting with May, even though she decided that they could do it on their balcony instead. It was a compromise. It would seem that they could still achieve one even though they were hardly speaking.

Three mornings later, Natasha found a bouquet of freshly picked flowers sitting in Steve's place on their bed along with a little note- 'I'm sorry I was harsh. You looked beautiful.' Again, it wasn't much, but Natasha tucked one of the daisies into her hair that day and decided it wasn't worth it to continue fighting.

By the time May left, Natasha was very sad to see her go. They’d bonded over the tai chi, over tea and numerous conversations that went long into the time where Natasha should have been dismissing her guests and readying herself for her husband. She was so thankful to have May as a friend. And the exercising they had done managed to do wonders for her body. Natasha assumed that dancing would have done the same, but she had May to pull her out of the rut she’d been in thanks to the issues with Steve and Sharon and it was wonderful. In fact, she decided to keep going nearly every morning after Steve left and the results were too good to ignore.

Her stomach had started to tighten up a little bit and Natasha felt so much better about herself just knowing that thanks to May, she could probably defend herself should someone ever dare to attack. She felt like she was worth something and it was strange because Natasha had never even thought to learn something like this and now she felt like she could do anything!

 

_Earlier that same day..._

_“What the fuck is going on with you?”_

_Steve paused in his paperwork and slowly looked up to find Bucky sitting on the table in front of him with an apple in hand. “Hello, Buck. Yes, come in. How can I help?”_

_Bucky glared at him and took a bite of his apple. He didn’t say a word until he was halfway through chewing and couldn’t wait a second longer. “Why are you dallying with Sharon?”_

_Sitting back, Steve took a deep breath and slowly let it out. It was a delaying tactic and it didn’t fool Bucky for a second. “We’ve got a friend in common,” he said eventually. “She brought up that friend and after that, we realized we had a lot in common besides just that…” He shrugged a little. “She’s easy to talk to. There aren’t any arguments with her,_ _no disagreements, no effort.”_

_“Of course there aren’t any disagreements, Steve, she’d agree to whatever you wanted as long as you keep her around!” It was Bucky’s job as his best friend to knock some sense into Steve. If he didn’t, then what was the point of him being around anymore?_

_“That’s a complete over exaggeration,” he said immediately. “That’s not true--”_

_“Oh, it’s not true? I’ve heard her laughing at every joke you’ve ever made. That is more than anything else an indication that she’s trying to cement her place here. She’s fake , Steve.”_

_“She’s Peggy’s cousin.”_

_Bucky stopped there. “I’m-- Peggy. Peggy Carter? The Peggy we grew up with?”_

_Steve nodded. “The very same.”_

_“Well, let me just say that it’s obvious who got the good looks, the good humor, and the winning personality,” he quipped, much to Steve’s disappointment._

_“Don’t be unkind, Bucky. She’s very nice. And very pretty, and you know it.”_

_Bucky hopped off the table and gave Steve a hard look. “What I know is that you’ve got a beautiful, intelligent, amazing woman who loves you and you’re spending all your time with an evil blonde. Try to actually think with that big, beautiful brain of yours.” He turned to leave, but stopped halfway there and glanced back again. “Also? Peggy was your childhood sweetheart. This is just kind of…” He made a face. “You know. Gross.”_

 

That Christmas was Sarah’s first and Natasha dressed her in a little red dress that morning while she opened her gifts; a new stuffed bear, a couple of little toys, and a toy tiara. Steve stayed for that and sat on the sofa while Natasha kept Sarah in her lap on the floor near their little tree. As Sarah waved her tiara around, Natasha laughed and looked up to find Steve smiling as well. If he was so happy with them, why did he need Sharon? What was going on in his head?

For the celebrations that evening, Natasha wore something _daring_ . The dress was a deep, solid red that was just barely fitted in the bodice and over her hips, but flared into a long skirt with a short train as well. On top, the deep neckline and open back were facilitated by the red straps that tied at the back of her neck. Natasha asked her handmaidens to twist her hair up into a bun near the base of her skull and the finished look was better than she might have imagined. She looked… like herself again, and she felt _beautiful_.

 

 

This wasn’t even for Steve. Natasha knew that Sharon would be at the celebration and she wouldn’t be able to take Steve’s compliments seriously with that witch around. This was just for her. She couldn’t lie, though. It meant a lot that Bucky stopped to compliment her and the king told her she looked like a queen. It meant a lot that some of the people gathered were looking at her in a new light, like they admired her as a leader or something.

She sat at the main table on Steve’s right side and couldn’t seem to stop smiling. When Sharon showed up and bowed to the royals, Natasha couldn’t even bring herself to care that she looked nice because why should she care? Why should she give Sharon even a moment of her time?

She shouldn’t.

But Sharon did look like she was trying to broaden her horizons as far as her fashion sense went. Natasha had only seen her in pale pinks or blues, but tonight she was wearing a red gown that bared her shoulders and made her look a little more interesting than usual. Natasha knew that she was being unfair and mean, but Sharon was deliberately putting herself in the middle of a marriage. She didn’t particularly deserve Natasha’s kindness.

 

 

Bucky was the first one to ask Natasha to dance. She happily accepted and took his hand so he could whisk her onto the dance floor. He kept his hand at a respectable place on her back, bare as it was, and they spent most of their time laughing at one thing or another. When their dance finished, Natasha was set to return to the main table, but she found a shy Dr. Banner asking for a dance as well. Eager and amused by his sudden interest, she took his hand and allowed him to lead her in a slow dance as he bashfully told her he wasn’t much of a dancer to begin with.

Eventually, she did return to the main table, but found herself beyond surprised when the king himself took her hand and bowed deeply. “Will you humor an old man?”

Natasha beamed and bowed in return. “I would love to,” she answered. As they danced, Joseph talked about the balls he’d attended in his youth and she listened intently, taking pleasure in his stories of how he met Steve’s mother and couldn’t take his eyes off her from the very moment their eyes met across a ballroom. She was all smiles until she noticed Steve once again talking privately with Sharon and hurt flashed across her features for a brief moment.

Joseph noticed, of course. “All I ask is that you try to forgive him,” he said after a moment, gaining her attention once again. “I know my son. This will not last forever.”

 

_Just days before..._

_"Steve, this isn't wise." Joseph had decided to accost his son in his office one afternoon under the guise of delivering more paperwork. The more work he had, the less time he could spend with that blonde woman. "You know it's not wise. What are you thinking?"_

_"Father, I've had just about enough of people telling me what is and isn't wise," Steve answered exasperatedly. "I'm a grown man."_

_"A grown man is no less likely to be a fool than a young man!" It wasn't often that Joseph raised his voice, but this seemed like the proper occasion to do so. He stepped closer and put his finger right in Steve's face. "You listen to me, boy. If I find that you've fathered a bastard and embarrassed the name of this family, you might just become a bastard_ _yourself. Am I understood?"_

_Steve swallowed, but he kept his head up out of spite. "Yes, Father."_

 

Their dance ended and he leaned down to kiss her on the forehead. “Come and sit with me.”

While Steve had absolutely returned to the table at some point and even made polite conversation with both his father and Natasha, most of the evening was spent _apart_. Natasha thought of the beautiful sword she’d had commissioned for his gift, which sat wrapped up in their rooms for an exchange this evening, and wondered if he’d gotten her something as well. Only time would tell, she supposed.

Eventually, Natasha excused herself and returned to their rooms to hide the sword a little better just in case there was no gift in return. She would have to figure out if she could sacrifice her pride enough to give it to Steve anyway. Wanda had insisted that she stay to watch Sarah while the celebrations went on and Natasha found her sitting in the main room with a smile on her face as she hummed and worked on her knitting.

“How is the party?” She asked.

“It’s…” Natasha looked to Wanda, who seemed so hopeful that the answer would be positive. “It’s wonderful,” she finished. “In fact, I think you should come.”

Wanda blinked. “Come to the party? Oh, I couldn’t,” she said quickly. “I couldn’t, but thank you for the invitation, I’m sure it is as lovely as you say.”

Natasha sat down beside her and took her hand. “I know you like Bucky,” she said warmly. “And I have a gift for you anyway. I think you should try it on now.”

While Wanda tried on the gown Natasha had picked out for her as a gift, she called one of the trusted healers to her chambers to watch Sarah for the remainder of the evening. When Wanda came out, she’d let her long hair down and she wore a white gown with a modest neckline and a jeweled belt around her waist. The skirt was layered and soft and quite honestly, she looked like an angel.

 

 

“Natasha, this is too much,” she said. “It’s too much.”

“Nonsense.” Natasha reached out and slipped a diamond necklace over her head so the charms rested down near her belt. “You look beautiful. Now, come with me. I know where all the mistletoe is hanging.”

Arm in arm, they made their way back to the main hall and Natasha peered around until she caught sight of Bucky toasting to something or other with a few friends. “Hm. I have another plan. I don’t think I’ll need to trick him into finding mistletoe. If I know Bucky, I think he’ll find it himself.”

Bucky was laughing when he caught sight of them and his eyes went wide immediately. In fact, it even looked like he might have choked on some air. Setting his drink down, he wiped his mouth and came right over to the two women, offering a small, belated bow and looking Wanda over without even bothering to be subtle.

“Wanda, you look--”

Natasha cleared her throat.

“That is, Miss Maximoff,” he tried again, politely offering his hand. “Would you do me the honor?”

Wanda looked to Natasha and smiled when she nodded before taking Bucky’s hand at last. He led her onto the dance floor and as the night was _beginning_ to calm, they just so happened to catch themselves dancing to a slow number. Natasha watched as they talked to one another in hushed tones and she wondered… She wondered if she and Steve would have ever found one another without their parents getting involved. If they had been at a ball together, would Steve have noticed her at all?

She was still watching Bucky and Wanda when a voice came up beside her. “Take it from me,” Steve mused. “Watching isn’t nearly as fun as actually dancing.”

Natasha turned to give him a look. “Should I take this as you asking to dance with me, or are you just stating fact?”

Steve smiled and offered his hand, which Natasha took no matter how angry she was with him. She loved him. He was her husband. And as they danced together, she laid her head on his chest and knew that somewhere off to the side, Sharon was wishing that she was in Natasha’s place. He hadn't danced with her at all.


	16. Chapter 16

_ "Raise your words, not your voice. It is rain that grows flowers, not thunder." _

_ \-  Rumi _

 

On January 10th of the new year, Sarah turned six months old. It was incredible how fast time flew in the life of a child and Natasha was elated to find that her baby, abnormal heart rate aside, was absolutely progressing at a normal rate. She was still small, but she was  _ beautiful _ and developing fast enough to please Bruce. Of course, Bruce was also one of her favorite people not only because he had thick, curly hair that she loved to pull, but also because he was so very kind to her. He’d take the time to play and tickle and make faces with her and it was  _ adorable _ from Natasha’s perspective.

“Bruce, how are you not married?”

The question came just as Sarah grabbed his glasses and tugged them right off his face. He lifted his head up in surprise and blinked. “Uh, I guess I haven’t found the right person,” he offered. “Why do you ask?”

“Because you’re so good with her,” Natasha answered. “You’re a good person. I just can’t imagine how some lucky woman hasn’t already snatched you up.”

Bruce blushed a little bit and lifted Sarah up to say goodbye to her. “You’re too kind to me,” he told her, but there was something he wasn’t saying- she could see it in his eyes. Natasha wondered what Bruce had been like as a younger man, before the grey had crept into his hair and the lines on his face had gotten quite that deep. “Bye bye, Sarah. I’ll see you soon!”

Natasha took Sarah back from him and stopped Bruce to kiss his cheek. “Thank you, Dr. Banner,” she said warmly, lifting Sarah’s arm to wave at him.

Over the next few days and due to a rather significant snowstorm, Natasha spent most of her time inside with Sarah and Wanda. Steve was always coming and going, always off to see to some other responsibility. Natasha assumed he saw Sharon at some point, but she’d stopped trying to keep tabs on him because he was an adult and she wasn’t going to drive herself crazy.

Sometime in mid-January, Natasha was just letting her hair down for the afternoon when Wanda shouted for her to come and she had to run back into the main room. “What? What? Is everything--- alright?”

There on the floor, Sarah had picked herself up and was crawling, albeit a little unsteadily, towards Natasha’s feet. “Oh my goodness! Sarah! Look at you, you’re crawling!”

She crouched down and scooped Sarah up when she arrived, holding the baby up over her head for a moment as she smiled widely. “I’m so proud of you! Do you want to go again? Let’s see, can you crawl over to Wanda?” She set the baby back down and both women cooed over her as she crawled across the room to Wanda, then back to Natasha, then back to Wanda. Eventually, she grew bored of that and started to explore the room on her own as they followed behind her, entranced by the way she’d grown and so, so proud of the progress she’d made.

Natasha decided to mention it to Steve later that night when they got into bed. He sat beside her with a book open on his lap while she toyed with her knitting, not that she was getting anywhere. “Sarah started crawling today,” she said warmly. “She’s quite the little explorer.”

Steve looked up immediately. “And I missed it?” He groaned. “At this rate, I won’t be there for anything she does. I think my father is determined to bury me in paperwork.”

As if that was the only thing keeping him out of their rooms during the day. “Oh, I’m sure you’ll be there for something,” she assured him. “We have so many firsts to come: her first words, her first steps. Her first ball. And as her father, you’ll have to show her how to dance at that ball…”

“If the first thing I’m there for is her first ball, then I’m not doing a very good job,” he argued, but he gave her a little smile anyway. “Can we see if she’ll crawl for me in the morning? I’d like to see it, at least.”

“I’m sure she’ll be all too happy to oblige,” she laughed. Natasha even reached out to touch his arm and gave him a little smile as well. It was as close as they got these days and she suspected that unless Sharon was out of the picture, it was as close as they could get for a very long time. How they were supposed to conceive an heir under these circumstances, she just didn’t know.

The next morning, Steve was actually up as soon as the baby started to cry and Natasha sat up in surprise as he bolted out of bed to see to her. He was carrying her back to their bed before Natasha had even gotten her wits about her, but she wouldn’t complain. At least he was eager to be involved today. “She’s hungry,” he told her like it was a grand revelation.

“Yes,” she answered, clearly amused even as she began to untie her robes. Steve didn’t move and Natasha raised her eyebrows at him. “Are you-- staying?”

Steve looked a little scared, to be honest. “Is that okay?”

Natasha nodded. “Sure. Yes. Of course.”

Now, regardless of the fact that Natasha was doing something she’d done a thousand times at this point, she felt a little more sub-conscious than usual and her cheeks flushed as she undid the top of her robe and offered her nipple to Sarah, who latched on and sucked greedily. She looked up and Steve was still staring with unabashed interest, his eyes fixed on his daughter and his brow just barely wrinkled like he was trying to figure out some kind of complex problem.

“Does it hurt?” He asked eventually.

“Well, no. Not anymore. Sometimes I get a little sore, but… for the most part, it’s just fine.”

Steve nodded slowly and lifted his gaze up to Natasha. “Do you think it’s strange to find this kind of… calming? You look so maternal right now, I don’t know if I actually connected that word to you before this.”

Natasha smiled a little. “I don’t think it’s strange,” she admitted. “It’s calming for her and calming for me, so why not you too?” She patted the bed beside her. “Come and sit up here.”

Steve moved to sit right beside her and slowly put his arm around her shoulders to bring them a little closer. It actually felt wonderful just to have him there, but Natasha tried not to sink into it too much if only because it would all be gone again in no time. Together, they sat and watched as Sarah had her fill and pulled away to whine up at them.

Natasha patiently showed Steve how to put her over his shoulder and lightly tap her on the back until she let out a loud burp that made him laugh. By then, she was all covered up again and smiling at the two of them because  _ this _ was how it was supposed to be. This was how she wanted them to be all the time.

“Such a loud burp out of such a little person,” he laughed as he sat her down on his lap. “What do you say, princess? Do you want to show Daddy how you crawl?”

Together, they made their way into the main room and Steve set Sarah down on the carpet while he moved across the room and crouched down. “Come on, Sarah. Come on. Come to Daddy…”

Sarah looked at him for a long moment before squirming there on the carpet and slowly pushing herself up. Under the watchful gazes of her parents, Sarah crawled across the carpet and squealed as Steve scooped her up into his arms. “Look at you! Look how big you’ve gotten!”

Steve spun her around a little bit and soaked up all the little laughs and giggles from his little girl before he was forced to leave once again. Natasha never quite knew what he was doing during the day, but these moments  _ nearly _ made up for it. Nearly. But not quite.

Days later, Natasha was sitting with Sarah on her lap and bouncing her very lightly while they sang one of Wanda’s songs together (as Wanda watched in clear amusement from the sidelines while she prepared to go home for the night). They were singing and laughing and bouncing, but all of a sudden the gurgles Sarah was letting out gave way to something else.

“Mah-mah!”

Both women stopped and stared at her. “Did she just--”

Sarah laughed and tried to bounce on her own. “Ma-mah! Ma-mah!”

Natasha was elated. “She’s talking? You’re talking! Say it again, Sarah.”

“Mmmmm.” Sarah pouted a little bit and stopped there, but that was alright.

There were celebrations all around even though she didn’t think this was strictly ‘talking’ and more like babbling without much knowledge of what she was saying, but Natasha remembered her discussion with Steve about him missing various firsts and she decided that she would surprise him in his office with Sarah so he could share this as well. With the baby on her hip and a wide smile on her face, she padded barefoot down the halls and sought out his office. Unfortunately, the door was open enough for her to peek in and see Sharon leaning her hip against Steve’s table as they talked- and laughed- and God only knows what else.

From her vantage point, she could see Sharon leaning forward to touch Steve’s arm and she backed away like she’d been stung, quickly backtracking to her chambers again. And she was angry. She was so angry that she’d lost all semblance of calm and all patience that she might have had for whatever it was Steve thought he was doing. Enough of this. Enough.

After Wanda left, Natasha fed Sarah a little applesauce as they were starting her on other foods and let her drink from her breast as well. Thankfully, the baby fell asleep and Natasha put her to bed for the night so she could ready herself for what was coming next. Of course, she hardly knew what she was going to say. Natasha was usually someone who thought before she spoke, but this was different. The rage rising up from her core was negating all attempts at preparation.

Natasha sat herself down in the main room and crossed her legs at the knee while she waited for Steve to come home for the night. She wasn’t sure she was doing the right thing here, but she didn’t care. Let him disgrace her, let him throw her out and confirm her fears regarding Sharon. Let him scream and tell her that it’s none of her business what he does when he’s apart from her. She just didn’t care anymore. This was no way to live.

When he did return, it was as though nothing was wrong. “I was in meetings with my father half the day,” he said as he kicked off his boots and began to disrobe. “Something’s going on in Europe and we might have to get involved if they don’t back down, but I don’t know if—“

He finally caught sight of Natasha and stopped there. “What’s wrong?” He asked. As if he didn’t know. Steve might as well have put ‘idiot’ right on his forehead. 

“Your daughter was babbling along today and said something that sounded almost like a word.”

Steve blinked. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that usually a good thing?”

“It’s a wonderful thing,” Natasha answered. “A wonderful thing I was so eager to share with you after our conversation the other day that I left our rooms with her in my arms and no shoes on my feet to find you.” She let out a soft, humorless laugh and gave him a disappointed look, not bothering to hide behind a polite smile anymore. “Imagine my surprise when I found you with Sharon once again.”

Silence.

“I’ve been quiet long enough and I think I deserve to know the truth, so tell me, Steve. Are you sleeping with her? Do you intend to take her as a formal mistress? Because if you are so desperate to get away from me, you could at least pick someone I don’t detest as much as I detest her.”

Steve sat down like the weight of the conversation had already settled on his shoulders. “I’m not sleeping with her,” he said evenly. “You have my word on that.”

Natasha wasn’t sure if she believed him. “So you have decided to hurt me without sacrificing your own morals,” she reasoned. Even if he wasn’t sleeping with her, the way he’d been acting was nothing short of cruel. “If your relationship is so casual, then why—“

“I didn’t say it was casual.”

Natasha hadn’t thought that anything he could say would hurt more than the confirmation that they were having a physical affair, but apparently she was wrong. “What does that mean? Do you love her?”

Steve swallowed and rubbed his palms over his thighs. “No, I don’t love her,” he said. “But I enjoy spending time with her. I feel… good when I’m with her. And we have a lot in common. We were both raised here in America, we both feel pressured by our fathers to live up to their expectations… We even have an acquaintance in common.”

Natasha watched him silently until he continued. “Her cousin lived here when she was a child. We used to play together. We were… childhood sweethearts, you might say.” Another pause. “And I have kissed Sharon. Once. But it made me feel… wrong.”

It hurt. Natasha felt so unbelievably inadequate and she couldn’t imagine what it was that she’d done to push him away. “And I suppose you think I should just sit by and watch you make a fool of yourself,” she said quietly. “Shall I just pretend that everything’s alright? That you haven’t done exactly what I feared you might? I gave you a child and I hadn’t even healed before you turned to her.”

More silence. It was becoming deafening.

“I still love you,” he said softly. “That hasn’t changed.”

Natasha shook her head. “Words mean very little unless your actions align with them.”

Steve stood up and threw his hands up in frustration. “You aren’t blameless here, Natasha! You’re pulling away from me and you know it.”

“I’m pulling away from you?” She asked incredulously. “You were with her the very first day I left our rooms after giving birth to your daughter, who hardly ever sees you because you are always off with her! I am willing to admit my mistakes and my failings, Steve, but don’t you dare tell me that I caused this. I’ve done nothing to warrant this treatment.”

Steve looked like he wanted to argue, but he knew he was in the wrong. “You spend more time with Bucky than I do and I’ve already said I’m not sleeping with her. Why do you care about just spending time with her?”

“Because you would rather spend time with her than spend time with me!”

Steve stopped and stared at her. “And you wouldn’t rather spend your time with Bucky?”

Natasha could not believe how ridiculous he was acting, but her cheeks did flush a little bit as their kiss came to mind. It hadn’t been romantic, though. It was never about romance, only companionship. “Your best friend has been more supportive of me since I gave birth than you have,” she said bluntly. “At least I don’t have to watch him ignoring me in favor of another, better friend and the  _ only _ reason I’ve leaned on him as much as I have is because you’re always gone!”

Rubbing a hand over his face, Steve paced back and forth a few times and looked at her. “She’s never going to be you,” he admitted. “And I never intended to sleep with her, I just…” He shook his head and dropped his gaze to the floor- where it belonged, Natasha thought. “It's so easy with her and I thought maybe that was how it's supposed to be with a woman…” He shook his head and sighed. “If you’re allowed to have men who are friends, then I should be able to have women who are friends.”

“Do you spend that much intimate time with all your friends?” She scoffed a little and shook her head. “She knows she has power over you. She flaunts it and you let her because I’m apparently such a terrible wife that you don’t want to spend time with me anymore. I’m not your perfect match, I don’t know about your home… Apparently it doesn’t matter that I’ve made an effort.”

“What do you mean she ‘flaunts’ it?”

Natasha gave him a look. “I’ve had enough conversations with her to know that she is very well aware of what she’s doing to me by spending so much time with you.”

Steve pressed his lips together. “What would you have me do?”

“Dismiss her from court and ask her not to return,” she said immediately.

Steve swallowed hard. “She isn’t a bad person.”

Natasha felt only a little guilty, and that was only because she was asking Steve for something he didn't want to give. Sharon should have thought twice about her actions if she didn't want retribution. Honestly, she needed Sharon gone if they ever intended to repair their marriage, but would he resent her for it? Did he care for her so much that he would miss her terribly when she was gone?

“Is she so important?” She whispered. Natasha had promised herself that she wouldn’t cry, but he was breaking her heart. “So important that you would sacrifice what we have to keep her?”

Steve looked up to meet her gaze again she could see him softening even as she turned her eyes away and blinked, only to quickly wipe away the tears that fell. “I can't  _ do _ this anymore,” she continued. “Everyone knows, Steve. And more than that, you said that you loved me. How can you expect me to watch you with her and not feel like you're stepping directly on my heart?”

She sniffled again and shook her head. “I've thought about leaving,” she confessed. “About running away back home with Sarah or fleeing to Asgard… but this is my home now. You're my home. I wanted so badly to believe that you would come to your senses.”

“Natasha, please,” he tried, moving closer to sit down beside her. He took her hand, but she pulled away from him and he flinched at how much that hurt. There was a long pause while Steve anxiously rubbed his hands over his thighs and Natasha just tried to remain calm.

“You’re right.”

Natasha lifted her gaze and sniffled, but remained silent as she waited for more.

“You’re right,” he sighed again. “I’ve been… a complete idiot. I don’t know what I was thinking, I just…”

She watched as he leaned forward and put his head in his hands. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so sorry; I never meant to hurt you. I know it doesn’t seem that way, but I swear. It was never out of malice.”

“I know that,” she said quietly.

“I do love you,” he insisted. “I'll do whatever it takes to make this right.” But a thought occurred to him and Steve took a deep, deep breath. “Can you ever forgive me? Have I ruined all of it? Our marriage, our relationship…?” He lifted his head and she could see that he meant it. Steve looked so torn between what he knew was perfectly in his rights and what he needed to understand in order to make the woman he loved happy. “Please tell me we still have a chance.”

Could she forgive him? Yes. Natasha still loved him and she knew that he hadn’t been spending time with someone else to enact revenge upon her or anything, but… this still hurt her. How was she to know that he wouldn’t go all the way next time? How could she know that he wouldn’t find another pretty little thing to spend time with? What would happen if she gained even more weight with her next pregnancy? Would he stray then?

Her lack of an answer pulled a soft sigh from Steve, who let his head fall into his hands again. “I know I brought this on myself,” he said quietly. “I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am that I hurt you. It was like another person had taken over…”

“No.”

Steve looked up and frowned. “No?”

Natasha turned towards him and while she kept her hands folded in her lap, she wanted him to realize that she was very serious and very angry. “You don’t get to pretend that it wasn’t you that made this decision,” she reasoned. “I want to know what it is that made you turn to her. Was it because we hadn’t been together in some time? Because of the weight I’d gained while I was pregnant? The mood swings? What was it that I did wrong?”

“Nothing.” The answer was so quick that Natasha nearly smiled. “You did  _ nothing _ wrong.”

“If I did nothing wrong, then it must simply be that you are stupid enough to fall for a pretty face and some sweet words thrown your way,” she answered. “Is that the truth?”

Steve sighed. “It must be,” he said. “Because you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Natasha stood up because she felt much better moving than remaining still at the moment. How could she remain sitting at a time like this, when they were having such a serious conversation? “If  _ that _ is the truth, how can I ever trust you again? There will always be another pretty face, another woman eager to win your favor.”

“She isn’t just a woman,” he argued, but that line of reasoning left without explanation only won him a fierce look from Natasha. “That’s not what I meant. I said we had an acquaintance in common; she had all kinds of stories about her. Peggy meant so much to me and Sharon knew how she was, how she’d grown up…”

Natasha studied him for a very long moment. “Are you telling me that all you wanted from her were stories of a childhood crush? Steve, you _cannot_ think me stupid enough to believe that.”

“No, it wasn’t just for the stories, but it was talk of Peggy that drew me in.” Steve looked like he was searching for an answer he couldn’t quite put into words. “Natasha, I know I messed up,” he continued. “I know I did. But I want you to know that it won’t happen again.”

Natasha said nothing. She folded her hands in her lap again and sighed as she thought it over.

“I’m so sorry,” he said again, taking her hand for the second time. She didn’t pull away now, preferring instead to watch him get to his knees in front of her. He covered her smaller hand with his and dropped soft kisses on her knuckles. “I’ll make it up to you. I swear, Natasha, I will. And I’ll prove to you that you can trust me, no matter how long it takes.”

Natasha smiled just a little bit. That was her Steve rearing his head already. “There is one more thing,” she said slowly. “And it might just make things worse before they get better, but I have to know.”

Steve looked like he was bracing himself for impact, but she soldiered on. “While I was pregnant, you came home one night smelling of someone else’s perfume. I know I gave you permission, but that night? I wished I hadn’t. I think somewhere in the back of my head, I hoped you wouldn’t do it.”

Her eyes filled with tears no matter how Natasha tried to avoid them. It was just that giving him permission to sleep with someone else had been such a low point that she felt just as wronged as she did embarrassed. “I want to know who it was,” she said at last. “Please.”

“So it was a test?” Steve asked, slowly moving to sit on the edge of the sofa. “It was a test. And I failed.”

Natasha wiped her tears away and bowed her head in shame. “I can’t fault you for doing something I gave you permission to do,” she said softly. “But I hate that you did it.”

There was a long pause before Steve took both of her hands and held them close to his chest. “That night, I went to a tavern in town,” he explained. “There was a woman there who was kind to me and we spent a long time just talking, though she was quite close. After some time, she asked me up to her room in the tavern and I went with her.”

Natasha sucked in a breath and held it. “But I never slept with her,” he said firmly. “I couldn’t.”

Shocked, Natasha’s head snapped up and she stared at him. “What?” She breathed. “How is that possible? You smelled of her. It was all I could smell for days.”

“We were close,” he reasoned. “She sat on my lap for some time and she did give me a shoulder massage in her room. But I only took my shirt off to facilitate that.”

“What stopped you?” She asked. “What stopped you that night? What went through your head?”

Steve huffed out a breath and averted his eyes. “I kept thinking about how you were at home, in our bed, all alone. You were bringing a life into the world and I was going to be unfaithful just because you gave me permission to do so?” He made a face and shook his head. “There are things in this life that are more important than sex.” Shaking his head, he shrugged a little bit. “You know, I know it might not be the most sensitive thing to say, but no one will ever hold a candle to you, Natasha. I know we didn’t… plan this, but I can't imagine anyone else ever standing in your place.”

Natasha supposed that despite their problems, Steve did deserve a second chance. He hadn’t slept with Sharon and he hadn’t even slept with anyone else during her pregnancy. And while his flirtation with Sharon had been both hurtful and embarrassing, he was sure to put an end to it now and she had to trust him on that because she had no other choice. “Flatterer,” she told him, giving him a teasing smile. “You know, you can’t just shower me in compliments like that every time you do something wrong.”

Steve smiled guiltily. “My mother always said my smile could get me out of any trouble.”

Natasha rolled her eyes at him, but leaned closer to accept just a little kiss right on the lips. “Well, so far, so good.”

That night, Natasha allowed a seriously emotional Steve to pull her close in their bed, and she tucked her head under his chin and wrapped her arms around his waist.

 

They slept soundly the whole night through and the next morning, Steve dressed while Natasha fed Sarah before handing her off for a good burp and eventually---

“Mah-mah!” Natasha could hear Steve gasp from the other room and she laughed as he ran towards her even as her handmaidens got her dressed for the day.

“Did you hear her?!” He asked excitedly. “Did you? She said a word! A real word!”

Natasha, who was halfway into her dress and couldn’t believe the excitement written all over her husband’s face, nodded and smiled widely. “Yes, I heard her,” she said, clearly amused by it all. “I don’t think it’s a  _ real _ real word, but it’s certainly something. You should try and see if you can get her to say ‘Papa’ or ‘Dada’.”

Steve lit up and returned to the other room, where she could hear him repeating ‘Papa’ over and over again in the hopes that Sarah would say it for him. Natasha shook her head in amusement and allowed her handmaidens to finish up before sorting out her hair as well. When she emerged, she was wearing a blue silk gown with a thick belt nipping in at her waist and a thin metal piece securing it around her neck. Her hair was left half down and half tied back and for the first time in such a very long time, Natasha actually felt like the day would be a terribly good one.

 

 

Maybe it was petty of her, but Steve had agreed to dismiss Sharon from court and Natasha was more than a little excited to see the look on her face when she realized what was happening.

Steve was still trying to get Sarah to say ‘Papa’ when she came out and Natasha sat down beside him to encourage her as well. That was exactly how Wanda found them when she arrived, both repeating the word ‘Papa’ as Sarah squealed in excitement at the attention and continually said ‘Mah-mah’ like her life depended on it.

When Wanda neared them, however, Sarah immediately reached up for the younger woman and let out a ‘Wah’ that was very distinct. “Oh, my,” Natasha laughed, covering her mouth. “Wanda, I believe you’ve got a new name.”

Sarah laughed and tugged lightly at Wanda’s hair. “Wah, Wah!”

Wanda blushed a little and glanced down at Steve, who looked partially offended and partially amused by his daughter's progress. “Ah, perhaps another time,” he sighed as he stood up to leave. There was one marked difference today, however, and that was the fact that he reached for Natasha's hand when she stood up as well.

Together, they made their way into the main hall and for once, everyone was looking at them in a good way. Bucky grinned widely from the other side of the room as Natasha happily allowed Steve to lead her to their table and pull her chair out for her. She knew he was going the extra mile to make up for what he’d been doing these past few months, but she couldn’t say she didn’t appreciate that. One step at a time, she thought. There had to be hope for the future.

Now, Natasha wasn’t going to be quite as arrogant as Sharon had been, but when the other woman entered the room… Well, to put it very simply, Natasha met her gaze with a subtle look of overwhelming triumph. She could take her long legs and her perfect skin and leave. The dress she was wearing today was made of the palest pink material Natasha had ever seen and she looked so pristine that it nearly hurt to look at her at all.

 

 

Steve, to his credit, just kept teasing Natasha the way he had been. He continued offering her the sausage on his plate because she’d made a crude remark about what it resembled given the right lighting. “Stop,” she laughed as he brought the sausage closer to her face and she leaned back to push it away. “Stop!  _ Steve… _ ”

He didn’t stop and it was silly and stupid and Natasha couldn't remember the last time they'd smiled so much together. He got so close and teased her so much that Natasha eventually batted him away and successfully flung the sausage onto the floor, where it rolled almost clear across the room and landed right at Sharon’s feet, effectively slipping past the hem of her pristine dress and nudging up against her shoe.

Natasha immediately started to laugh even harder, try as she might to stop it, and Steve covered his mouth as he laughed along with her. 

“Oh! That’s disgusting!” Sharon cried, pulling the hem up a little and darting away from it.

Natasha was still laughing as she got up to retrieve the sausage, bending down and piercing it with her fork right there in front of everyone. “It’s just a sausage,” she said. “Nothing to be scared of, despite what you may think.”

“Look what it did to my shoe.” Sharon lifted one foot and Natasha looked down to see some remnants of grease or oil or something on the side of it. “This is why adults have manners, so other adults don’t have to handle the consequences of childish actions.”

Natasha just smiled up at her. “Let me share something with you, Sharon, from one woman to another.” She leaned in a little bit. “You may soon learn that life has a funny way of correcting the pathetic and desperate behavior of others.” While she tried not to smile too widely, she overtly failed even as she leaned back again and turned to signal a servant. “See to it that the duchess is supplied with another pair of shoes equal in value to those she is currently wearing. I’m sure you can find something that tacky in the village shops.”

With that, she turned on her heel and sauntered away- but she could no longer hide her smile. And bless him; Steve was visibly biting back a smile as well because while he did like Sharon, she’d never behaved like that in front of him before. 

As Natasha took her seat again, Sharon marched up to Steve and gave him a hard look. “Did you hear how she spoke to me? Aren’t you going to do anything?”

Steve looked up at her, then at Natasha beside him, then back to her. “I should ask you to leave based on how you spoke to Natasha, not the other way around,” he reasoned.

Natasha truly enjoyed the contained outrage in Sharon’s eyes. “She is to be your queen,” he continued, not even standing up to speak to her. “And if this is the way you act behind my back, then we have no need to continue our friendship. Please see yourself out at your earliest convenience.”

Sharon’s cheeks flushed a deep red and she very nearly stomped her foot like a petulant child. “You can’t just turn your back on me,” she argued, reaching out for Steve’s shoulder. “Like you did the same to Peggy?”

Steve turned right back around and stood up to tower over her. “If you say her name again, I’ll have you removed,” he said quietly. “Do you understand? Whatever you think there was between us, you were wrong. I never made any promises to you; I never insinuated that this would ever be what you want it to be. I love my wife.”

Natasha smiled a little at that, but there was something in Steve’s tone that spoke of a secret left unsaid. She would ask him about it later, when all of this was over. Right now, she intended to enjoy the way Sharon glared up at him, and then fiercely glared down at Natasha. “Fine. Time will tell if she can actually give you an heir.”

It was a good thing that Steve could see this for himself. Natasha had thought that he might resent her for insisting that he dismiss Sharon from court, but honestly… she was earning that punishment all on her own and that was simply by being so awful right out in the open. Everyone else already knew; it was Steve she’d managed to keep in the dark.

“Get out,” Steve said as simply as he could. “Or I’ll have you removed.”

Sharon stewed right in her spot for several long moments before turning and storming right back out of the room to presumably leave and hopefully never, ever come back. Natasha reached up for Steve’s hand to get his attention and slowly laced their fingers together. “Hey, come back to me,” she murmured, tugging lightly until he sat down again.

Steve looked like he felt guilty for the whole thing and she thought she knew why, but then he opened his mouth. “I’m so stupid,” he said. “I challenge you to find someone as ignorant as I am and I promise you, it’s impossible. I should never have told her I feel guilty for falling out of touch with Peggy.”

Natasha offered him a consoling smile and moved a little closer so she could lift their hands and kiss his knuckles. “In my experience, men have their stupid moments,” she reasoned. “We’ll get through this.”

Steve nodded and went back to his meal, but it was pretty quiet between them after that.

When breakfast was through, Steve lamented the fact that he absolutely had to meet with his father and the ambassador from Europe who would brief them on whatever conflict was taking place there. Natasha almost didn’t want to leave him alone for fear that Sharon might somehow get back to Steve and change his mind, but she knew that in order to move forward she had to take the leap and actually trust him again. It was going to be a very rough road either way. With that in mind, she pecked him on the lips and said she might surprise him for lunch before they parted ways.

In her rooms, Natasha was all too happy to spend some time with Sarah, bouncing her on her lap and trying to get her to say ‘Papa’ or ‘Dada’ or any other version of the same word. She was being unbelievably stubborn and adorable at the same time when someone knocked and Wanda answered the door to find Bucky there. Now, they hadn’t spoken since the party for Christmas and it showed as Bucky blushed nearly as much as Wanda did when they were suddenly eye to eye.

“Wanda,” he started- Natasha cleared her throat again. “M-Miss Maximoff. It’s good to see you again.”

Wanda smiled as she stepped aside to admit him. “Yes, it’s good to see you too, Mr. Barnes.”

They’d kissed. Natasha knew it, and she knew that they knew it was obvious.

“Bucky! To what do I owe this honor?” She ventured, holding Sarah against her chest so she might be part of the conversation as well.

“I saw you at breakfast,” he laughed. “I’m so glad for the two of you. I’m glad he’s finally got his head out of his ass.” Bucky sat down on the sofa and reached out so Sarah could grab onto his hands. Of course, he also sighed and leaned his head down so she could pat his cheeks the way she liked to, and scratch along the stubble on his jaw. “But I have something of a gift for you,” he continued as Sarah pulled at his nose. “A surprise. If you’ll come with me, that is.”

Natasha obviously wanted to know what the gift was, so she handed Sarah over to Wanda and stood up to take Bucky’s arm and allow him to lead her out of the room. “What is it?” She asked him on the way.

“If I told you now, it wouldn’t be a very good surprise,” he chided. “Just a little bit further.”

Bucky led her all the way to the main doors of the palace and around a little corner so they were very nearly out of sight. From there, he pointed down another hallway and Natasha watched as a visibly angry Sharon marched herself towards the main doors (with a new pair of shoes on, she noticed). Servants carried her things behind her, but as there was no one to bid her goodbye they had to drop those things and open the doors for her as well.

They left first and before she knew what she was doing, Natasha revealed herself and folded her hands politely in front of her. “Oh, Sharon?” She asked sweetly, earning a glare in return. “I do hope you find your home a bit calmer than it is here at court. It’s so easy to just get swept up and spit right back out if you’re not paying attention. Have a safe trip.”

Sharon didn’t even bother replying. She huffed and left right away and all of a sudden, it was like the evil had been vanquished. Bucky came out and gave a little cheer as Natasha beamed at the closed door.

Success. Now if she could only learn to trust Steve again, things would be back to normal.

 

That afternoon, Natasha went to the kitchen herself and packed a basket with a lovely little lunch for the two of them. She included a cask of wine and two goblets, pieces of warm, roast chicken, fruits, and a few pieces of bread. It was a light lunch and just meant to be enough for the two of them to share while Steve took what was probably a much needed break. This time, there was no one else in the office when she arrived. Instead, she found with his hands on the table while he studied a large map.

“You look like you’re about to hit something,” she remarked from the doorway. “What’s wrong?”

Steve looked up and sighed before basically letting his head hang all the way down. “This conflict in Europe is escalating instead of slowly getting better as we’d hoped,” he admitted, glancing back up at her. “It’s nothing to worry about, but navigating the enemies and allies involved is… tricky.”

Natasha closed the door behind her and set the basket down as she moved to stand beside him. “You need a break,” she told him, reaching out to take his hand. “Come and eat with me.”

“I should keep going,” he argued, but he was already letting her guide him away from the map and into a chair nearby. “I should really keep going.”

Chuckling lightly, Natasha began unpacking their lunch and setting everything out on the corner of the table in front of him. “That loses some of the meaning when you’re already sitting and ready to enjoy a meal,” she teased lightly. “Relax.” She filled both cups and rather than sitting down to join him, she moved to stand behind his chair and slid her hands onto his shoulders. “Go ahead and eat,” she urged lightly. “You’ll be no good to anyone without any energy.”

Steve didn’t quite listen. Instead of reaching for his food, he let his head fall back and groaned as she dug her fingers into the meat of his shoulders. “Right now, this is way better than any food,” he teased. “If I could just forget about everything else…”

Natasha smiled and leaned down to kiss his forehead. “Perhaps for a little while, at least,” she mused, abandoning his shoulders in favor of sitting down and urging him to eat. Steve eventually gave in and she was glad for it because if he was going to work himself silly, then he needed to make sure he ate and kept his strength up. 

“Do you want to talk about the conflict? I’ve been told I can be a good listener.”

Steve looked up and watched her for a long moment. “No, I can’t-- I don’t want to burden you with that,” he said as he shook his head. “I don’t want you worrying.”

Frowning a little, Natasha picked apart a piece of bread. “Is there something I should be worrying about?”

Offering up a guilty look, Steve reached out for Natasha’s hand and brushed his thumb over her knuckles. “No,” he said softly. “No, it’ll all be alright. It’ll all work out in the end.”

After a wonderful lunch, Natasha packed up and allowed Steve to return to work. “Wait, wait,” she said when she was halfway out the door. She set the basket down again and moved back to Steve, reaching out to put a hand on his chest as she leaned up to give him a little kiss on the lips. “I’ll see you tonight,” she said warmly. “Take it easy.” 

It became something of a tradition for them over the next month or so. With Steve working so diligently to keep everyone safe and keep their home where it should be in the grand scheme of things, Natasha felt it wasn’t only her duty, but a pleasure to make sure he was taking care of himself at the same time. She would bring lunch every day in a basket and lay it out for them to share. Sometimes she would rub his shoulders; sometimes she would let him put his head in her lap so she could stroke his hair. Whatever it was that he needed, she was there for him.

The fact that they hadn’t yet slept together again was of little consequence considering how lucky they were to have each other. One day in mid-February, Natasha decided to bring Sarah with her. With Wanda’s help, she transported the baby and the basket to Steve’s office and watched him just light up as soon as he realized that Sarah would be joining them.

He scooped her up right away, in fact, and set her down on his lap for the time being. “Hello, princess. I didn’t know Mama was bringing you.” Sarah reached up for him and Steve acquiesced; he was quickly making it known that he was at the very least wrapped tightly around Sarah’s tiny finger. “Can you say ‘Papa’ yet?”

They remained hopeful that Sarah would favor him with his name. She’d already given names to Wanda (who remained ‘Wah’ even though she tried otherwise) and Bucky (‘Bah Bah’, much to his amusement), but she hadn’t yet said ‘Papa’. Natasha tried not to blame their time apart for all this.

With the remains of their lunch sitting nearby, Natasha held Sarah on her lap and watched as Steve tried again to encourage her to say the word. “Come on, Sarah,” he said sweetly. “Come on. Say, ‘Papa’. Pah-pah. Come on, you can do it.”

Sarah was very interested in the clapping he was doing with each ‘pa’ that came out of his mouth, but she still hadn’t said anything of the sort, just contented herself in clapping along with him. And as sweet and charming as that was, Steve clearly really wanted her to… to recognize him.

“Sweetie, can’t you say ‘Papa’?” He tried, reaching out and letting her grab at his hands.

Sarah beamed up at him, but she said nothing and Steve sighed as he gathered her into his arms. “She doesn’t really know me, does she?” He wondered aloud. “Is that it? I haven’t been around enough and now she doesn’t know me.”

Natasha frowned. “I’m sure that’s not it,” she offered. “It’ll happen in time. We just have to be patient.” Although… There was a chance, she supposed, that Sarah had spent more time with her and with Wanda and Bucky. There was a reason Sarah knew them better than she knew Steve, but it wasn’t anything that couldn’t be fixed! Sarah was only seven months old. Assuming Steve wanted to make up for the time he’d been absent, she would hardly know the difference.

Sarah frowned for a moment, her nose wrinkling sweetly in concentration. “Dah.”

All of a sudden, both Steve and Natasha looked right back to the baby and smiled. “Dah?” There was this moment wherein they were just watching Sarah, who sloppily rubbed a hand over her lips before giggling to herself and finally announcing--

“Da-da!”

She reached her chubby little arms out to Steve and Natasha could hardly believe the smile that spread across his face. “Yes! That’s my girl!” He scooped Sarah up and held her over his head. “Say it again. Who am I?”

“Da!” Sarah giggled as Steve laughed and spun her around, eventually bringing her close to his chest again and dropping little kisses all over the top of her head and her cheeks as well.

Steve leaned down to blow raspberries against the side of her neck and delighted in her giggling and the way she tugged at his hair. “We should spend more time together like this,” he announced as Sarah settled down enough to lean into his chest and tug at the collar of his shirt. “Natasha, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about, but I’m not quite ready… I thought we might have a private dinner this evening.”

Natasha was immediately suspicious, but she carefully took Sarah back and nodded. “Of course,” she agreed. “A private dinner. I’ll be sure the preparations are made and see you then.” She leaned up for a brief kiss and offered him a little smile. “Don’t be late,” she said quietly. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

That night, she had the servants prepare a private dinner for the two of them and asked Wanda to take the baby to her chambers for the evening. It wasn’t that Sarah got in the way, but Natasha thought it best that she was somewhere else for their discussion that evening. If he had something happy to say, perhaps tonight was the night that she finally overcame whatever leftover feelings had heretofore prevented her from actually sleeping with her husband. If he had something bad to say… Natasha just didn’t want Sarah to be around for that.

She even changed into a soft, white skirt and removed all but her corset from the top half of her body. It was a nice change and when Steve arrived at last, the way he looked at her said as much. After all, the skirt was quite thin and considering she was still breastfeeding, she was boasting quite a bit of cleavage. Natasha felt… pretty. She felt like tonight might be the night.

 

 

“Right on time,” she said easily, accepting a soft kiss on her lips and watching him take his jacket off before he sat down at the table. 

Steve smiled. “It’s not polite to keep a lady waiting,” he quipped. “Besides, I’m actually eager to speak to you about this. I’ve been thinking about it for weeks now and I feel like you might be receptive to it… Or… Well, I hope you’ll be receptive to it.”

Natasha was already very curious about what it was Steve needed to talk to her about; so curious, in fact, that she was basically ignoring her food in favor of popping grapes into her mouth and sipping slowly at her wine. “Oh? Well, the sooner you tell me what it is, the sooner we’ll find out for sure,” she answered. “Don’t keep me in suspense.”

Steve swallowed down the mouthful of food he’d been chewing and set his knife and fork down so he could meet Natasha’s gaze. “I thought we might travel again soon,” he said somewhat cautiously. “It’s been some time since we visited Asgard and I think we should visit in the summer when Sarah can travel with us, but until then…”

“We don’t have to do this,” Natasha interrupted. “It’s a lovely gesture, but…”

“Natasha, I want to. I want to. I thought we might travel to Russia. You could see your father again and I could learn a little bit more about your culture.” Steve reached out to take her hand and brushed his fingers over her knuckles. “I think it would be good for us to get away.”

There was a part of her that  _ almost _ didn’t believe him. “You really mean it,” she said cautiously.

“Yes.” Steve offered a warm smile and nodded quickly. “Yes, of course I do.”

“Are you sure we could?” Natasha wanted to go. She wanted to see her father again and escape right into his arms for a little while. She wanted to see Clint again and show Steve that she wasn’t just  _ rebellious _ , but a real person with a culture all her own. “With the baby…”

“Wanda can look after her,” he reasoned. “And I’ve already asked Bucky if he would look after Wanda in turn. Everything can be arranged as soon as you say yes.”

Oh, but he had to know what this meant to her. Natasha desperately wanted to go and she yearned for a chance to be with Steve, just the two of them. They needed an opportunity to reconnect that didn’t involve sitting for supper in the same room as always or kissing in the same places they always kissed. Maybe, with some luck, they would be able to remember more about why they loved each other.

Steve cleared his throat and Natasha refocused on him. “Yes,” she answered quickly. “Yes. I’d love to go. I’d love to see home again.”

She offered him a wide smile and stood up with a flourish. “I have something for you.” With that, she disappeared into the other room for a few minutes and came back holding a long, wooden box in both arms. Steve stood up as fast as he could to help her with it, aiding her in carrying it over to the table and setting it down again. “It-- was a Christmas gift,” she confessed.

Steve’s smile pretty much dropped immediately. “A Christmas gift,” he repeated. “Oh. Natasha, I’m so--”

“It’s alright,” she interrupted, holding a hand up. “Just open it. I had it commissioned especially for you. It would be a grievous insult to the person who made it if we left it gathering dust.”

Pressing his lips together as he gave her yet another guilty look, Steve leaned over to kiss her cheek before carefully opening the case and letting out a whoosh of breath. The sword was gorgeous; brand new and gleaming beside its ornate sheath. But it was the handle that drew his attention first. It was finely made, to be sure, and fit his hand perfectly when he picked it up.

“This is a beautiful sword,” he admitted as he held it out to test the weight and balance. “Just beautiful.”

Natasha smiled. “The  _ woman _ who made it for you said you'd like it,” she offered in amusement.

Steve blinked. “A woman made this?”

“Yes,” she answered. “I visited her father’s shop and found her using his tools without permission. I admit that I encouraged her.” She shrugged. “But look at her work. Beautiful, isn't it? So  _ intricate.  _ She was even kind enough to walk me through her process.”

There was a moment between them wherein Natasha could practically see the gears turning in Steve's head. Blacksmiths were men; usually big, girly men who were covered in soot and sweat half the time. But he must have seen how proud Natasha was of having found a woman capable of the same skills and then some, so he made no remark of it .“I'll have to thank her for her work,” he said instead. “She's very talented. I'd certainly recommend her to others were she allowed by her father…”

“He and I had something of a chat,” she answered. “Her name is Riri. She's only fifteen, but I think she's headed for wonderful things ahead.”

Steve nodded in agreement as he sheathed the sword and set it down again. “Yes, I think so too,” he said easily. “And thank you for the gift. You're too good to me.”

Natasha supposed that sometimes she was indeed far too good to him, but life went on. Steve had made a terrible error in judgement, but she believed him when he said he hadn’t touched anyone else save that one kiss and she was going to leave it there. Things were getting better between them and as she planned to spend the rest of her life living  _ happily _ with her husband, she wasn’t going to do anything to mess that up.

It would seem that Steve had similar notions. He stepped forward and cautiously reached out to touch Natasha’s waist, sliding his hand over the corset until his fingertips just touched the laces at the back. “I should have told you how beautiful you look the moment I walked in,” he said softly.

Natasha smiled a little and reached out to slide her hands over Steve’s shoulders, idly leaning into him before she could think much of it. She’d missed having him to herself this way, missed his warmth and his soft lips and his embrace… “I think you should have,” she teased in return. 

“I think I should have as well,” he agreed, offering her a smile in return. “I could always make it up to you. Somehow.”

Oh,  _ somehow _ . Natasha raised her eyebrows as Steve leaned down to kiss the side of her neck, lingering there for a few moments before lifting his head up again. The contact made her shiver a little bit and she actually found herself eager to get to bed that night. Maybe tonight really was the night she got over herself and did exactly what she wanted to do.

“What did you have in mind?” She asked. “I might just be amenable to it.”

Steve took her hands and lifted them up to kiss her knuckles before leading her into the bedroom for the night. With the baby gone, they had all the privacy in the world and they both knew it, which meant that Natasha didn’t worry about the soft moan she let out as soon as Steve’s lips fell to the tops of her breasts. She couldn’t deny that it felt familiar and wonderful and she tipped her head back as he continued kissing her skin all the way up to her collarbone and up the side of her neck again. When their lips connected, it was like he’d set her on fire and left her to burn right there.

Natasha’s fingers slid through his hair even as he started to tug at the laces of her corset, frantically trying to undo the knot at the top and get it all undone. He was so clumsy that she actually started to laugh against his lips and quickly dropped her head down to his shoulder while he continued-- and then started to laugh as well. 

“You’re so mean,” he told her, shaking his head. “And so are corsets.”

Smiling easily, Natasha reached behind her and found the end of the ribbon securing her corset. She tugged and gave him a very amused look as the knot untied at once. “Your highness, I do believe I’ve taken care of the knot,” she quipped.

Steve leaned down and pecked her on the lips. “Don’t mind me. Just a minute.” With that, he moved to stand behind her and carefully pulled the ribbons out of her corset little by little, leaning down to kiss her shoulder when he got to the last bit and getting a nice view of the way the material pulled away from her skin. As he let the corset drop, Steve let his hands slide around from her waist to her stomach and up to cup her breasts in his hands while Natasha leaned back into him. She would allow him this, but the now familiar feeling of discomfort was already creeping up her spine no matter how hard she tried to push it down.

Steve hadn’t slept with anyone else! He hadn’t touched Sharon, so why was she so hesitant?

Maybe she just had to push through the first time and get over herself. Turning around, she looped her arms around Steve’s neck and pulled him in for another kiss, sliding her hand down to rest on his jaw instead. That didn’t last. Moments later, she was lifting his shirt over his head and sliding her hands over the firm muscle she’d missed so much. Still unsure, she leaned forward and pressed her lips right to the center of his chest. When she looked up to him again, Steve had this look in his eyes she just couldn’t place and the mood  _ changed _ somehow.

She felt it and she knew that he felt the same thing because he looped his arms around her waist and buried his nose in her neck for a few long moments. It occurred to Natasha in that moment that perhaps he wasn’t ready for this either. Maybe he had yet to forgive himself, maybe he deserved to work through his guilt after what he’d put her through. Lifting his head again, he kissed her forehead and smiled softly. “I’ll let you get changed for bed,” he murmured.

With that, he moved past her to remove his boots and get into bed for the night. Natasha disappeared to undress completely and came back wearing a thin robe tied at the waist. She blew out the last few candles before giving Teni a little pat where she was all curled up on the floor and slipping into bed beside him. “Hi,” she whispered, shifting to prop herself up on his chest.

Steve smiled- she could see it even in the dim lighting -but it didn’t last long. “You know I love you,” he said softly. “Right?”

“Yes, I know.” Natasha leaned up to peck him on the lips. “I love you too.”

It took a little more shifting on her part, but Natasha eventually sidled up to Steve and put one arm around his waist to keep him close. With her cheek resting against his chest and his strong arm around her, she fell into a deep sleep knowing that her husband  _ did _ love her and that he was sorry for what he’d put her through. Healing would be a process, a  _ slow _ process, but she had every confidence that it could be done.


	17. Chapter 17

_"To analyze the charms of flowers is like dissecting music; it is one of those things which it is far better to enjoy, than to attempt to fully understand."_

_\-  Henry T. Tuckerman_

 

Close to the end of February, after all the preparations had been made, Natasha and Steve set out for their trip to Russia. Sarah would be nine months old that next month and she would be under Wanda’s constant supervision, but they’d also been absolutely sure to ask Bucky to support her if she needed anything. The servants would answer to her, and the king was aware of the situation as well, just in case. She would be staying in Natasha and Steve’s rooms for the length of their trip and she was quite sure that she had everything handled.

Now, Natasha would readily admit that she’d been repeating herself for at least a day. It was hard to leave her baby in someone else’s care, even if that person was a trusted individual. Eventually, however, Steve gently pulled her away and they set out leaving Wanda in charge of the most important part of their lives knowing that everything would be perfectly fine.

The journey to Russia was a long one. Natasha spent quite a great deal of time sleeping on Steve’s shoulder, but they also stopped here and there to stretch their legs and when Steve asked her what he ought to expect there, Natasha spoke for some time about various traditions and customs. It would still be quite cold there; Natasha expected snow and she made certain that Steve was bundled up as much as he could be simply because he wasn’t used to that kind of weather.

When they arrived, she was thrilled to find that not only had it snowed, but it had snowed _a lot_. A thick blanket covered the ground and the trees above them and Natasha couldn’t resist smiling because of it. “Look at all the snow!” She said excitedly. “Steve, look at it!”

“Yes, I see,” he laughed in response. “I’ve never seen so much snow in one place.”

All of a sudden, the gown she’d chosen was even more perfect for their setting. It was all white with this beautiful, white lace overlay and long, dramatic sleeves that kept her warm. The very second their carriage stopped outside the palace, she was opening the door and letting herself out so she could take in a deep breath of fresh, frigid air. Draping her hair over one shoulder, she looked out towards the forest that surrounded the palace and sighed. She was home.

 

 

They moved up the steps and entered a huge, open main room. It wasn’t as golden or as warm as the palace in Steve’s kingdom, but torches were lit and King Alexei greeted them right there instead of in the throne room. “Tasha, Мой ребенок, приезжайте. Приехать.”

Natasha picked up her skirts and rushed right into her father’s arms, throwing her arms around his neck for a tight embrace and kissed his cheeks. “Papa, I’m so glad to see you,” she said sincerely. “Thank you for having us.”

“Anytime, my child. You are _both_ welcome here.” He stepped back a moment and opened one arm to Steve, pulling him into an embrace right beside Natasha. “And you are looking well. I only wish you could have brought little Sarah along with you.”

“Yes, I wish we could have,” Natasha agreed. “Unfortunately, she is still too young for such a long journey. I would not brave the winter with her until she is older.” Horrible things could happen to infants exposed to the cold weather, especially weather as unforgiving as it was in Russia.

Alexei stepped back and folded his hands in front of him as Steve and Natasha took their places beside one another. “There are some friendly faces loitering about the palace,” he told them. “I’ve asked at least one of them to leave directly, but alas I am ignored.” He shrugged and gave Natasha a knowing look. “It would seem as though they are both eager to see you again.”

Natasha tipped her head to the side. More than one friendly face? “But for now, I am sure you must be exhausted. Rest, my children. Your rooms have already been prepared.”

“Thank you, Papa,” Natasha said warmly. “We’ll see you at supper.”

Together, Steve and Natasha followed a helpful servant to the rooms that had been prepared for them. They were lavish and comfortable, with a crackling fire already going for them and thick furs thrown over the bed to keep them warm. Natasha watched as their trunks were set down and their things unpacked as neatly as possible, but she was far too happy to be home to really focus on anything else.

“You look _very_ happy,” Steve observed as he slid his arms around her waist from behind. “If this is what it takes to get a smile like that, then I am even more convinced that this was the right decision.”

Natasha smiled and leaned back against him. “The only thing that would make this trip better would be if Sarah had come along with us,” she mused. “But I’m glad we came anyway.”

Once the servants were finished and had furnished them with a tray of light snacks and sweet wine, they laid down for a short nap before they had to ready themselves for dinner. Natasha was up first and asking the handmaidens serving her to help her get dressed. As the weather was simply different here, the material she dressed in was heavier than usual. She chose a purple gown with partial sleeves and a belt at the waist and honestly? Even the gown felt like home. By the time she came out, Steve was already dressed in one of the jackets befitting their current location and all done up like that, he looked positively handsome.

“Look at you,” she observed, reaching out to touch the fine gold adornments on the jacket he wore. “You look so… so strong and handsome.”

Steve ducked his head bashfully, but ultimately gave her a little bow in gratitude. “You look beautiful,” he told her, reaching out to touch her dress. “This is lovely.”

 

 

Steve offered his arm and they made their way to dinner together, both hungry and both eager to thank their host again for his hospitality. In the dining room, Steve immediately moved to pull Natasha’s chair out for her to the right of where her father would sit, but something distracted her.

“Tasha?” Natasha’s head shot up and she grinned as Clint came striding into the room to give her a hug. “You’re here! I can’t believe you’re here.”

Natasha kissed him on the cheek and hugged him tight for several moments before pulling away. “Yes, I’m here,” she laughed. “Are you the friendly face Papa asked to leave?”

“You know he’s never been fond of me,” Clint shrugged. “And I’ve never listened.”

“It’s one of the things I like about you.” Natasha smiled and finally stepped away in order to bring Steve, who was standing off to the side and nearly glaring at Clint, into their conversation. “Now, I think you two need to take this opportunity to make friends, don’t you?”

Clint didn’t like Steve any more than Steve liked Clint, but they exchanged a look and silently decided that for Natasha, they would try. They had to try. Steve was the first to step forward and offer his hand. “Clint,” he said. “It's good to see you again.”

Clint gave Natasha a brief look and sighed before he stepped forward as well, giving Steve a nice, firm handshake. “It's good to see you too,” he answered. “I’d say I owe you an apology, but…”

“But I deserved everything you said,” Steve interjected. “I’m glad Natasha has someone like you to look out for her, who _would_ look out for her were anything to happen to me.”

Natasha looked back and forth between the two men and tried not to smile too much. Clint was trying, but he probably held a grudge for what Steve had done and Steve was certainly trying, but his pride got in the way of being _impeccably_ sincere. “You’ve got that right,” the former answered. “Your highness.”

With that, Natasha stepped forward and took Steve’s hand, effectively putting an end to their little conversation. “Papa should be here soon. Should we all sit down?”

Dinner itself was simple; Alexei had made sure to ask that Natasha’s favorite dishes be prepared and so they enjoyed a simple soup, amazing dumplings, and stroganoff. Steve, poor Steve, did not enjoy the soup, but he sucked it down anyway and paid his compliments to the chef just like a good diplomat would. Natasha appreciated his efforts enough to take his hand between courses as she told her father and Clint all about Sarah.

“She’s babbling all the time now,” she said excitedly. “She can say ‘mama’ and ‘papa’, sort of, and she’s got the most amazing little sounds for a few of our friends at home. It’s just wonderful watching her grow into this little person with a real personality…” She blushed a little and smiled widely. “I hope that doesn’t sound too strange.”

“Not at all,” Alexei answered. “Why, when you were a child I was amazed when you started recognizing me. I think that was when it occurred to me that not only are you my daughter, but I’m your father. For some reason, I couldn’t quite… attribute that thinking to you, but there you were reaching out for me like I had any idea what to do with you.”

Natasha smiled and reached out to touch his hand. “For someone who did not know what to do, you are a wonderful father, Papa.”

The next morning, Natasha dressed in all white again. She wore a lovely, thick dress and sturdy shoes because it was snowing very lightly outside and she had every intention of going out there to enjoy it. With a thick, white fur wrapped around her shoulders, she waited for Steve to get dressed and took his hand. “We’re going for a walk,” she told him. “A walk in the snow.”

 

*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

 

The short answer was that Steve honestly hadn’t the slightest idea what he’d been thinking all that time he was dallying with Sharon. He did like her as a person; she told wonderful stories about Peggy and she had a quick wit that kept him occupied without much effort. She was also very pretty, with delicate features and a beautiful smile as well. When they’d first met, she introduced herself as a cousin of Peggy Carter and Steve immediately had to know more. He wanted to know if she had found happiness living so far away and everything else Sharon might be able to tell him about what Peggy had been up to in all the time that had passed since they’d fallen out of touch.

But somehow that turned into stories about Sharon’s childhood. Somehow, they started talking about other things, like what kinds of sweets they preferred and what kind of music they thought was best. Steve kissed her once, like he’d said. It was late in the afternoon one day and she’d confessed to not wanting to leave as often as she’d planned because she felt this connection to him. But the moment their lips met, he felt wrong and terribly guilty for it.

Steve had wondered if maybe he’d allowed it to go on for so long because it felt like he was going to prove his father wrong. He had this beautiful, noble woman who might have been willing to take his hand _without_ their parents arranging it for them. Maybe it was all about throwing it back in his father’s face or… or maybe there was a part of Steve who thought Sharon might make up for the fact that he’d lost Peggy so unfairly. Whatever it was, seeing Natasha so upset over it was like a bolt of lightning that shook him to the core. He’d never _wanted_ a mistress.  

What was he _doing_? She was his wife. Natasha loved him and he loved her, and it wasn’t any less valuable with her just because they’d started out on a rocky path in the beginning. When Sharon had acted out the way she had right in front of everyone, Steve had only been convinced that he was wrong, that he was an imbecile. He would be a lucky, lucky man if Natasha could truly forgive him for his transgressions against her.

The idea that they might be able to take a trip together actually came up in the middle of a sparring session with Bucky. “Steve, you have to actually show her you care about her,” Bucky had said. “Grand romantic gestures aren’t only for the really talented lovers like me.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry, are those romantic gestures after all the stammering and staring? When exactly will Wanda be on the receiving end of one of these gestures of yours?”

Bucky threw a particularly hard punch and Steve dodged out of the way, ducked down, and kicked his legs out from under him. On the ground, he huffed and glared up at Steve. “The point is that you have to _do_ something. You can’t just make her rely on words and smiles for the rest of her life.”

Now that they were in Russia, Steve realized what good advice it had been. Natasha looked so happy being home for a while and honestly, he was happy to see her happy. It had been some time since they’d been able to spend time close to one another and yes, that was his fault. It was entirely his fault and he wanted so badly to make up for it somehow. Natasha was amazing just for letting him try.

Steve still didn’t understand the friendship she shared with Clint. He was older than Natasha and terribly protective, but he was also married and in love with someone else. There was no reason for Steve to worry there, he knew that. Natasha would never be unfaithful to him; he knew that not only because he had faith in her, but because he honestly felt like she took their vows seriously. Still, he couldn’t help making sure that he was tall and broad and gave Clint a very firm handshake when they met again. The last time they’d interacted, it hadn’t exactly been on good terms.

Thankfully, they seemed to have a mutual agreement to just behave for Natasha’s sake. Dinner was a peaceful affair and Steve had been looking forward to perhaps touring their castle the next day, but Natasha had other things in mind.

“A walk?” Steve allowed Natasha to help him into a thick coat with a fur lined collar and smiled as she tugged him out of the room and towards the gardens. “With this much snow on the ground? We won’t make it half an hour.”

Natasha scoffed and led him right outside where the snow crunched under their feet. Steve supposed he was warm enough for now, but the cold wind whipped at his cheeks and had him worrying after Natasha’s health. They shouldn’t stay out too long or someone might get sick. Except that Natasha looked like she couldn’t be happier. She even wandered ahead at some point and Steve watched as she tipped her head back to enjoy the snow. Her hair was bright and stood out in stark contrast from her dress and the sea of white around them… Steve was struck then by how beautiful she was, truly.

 

 

Catching up to her in no time, he took her hand again and lifted it right up to kiss her knuckles. “This was a good idea,” he said warmly. “Taking a walk this morning, that is. I never would have thought the snow to be so unbelievably beautiful.” But it was, and so was she. Steve finally understood where Natasha was coming from and why she loved the winter so very much; growing up in a place like this would make it an absolute certainty, no doubt about it.

They walked for a long time in silence as they enjoyed the quiet and the way the snow fell around them. Eventually, though, Natasha led him into a cemetery on the palace grounds and right over to a large crypt that would be shaded by two large trees when the spring came. “This is our family mausoleum,” she explained. “I thought I could visit my mother. Is that alright?”

Steve nodded right away. “Yes. Of course, yes.”

Natasha hesitated for a moment once she’d opened the gate leading inside. “I thought I might introduce you,” she explained. “I know it seems silly, but I’ve been visiting her since I was a child…” She looked down for a moment. “I even came to tell her that I was getting married.” Pausing briefly, she shook her head and huffed out a breath. “Ridiculous, isn’t it?”

“No,” he answered quickly, taking her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Not at all.”

As Natasha led him into the mausoleum, Steve wondered if he should have introduced her to his own mother. He knew that Natasha had visited her grave as he’d found a telling bouquet of flowers there on several occasions and knew they’d come from his wife, but they’d never visited together. Maybe that was just because Steve preferred to grieve in private, even years after the actual loss.

The actual coffin was made of smooth, intricately carved stone. Natasha stopped them beside it and carefully got to her knees beside it to pray. Steve did the same, though his attention was more focused on Natasha than anything else. Her prayers were in Russian, he noticed, and he only managed to snap out of that when she opened her eyes again and reached up to touch his shoulder. “I think she would have liked you,” she said. “Based on what I know of her, she would have liked you very much.”

By the time they returned to the palace, their cheeks were rosy and Natasha looked so content that Steve nearly asked her if she’d like to stay even longer. If they hadn’t had a baby at home to care for, he might have allowed such a thing even if being away from home for too long made him a little anxious.

When they returned, they headed into the main hall for breakfast and make their plans for the rest of the day. Steve expressed some interest in touring the palace itself and Natasha said she’d be happy to show him all of it, even the little nooks and crannies most people didn’t know about. It was a good day to explore, he thought. No pressure. No meetings, no demands. He could just spend all the time in the world with his wife at his side and pretend for a while that things were back to normal.

It turned out that Natasha was very knowledgeable about the palace in general. She talked about the architecture and the tapestries hanging up in a few places here and there, the history of the throne… She even knew enough to tell him all about the art hanging on the walls of the gallery and some of the history of the library. It was there that she showed him the first of several little secrets only those privy to the palace the way she had been would know.

Together, they slipped past a bookshelf that looked like it was up against a wall, ducked down, and crept into a small room still furnished with plush pillows and a little table for tea or snacks. There was a window as well; circular and just large enough to let plenty of natural light in.

“I used to come here as a girl to hide away from everyone,” she told him. There was a layer of dust on most of the surfaces; clearly no one else thought to step behind that bookcase to clean. “It was my secret hideaway. This is where I’d stack up the books I wanted to read, where I’d hide little snacks if I wanted them for later... “ She moved to the table and touched the surface for a brief moment. “This where I would come when I was upset,” she added. “This is where I came when they told me I was to be married to a stranger.” She looked up to him. “This is where I wrote that letter to you.”

Steve loved that he was getting to see something so private. The fact that he’d been married to Natasha for what felt like ages now didn’t take away from the fact that he knew so very little about her childhood and her culture. “Were you very upset?” He carefully sat down on one of the larger pillows and Natasha sat down beside him. “When you heard the news, that is. Were you very upset?”

Natasha was quiet for a moment as she seemingly considered his question. “I was… surprised,” she said slowly. “Of course, I wanted to do what I could for my people, but I was certainly in shock for a while. Even with all the good things my father had to say about you, there was a chance he was wrong and I felt like he was sending me off without really knowing.” She shrugged a little bit. “When I wrote you that letter, I wanted a sense of how you would respond. I thought it would help.”

“Did it?”

Natasha smiled. “No, I can’t say that it did.”

Steve reached out to take her hand and brush his thumb over her knuckles. “I was scared too.”

 

*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

 

That evening, Alexei had arranged for a ball to take place to welcome his daughter home for her visit. As it was in Natasha’s honor, music was the sole focus and unbeknownst to Steve, they’d arranged for Natasha to properly perform for the court as she had when she was a younger woman. It wasn’t as though it would be as scandalous a performance as Loki’s, but it was… not something the queen would ever be permitted to do in America. For such a lovely occasion, Natasha knew that they would need to make formal entrances and she surprised Steve with a new set of clothing for that evening’s festivities.

“Isn’t this a little-- ostentatious?” He asked as he looked it over.

Natasha rolled her eyes at him. “Would I ever give you something that isn't appropriate for the occasion at hand? Take my word for it, you'll make just the right impression.”

Leaving him to get dressed, Natasha stepped into another room to put on the gown she'd chosen for that evening. It was in the current Russian style; the fabric was a deep red complemented by gold trim on the edges and down the sleeves. The sleeves themselves were open in that her arms were bare from the shoulder down, but only visible from the front. It had a short train as well and honestly, she thought it was beautiful enough to bring home with her. She might even start a trend.

 

 

Natasha actually left the room before Steve was finished knowing that she needed to descend the steps first. The ballroom was made of white marble with two lovely staircases on either side of a balcony where the royal family would enter. “May I present Princess Natasha Alianovna Romanova,” the herald announced. She came down the steps with her hand just barely resting on the banister as the people gathered in the ballroom looked on. Halfway down, she stopped and turned her back to them as Steve was announced.

“And now, Prince Steven Grant Rogers of America…” Steve stepped out wearing the gold jacket she’d given him along with a pair of well fitted navy blue trousers. He looked very handsome indeed and Natasha smiled as he paused for a moment to just admire her before snapping out of it and moving down the stairs to offer his arm. They continued down together and joined the rest of the guests assembled for the ball, offering a few polite bows to other nobles as they passed them. At the head of the room, Alexei was already sitting in his throne and the couple bowed deeply before them so he could welcome them to take their seats on either side of him.

Standing up, the king held his hands up to cease the music and address his assembled guests. “My friends,” he greeted warmly, switching into Russian then to welcome them to the ball thrown just to celebrate his beautiful daughter’s visit home. “And join me in welcoming her husband, Prince Steven, who has joined our family and given my daughter a beautiful child to carry on his name.”

There was polite applause and Natasha smiled at Steve until her father sat back down between them. Several guests visited with them, bowing low in front of the thrones and offering their congratulations to the couple on their marriage and the birth of their daughter, but it wasn't until a certain man came up that Natasha actually stood to greet him.

“Your highnesses,” he greeted, bowing to Steve and Alexei in turn before turning to Natasha with a little, knowing smile. “Princess.”

Natasha was up and dashing down the steps within ten whole seconds. She wrapped the stranger up in a tight hug and Steve looked to Alexei in confusion only to see the king shaking his head, although he was smiling as well. His daughter’s eccentricities were well known to him and the rest of the kingdom; they loved her for it despite the early criticism when she was quite young.

“Matthew! It’s so good to see you!”

Matthew was taller than Steve. He had dark hair and deep, brown eyes that closed when he leaned in to hug Natasha. “Tasha, it’s been too long,” he said warmly. “Far too long. And I’m sure you’re looking wonderful.” They parted and when he opened his eyes, they were unfocused enough to make Steve very aware that Matthew was blind.

“Still as sweet as ever,” she laughed. “What are you up to these days? I want to hear everything.”

“I’d be happy to tell you and you must do the same. It’s been so quiet around here without you.” Matt smiled widely and Natasha turned back to Steve and her father for a brief moment to tell them she was going for a walk with her friend.

As they left, Alexei turned to Steve and gave him a knowing smile. “Natasha has never been the type to have many friends, but those friends she does have… They are like family.”

Steve watched as Natasha and Matthew walked arm in arm around the ballroom as they caught up with each other. They looked so comfortable, like they’d been friends all their lives- and they might have been, honestly. He wondered for a moment how _they_ looked together. Did he and Natasha look like they were happy? Did they look like they were in love?

  


“Natasha, I can’t tell you how happy you _sound_ ,” Matt enthused. “Clint said that you were having some hard times; I almost didn’t expect to hear so much laughter.”

Natasha smiled and leaned into him a little bit. “We did have some hard times, but we’re… we’re getting better,” she assured him. “I love him, Matt. I do. And I know he loves me, but I think we needed time to really accept that it’s almost working out between us. It’s like we expected the worst and keep making it happen rather than enjoying the surprising turn of events.”

Matt smiled and nodded. “I just want to make sure he’s treating you right.”

“And if he wasn’t?” She teased lightly. “What would you do about it?”

“Oh, I’d teach him a lesson,” he answered casually. “You know I could.” Matt absolutely could; there was something about being a dancer that made him stronger than most, probably because he’d been trained to hold people over his head and the like. He was deceptively strong and deceptively graceful as well; she presumed Steve would never have to see that side of him.

“I’m glad you came here, Matt,” she told him. “I’ve missed you.”

“Well, I wouldn’t be here if your father had anything to say about it,” he laughed in return. “He’s always been so distrusting of me, especially considering I can’t imagine what trouble I’d cause.”

Natasha beamed and reached up to touch his cheek. “You? Trouble? Never.”

  


Steve watched carefully as Natasha and Matthew were joined by Clint and another woman that must have been his wife. He watched as Natasha laughed amongst them and no doubt told stories of her life in America. He wondered if those stories included him and what her friends thought about him, though he suspected he already knew Clint’s opinion- and it was an opinion well earned. Steve knew he’d erred in judgement on a large scale and it might very well be that repairing his relationship with Clint was impossible, but what he had with Natasha was far more important.

“I know that look.” Alexei spoke up to Steve when his latest visitor had gone. “What troubles you?”

Steve sighed. “I wish I could know her the way they do,” he confessed. “She looks so comfortable here, so happy. I know Sarah makes her happy, walks in the garden, good books… but I fear that she will never be as comfortable with me as she is with them.” He paused. “I made a mistake, your highness. A terrible mistake that I fear she won’t ever truly forgive me for.”

Alexei’s smile faded a little. “A terrible mistake,” he echoed. “What did you do?”

Steve bowed his head a little bit. “I… I spent far too much time with another woman,” he admitted. “An acquaintance with a friend in common. I’m afraid Natasha took it as a rejection of some kind.”

Shifting in his seat to face the other man, Alexei gave him an incredulous look. “How else could she possibly take such behavior?” He asked. “You were unfaithful to my daughter?”

“No! No, your highness, it never went that far. Never, I swear.” Steve wanted to be sure he understood that there was no physical infidelity. “But I’m afraid I neglected Natasha in favor of spending time with this other person, which was entirely foolish of me and…”

“And she distrusts you now,” Alexei finished for him. “Rightly so, I’m afraid.”

Steve bowed his head. “Yes, your highness.”

“The last time we spoke, you wanted to make her happy,” he reasoned. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “I still love her so much and it doesn’t matter why I did it because there’s no good reason for what I did, I just---” He sighed deeply and ducked his head a little bit more. “We’re healing,” he whispered. “It’s part of why I suggested this trip. I had hoped that it would make her happy and show her that I do care about her… I haven’t said it as much as I should have.”

“What did I say to you when we talked?” Alexei asked, shaking his head. “You need to tell her. Take it from someone who knows; you can never predict when someone you love is taken from you and there is no greater pain than living with the knowledge that you didn’t let them know every chance you had that they were the most important thing in your life.”

Steve sighed. “I’m trying,” he said quietly. “I swear to you, your highness, I’m trying. I never, ever want to hurt her like that again; not _ever_.”

“It’s not just her now, Steve,” he said seriously. “You have a little girl, a little aнгел, who deserves to know that her father loves her mother just as much as he loves her.”

For some reason, that really struck Steve. He sat back with a nod and thought about his daughter. He thought about Sarah growing up to realize that her father didn’t treat her mother with respect. What would she think of him? How could she ever love him if he treated her mother so poorly?

And beyond that, didn’t he wanted his daughter to demand that kind of respect from her husband? He knew that it was in his rights to have a mistress, but why? Mistresses weren’t a common thing here, so why in America were they so ignored? Why did have a right to take a lover if he became unsatisfied with their marriage, but Natasha was absolutely not? A child could result in either union and that child would be a bastard no matter what. If Natasha deserved all the love and respect and kindness that Steve could give her, then his daughter certainly deserved that much and even more from whatever man she fell in love with, whatever man she married.

Furthermore, as he watched Natasha laughing on Matthew’s arm and watched as the three people standing with her looked as enraptured as they could be with whatever story their princess was telling, he realized something else. It would seem that everyone, absolutely everyone in the Russian court had this indescribable love for Natasha. They’d obviously watched her grow into this beautiful, intelligent woman and it was clear that she deserved their admiration.

Steve was snapped out of his thoughts when Natasha approached the throne again, still arm in arm with Matt and with Clint and his wife, Laura, just beside them.

“Steve, you haven’t formally met Matthew,” she announced, escorting her friend up to Steve and stepping aside so he could offer his hand.

Of course, Steve offered his hand in return and stood up to greet Matthew properly. “It’s a pleasure,” he offered. “I take it you’re another childhood friend, I’m afraid I don’t think Natasha’s mentioned you before.”

“Natasha and I are both fond of dancing,” Matt shared. “When we were younger, we studied together, much to her father’s displeasure.”

Steve frowned a little. How could he possibly study dance when he couldn’t see? Natasha seemed to gauge his surprise and stepped up beside him. “Matthew has an excellent sense of balance,” she explained. “You’d be surprised by how smoothly he moves even without his sight.”

Matt smiled bashfully and lightly nudged Natasha’s arm as Steve tipped his head to the side. When he didn’t respond, Natasha took over again. “We’ve also got something of a surprise for you,” she added. “I’ll be performing tonight; a proper performance, not like the one I gave you before.”

Steve looked to her in surprise. “Really?”

“Yes. And in fact, I need to go prepare.” Natasha leaned up to kiss Steve’s cheek and reached out to touch Matthew’s arm again. “I’ll back before you know it.”

With that, she left them to change and Steve awkwardly wondered what he should say to Matthew now that they were left alone. Should he ask more about how Matthew knew Natasha? Were they supposed to become friends? Well, he’d already messed up one friendship (with Clint) and therefore, Steve would really try.

“I’m so glad to be meeting some of Natasha’s friends,” he mused. “I feel like after all this time, there are still things we’ve yet to mention to one another. And meeting the people involved in her stories makes them far more real.”

Matthew smiled politely. “I’m sure it does,” he answered. “Natasha is something special, isn’t she? It’s been quite boring around here without her.”

Steve narrowed his eyes a little bit. “We’re quite happy with her in America,” he said tightly. “She’s made so many friends at court. Even my own closest friend is something of a confidant.”

Nodding along, Matthew gave him a blank look and smiled. “That does sound like Natasha. I’m just glad she’s happy there. She’s such a pleasure to have as a friend though. When we were in school together, I would always leave a few of her favorite flowers on her desk when I knew she was having a rough day… They’re not easily found here and of course--” He laughed lightly. “I learned to identify them by the smell. But she always did love carnations--”

“Roses--”

Steve blinked as his word didn’t match up with Matthew’s and he wondered. Did Natasha actually like lilies more than she liked the roses that he’d leave for her sometimes? Why didn’t he know that? Thankfully, Clint stepped in and offered to guide Matthew back down the stairs, though Steve found it strange that he didn’t _look_ like he needed help. It was like he had this sixth sense for where things were.

Steve took his seat again and Alexei offered him a smile as a few of the guards lovingly cleared the main part of the dance floor and blew out several candles to set the tone of what would be Natasha’s performance. “You’re going to enjoy this,” he said knowingly. “She’s a beautiful dancer.”

Oh, Steve had no doubt. He sat back and waited patiently for the performance to begin knowing very well that whatever Natasha had planned, it was going to be wonderful. The second he saw her, his jaw hit the floor because while she was still wearing a gown, she looked more wild and exotic than he’d ever seen her including the way she looked riding that horse early on in their relationship. The gown she wore was simple and sweet; made of soft, ivory material that was so thin and so delicate that he could see the shadow of her legs as she moved. It was like a second skin and so lovely that Steve wondered if she might wear it the rest of the night.

 

 

But if it were even possible, Natasha was even more beautiful when she started to move. She wore a pair of pretty ballet shoes and had her hair all tied back in a neat, unforgiving style that kept it out of the way while she told a story with her body alone. Steve felt like everything else fell away while she danced, twirling around the room like every movement was entirely effortless, like she was walking on air. No, it wasn’t the kind of display the court at home would appreciate as openly as the people here, but Steve wished that wasn’t the case.

Honestly, they might benefit from court being shaken up a little bit and if Natasha was the one to do it then so be it. She was talented enough to show any woman who watched her exactly what they were capable of if given the opportunity and weren’t they deserving of that opportunity? Steve made a promise to himself then and there that he would speak to Natasha about perhaps teaching some of the young girls at court how to dance like she did.

When she finished, the whole court erupted into applause and Steve was right there with them, even getting up to offer his beautiful wife the standing ovation she deserved. Natasha bowed several times for various sections of the room and smiled widely as soon as she approached the throne to bow for them as well. Steve descended the steps, reached out for Natasha’s waist, and literally lifted her up for a moment. “You were wonderful!” He laughed as he set her back down.

Natasha smiled widely and leaned up to give him a kiss. “Did you really think so?”

Steve nodded right away. “Of course! I can’t tell you how proud I am of all you’re capable of,” he told her. “Or how beautiful you looked up there.” Regardless of their audience, he leaned down for another kiss and lingered until Alexei cleared his throat behind them. Pulling away with flushed cheeks and a guilty smile, Steve bashfully inclined his head and let her go. “Come back soon.”

Alexei gave Steve a knowing look as he took his seat again and Steve just kind of huffed. “I feel as though you’ll be watching me very closely from now on, your highness,” he mused.

“My boy, I was watching you very closely from the beginning,” Alexei answered. “It is only my belief that you are a good man that has kept you safe so far.”

With those cryptic words, both men went back to watching people dance and greeting whoever approached the throne. When Natasha reappeared, she was wearing her lovely red gown again and Steve immediately stood up to offer his hand. “May I?”

Surprised, Natasha took Steve’s hand and allowed him to lead her onto the dance floor to join the other couples. Admittedly, he was still a little awkward, but he tried hard to get it down pat and by the time the next song began, he was determined to twirl her around the dance floor and actually managed it for a whole song. When it ended, Natasha beamed up at him and insisted upon a third, which he happily agreed to without protest. This felt much more normal than anything else, somehow; perhaps it was all because it put Steve in a somewhat vulnerable position and he felt like he needed to repay her for forcing her into a vulnerable position before.

Eventually that dance ended as well and Natasha leaned up to peck Steve on the lips, but ultimately indicated that she wanted to give Matthew at least one dance while she could; it had been so long since they’d danced together and since it was that activity that brought them together, it was appropriate. Steve inclined his head and stepped aside while she fetched Matthew from the sidelines to dance with him. Left without a partner, Steve got himself a glass of wine and returned to his seat for the time being.

Watching Natasha and Matthew wasn’t quite like watching her dance with Thor. Matthew was impossibly, strangely graceful and they moved together so flawlessly that several of the couples around them stepped aside to make room for the pair. They moved in such a way that Steve could see how practiced they both were; Matthew even spun Natasha around and pulled her in close a few times. They ended on a sweetly dramatic note with Matthew dipping Natasha down while she smiled up at him and the crowd applauded around them even as they stood back up. Steve _watched_ as Matthew lifted her hand to kiss her knuckles before leading her off the dance floor to talk quietly off to the side.

Now, he trusted Natasha and he knew that this meant nothing, but Steve did feel rather self-conscious at the moment if only because he wondered whether or not Natasha had ever thought about what she might have had. If she’d remained home, she might have married Matthew. He wasn’t royalty and her father didn’t particularly like him, but they were clearly very close and something told him that if she was given the choice, Natasha would do exactly what she wanted to do no matter what anyone thought about it. It struck him then that not only would it hurt on an immeasurable level to know that he’s lost Natasha’s heart even if she had no choice but to stay with him in body, but that he _wanted_ her to be proud of him as a husband just as he was proud of her as his wife. He wanted to earn her respect and her love, period. Dallying with other women just because he was in denial that this had actually worked out was not the way to do that.

As he watched Matthew reach up to brush a few tendrils of Natasha’s hair back, brushed his fingers against her cheek, and let his hand rest on her shoulder, Steve gripped the arm of his chair and made a promise to himself. He _would_ be the husband Natasha deserved or he would make a fool of himself trying.

 

*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

 

There was something going on with Steve.

Natasha wasn’t about to complain that he was being too affectionate or too loving, of course. No, it was just that he was clearly trying very hard to make sure she felt taken care of and it was becoming just a little too much for her. She felt like one of the only things she could do to snap him out of it was push him a little and right at home, it was almost too easy. One morning, she woke him up with a kiss and a wide smile. “We’re going out on horseback today,” she said excitedly.

There was no chance she was pregnant at this point, so why not? If she could just push him enough to make him snap, then she could convince him that it didn’t _matter_ if he acted like himself; he just needed to accept her for herself as well. “On horseback,” he repeated groggily. “In the snow?”

“Yes,” she answered easily, leaning down for another peck on his lips. “Get dressed and make sure you wear your thick coat.”

After that, she was all about getting up and getting herself dressed. Upon some consideration, she bundled up as much as she dared- although she did wear mostly white. It was almost as though she felt like white suited her here especially; it was a pure color, a blank slate. She felt like she was at home here. And the end result simply couldn’t be called anything but beautiful, if she did say so herself.

 

 

After a light breakfast right there in their rooms, Natasha led Steve out to the stables and introduced him to the two horses they’d be taking that day. “This is Эмберс and Призрак,” she explained. The horses were huge and happy to see her, both snorting against her hand as she touched their muzzles. The first was entirely black; she was the kind of horse that happily nudged against Natasha’s chest when she wasn’t getting enough attention and would gallop across the snow as playfully and as far as she could. The second was exactly the opposite; entirely white and easily blended in with the snow around them. She was a little calmer and shook her mane out when Steve stepped up to greet her properly. “You’ll be taking Призрак,” she decided. “I have this feeling you’ll look like Prince Charming as soon as you mount her.”

 

 

Steve chuckled, but he did mount Призрак even as he tried to pronounce her name properly (it didn’t go well) and struck a pose with his chest puffed out and his shoulders nice and broad. “What do you think? Is this Prince Charming enough?”

Natasha mounted her horse without any problems and didn’t even bother attempting to sit side saddle regardless of the fact that she knew she was supposed to. “I think you look very handsome,” she told him. “My very own _personal_ Prince Charming.”

They headed off together and for the time being, just trotted along beside one another while Natasha led him out into the frozen fields near the castle. With the trees in the distance and everything, it felt magical to just be there amidst so much snow. It was like being on another plane of existence to Natasha, who had always taken comfort in just getting lost in the snow.

She led them to the nearest lake and showed Steve the place she’d come for picnics in the warmer months. It was a beautiful sight even now; beautifully still water surrounded by barren trees with mountains in the distance. It spoke to her of home and of things she just didn’t have back in America, though she supposed Steve’s home made up for it in sunshine and flowers.

 

 

“This is beautiful,” he said quietly. He kept his voice low like he was scared to disrupt the tranquility around them. “I had no idea that it was so breathtaking here. I suppose I didn’t know… exactly what you were leaving to come and live with me.”

Natasha smiled. She was proud of her home and proud of Steve for not saying anything about the way she was riding even though she’d absolutely seen him stare at her legs for a few seconds before they set off. She was proud that they had made so much progress. “For what it’s worth,” she said beside him. “I’m glad that I came. I consider myself very lucky to have married the man with whom I eventually fell in love.”

Steve turned to face her and reached out for her hand, which was gladly given. “I’m the lucky one,” he told her. “I mean that. You’ve managed to change everything without even trying.”

Natasha laughed softly. “Steve, I try very hard,” she said. “I try hard to be the person you want and struggle to be the person I know I am at the same time.”

“I want you to be the person you are,” he said immediately, but she gave him a look and he amended that as quickly as he possibly could. Steve was trying too- she knew that. “I know my actions and some of the things I’ve said would hint otherwise, but I do love you. I love that you’re so bold. I love that you know what you want.” Steve’s cheeks flushed a little bit. “I _love_ that when we’re in bed together, it’s like nothing I could ever have imagined. And even when I’m holding you, it’s like that’s where we belong.”

It _never_ would have felt that way with anyone else; not Sharon, not anyone. Steve might have been an idiot about spending time with Sharon, but he was under no impressions about his relationship with Natasha. She was one in a million.

“I know I’m difficult,” he said. “I’m stubborn and rigid and I’ve made mistakes, but I do love you for you. I don’t want you to change.”

Natasha really did appreciate everything he said. Steve sounded so warm and genuine, and it was like this little blanket had wrapped around her at his words. “I love you too,” she said softly. “And I’m prepared to deal with your stubbornness and your rigidity as long as you’re willing to accept my tendency to rebel.”

Steve lifted her hand up to kiss her knuckles. “I think I can do that,” he said warmly.

 

 

The trip as a whole was more than Natasha could ever have asked for. She missed Sarah, but she knew Wanda was taking care of her and she was also confident that Bucky was checking up on them as much as he could, even if that was mostly just so he could speak to Wanda for a while. Over the course of their trip, they explored every inch of the palace grounds together, they rode horses a few times, went on long walks through the gardens regardless of the snow, and they managed to eat every single Russian dish that Natasha desperately wanted Steve to try.

When they returned to their rooms on the very last night, Steve packed up a few things here and there while Natasha got undressed for the evening. Finished at last, he’d settled himself on the sofa in front of their fireplace when she joined him again. When he looked up, he just stopped there. Things had been so good between them, but they still hadn’t made love for so, so many months and honestly, Steve wanted to. He would never even dream of pressuring her into doing it before she was ready, but he did want to and when she came out the way she did…

Well, she looked beautiful. Natasha was wearing a white robe that was so delicate and sheer that he could see the outline of the short nightgown she was wearing beneath it. The sleeves were short and draped down from close to her elbows and with every movement, every time she took a step the material brushed against her legs and showed them off. She looked like some kind of angel and with her long hair hanging down her back, Steve couldn’t tear his eyes away. He didn’t _want_ to tear his eyes away.

 

 

“Is that… new?”

Natasha smiled as she approached and eventually took her place right in front of him. “Yes,” she answered. “I bought it before we left home. Do you like it?”

Steve sat up straight and nodded. “I love it,” he said honestly. “Can I--?” His hands wavered in the space between them and Natasha let out a short breath before nodding her permission. When Steve’s hands slid onto her hips, she very nearly leaned into him right away. Natasha was perhaps a bit softer than he remembered. When he squeezed her hips, there was more to hold onto. But she was so beautiful and when he tugged her closer, she came without protest so he could kiss her belly through the two layers of soft fabric she was wearing.

Natasha closed her eyes and tipped her head back as Steve kissed her. This was how she’d always imagined her first time feeling; like two people who loved each other very much seeking the kind of warmth that a fire just couldn’t quite provide. And with the crackling of the fire around them, with the snow outside… It felt right.

 

 

Reaching down, she undid the tie at her waist and opened her robe, eventually letting it slide off her shoulders in favor of stepping forward and boldly straddling his lap. Seated there, she slid her hands over his shoulders for a moment before letting them wander down his chest and pulling his shirt right off him. Their next kiss deepened immediately and Natasha rocked her hips down against him as Steve hiked up the nightgown she was wearing to rest his hands on her bare skin.

Her hands slid up to rake through the hair at the back of his head and she arched her back as she moaned into his mouth. It had been too long since they’d had this between them, since Natasha had felt even close to comfortable about doing this again, but this felt so good that she couldn’t really remember why she’d even hesitated. Steve was her husband; she loved him and she wanted to have him like this, so why bother waiting for a moment that felt any more appropriate than right now?

 

 

From there, it was so easy to undo the laces on his trousers and inch up until she was able to slide down onto him at last. After months and months and months of nothing, Natasha let out a deep groan and shuddered as she settled down to adjust, burying her face right in his neck until the dull ache between her legs faded and she was ready to rock her hips again. It was heavenly; nothing like her first time in that Natasha knew how to move to get the most out of her position on top of him.

And Steve; Steve was pressing his hips up when he could, but it was the strong arms wrapped around her whole body and the soft lips leaving gentle kisses over the sensitive spot on her neck that really made this wonderful. It was the way he held her, the way he didn’t bother to muffle his moaning, the way he tipped his head up and kissed her like she was the most beautiful thing in the world.

When it was clear that they both needed more, Steve wrapped one arm around her waist and lifted her up as he stood, eventually sitting them down on the rug in front of the fire. Natasha shivered and grabbed the fur from the back of the sofa while they moved so she could loosely wrap it around her shoulders to keep warm. As it was, her skin was pebbling from the cold and while the fire helped, it wasn’t enough to keep her completely warm. But Steve was. Steve was more than enough.

 

 

With the furs keeping them warm, they continued to move together while Steve pressed a series of kisses to her lips. It wasn’t rough and it wasn’t even rushed considering how long they’d been physically apart, but it was so very good. Natasha reached her release and dug her nails into Steve’s shoulders as she let her head fall back, but Steve only needed a few more seconds before he finally released as well and hid his face right in her chest while he panted his way through it.

They were both breathing heavily by the end of it, but Natasha smiled and as she started to laugh, Steve had almost no choice but to smile as well. “I love you,” he said lightly, brushing her hair back for another kiss.

“I love you too,” she sighed. “And I’ve missed this, _my prince_. Very much, in fact.”

Steve grinned widely and wiggled his eyebrows at her in the hopes that she would laugh. He was successful and even as Natasha pulled away enough to separate them, she looked so very happy. “I’ve missed it too,” he told her. “I hadn’t realized how much I could miss it.”

They stood up once they’d managed to regain some balance and Steve surprised her by scooping her right into his arms, furs and all. He carried her to the bedroom to lay her down again and left a soft kiss on her temple as he moved to blow out most of the candles so they could get some sleep. By the time he returned, Natasha had pulled a sheet up over her naked body and tied her hair into a braid for the time being. She was laying on her stomach, still wearing the little nightgown she’d had on earlier, and Steve was just so taken by that.

He crawled in beside her and found himself straddling the backs of her thighs and leaving soft kisses all up the length of her spine now that he had access. Suddenly overwhelmed by this… this wave of gratefulness, he lowered his lips down to the soft skin near her waist and let his head rest against her just there. One hand moved under her and he just held on like she might slip away from him at any time.

Steve liked to think that Natasha understood. She’d shifted a little bit to glance back at him, but otherwise made no move to pull him up or ask him what it was he thought he was doing. Maybe that said something about them; Natasha clearly knew that he was feeling guilty and apologetic that he’d even _dared_ to risk the love of such an amazing woman in favor of someone else.

 

 

Eventually, Steve moved up and gathered Natasha into his arms so they could go to sleep. It was a peaceful night only made better by the soft kisses Steve deposited onto the top of her head and her forehead, the way his fingers drifted up and down the length of her spine, and the way he eventually fell asleep with his cheek resting right on top of her head.

The next morning, Steve woke first and decided that he’d have their breakfast brought to them so they could finish getting ready to leave. They’d have to go relatively early if they wanted to make good time. Getting dressed, he managed to have two servants bring breakfast to them and set up on the table in the main room before wandering back into the bedroom to wake Natasha.

The sight that greeted him meant that Natasha was already slowly waking; she had pushed the sheets off and turned onto her side, pulling one of the pillows up against her chest and thereby leaving her behind quite bare. Steve wished he could stand there and look all day, but she shifted and he smiled widely as he approached. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he reached out to smooth his hand over her hip until he hit warm, bare skin.

 

 

Natasha hummed and turned over, stretching her arms over her head just enough to show off a lot more than she probably intended to. Steve looked and looked, only tearing his eyes away when she spoke up. “Good morning,” she murmured. “See anything you like?”

Steve grinned and leaned down to kiss her right on the lips. “I see a lot of things I like,” he answered. “But right now, I think we should get up and have breakfast. And you should put a robe on because if you don’t, I’m not sure we’ll make it through the meal.”

As she got up to do as he said, Steve spoke up one more time. "Just a quick question," he called out as she pulled on her robe. "Do you prefer carnations or roses?"

Natasha gave him a weird look as she tied her robe around her waist again. "Roses," she answered easily, leaning up for a quick kiss. "Always roses."

And that was it. They had this history that neither Steve nor Natasha would forget about anytime soon, but they both knew that working past it was in their best interest. They loved each other and with time and effort, they would be able to heal and be stronger than ever as a couple.


	18. Chapter 18

_ "We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses." _

_ \-  Abraham Lincoln _

 

By the time the rainy days in April rolled around, things were back to normal in a way Natasha simply couldn’t have anticipated. Steve had done so much to make up for his past slights and tried so hard to be attentive that she’d had to tell him one evening that if he didn’t give her an hour to read to herself in his presence, she may very well snap. He’d looked at her in surprised until she’d reached up to pull him down for a kiss and offered an amused smile before telling him to go spend some time with his daughter. To her utter delight, she found Steve dozing off on the sofa in the main room with Sarah nestled right up against his chest.

Sarah was quickly making herself known as something of an adventurous little thing. Under her mother or Wanda’s careful supervision, she’d explored every little inch of their vast suites and then some, wandering out onto the balcony with one woman or another close behind to make sure she was alright. They’d also taken her to the garden, where she happily crawled from Natasha’s lap to Steve’s lap before darting off in another direction. Steve actually had to get up and retrieve her when she just kept on going.

One day, Wanda dutifully reported that she managed to pull herself up by holding onto the cushion on the sofa and Natasha was insistent that Steve remain with them the next morning to see if she would do it again. Together, they sat on the floor and played with Sarah as usual until she finally, finally took hold of Steve’s shoulder and tugged herself up onto her feet. Right there in front of them, she wiggled a little bit and laughed out loud as she bounced in place. Obviously the moment she let go and tried to move, she landed on the carpet with a huff and stuffed one fist in her mouth as she giggled further.

“She’ll be walking any day now,” Steve said proudly. “Look how big she’s getting.”

Natasha idly leaned into him as Sarah crawled over to the table and grabbed onto a chair to pull herself up again. “I know,” she sighed. “The time really does fly.” Even Maria’s little boy, Riley, was up and carefully taking his first steps these days. Soon enough they’d be talking and running and everything! And somehow it still felt like she’d given birth just weeks ago, not months.

Steve put his arm around her as Sarah fell back again and let out a high pitched giggle. “I can’t stop picturing her in her first little gown,” he admitted with a soft laugh. “She’s going to be such a beauty, just like her mother.”

Natasha leaned her head back to look up at him. “I would be alright if she were no great beauty,” she told him. “But I hope for her sake that she grows up with some determination and strength.”

“With you as her mother, I have no doubt,” he said warmly.

May brought more than flowers. Sarah was growing so fast that both Steve and Natasha felt as though they’d miss something important if they left the room for too long, but life went on as usual anyway. Steve was very busy with his father and Natasha knew that something important was going on if only because of the hushed rumors shared between servants, but she neglected to ask him anything specific. All she needed to do was remind him that she was there if he wanted to talk about anything that was bothering him.

When Sarah came out with her first real word, she was in the gardens with Wanda and Natasha as they shared a mid-morning snack and enjoyed the sunshine. The baby had been playing with her mother when all of a sudden, she came out with it, clear as a bell.

“Mama!”

It was so distinct and so different from the babbling that Natasha just stopped and stared down at her for a moment while Sarah giggled and did it again. “Mama!” Oh. Sarah moved to grab onto Natasha’s shoulders to pull herself up and bounced there while she repeated the word over and over and over again, like a chorus of  _ angels _ to Natasha because she was talking! She was really talking! And it wouldn’t be a lot for a while, she knew that, but she couldn’t help but be excited!

“Sarah, can you say ‘Papa’? Where’s Papa? Is he here?” 

Sarah giggled happily and bounced a little more while Natasha (and Wanda, eventually) tried to pull another word out of her. She was seemingly a little stubborn and probably got that from her father, thank you very much, but eventually-- “Papa!”

 

 

In deference to the serious nature of whatever was going on behind closed doors between the king, the prince, and their advisers, Natasha didn’t go running to Steve this time. Instead, she went about the day as usual and crawled into bed with him that night without a word about it. 

The next morning at breakfast, however, she scooped Sarah up and sat the baby down on her lap at the table for the big reveal, hopefully. “Sarah,” she cooed. “Sarah, where’s Papa? Hm? Where’s Papa?”

Sarah immediately looked to Steve and smiled widely as he smiled back at her. “Papa!”

Steve’s jaw dropped. He stopped mid-bite and stared at her. “Did she just-- She said--”

“Papa!” He was up immediately to scoop the baby right into his arms and hold her up over his head. Steve looked so proud in that moment that Natasha couldn’t help but watch them, completely quiet, and appreciate the fact that her husband really did love his daughter very, very much. Despite his tendency to lean towards tradition, there was a chance that a streak of rebellion still ran in Steve’s blood; most fathers simply weren’t that interested in a baby girl.

“Look at you!” He laughed. “You’re talking! Did you say ‘Mama’ too?”

Sarah laughed. “Mama! Papa!” 

It wasn’t as though she’d be speaking in full sentences anytime soon, but this was an amazing moment that Natasha wanted to remember forever.  “When did she start?” Steve asked as he sat back down, keeping Sarah on his knee because he wasn’t ready to let her go again just yet. 

“Only yesterday,” Natasha explained. “In the gardens. I thought we’d surprise you this morning.”

“What a wonderful surprise,” he laughed, ducking down to kiss the top of Sarah’s head, much to her utter delight. As she chewed on a cracker to soften it up, Steve went back to eating and for a moment, for  _ just _ a moment, Natasha caught the two of them looking exactly the same; their jaws were moving, brows wrinkled in a perfect mirror image of one another, blue eyes down on the table until they both looked up at her and smiled at the same time.

Natasha smiled in return and shook her head a little bit. “You two are adorable.”

Steve smiled a little wider and readjusted his hold on Sarah. “We are?”

“Oh, yes,” she answered, clearly amused. “Yes, you certainly are.”

Steve left not too long after that and Natasha waited for Wanda so she could get ready for the day. She would be going out into the city again to see to the kids at the orphanage and so on, which meant that she was out for most of the day and into the evening. When she returned, there was just enough time to rest a short while before supper and spend some time with Sarah, who had just woken up from her nap and happened to be hungry.

But when her husband returned a little earlier than usual, he looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Natasha set Sarah down on the carpet with a few toys and got up to greet him, reaching up to cup his cheeks in her hands and meet his eyes. “Something’s wrong,” she said gently. “What is it?”

Steve shook his head a little bit and smoothly leaned down to wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her right up against his chest and ducking down to hide his face in the side of her neck. Natasha returned the embrace without question, but he was scaring her and she wanted it to stop right now. “There’s something going on in Europe,” he told her. “A war. The only reason you haven’t heard about it is because we weren’t involved…”

Natasha closed her eyes for a moment until he let her go and leaned back to continue. “This morning, they attacked a military base on the edge of our territory and declared war on us as well.”

The news settled like a stone in the pit of her stomach. War wasn’t foreign to her, but Russia was so protected and so secure during their long winters while America was… open, vulnerable, with unpredictable and mild weather. Her family could be in danger; her  _ baby _ could be in danger. 

“I don’t want you to worry,” he said quickly, taking Natasha’s hands and lifting them up to press kisses to her knuckles. “Please, don’t worry. It’ll all be fine. With any luck, it’ll all blow over in a few weeks and everything will go back to normal.” 

Natasha wanted to cry. She wanted to  _ scream _ and tell him to just give them whatever they wanted to keep everyone safe, but-- but she knew Steve and Steve wasn’t going to back down if this was the right thing to do. And so instead, she nodded. “Of course it will,” she said as confidently as she could. “Come and sit down while I get you some wine.”

There wasn’t much said the rest of the night. Steve drank three cups of wine and passed out in bed long before Natasha had even put the baby down for the night. By the time she crawled in beside him, he was flat on his back and snoring-- and while Natasha might have complained about that at some point, she wasn’t going to complain about it right now. Despite their differences, despite anything that had gone on between them, she was  _ grateful _ to have him. The threat of a war weighed very heavily on her mind and Natasha actually lifted Steve’s arm to get closer to him, resting her cheek on his chest and laying one arm over his waist as protectively as she could. 

She spent the night like that: cuddled up as close to Steve as possible. 

 

As the conflict in Europe continued, Natasha became more and more worried not just for the fate of her new home and her husband, but her original home. Russia was bound to become involved and she would hope that her father would offer Joseph and Steve his support… but how could she be sure? They were allies, weren’t they? If only Steve would reveal to her the details of the war; then she could be sure that her father would aid them.

At the very beginning of June, just as the hot weather set in and forced Natasha into lighter dresses because even after all this time the heat was simply not something she dealt with gracefully, her hopes were confirmed. Her father had offered Alexei unconditional support and Natasha was simultaneously grateful and horrified because once Asgard pledged their own support, everyone she loved was directly involved. It was  _ terrifying _ just to know what might happen, let alone knowing that there was this awful chance the war would indeed come right into their beautiful cities. And Clint! Clint was a good man; he would take up arms if he was called upon to do so. He didn’t have any status or money that would protect him.

At the very beginning of June, the order was given to send troops to aid in the fight in Europe. Natasha received a letter from Clint before he left with the army at home and while he promised her that he would return, he also asked her to look after Laura and his brand new baby in the event that he didn’t. The order in America had many, many men leaving their families and Natasha was all but distraught because she couldn’t  _ do _ anything! It wasn’t as though women were invited into the army and even if they were, what use would she be? A nurse, maybe. And she wasn’t trained for that either. 

Steve was very quiet in the days following the order, but it wasn’t until one gloomy afternoon that Natasha was made aware of why. She had been drafting another letter to her father when someone knocked and Wanda let Bucky into the room for a visit; at least, she had assumed he was there for a visit and invited him to sit. He declined and offered them both a smile instead. 

“I’m here to say my goodbyes for now, ladies. I don’t know when I’ll be seeing you again.”

Natasha froze and based on the way Wanda’s shoulders tensed, she could guess that they were both dealing with the same level of shock. It had never even occurred to her that Bucky might have to go. Sam was a noble, Steve was the prince… Tony had the money necessary to avoid this kind of duty and since he funded many of the things that went into the military, he would remain home. She had assumed, apparently naively, that Bucky would be protected.

“I didn’t know--”

“It’s an honor to serve my country, Natasha,” he said immediately. Bucky was smiling too much. Natasha saw right through it and it was painful because he was  _ scared _ ; so scared, in fact, that he didn’t want them to see it. He probably didn’t want Wanda to see it. “It’ll all be alright. I bet I’ll be home before you know it.” 

Natasha quickly stepped up to him and hugged him tight around the neck. Bucky returned the embrace, but it was-- it was hard to stay any kind of calm when she knew he was putting his life on the line. And at Steve’s command, even if it was indirectly. “Listen, Natasha,” he said softly. “Steve doesn’t know yet.” 

What? Natasha pulled away and looked up at him with wide eyes. “Why? How is that possible?”

Bucky ducked his head a little. “He didn’t want me to go and I think he sort of-- made it so I didn’t have to? But I can’t let him do that for me. I’ll tell him today, alright? I leave in the morning.” 

Natasha shook her head at him and leaned in for another hug, rubbing her hand over his back like that would keep him safe. She didn’t want to cry; she didn’t think he wanted her to cry either, but it was happening anyway and by the time they parted again, she had to brush the tears off her cheeks. “You come back safe,” she told him. “Do you understand me?”

Bucky smiled again and reached out to brush her hair back. “I understand,” he said firmly. She thought that he was going to back away, but he leaned in for a third and final embrace, wrapping his arms around her and trapping her arms down for a few moments. “I’ll come back. I promise.” 

When he let her go again, Natasha reached out to touch his chest and smiled through the tears gathering in her eyes. Smiling again, he turned to Wanda and stopped there. “W--Miss..” 

Natasha laid a hand on his arm and quickly moved out of the way, though she remained nearby with Sarah for the time being. 

“Wanda,” he said. “Don’t cry. Please don’t cry?” 

Wanda had both hands over her mouth and no words from Bucky would be able to stop her from crying right now. They’d bonded by now, especially while Steve and Natasha had been away, and while there were so many things left unsaid, she  _ cared _ for him and he knew that. 

“How can you ask me not to?” She pulled her hands away and looked up at him as defiantly as she could. “Stay. Steve made it so you could stay, James, just  _ stay _ .” 

For a moment, Bucky looked like he nearly gave in. “I can’t,” he answered at last, taking both of her hands between his own. “Wanda, it’s important. I need to be out there.” 

Natasha frowned for a moment at the way he was looking at her, like there was something he just wasn’t saying. She didn’t say anything, but the way Wanda reached up to touch his face was so intimate and sweet that she felt she needed to turn her eyes away and give them some measure of privacy. 

“Боље би било да дођеш кући,” she murmured, slipping into her native tongue as she leaned up to kiss his temple. Wanda carefully removed the necklace she was wearing and secured it around Bucky’s neck; it wasn’t very much, but the little amulet was blessed back in her homeland to keep her safe and she needed to be sure that it was helping someone who needed help right now. 

After that, she took hold of his cheeks and tugged Bucky down to her to press their lips together in a series of short, sweet kisses. “Now you know exactly what you have waiting for you,” she whispered. “If you will have me.”

Bucky quickly bowed his head and kissed Wanda’s knuckles. “I  _ will _ return,” he promised. “For you.”

Natasha returned to Wanda’s side as they watched him leave and the rest of the evening took on this awful, depressing tone that would only get worse when Steve returned. Wanda was trying her best to keep a stiff upper lip, but it had to be difficult to say goodbye to a love that she hadn’t even been given a chance to truly know. And how could they be certain he would return? The pessimistic side of Natasha just kept rearing its ugly head.

By the time Wanda left, it was quite late and Sarah had been put down for the night. Natasha didn’t expect Steve until the very last minute because if Bucky was telling him this evening, there was bound to be a fight followed by a lot of emotion neither of them really knew how to deal with. He would be strung out and upset by the time he returned-- or he would be unbelievably irritable.

When she finally heard their door close, it was past midnight and Natasha had dozed off on their bed with a book still in her lap. She was up in a moment and as soon as she met his gaze, Steve all but deflated. “Oh, Steve…”

Steve sat heavily on the opposite edge of the bed and removed his boots to set them aside. Without a word, he removed his jacket as well and undid the laces on his trousers to loosen them for the time being. Under Natasha’s watchful gaze, he crawled up beside her and laid down to rest his head in her lap. It was… the most vulnerable thing Natasha had ever seen him do and that was  _ including _ watching him try to apologize and explain his actions with Sharon.

Natasha felt like asking questions wouldn’t help, so she just reached down and began stroking his hair, idly rubbing over his temples and over the base of his skull. When he wanted to talk, she was sure that he would and while she wasn’t sure she would know what to say in return, she would be there and she would listen. She would listen to him all night if that was what it took because she knew that Bucky was more like a brother to him than a friend and if he’d made this decision, there was no talking him out of it. Steve was facing the prospect of losing a friend he’d had since childhood, since long before anyone else  _ wanted  _ to be his friend.

It was nearly half an hour before he said anything at all.

“What if he doesn’t come back?”

Natasha closed her eyes and idly rubbed behind his ear for a moment. “He’ll come back, Steve.”

“You can’t know that for sure,” he answered quietly. “No one can.”

“He promised Wanda that he’d come back for her.” Pause. “He promised me too.”

Steve went quiet again and somehow, Natasha just knew that this wasn’t over. She knew her husband and she knew how close they were; if there was anything she could say with absolute certainty about the two of them, it would be that they would do  _ anything _ for one another. It was a worrying concept if only because she wasn’t sure how Steve would recover if Bucky really didn’t return. He’d be devastated.

“Bucky’s a smart man,” she offered quietly, leaning down to kiss his temple. “It’ll be alright.”

But honestly, Natasha wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince. Steve fell asleep just like that and she didn’t have the heart to urge him up; he looked like he was clinging to her and since she was surprised he was sleeping at all, she refused to disturb him.

That next morning, Natasha knew that they were supposed to visit the soldiers in formation before they were setting out for Europe. Now that Bucky was one of those soldiers, things were going to be a good deal more difficult than they might have been before. The idea was that Natasha’s presence would offer not only support, but that she and her ladies in waiting would give the soldiers a vision of what they could return to; it was an outdated concept, but one that Natasha didn't find any problem with if only because it was relatively innocent.

The gown she chose was very light; it had thin straps and a relatively open back that culminated in a soft, pink ribbon that tied around her waist. The skirt was made up of thin, nearly translucent layers of fabric decorated with delicate flowers from the bodice nearly down to the hem. She chose a pair of simple sandals and told her handmaidens to dress in their best for the soldiers that morning so they could do their duty.

 

 

Steve had left early that morning. Natasha wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d gone to Bucky in some last attempt to make him change his mind, but either way he needed to be there for his father and consult in their plans for whatever they were doing in Europe to help; Natasha knew he wouldn’t share the details, but she hoped that if he needed to get it off his chest, he would. The last thing she planned was to ask Wanda to come with them. She deserved to see Bucky one last time before he left and with that in mind, she also offered to lend her a dress that would really give him something to remember.

“Natasha, I can’t,” she said, shaking her head. “I’ll cry. Again. And what will he think of me?”

“He’ll think what he already thinks; that he has a beautiful woman who cares for him waiting for him at home. Wanda, you know he cares for you.” 

She sighed and looked away. “We are nothing to one another. I cannot  _ expect _ \--”

Natasha pressed her lips together. “I know you don’t want to lose him,” she said quietly. “Denying your feelings for him until you know that he’s safely at home isn’t going to change that.” 

The gown she finally chose was a gown that she hadn’t dared wear again after she was caught horseback riding early into her marriage with Steve. Now, with the changes in her body and the added weight she carried on her chest and hips, it would look a little less appropriate on her than she was comfortable with, but on Wanda? The fit was perfect; snug around her waist and sitting just right on her lower back before sweeping into a soft skirt. The straps that wrapped around her back were enough to keep the dress secure and yet also leave plenty of skin on display as something of a tease. Her long hair, left hanging down to her waist, was enough to keep her quite tame even then.

 

 

They left arm in arm, leaving Sarah in the care of an older woman they both trusted. With Natasha’s handmaidens in tow, they made their way out of the palace and into the sunshine where their troops were gathered in harsh, unforgiving lines. Steve was there as well, and Joseph stood beside him as they spoke to the man in charge of the army they were sending to Europe. As her handmaidens spread out to greet the men and thank them for all they were doing for their country, Natasha walked the lines with Wanda beside her until they came upon Bucky standing tall and proud in his uniform. Sergeant. Apparently someone thought he had a lot of potential.

Wanda hesitated for a moment before wandering off on her own to greet Bucky while Natasha set about speaking to some of the other soldiers, one by one. Although she kept looking back at them, Natasha couldn’t tell what was being said; not by Wanda, nor by Bucky himself. What she did know was that Bucky looked like he was trying to soak up every detail he could and Wanda simply allowed him. She also took his hands and placed them on her waist, unintentionally giving him a chance to feel her bare skin beneath his fingers to the point where his cheeks flushed a little bit.

When she leaned up to peck him on the lips, it was not only a sweet moment between them but this  _ statement _ she was making to the whole army. She was his if he wanted her. Wanda had apparently made the decision to put her reputation and her pride on the line in the hopes that Bucky would indeed come back to her when the war was over. When the army was ordered to head out at last, Wanda returned to Natasha’s side and they watched together as every soldier assembled slowly marched off towards the boats that would take them to the fight in Europe.

 

Things changed slowly, but all at once. With so many men having been taken by the army, the women left behind had no choice but to take over their work. Natasha saw this wonderful surge of the fairer sex stepping up to do things that needed to be done; things that they wouldn’t normally be expected or  _ allowed _ to do. She took extras shifts at the soup kitchen to do her part, and she welcomed several children of single fathers to stay in the servants’ quarters in the palace while their guardians were away. If those guardians didn’t return, she knew they would be taken care of.

Steve’s birthday was a morose event that year; Natasha felt like it wasn’t really appropriate to celebrate and she knew her husband agreed. In lieu of anything too big, they had a quiet dinner together and she gave him a small book of poetry that she’d found. Most of the entries were about bravery and loyalty and whatnot; she felt like Steve would appreciate the thought behind it and he certainly seemed to, at least. But as Bucky was still away and the news from the front lines wasn’t particularly optimistic, Steve found it hard to lift his spirits enough to properly celebrate.

Natasha understood that, but Sarah’s birthday was still going to involve a little party. She was a whole year old that month and war or no war, they were going to throw her a tiny celebration because you only turn one once in your life. Natasha organized it on the morning of her birthday. With Steve, Sarah, Wanda, Sam, Maria, and little baby Riley in tow, they headed out to a shaded space in the gardens and celebrated with sandwiches and little cakes. They even sang to Sarah as she clapped along before grabbing right for the whipped cream frosting on top and bringing that up to her mouth.

It was a small drop of happiness during a time where almost everyone was on edge. Natasha savored every moment with Steve while he wasn’t worrying about one thing or another and even allowed Wanda to help Sarah and Riley play in the shallow water of the pond nearby while she leaned back against her husband’s chest beneath a tree. It was lovely. Truly, this was the best moment they’d had together in some time and while Natasha certainly didn’t blame Steve for what was happening, she wished things could go back to being this way all the time.

Still, the details of the war itself were kept very secret. Rumors had begun to spread of huge numbers of civilians killed for no reason at all, horrible camps where they were being kept against their will, children being forced to part from their parents and be subjected to experiments… Natasha didn’t know if there was any truth to the rumors, but when Wanda showed up one morning looking pale and upset only to tell Natasha that she had heard her people were being targeted by some monster in Europe, she knew she had to find out. Whether Steve wanted to tell her or not, Natasha needed to know what was happening.

She confronted him in the middle of the day by showing up with lunch all packed up for him and an understanding smile, but she didn’t waste much time before asking the pertinent question.

“Steve, what are we fighting against?” She asked. “What’s happening in Europe? You must know there are rumors by now… I need to know if there is any truth to them.”

Immediately, Steve kind of averted his gaze and sighed. “The… atrocities being committed in Europe aren’t something I want you to imagine,” he said slowly. “I know you’re curious, but I can’t tell you without feeling like I’m doing you a disservice…”

“Wanda says that her people are in danger. She says they’ve heard from home that her people are being targeted because of their faith, herded into camps like cattle, and killed.”

Steve raised his eyes and she knew right then that the rumors were absolutely true. She hadn’t been ready for them to be true. Natasha’s lips parted in shock and she shook her head as she reached out to take Steve’s hand. “How many…?”

“We don’t know.”

Natasha nodded slowly. “Why?”

Steve sighed. “Their leader seems to think that by eradicating everyone of what he calls… ‘inferior birth’, he’ll bring about some kind of triumphant golden age.”

“But that’s ridiculous,” Natasha blurted out. “Are we close to--- to ending it?”

“I’d like to think so,” he answered. “Tell Wanda that anyone… anyone who can make the journey here is welcome to seek refuge. The same goes for your father’s kingdom and Asgard as well. People are rising up against the monster doing this; I’m sure it will end soon.”

Natasha wasn’t so sure, but she returned to her rooms to relay the message to Wanda, who said that she would write back to her contact and tell them as much. The rest of the day was spent arranging to send care packages to anyone they could, anyone who might need them; soldiers and civilians alike.

 

After that, the weeks passed slowly. Natasha felt like she was always busy in some way or another: at the soup kitchen, tending to the children she’d taken into the palace, spending time with her own daughter, making sure Steve took care of himself being as busy as he was all the time… She was busy, but every day that the troops didn’t come home was another day that put so many innocents in danger. Every day was another day without Bucky. Every day was another chance the fight could come right to their home. Natasha had listened while Steve painstakingly outlined a plan should they ever need to evacuate (a plan that did not involve going to find him, she might add) and insisted that he lay down with her afterwards while she listened to his heartbeat and abjectly refused to let him see her cry.

As the summer came to an end and the trees began to shed their leaves, Natasha realized just how long it had been since this started. It felt like it had been going on for ages; their involvement was such a small portion in relation to what the people in Europe must have been suffering through. It seemed so wrong for them to be living perfectly normal lives while people overseas probably feared for their very lives.

And yet, life went on. It was strange how normal everything was and Natasha maintained that they ought to be doing more than they were already, although she didn’t know what exactly they could do. Care packages were wonderful, sending aid, offering refuge, keeping up with the jobs and responsibilities left behind… They were doing what they could, but it felt like there should be more they could do.

On what was the first beautifully cool day that autumn, Natasha put the baby down for the night and curled up in bed wearing one of Steve’s tunics and cradling a book in her hands while she waited for her husband. It had been more stressful for him than anyone; with the fate of so many on his shoulders, Steve was hard pressed to make all the right decisions. And considering that he was dealing with all of it the best he could, it was no surprise that Joseph was looking more and more haggard each time Natasha laid eyes on him.

Natasha fell asleep before Steve returned and when she woke up the next morning to Wanda coming in with Sarah on her hip, the first thing she noticed was that his side of the bed hadn’t been disturbed. So, he hadn’t come back all night. Now, it was quite often that he was out very late and even times when he left before she woke up, usually depositing a little kiss on her forehead and chuckling softly as she grunted at him and rolled over into the warm spot he’d left behind—but he’d never not returned at all.

Once she’d spent a little bit of time with the Sarah and eaten a small breakfast, Natasha dressed for the day with every intention of going to find Steve and make sure he’d at least eaten at some point during the night. If she could, she’d insist that he rest as well. For this particular occasion, she chose a simple dress; it was ivory with a red band under her waist and she paired it with a simple gold chain to pull everything together. With her hair twisted up, she was ready and willing to see to whatever duties she was given that day. But first, she needed to see her husband.

 

 

She found Steve not in his usual study, but leaning over a large table in the king’s private chambers while Joseph shouted about something or other and how foolish that something was, apparently. It all stopped the very moment Natasha knocked and when she slipped into the room, both men were staring at her: Steve looked like he’d been saved, Joseph looked upset.

“Good morning,” she greeted hesitantly. “Have I interrupted…?”

“No. No, my child.” Joseph approached her and took her hands, depositing a soft kiss on each one. “How is my granddaughter this morning?”

Natasha blinked. “She’s very energetic today, actually,” she said warmly. “You can visit, if you like. She’s still awake…”

Joseph nodded. “Yes, I think I will,” he said with some finality. “And maybe you can talk some sense into my son.”

He left with a final glare in Steve’s direction and Natasha closed the door behind him before turning her attention to her husband. “You didn’t come to bed last night.”

Steve looked like he held the entire weight of the world on his shoulders, like Atlas holding the world itself. “I’m sorry,” he answered. “I had every intention of coming to bed, but something’s… happened.”

Natasha frowned and went to stand beside him, immediately reaching out to touch Steve’s shoulder and provide what little comfort she could. “What is it?”

“I-- I don’t want to tell you,” he said after a long pause.

Well, that was ominous enough. “Steve, whatever it is, I can handle it.”

“No, I know you can,” he said quickly. “I know. You’re stronger than I ever imagined you would be.” But he still hesitated, eventually pulling away and moving to sit heavily in the chair at the head of the table. “I’ve made a decision and I don’t want you to think I’ve made this decision lightly, even though it might seem very sudden.”

Natasha was getting this awful twist in her stomach and she moved closer to Steve, eventually taking a seat right on his lap to be as close as possible. She draped one arm around his shoulders and settled the other hand on his chest, her thumb rubbing soft circles just under the open collar. “Tell me,” she urged. “Steve, I’m here. We’re in this together. Whatever it is, please.” She paused and tipped her head lightly to the side. “You’re scaring me.”

Steve let his hand rest on her thigh and for a moment, he leaned his head forward to hide his face. That alone made her even more nervous, but she refused to push Steve any further. He needed to tell her and he  _ would _ , in his time. “I don’t mean to scare you,” he said softly. “But I fear it is impossible to do anything else.”

He lifted his head and met her gaze for a moment. “We received word this morning that Bucky’s gone missing behind enemy lines.”

The news hit Natasha right in the stomach. Her lips parted and one hand flew up to cover her mouth in shock. “What? When? How-- What do they know? Is he alright?”

Steve shook his head. “We don’t know anything,” he said as calmly as he could. She could see that it was eating him up inside; Bucky was his best friend and not knowing what happened to him might actually be worse than just knowing he was gone. “All we were told is that he was leading a mission and didn’t come back. We’re assuming they were captured, but…”

But. 

They couldn’t be sure. Bucky could be  _ dead _ . 

Natasha clamped her hand back over her mouth and shook her head as frightened tears swelled up. It couldn’t be. He was supposed to come back. Everyone was supposed to come back. 

“Don’t cry,” Steve begged, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her close. “Please.” 

“He was supposed to be alright,” she told him.

“I know.” 

But there was something else, wasn’t there? Natasha pulled back a little and frowned. “What decision did you make?” She asked. “Tell me, Steve. What did you do?” 

There was a long pause before Steve actually opened his mouth to answer. He looked like the last thing he wanted to do was say these words, but he had to. He had to and Natasha already knew. She knew exactly what he was going to say and the very  _ second _ he started to speak, she was crying because this was never, ever supposed to happen. 

 

“Tasha, I have to go after him.”


	19. Chapter 19

_"If the flower is to be beautiful, it must be cultivated."_

_\-  Lester Cole_

 

Natasha couldn’t say for how long she’d cried into Steve’s shoulder once he’d finally admitted his decision out loud. All she knew was that she held onto him and sobbed all her frustrations out right then and there if only because she knew she had to be strong after that. She didn’t have the luxury of simply weeping over him for all the time he was gone because she had responsibilities. She had their daughter and other children who relied on her, not to mention the poor and sick, the people who counted on aid from the palace…

Still, she took this time to mourn this awful decision and Steve just held her there the whole time, rubbing at her back and her thigh in an effort to provide some kind of comfort. When she finally lifted her head again, she took one look at the wetness around Steve’s eyes and leaned in to kiss him. She kissed him over and over again, cradling his head in her hands and pressing their lips together like it was the last thing she’d ever get to do. She didn’t hate him for this; quite the contrary, she thought her husband was impossibly brave to do what he was doing. But it still scared her to know that he would be out there, in enemy territory. He might not come back.

“When do you leave?” She asked softly. “It’s soon, isn’t it?”

Steve blinked. “You’re not going to try and talk me out of it?”

Natasha offered a sad smile and shook her head. “Would there be any point?”

She watched as Steve swallowed and nodded in agreement. “No, there wouldn’t,” he answered. “I have to find him, Natasha. I have to. He’s--”

“Too important to just let go,” she finished. “I understand.”

Steve leaned up for another kiss and Natasha eventually let her head rest on his shoulder while he told her what the plans were. “I’ll leave as soon as possible. I think tomorrow morning--”

“You’ll have a good meal and you’ll sleep before you even think of leaving, I won’t allow it otherwise,” she said firmly. “You need your strength.”

“I wouldn’t dream of arguing with you,” he relented. “But tomorrow morning is the best option. I’ll leave before first light; that way, I’ll make the best time and join the others as soon as possible.”

Natasha shifted on his lap. “Would it be out of line if I asked you to spend the day with me?” She asked. “With me and Sarah.”

Steve wasn’t usually someone who took much advantage of his position. Other soldiers didn’t get the chance to spend lazy days with their families before they marched off to fight, but he had that opportunity and he’d be damned if he didn’t take it. “It’s not out of line. I think it sounds perfect.”

Hand in hand, they made their way back to their shared chambers and Natasha very nearly broke down again as soon as she laid eyes on Wanda. Clearly, no one had told her what had happened with Bucky and there was this decision they had to make suddenly; did they tell her or leave her in blissful ignorance? Well, as Steve immediately moved to take Sarah into his arms, Natasha decided that it would be cruel to keep her in the dark. She broke the news to Wanda in their bedroom and held her as she cried over what might be the loss of someone she might just love.

“There’s something else,” Natasha whispered. “Steve’s going to find him.”

Wanda lifted her head. “What?”

Natasha nodded slowly. “He’s leaving tomorrow morning to find Bucky and bring him home.” In whatever state, she knew. Whether or not Bucky was alive, Steve was going to bring him back where he belonged. “And I hope you don’t think it’s too forward of me, but I was hoping... “ Perhaps she shouldn’t ask. Then again, Wanda looked like her heart had just been broken and Natasha would need help… “I was hoping you might stay here with me while he’s gone,” she finished. “Only if you wish to, of course. I just thought we might both like the company.”

Wanda nodded right away, pushing her hair back behind her ear and quickly leaning forward to wrap her arms around Natasha in a tight embrace. “Yes. Thank you.”

When they stepped back into the main room together, Steve had a sleeping Sarah cradled in his arms on the sofa. He sniffled once and Natasha turned to Wanda, silently asking her for the night alone with her family. She left and Natasha moved to sit beside her husband, wordlessly placing a hand on his thigh.

“You never-- imagine what it’ll be like if you have to leave your family once you have one,” Steve said. He glanced back towards Natasha and she knew he was crying; his skin was all flushed and there was a telltale downwards tilt of his lips. “I’m going to miss you both.”

Natasha leaned down to rest her head against his arm. “We’re going to miss you too, Steve.”

That day, they did all of Steve’s favorite things; whatever he wanted to do, that was what they spent time doing. First, they shared a meal together on the balcony while Sarah took her nap. Then Steve decided that they ought to take Sarah out into the gardens when she woke up. As she was trying hard to walk on her own now, Natasha showed Steve how to hold her hands and help her along as they walked in the grass. Dinner was a formal affair with Joseph in attendance and even though he was angry with his son for being so _noble_ , Natasha knew he was only worried.

That night, Steve put Sarah to bed. Natasha could hear him singing to her from their bedroom and she took that time to pray. She wasn’t a religious person, but she slid off their bed and knelt beside it to pray for the first time in a long time. With her lips resting against interlocked fingers, she asked for mercy and for grace, and for her husband to come home safe with Bucky in tow. She asked for her daughter to be able to see her father again. She asked that God bless all the men out there fighting so they might return to their families one day, and every soul suffering in Europe.

By the time Steve came in, all was quiet in the living room and Natasha was sitting up in bed to wait for him. He looked tired; then again, she supposed that he hadn’t slept in quite some time save a little nap in the garden and couldn’t blame him. She would be content curling up at his side, but it would seem as though Steve had other things in mind- and she wasn’t going to argue.

Natasha liked to think that there were all different kinds of kisses: strong, passionate kisses that left her breathless, sweet pecks on the daily, adoring kisses on her forehead, little raspberries blown on Sarah’s cheeks or tummy… The kiss Steve pressed to her lips that night was unlike anything she’d ever had before. It was deep and seeking and so very slow, like he was trying to record and remember every movement of her lips.

They removed their clothing almost as an afterthought, peeling away bits and pieces while they kissed until Steve could slide his hands over her bare skin. Natasha caught on at the moment when her fingers began tracing over his muscles, mapping every line, every bump, every smooth plane because she might never see him again.

 

That was the reality: _she might never see him again_.

 

When he finally pressed into her, Natasha gasped and immediately pulled him into another kiss. Flat on her back, she was able to wrap her legs around his waist and keep him close like that, their mouths slotting together like it was meant to be. There wasn’t much noise between them; only soft moans spilling from their lips between heavy breaths and the occasional groan from deep in Steve’s chest. It was another perfect moment. In fact, it was the kind of moment that Natasha would remember while he was gone and the kind she hoped he remembered as well. It was like they’d stripped all their affections down to the core and relished in that, meaning in the absolute knowledge that they loved one another.

After they’d finished, Natasha arranged herself in Steve’s arms and rested her head on his chest just over his heart. Steve pulled her closer and Natasha closed her eyes as she allowed him to rest his chin on top of her head. “I love you,” he muttered into the darkness. “More than any of my clumsy words could say.”

Natasha opened her eyes and lifted her head up so she could give him a little kiss on the lips. “I love you too,” she told him. “In every language, in every place. In every way I could, I _adore_ you.”

The next morning came far too quickly. Natasha had wanted to wear black to say goodbye, but her one of her younger handmaidens pointed out a romantic thought she’d had; that Steve would want a vision to hold onto, so she should dress in a spectacular dress and give him something to remember. Would she want him to remember her in black?

No. No, she wouldn’t. With that in mind, she decided that she would wear pink instead. The gown she chose was so soft and light that it legitimately looked like she was walking on a cloud. It fit her snugly in the chest and down to her waist, but the skirt was soft as a feather and twice as light. Once Natasha had her handmaidens twist her hair up into a simple style that left bits and pieces hanging down into her eyes, she emerged to find Steve already dressed in his proper uniform with Sarah tucked into his arms.

 

 

He looked up and let out a breath. “Wow.”

Natasha smiled. “You like it?”

Steve headed over and leaned down for a kiss. “You look beautiful,” he told her. “Like an angel.”

Sarah leaned forward and reached her arms out for Natasha, who happily took her and balanced the baby on her hip. “You’re _both_ beautiful,” he offered a moment later. “I’m so proud of you, just to have you.”

Natasha leaned down to Sarah and kissed her cheek. “Can we tell Daddy we love him? Hm? Say, “Papa, I love you! I love you!”

Sarah giggled and reached out for Steve again so he could take her into his arms. “Papa, I lubb. Lubb, lubb, lubb..” She reached out to pat Steve’s cheeks with both hands and he laughed as she giggled along.

“I love you too, princess,” he told her, leaning in close to blow a little raspberry onto her cheek.

Together, they made their way out of their rooms and into the main hall. Steve would depart from there and Natasha had asked Wanda to be present because she needed to say goodbye to her husband without Sarah on her hip. Joseph was already waiting for them, but it was Sam’s presence that really threw Natasha off. It would seem that Steve was just as surprised.

“Don't tell me you've come just to say goodbye to me,” he teased lightly. “I'm flattered.”

Sam rolled his eyes and gave Steve a knowing smile. ‘”Do I look like I’m dressed to say goodbye?” He countered. “I’m coming with you.”

Natasha wanted to protest, but Steve just kind of stopped and frowned a little. “You know you don’t have to come with me,” he said. “You’ve got a family.”

“I know,” Sam answered. “But so do you. And someone’s got to have your back, Steve.”

Steve reached out to squeeze Sam’s shoulder. “Thank you,” he said simply.

And that was all. It would seem as though there was some silent agreement between them that Natasha didn’t entirely understand, but also wouldn’t dream of questioning.

Sam headed out on his own to ready the horses and Steve turned to Natasha so he could take Sarah into his arms for the time being. “I’m only leaving for a little while, princess,” he told her. Of course, Sarah was only partly perceptive of how serious her father was right now. She pouted a little and said his name again like that might make him smile.

Steve did smile, but his brows were wrinkled and he had to blink a few times before he was able to speak again. “Remember my face,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “I love you so much.”

As Wanda stepped up to take her, Sarah started to cry and it was all Natasha could do to just remain calm. Even as Wanda reached up to touch Steve’s chest in a silent gesture of gratitude, she was fighting back tears. Sarah calmed eventually, but she was still sniffling and whining as Natasha stepped up to Steve to say her goodbyes.

“You come back safe,” she demanded, taking hold of his jacket and giving him a little shake. “Do you hear me? I won’t hear anything else. I’ll come after you, Steve Rogers.”

Steve offered her a familiar, lopsided smile. “You will?”

Natasha nodded firmly. “I will,” she told him.

“I’ll endeavor to make sure that you don’t have to,” he said warmly, lifting her hands up to kiss her knuckles. But Natasha wasn’t having that. She stepped forward and pulled him into a real kiss; perhaps it wasn’t a kiss that ought to even take place in front of others and still be deemed appropriate, but so be it. By the time she put her feet flat on the ground again, she was just breathless—and upset.

“I love you,” she told him. “Don’t be a hero. Be safe, and bring Bucky home.”

Steve reached out to brush her hair back. “I love you too. I’ll be back before you know it, Natasha. I promise.”

Watching him leave was one of the most difficult things Natasha had ever been asked to do. She stood there in silence as Joseph gave his son his blessing and only closed her eye and bowed her head once the door had closed behind him. In a moment, Wanda joined her and laid a hand on her back for comfort.

“We should return to your rooms so you can rest,” she advised, but Natasha shook her head.

“I would walk in the gardens.” She turned back to Wanda. “Will you walk with me?”

Wanda paused and blinked as Natasha carefully took Sarah back into her arms and held her as close as she could. The baby was winding down from her little fit and, having had something of a confusing morning, curled into Natasha’s shoulder to put her head down for the time being.

“Yes, of course, Natasha. Of course.”

 

The strange thing about time after that was the fact that it felt like it was going quickly and far too slow at the same time. Sarah was growing, thank God, but the days felt so very long without Steve there and the nights felt even longer. Despite Wanda’s company, Natasha felt quite alone; although at least she was not alone the same way she had been when Sharon was around. Should she have preferred that because Steve would be home and safe? She didn’t know.

As a means of coping, she decided that she would follow in Steve’s mother’s footsteps and take up gardening as a hobby. It didn’t take much to find out what she ought to plant at this point in the year and once she’d procured a very simple dress she didn’t mind getting a little dirty, she got right to it. Over the course of a week, she planted carrots, cucumbers, squash, tomatoes, and melons. She also planted a few types of herbs for cooking and the like, thinking she could gift them to the kitchen when they were grown. She tended her garden each and every day, but by the time Joseph informed her that he’d received word that Steve had reached Europe safely there wasn’t much to show for it save some sprouts here and there.  

Still, she was able to write to Steve now that he was where he was supposed to be and that made a big difference because it felt like she needed to see something that came right from him; something that was real.

 

_Steve,_

_I’ve started this letter at least a dozen times and I’ve still no idea how to put down everything I want to say to you. We miss you terribly, both Sarah and I. As I’ve taken up gardening as a hobby, Sarah is often outside with me these days, but the weather is getting chilly and I’m wary of keeping her out for long periods of time. With that said, she loves the grass. She’s toddling along on her own a little bit now; she falls every few minutes or so, but it hardly dampens her spirit and the grass is soft so she isn’t hurt._

_Our bed is far too big without you there. I’ve asked Wanda to stay in our suite with me until you return because I don’t think I could face being alone quite as much as I would be without her. I love Sarah, but her conversation skills are as of yet just a bit lacking._

_Truth be told, I miss your arms around me at night. I hope you’re safe, Steve. I’m still counting on you to come back to us; I can’t imagine my life now without you in it._

_All my love,_

_Natasha_

 

Ages passed. Natasha knew that she had to be patient, but she wanted so badly to hear from him and make sure that he was alright. She fretted, she gardened, she took care of Sarah…

And she found out something wonderful.

But when a letter finally arrived in return, she felt like a young girl all over again. As fate would have it, Pietro had been pressed into service as a messenger for the army; he’d proved himself fast and capable, and that was all they needed to hear. It was in his hands that Steve’s reply was finally handed to Natasha, who thanked him profusely before she opened it.

 

_Natasha,_

_I was so happy to get your letter and I’m glad you’re at least getting on without me even though I wish I was still home with you. I can’t wait to see how Sarah has grown when I return; I’m sure she’s doing so well with her walking! She’ll be running by the time I come back to you, I’ve no doubt about it._

_As wonderful as Sam’s company is, I miss you every moment. I suppose I can confess now to having stole one of your scarves to take with me and I’ve never quite realized how much I’d miss your perfume. It’s starting to fade now and I’d give anything for it to last a bit longer._

_The good news is that we’ve got an idea of where Bucky and the others went missing so it will hopefully be less of a search than we thought. The bad news is that I'm going into this without much backup. It would seem that even a prince can ask too much of his men._

_Do not worry for me, though. I have faith that in the end, things will turn out alright._

_I love you dearly,_

_Steve_

 

Natasha was more worried than ever, but it wasn’t only because Steve was apparently going off on some kind of rogue mission to find Bucky and bring him home. As she finished the letter, she frowned to herself and idly stroked over her stomach; only six weeks in, she hadn't begun to show, but she could _feel_ it. She was pregnant. She’d missed her bleeds and Bruce had confirmed it for her, and her husband might very well be away for most of it.

She hoped that if nothing else, this news would give him more motivation to make certain that he came home to her. After all, this might be their little prince. She might be carrying his official heir to the throne and Steve needed to come back and see that he was there to teach his son how to rule.

 

_My dear husband,_

_I have news of the very best kind for you, but first I must remind you that worrying is part of my lot in life. I will worry about you until the moment you come back through the doors and kiss me again. I will worry until you are home and safe with us. I know Maria’s sentiments to Sam are the same and so the two of you simply must return; I won’t forgive you if you don’t come back to me, I swear it._

_My garden is shaping up to be quite the little distraction. I’m growing fruits and vegetables I intend to gift to the soup kitchens in town. I’m afraid there is something of a shortage of fresh produce here at the moment and if I can help, why shouldn’t I? The sooner this war is over, the better. The women left behind here are doing wonderfully, but not everything can be done with so few._

_Ah, but I have kept you waiting long enough, I think._

_I’m pregnant, Steve! Bruce confirmed it for me just a few days ago and as I’ve missed my bleeds already, he must be right. This could be our prince! I’m due close to the Summer solstice, so you’d better be back by then. I can’t imagine having this baby without you._

_Until your return, all my love,_

_Natasha_

 

As she seemed to be in such good spirits and now that she’d had a successful pregnancy, Bruce allowed Natasha to go about her normal duties even while carrying her child. Wanda insisted upon going to the shelters and soup kitchens in her stead, but Natasha refused to be useless all over again. She felt strong and healthy, and she wasn’t going to let everyone else work while she remained idle.

By mid-October, while she was still waiting for Steve’s inevitably elated reaction to her news, Natasha also suddenly found herself the mother of a very _mobile_ little girl. Sarah was really trying to toddle along, arms held out to the sides for balance as she took careful steps and, when she was excited, not so careful steps that had her falling every few moments. With Wanda’s help, she explored all sorts of things she hadn’t been able to before, like the pieces of fruit they kept on the table for her and the view from the balcony. It was encouraging and wonderful, but Natasha truly wished that Steve was there with them to see it as it was happening.

 

_Natasha,_

_You’re pregnant! That’s the best news you could have possibly told me. I’m so happy, I can hardly stand it. I’ve told_ _everyone_ _around me; all the men, Sam, every little animal we’ve passed. I can’t wait to tell Bucky when we find him. I know he’ll be just as excited._

_I hope Bruce deems you healthy enough to not be on bed rest for quite as long as last time. I know how much you hated staying in bed for such a long time._

_I cannot wait to return to you all swollen with child once again. I only regret that I cannot be there now as I know how… challenging the first few months were for you last time. Please indulge every craving you have, but only think of me. And while I’m at it, enjoy a piece of cake for me as well. The food here is so incredibly bland._

_Unfortunately, our search has hit a wall and forced us in another direction. It’s getting colder here as well; I’m not sure how long we can wander in the snow._

_I love you so much, my dear,_

_Steve_

 

Steve’s answer to her letter was just as encouraging and wonderful as Natasha had hoped even though she was still worried for him. As it was nearly November, she was going on two whole months now and her stomach had begun to swell just a little bit. She was happily reading the beginning of the letter again as she made her way to the main hall for a midday meal when she almost ran right into Schmidt’s chest.

“Oh. My apologies,” she offered.

“You look happy today, your highness,” he answered dryly. “One might think you are glad to be rid of your husband.”

Natasha shook her head a little. “No, I assure you,” she said quickly, offering up a little smile because she couldn’t stop herself. Her hand was nearly always hovering near her stomach these days, however, and she regretted wearing the dress she’d chosen that morning.  She hadn’t yet told the king or anyone beyond her most trusted friends and she wouldn’t mention it now either. “I’ve just heard from him again. Sometimes it only takes a word or two from the people we love to make us smile.”

She inclined her head and quickly slipped past him to continue on to the main hall for her meal.

 

_Steve,_

_Bruce says I’m doing much better this time. He’s given me permission to live my life as I normally do, although without much fish and certainly with no horseback riding whatsoever. I’m about two months along now and still hiding it from the kingdom at large until we hit the three month mark at the beginning of December._

_Oh, it’s almost December. I hope you’ll return in time for Christmas._

_A hint from someone who knows the cold very well: body heat is among the best resources you have. If you must, huddle up with the men you travel with and you’ll all stay warmer. I’m also sending with Pietro a small flask of whiskey that should keep you a little warm as well. I know it isn’t much, but it’s the best I can do right now._

_I know you can do this, Steve. You can find him. But I want you to remember that Bucky would also want you to be safe. Please remember that._

_Love,_

_Natasha_

 

Unfortunately, the war had brought about something of a depression in the kingdom’s economy. People weren’t starving, but there wasn’t as much food as there had been simply because no one was tending the fields and those who were couldn’t cover as much land simply by virtue of their being less people. With the cold weather already swooping in on them, there were many who were nervous about their fate should the crops not be enough to sustain them. There was also talk that the cold Russian king was not doing all he could to aid in the fight; something that blew back on Natasha and made it so Joseph demanded an armed guard go with her when she saw to the poor and destitute. 

Joseph was doing what he could to make sure that the food was evenly rationed to the people who needed it; the poor would only grow poorer during this time and so the palace began to give handouts from their private stores, mostly bread and warm broth once it got very cold. The times were hard, but Natasha had faith that with the resolution of the war, their economy would recover.

One day, she sat in her rooms with a book open on the table and her tea cooling in front of her. Sarah slept while Wanda mended one of the many blankets they’d received as a gift for the baby. Now that Natasha was coming up on three months in just a couple of weeks and nearly ready to share her secret, a secret that might give them some hope, with the kingdom itself, Bruce paid her a surprise visit and joined her there at the table to ask her how she was feeling and so on.

“Is there any pain at all?” He ventured. “Any discomfort?”

“Well, I’m trotting off to the bathroom a bit more often, but that’s to be expected,” she laughed. “No, I feel wonderful. No pain, no discomfort. I’m even sleeping despite how worried I am these days.”

Bruce sighed. “I wish it were a less stressful time for you,” he told her. “Stress isn’t good for the baby.”

Natasha gave him a look as she poured her tea and stirred in a bit of sugar. Whatever tea they’d given her had quite the pungent smell and she wrinkled her nose a little bit as she blew on it. “Stress is part of life,” she reasoned. “I can’t be serene all the time…” She lifted the cup to her lips and---

“Stop!”

Freezing there, she turned her gaze up to Bruce and lowered the cup. “What’s wrong?”

Bruce took the teapot and sniffed the tea inside for a moment. “Put the cup down, there’s something off about this tea. I can’t place the smell, but I know it.”

Natasha quickly set her cup and saucer down. “Is it poisoned?” It wasn’t a normal conclusion to jump to; in fact, the words tasted strange on her tongue, but with the way Bruce was reacting, it was clear that this wasn’t a good kind of recognition.

“I think it might be,” he admitted. “I need to test it.”

He grabbed his bag and shuffled a few things around before extracting a little bottle and pouring a bit of the powder inside onto one of the saucers on the table. Then he poured out just a little tea and watched as the powder fizzled and popped until it turned an alarming shade of red. Lifting his head, he met Natasha’s gaze and gave her a worried look.

She sat back and pressed her lips together. “I want to know who came in contact with this tea before it came to me,” she said calmly. “I want them brought to the throne room to stand before the king.”

By the time several servants were led into the throne room where Natasha sat beside a severe Joseph, Bruce had gone through the kitchens as carefully as he could to make sure that nothing else was tainted. Whoever tried to poison Natasha had dosed her tea after it was prepared and while it was comforting that no one else was in danger, the fact that they’d been so close had left everyone frazzled and uneasy.

There was a period of questioning, but it really only consisted of Joseph ordering the guards to search the quarters of the servants assembled and Schmidt to search the servants personally. The latter revealed nothing, but a guard returned with a vial of the poison stashed in one of the servant’s pillowcase and that servant was dragged off as he kicked and screamed and shouted that he’d never seen it before. Natasha thanked the king for his help and he insisted that she hire a taster for her food and drink, at least until the war had finished. People had strong opinions during such times, he said.

Natasha decided that she wouldn’t tell Steve.


	20. Chapter 20

_“Bloom where you are planted.”_

_-Anonymous_

 

With a taster in the form of a skinny young man with unruly hair now making sure that Natasha and Sarah’s food was safe, things became a little more tense in the royal family. The king had his own taster, another young boy from a likely poor family who needed the money, and the whole idea of it made Natasha not want to eat very much at all. She tried her best to stick to things she could harvest from her own garden, but Bruce told her that a diet based mostly on the leafy greens and potatoes she’d planted that would last through the winter wasn’t a good idea especially since she was eating for two.

She knew that, of course, and moderated her diet so that she had a fresh loaf of bread each day (from one trusted woman in the kitchen to her table, so there was no tasting required) and only one portion of meat each night. She would go to the kitchen to make her own tea so the boy wouldn’t have to taste it for her; honestly, she would rather go out of her way than see him lose his life all because someone wanted her dead.

At a little over three months along, preparations for Christmas should have begun, but she was not even allowed to announce to the general public that she was with child. Joseph eventually demanded that she cease her work with the poor and lend monetary aid instead, or something similar. Now that she was starting to show, it simply wasn’t safe for her to be out there and if… if the child _was_ the heir they’d been waiting for, they couldn’t risk his safety.

The next letter she got from Steve made her feel a little bit like things were back to normal, but only a little. He was still out there somewhere and he made it sound like he wasn’t any closer to finding Bucky than he had been before.

 

_Natasha,_

_I’m glad you have such faith in me because I’ve yet to track down Bucky’s exact location. I’m sure that we’ll find him, but it would seem that every logical step has been wrong somehow. Your help was greatly appreciated; both your advice about body heat and the flask of whiskey have helped very much indeed._

_I still miss you very much. And what of Sarah? Is she growing? Is she walking yet?_

_Please send my best to my father as well. I know he doesn’t care for letter writing and I find myself missing the old man now, if you can believe it. Also, please furnish Pietro with whatever he needs to continue his work. His bag is looking threadbare and I would have each message find the right hands. My men are working too hard to lose the thoughts and prayers of their loved ones._

_Is your garden still growing? It must have snowed there by now, yes? I know it's certainly very cold here. Poland isn't what I imagined it might be._

_We’re headed towards Italy now; if I can, I hope to bring you something lovely. Stay well, Natasha. I miss you more easy day._

_Love,_

_Steve_

 

Although there was some desire to tell him exactly what had been going, Natasha had already decided that Steve had enough to worry about without also knowing that their economy was suffering, nor that someone had attempted to poison his wife and unborn child. She would keep his spirits up as she knew Maria was trying to do for Sam. If Steve could just come back from this unscathed, then Natasha would be terribly grateful and whatever she had to go through in order to get there was just fine with her.

 

_Steve,_

_I’ve given Pietro a new bag and some supplies to make his work a little easier and I’ve also asked some of the children to write ‘letters’ to the men you’re traveling with who don’t have a family here. Please give them out at your discretion. I hope you know that we are all eagerly awaiting your return. The people miss you nearly as much as I do, nearly as much as your daughter does._

_I can hardly wait to be back in your arms. I think you know as well as I do that these first few months are the hardest and despite Wanda’s constant presence, I miss your warmth. I miss how you hold me and the feel of your lips on mine… Love, I very nearly ache for you. It is beginning to drive me quite mad, I think. You’d better ready yourself for a heavily pregnant woman to run into your arms when you get back._

_My garden goes on, yes. And it has snowed, although I find that I cannot enjoy the snow as much as I might have hoped, not when I know you’re still not home. Oh, you’ll be so excited when you see Sarah again! She’s toddling along now, almost eighteen months, can you even believe that?_

_And she’s speaking more now too! I’m so proud of her, Steve. And I know you’ll be thrilled when you come home, which I hope is very, very soon._

_We love you tons,_

_Natasha_

_P.S. As I assume you’ll not be home for Christmas, we must also say to have as happy a Christmas as you can, my love. We’ll be thinking of you even more that day._

 

Christmas was a very emotional time for Natasha. Thoroughly saturated with hormones, most of which she had to ignore, she found herself tearing up at nearly everything that happened. There wasn’t a big celebration, but they put up a small tree in their rooms and Sarah was able to open a few presents on Christmas morning, as she ought to have good childhood memories. Natasha gifted Wanda a beautiful silver locket and Wanda gave Natasha a pair of soft gloves and a special tea of her own making that would help her sleep without hurting the baby; she was very nearly alarmed when Natasha started to cry right there with the little packet still in hand.

That week passed slowly for everyone. New Year’s wasn’t celebrated either and Natasha hoped that the old adage that you would spend the year the same as you spent your celebration was false because she spent it without her husband-- and it was taking a frightfully long time to get a letter in return. She supposed that made sense given the weather, but she was still worried.

Just days after the new year, almost to the day of being pronounced about four months along, Natasha came upon something she clearly wasn’t supposed to know anything about. She did so with Pietro’s help in that he came to her with Steve’s letter in one hand and beside it, another letter sealed with wax.

“I hope you’ll forgive me for even thinking of coming to you like this, your highness,” he began, still shaking from the cold. “I find myself concerned with the contents of this letter. You see, I’ve been delivering messages between Schmidt and a contact in Germany and—“

Natasha frowned. “A contact in Germany,” she repeated, gesturing for him to sit down beside her and warm himself in front of the fire. “Who is this contact?”

“I do not know his name,” he confessed. “I was told to leave the messages in a particular place and before I leave to return home, there is always a message left in the same place to bring back. I was only doing as he told me… I thought he might be communicating with a spy…”

“Yes, of course. No one is holding you at fault for this, Pietro.” Natasha considered the letter resting between them, still sealed with a red wax without even a symbol to give them a clue. “What made you bring this one to me?”

Pietro frowned. “The last time I left a message; I hid nearby and waited to see who would pick it up. I know it was not my place, but I needed to know. Something felt off to me.” He swallowed and looked rather sick for a moment as he shook his head. “He was wearing one of their bands, he’s the enemy. My conscience would not be clear if I did not bring this to you first.”

Natasha had already bristled. She reached out to touch Pietro’s shoulder. “You did the right thing, bringing this to me,” she told him. “I’d like you to stay while I open it.”

“If you break the seal—“

“I have a plan,” she told him, getting up at once and sitting down at the table instead. She pulled a candle over, as well as a little cup. “Come and hold this cup for me.” They worked together in order to melt the wax without setting the letter itself on fire, eventually to the point where it could be opened and read. Natasha immediately skimmed the whole contents and put a hand over her mouth as she finished it. “He knows who took Bucky,” she said. “He’s—He’s trying to take over.”

Pietro’s eyes widened. “We have to tell the king. We must—“

“Yes,” she agreed. “Yes, we will tell the king. But you must do something for me first.” She got to copying down as much information as she needed before grabbing a new piece of parchment and quickly drafting a letter to Steve. She hadn’t even opened his yet, though, so she read it through to make certain that he hadn’t found Bucky just yet. He hadn’t.

 

_Steve,_

_I don’t have the time to explain, but you must take what I’m about to say as fact and do not question it. Pietro can fill you in when he arrives, if you wish to waste that time._

_Schmidt is working with the enemy. Bucky is being held in a bunker in Germany, the location of which I’m going to list at the bottom of this letter. There is a man called ‘Zola’ who seems to be connected to this somehow- he and Schmidt have been exchanging letters right under our noses._

_You need to be careful, Steve. There is a plot to usurp your father’s throne and I fear that if Schmidt catches on to what we know, he will not back down without a fight._

_Please don’t go into this alone. They know you’ll be coming, Steve. It’s a trap._

_I love you so much. Please, please be safe._

_Natasha_

 

With that done, she sealed the envelope with her own royal seal and handed it over to Pietro. Then she painstakingly used the melted wax to reseal the letter meant for Schmidt and handed that over as well.

“Deliver Schmidt’s letter to him as per usual,” she told him. “But leave immediately to deliver mine to Steve. I need you to make sure you get there as fast as possible, do you understand?”

Pietro took her letter and tucked it into his bag. “I understand, your highness,” he promised her. “I’ll get there.” He hesitated just a moment and took her hands, bowing low and leaving a kiss on her knuckles. “Take care of yourself. And long live the king.”

With that, he took off and Natasha immediately called upon Bruce because she would need his help if she was going to confront Schmidt about his treachery; she needed to know that Sarah would be safe no matter what the fallout happened to be. When he arrived, she ushered him inside and sat him down to explain, but he wasn’t nearly as cooperative as she’d hoped.

“This is insane,” he said, shaking his head. “You can’t overthrow a corrupt threat to the throne right now, Natasha, you’re pregnant.”

She huffed. “If I do nothing, I’m putting myself and my family at risk anyway,” she argued. “You have to help me.”

Bruce frowned. “Is that an order?”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “No, it’s not an order. It’s a request, from a friend.” She reached out to take his hand. “Please. Help me keep her safe.”

Bruce was quiet for a long moment before sighing heavily and shaking his head. “Fine,” he agreed. “Fine, I’ll help you. But I want you to know that I’m absolutely against you getting personally involved. We should tell the king---“

Before Bruce could finish what he was saying, one of the guards entered the room looking distressed. “Your highness, my apologies for the intrusion. The king has collapsed and we’ve summoned a doctor, but with the prince gone…”

“Bruce--?”

Bruce was already up and together, they raced out of the room and towards the king’s chambers, where the guards had laid him down in bed to await his own physician. Still, Bruce went to his side with his bag in tow (he rarely went anywhere without it) and began to examine the king immediately while Natasha fretted behind him and Schmidt stood stoically on the other side of the bed. He would pay for what he’d done, she promised herself. With or without the king, she would make sure that all was well.

After some time, Bruce stood back and gave Natasha a worried look. “It’s his heart,” he said decidedly. “He may recover from this and he may not, I’m afraid all we can do right now is wait.”

Natasha nodded and turned to the guards. “I’ll need a constant watch at his bedside,” she told them, addressing the one she knew for sure was trustworthy; she’d had dealings with him before. “Your most trusted men, yes?”

He nodded and bowed to her before Natasha stepped forward to touch Joseph’s hand, gave Schmidt a brief glare, and turned to leave. She would need to regroup. Unfortunately, a regroup meant considering all sorts of unpleasant nonsense, like whether or not the people would support her once she publicly challenged Schmidt.

In order to ascertain that, she called upon Tony and Pepper together, as well as Maria, Wanda, Bruce… She would have called upon Thor, but he was leading his own men and as much as she adored Loki, she knew he didn’t have much pull in Asgard. Still, she sent him a letter with a trusted messenger and hoped that he might inspire just a little support from the people.

“The people will support you,” Tony said. “I’d bet my life on it. They might be taken with suspicion and rhetoric right now, but they love you, Natasha. I have no doubt at all that any claim you make will be taken seriously. And you’ll have my public support as well.”

The others nodded and Natasha thanked him, but she was still nervous about the obvious lack of experience she had in running a kingdom, plus the fact that Schmidt was clearly the one who wanted her dead. She might have been smart, but there was a difference between avoiding his subtle attempts to kill her and avoiding the swing of a sword.

“I need to know what he’s going to do now that Joseph is ill. Were the world the way it ought to be, power would immediately fall to me, but there is some question who would make any dire decisions…”

She nodded thoughtfully to herself. “We wait,” she decided. “I want to see what he’s going to do, but time is of the essence. He’ll notice that Pietro left without a letter and he’ll begin to question what we might know, if he hasn’t begun to question that already. We cannot let Schmidt know that Steve’s been made aware of what he’s walking into.”

With a temporary plan in place, Tony and Pepper returned home while Wanda went into the other room to put Sarah down for the night. She would be staying and Maria would also be sleeping on another bed in a spare room so she didn’t have to be alone while Riley was brought in by her chosen nursemaid. But Bruce was stalling and Natasha gave him a look.

“We’ll be fine, Bruce.”

“How can I know that? He could come in and— He could do anything. Something worse than death.”

Natasha appreciated his concern and she moved to touch his cheek even as he continued worrying after them. “We’ll be alright. I have two guards at the door and a knife if I need one.”

“Let me stay tonight.” Bruce looked so earnest and so ready to defend them against whatever might come to threaten their safety, but he was a doctor, a healer. What was he going to do? Hit an attacker with his medical bag? “I know I don’t look like much, but… I can help. I’ll sleep on the floor if I have to.”

“Would that make you stop worrying?” Based on the look he gave her, that was a big ‘no’, but she smiled anyway. “Alright, Bruce. You can stay the night too. I’ll likely need you tomorrow anyway.”

Thankfully, he was there to help when Maria and her handmaiden, Betty, arrived. Bruce immediately went to help them get Riley’s crib into the room, but he stopped and very nearly tripped over his own two feet as Betty met his gaze. “Hi. Um, hello, I’m---“

“Dr. Banner, I know,” she interrupted. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Bruce blushed fiercely as he readjusted his end of the crib. “It’s nice to meet you too…?”

“Betty,” she filled in. “Betty Ross.”

Natasha and Maria watched as Bruce and Betty carried the little crib into the bedroom and exchanged a look. “Do you see what I see?” The former asked. “They’d look very charming together.”

“They would,” Maria agreed. “And their babies would have such curls!”

They were giggling together when Bruce and Betty came back out, only to get identically curious looks from the two of them. Natasha shook her head. “Come, come,” she said to Bruce. “I’ll show you where you’ll be sleeping.”

With everyone settled in, Natasha took to her own bed and realized that she was hardly able to get any rest when she knew that Schmidt was out there plotting against her and against her family. She could only hope that Steve was able to find Bucky and that the guards she’d posted for the king held true to their vows of loyalty and honor.

 

The next morning, breakfast was served at the private dining table in their chambers and everyone ate together: Maria and Riley, Natasha and Sarah, Betty, Bruce, and Wanda. They would have to really organize themselves if they wanted to make sure that things were taken care of in the best way possible; that is, they needed to be certain that no one was going to be hurt. Natasha almost wished she was some kind of assassin so she could just eliminate Schmidt without much trouble at all. While it was hard to imagine taking a life, the fact that he’d put her baby and her husband in mortal danger made her believe that she was absolutely capable of it.

After breakfast, Betty and Wanda took the babies into the bedroom for a little playtime and a nap while the others discussed their options going forward.

“I’m going to see how the king is feeling today,” Bruce said. “I know his physician is preferred, but I don’t think we have the luxury of being able to trust anyone fully. I’m sure he’d allow me to at least inquire…”

“I’ll come with you,” Natasha said. “That way he’ll know you can be trusted and we can make sure the room is only ours.” She felt like the guards were trustworthy and loyal, but she couldn’t know if any of them were working with Schmidt and therefore, they had to be far more careful than she’d like.

Leaving Maria behind with the others, they headed through the halls and into the king’s private chambers. Joseph was awake, but clearly more than a little weary and very, very tired.

“Natasha, my child,” he greeted, reaching out for her hand. “Tell me what troubles you.”

Natasha sat on the edge of his bed and held his hand while Bruce stood idly nearby. “I fear there is someone in your kingdom who is trying to hurt you,” she said honestly. “But I do not wish to burden you with the details. Not with your heart in this state…”

Joseph shook his head. “You must tell me so that I may help you,” he insisted. “Please.”

She exchanged a look with Bruce. “I will,” she said. “But you must let my own doctor examine you first to make sure that you’re recovering well. Will you allow that?”

Joseph glanced over to Bruce and raised his eyebrows. “He’s a very furry sort of man.”

Natasha couldn’t help it; she laughed a little bit and smiled even further when Bruce pouted. “He is, but he’s also a friend and a skilled healer…”

“Then I suppose I have no arguments,” he agreed.

While Bruce went on to give the king a thorough exam and make sure he was alright, Natasha tidied up nearby. She had half a mind to ask where the king’s mistress was these days, but she felt as though it might be something of a sensitive subject as she hadn’t seen the woman around for quite some time. Perhaps they’d simply grown apart. As such, Natasha took it upon herself to make Joseph a cup of tea and eventually bring a tray over to his bed so they could sit and talk.

“Thank you, my dear,” he offered after his first sip. “Now, tell me. I know there is something going on. I can see it in your eyes.”

Natasha sighed. “The messenger who has been taking letters between here and Europe gave me a letter meant for someone else and said that he thought it might be something I needed to see. It was… It was from a contact in Germany assuring Schmidt that Steve would be taken care of once he arrived to rescue Bucky. Schmidt is a traitor, Father. He has to be dealt with as soon as possible.”

“Good God,” he whispered. “We must tell Steve--”

“I sent Pietro to him with a letter explaining what I found out. I can only hope that he reaches Steve in time.” She folded her hands in her lap for a moment before shakily reaching for her tea instead. “But I am at something of a loss for what to do about Schmidt. He won’t step down without a fight.”

“I would have him removed,” Joseph said. “But I fear that might be a mistake until we know Steve is safe.” He sighed. “One thing is for sure; he cannot take power while I am ill.”

Natasha nodded in agreement. Yes, that much was clear, but how was she to--

“Oh, you want _me_ to take power?” The way Joseph was looking at her was far too clear to be mistaken for anything else. “I couldn’t. The council won’t allow it.”

“The council is not all powerful,” he assured her. “If they won’t bow and concede power to you, Natasha, then you must take it.”

Oh. Oh, that wasn’t an easy task, was it? Schmidt would fight her on it and while Natasha knew that she had some kind of support in the form of her friends and the people at large, the _political_ community there would never accept her as a ruler. Still, on the command of her king… she would do everything she could to seize power by force, if necessary.

When they left his chambers with strict orders to the guards to watch him at every moment unless Natasha or Bruce came to see him, Bruce shook his head immediately. “No. You can’t _take_ power, Natasha. You can’t. You’re pregnant.”

“That doesn’t matter very much,” she said quickly. “We’ll talk about this in my chambers. Not here.”

When the doors were shut behind them, Natasha made quick work of calling for Tony and Pepper again, asked Wanda and Maria (and Betty as well, since she was trusted) to come in and hear what was going on. Thanks to Bruce’s examination, they knew that at the very least, there was no evidence of any poison. He’d seen symptoms like the king’s before and they were usually associated with the heart; of course, that kind of diagnosis made everyone uneasy.

According to Tony, who arrived as soon as he could, Schmidt had already taken to sitting in the king’s throne for any business going on that day. If Natasha wanted to make a statement, then she needed to act quickly before he became too comfortable there.

And so, a plan was formed.

Natasha knew she needed to be strong now, both for her husband and the king himself, not to mention the people out there who didn’t know what was going on. It was her responsibility to be sure that everything was taken care of until the king was better, or Steve returned. First things first; she arranged for Wanda and Sarah to stay with Bruce. Her goodbyes with Sarah were brief, but she worried terribly that something would happen to her. This was the safest option. With Maria and Riley still staying in her chambers, Natasha posted guards nearby once she’d satisfied herself that they were loyal and dressed… like a queen, she supposed. This would be one of the hardest things she’d ever had to do if only because she’d grown so accustomed to _not_ having much power, especially here.

The gown she chose was a very light pink. The base was a long sleeved gown that shimmered on top and eventually faded to a silvery bottom. Over that, she secured a matching cape of sorts; the material was decorated with lovely designs to imitate a butterfly’s wing and fell all the way to the floor to complete the look. Maria helped Natasha twist her hair up and secure it there, and Natasha carefully pressed a silver tiara into her hair as well, just because she was supposed to be a figurehead right now. She looked… mature, she thought. In control. Powerful.

And she looked beautiful too. Natasha felt like that was important; the idea that she could be beautiful and powerful at the same time. Sometimes she felt like men didn’t understand that beauty didn’t necessarily mean that weakness was understood. Now that she was showing, the dress was also not quite enough to hide the slight bump that would eventually become their second born. Besides, it was still cold outside and she needed something to give her a breath of fresh air. The dress she’d picked reminded her of flowers or butterflies or just spring in general; it was exactly what she needed.

 

 

Dressed and convincing herself that she was ready, Natasha marched her way down the hall and right into the main throne room to find Schmidt looking cozy as could be in Joseph’s seat.

“Princess,” he greeted, not bothering to get up. “To what do I owe this honor?”

“You’ve overstepped your bounds as the king’s advisor, Mr. Schmidt,” she said firmly. “I’m asking you to remove yourself from his seat or I’ll have no choice but to remove you by force.”

The smile that slid over Schmidt’s face was so slimy and so arrogant that it made Natasha want to squirm where she stood. She held back and kept her head up, refusing to back down even a little bit.

“And what right do you have to demand such a thing?” He asked.

Natasha puffed out her chest a little bit. “I am princess of this kingdom and in the absence of my husband or the king, command naturally falls to me.” Of course, no one had ever heard of such a thing in America, but she was willing to challenge that. It _should_ fall to her. Woman or not, she was the next in line and she was the only one who had any training or experience in such a capacity.

And Schmidt had to know that she was staging this little coup for a reason.

He stood up from the throne and moved to stand in front of her. Natasha was almost comically short and small in comparison, but she didn’t move an inch. Schmidt wasn’t going to take the kingdom from Joseph, and he wasn’t going to take Steve from his family. Period.

“Do you really think the guards will obey your commands over mine?” He murmured smoothly. With his hands behind his back and his eyes fixed on her, Schmidt made for an intimidating figure. “You have no power here, Natasha.”

Natasha pushed herself up on her toes, not that it made much of a difference. “I’m willing to bet that they’d sooner rush to my aid than yours,” she challenged as calmly as she could. “And you will address me properly since you are neither a friend, _nor_ a member of the royal family.”

Schmidt lowered his head and she could have sworn she saw true rage flash through his eyes. “Yes, of course, _princess_ ,” he answered. He was clearly annoyed, but Natasha felt as though he was threatening her as well. It went so far beyond just a little peeved at her behavior. “By all means.”

Natasha marched right past him and made her way up the steps to the throne, but his voice grabbed her attention maybe halfway there. “But if I may,” he added. “As someone who has served as counsel to your king for years now, it would be wise of you to remain _cautious_ and vigilant. Not everyone is as receptive to you as you think, your highness.”

With that vague threat, Schmidt left the throne room and Natasha took Joseph’s seat without any hesitation- at least on a physical level. She wasn’t _entirely_ confident of the fact that she could run the country, but she knew she would have support from her friends, at the very least. Twenty minutes later, right on schedule, Pepper and Maria with news that Tony was heading out to the people to spread news of who was in charge right now. If they kept it hidden, then people would wonder where the king had gone, so they would be telling them that while the king dealt with the war, Natasha would be sitting on the throne to deal with the day to day problems.

Pepper and Maria remained at her sides to offer their advice and encouragement as the day went on and eventually, they got through every bit of it. Even the guards were helping out, directing whoever they needed to up to the throne and clearing their throat should Natasha happen to forget something or do something the wrong way. It was wonderful to have such support.

Still, there was still a looming threat of some kind of retribution on Schmidt’s part that was making everyone who was aware of the situation very uneasy. If he had allies, then they could stage an attack in various ways; poison, or just straightforward assassination. Natasha quickly formed a small group of guards that were made aware of the previous attempt on her life and assigned them to her personally. Hopefully that would be enough.

A week passed without incident and Natasha found out just how much work went into sitting on that throne. There were matters that she asked Joseph about, but most of the decisions were hers and she learned very quickly that it was _her_ they would fall back on as well. Unfortunately, the king’s condition didn’t seem to be steadily progressing at all and Bruce said that she would have to keep this up until Steve returned, at the very least, unless Joseph made a miraculous recovery. He had good days and bad days; sometimes he was too sick to even open his eyes and then other times they’d sit and talk for ages. Natasha even brought Sarah to see him so they could share a meal with him right there in his room.

Within that week, Natasha also received letters of support from those other kingdoms she’d reached out to, including a letter from Loki that expressed his concern for her well-being. Perhaps he didn’t hold any real power in Asgard, but he promised to make sure that Frigga and Odin heard of what was happening in America and pledged their support to her. She drafted a letter right back to him, thanking him for all he was trying to do for her and all his support and advice.

On Sunday, Natasha decided that attending church and having breakfast with her family was certainly within her rights at this point. It was the Lord’s day, after all, and she had been working hard for the whole week without knowing when or if she would ever be able to rest again. And so, she enjoyed a leisurely morning at church and then ventured out to Bruce’s home to enjoy a meal with her daughter and her friends.

Close to noon, she took her seat in the throne room with Pepper at her side and listened to several problems before things seemed to calm down for a long while. Left without much else to do, Natasha told Pepper she could retire for the day and took up a book to entertain herself for the time being. She was still reading when someone entered the hall behind her trying his or her best to be quiet. Natasha did what she could to resist tensing up, but she was fully aware and slowly slid her hand down to retrieve the knife she kept tucked away beside her, clenching the jeweled handle in a tight fist so she was ready to strike. The intruder got closer; Natasha could hear the faintest footsteps as they moved closer to her throne and she prepared herself to swing around and stab whoever it was right in the neck to save her own life.

But before she could move, a blade flew through the air and hit the intruder right in the chest, sending him sprawling back with a strangled cry. Natasha stood up and looked between the man writhing on the ground and her savior, who was already running up to join her and make sure the man was taken care of.

“You didn’t _mention_ that you were worried about another attempt,” Loki said with a huff as he moved past Natasha and kicked at the intruder to make sure he was dead. Crouching down, he started rifling through his pockets and eventually pulled out a small piece of parchment that he read and passed over to Natasha. “Unbelievable. He’s hardly a professional if he’s carrying around something like that.”

Natasha unrolled the parchment and read the message over; it was an amateur move, she supposed, to carry around the order he’d received to do away with her. The symbol at the bottom matched the symbol she'd found on the letter Pietro had shown to her, meaning that either Schmidt had ordered her demise or his contact in Germany had demanded it.

As Loki called for guards to clear the body—something they did without questioning either of them, thankfully—Natasha took her seat again and picked her book up from where it had fallen to the floor. “I don’t know how much longer this can go on,” she confessed aloud. “They’ll get to me eventually. So far I’ve been saved by the grace and bravery of my friends, but there will come a day when no one is around…”

Loki shook his head and took the seat beside her, usually reserved for Steve. “I have no doubt that if you had to, you would protect yourself in the face of danger,” he told her. “Sometimes bravery does not show itself until it is a choice between life and death, or loneliness and a chance at happiness.”

Natasha hoped that she was right. “You didn’t have to come,” she told him. “I must be taking you away from—“

Loki sighed. “It’s alright. With Thor gone, tensions have gotten worse between me and the old man,” he explained with a slight smirk. “I think some time apart could do wonders for us. You know what they say about absence.”

“Well, as long as you are here I intend to take advantage of whatever advice you have to give,” she said warmly. “You must have learned something from watching Thor so intimately.”

“Oh, I’ve learned many things from being with Thor intimately,” he quipped. “I’d be happy to help you for as long as I can.”

Loki fit into Natasha’s little family just perfectly. She knew what he was leaving behind to be with her; Sif was nearly due with their child and there was a good chance he could miss it entirely, but this was important. This could be life or death and they both knew that if Schmidt took over the kingdom, Steve and Joseph might not survive much longer. Missing the birth of a child that wasn’t technically even his was something he would deal with, if and when the time came.

He’d taken residence not in a separate room, but right in Natasha’s chambers instead, sprawling over her couch at night and boasting that he could sleep just about anywhere. When he woke up after the first night looking twice as refreshed as she did, he proved it. As the days passed, Natasha found that she was growing more and more concerned by the fact that Steve had yet to respond to her last letter. If he’d found Bucky, she assumed that he would have written back to tell her as much, but he hadn’t.

Did that mean… that he hadn’t found him or that something much worse had happened?

At what point did Natasha have to concede that her husband might not actually be returning to her?

“Natasha—“ Bruce came into her rooms one day without knocking and somehow she knew that something was wrong. It was the look on his face; worried and sorrowful, but ready to act as an anchor for her if she needed him. “I need you to come with me. Now.”

Heart racing, she followed him down the hall and into the king’s private bedchamber. Joseph looked grey and lifeless amidst his pillows and Natasha hated to see him like that, but she soldiered on and stood beside his bed while he weakly reached for her hand.

“His condition is worsening,” Bruce said from beside her. “I’m glad he recognizes you, but I don’t think he can really hear us. He’s… fading.”

Natasha’s eyes filled with tears. Joseph had been so good to her since she’d arrived and what could she do for him now? Nothing. She had no skill to heal him, no power, and no way to make a miracle from nothing. What if he faded before Steve could say goodbye? She lifted her free hand to cover her mouth and shook her head sadly.

“Is there no hope?”

Joseph’s eyes closed as he fell asleep again, Natasha’s hand still clutched in his own. “I want to remain hopeful,” Bruce offered. “But I think it would be false… and I would not do that to you.”

Natasha carefully took a seat at the edge of his bed and went silent for a few moments as she tried to digest that information. There was at best very little hope that Joseph would recover, which meant that Steve would be losing his father and might not even be back in time to attend his funeral. It also meant that Steve would be forced to take the throne, which also meant that Natasha would be queen.

The thought of it was a little more unsettling that she supposed it should have been, but if that was what lay in the cards for her, then so be it. She would do what she had to do, with or without Steve, to make sure that her kingdom and her family were taken care of.

“If there is anything you can do to ease his pain and make him more comfortable, please do it,” she said quietly. “He deserves that, at the very least.”

Bruce said that he would and Natasha kissed Joseph’s hand before leaving the room again. It would be a rough road ahead if he didn’t recover, but at least he would be under Bruce’s careful care. Natasha didn’t know if she could deal with anything less than that; she trusted Bruce completely and there weren’t many people she could actually say that about right now.

The unspoken thing was that with Joseph in that state, every decision truly rested on Natasha’s shoulders. Her life had been threatened twice now and with Sarah still at Bruce’s home for safety, she felt like she was within her rights to make sure that the threat was taken care of. With any luck, Steve would return before any retribution was enacted. If not, then… at least she could say that she’d put her life on the line in defense of her family.

As February came around, Natasha realized that she was at the moment in a position that had never been heard of before, certainly not in this kingdom. Not only had a woman taken the throne, but she was also carrying a child. The looks people gave her now, now that her stomach was too swollen to be mistaken for anything else, ranged from ultimately pleased and impressed to entirely disgusted. Six months along. She was six months along and she still hadn’t heard from Steve.

Of course, Natasha still wanted to be sure that Steve was safe before enacting any kind of revenge upon Schmidt, but the fact that Pietro was also missing… made her very nervous indeed. It wasn’t until the third attempt on her life that she realized something must be done right now. Steve would want her to protect their daughter and if she fell, Sarah would be the next target. There wasn’t a doubt in Natasha’s mind.

The third attempt began with the creaking of a door. It was very late and Natasha was already in bed, but she knew that Loki had stepped out for a while, likely to get some fresh air and do his own sort of praying. Thor had yet to return either, but they’d exchanged a few letters here and there. Natasha knew how much Loki missed him, and how strange he felt being so dependent on the fate of someone else even after all this time. Regardless of that, she was alone for the time being. The door creaked just slightly and her eyes popped open, not that she’d been sleeping much to begin with. With a constant threat to her safety sleeping just down the hall and so much pressure on her shoulders, she slept only when she had to and despite Bruce’s worrying over her and the child inside her, Natasha felt perfectly healthy.

The intruder this time made almost no sound as they let themselves into her chambers and into her room a moment later. Natasha’s hand was already curled around the handle of her knife once again and this time, there was no one to save her. She had to do this on her own.

She waited, eyes closed, until she felt someone standing beside her bed.

Moving as quickly as she could, she swung her arm out and plunged the blade of the knife deep into the side of the woman standing over her, maneuvering her legs around and kicking at the stranger’s stomach to make her fall back. Only then, as Natasha sat up, did she get a good look at her. The woman had long, dark hair and dark eyes. She was wearing all red, including a red mask that tied over her mouth and kept most of her identity a secret. And she was bleeding all over Natasha’s floor.

“Guards!”

“There are none here to help you,” the woman told her. “You are alone.”

Natasha frowned and got off the bed, idly holding her stomach like she could protect him that way. “Help! Anyone, I need help!”

The woman laughed. “You are with child,” she pointed out, leaning back while she applied pressure to her wound. “And yet you still fight.” She grunted. “Bold. Perhaps you are not such a threat to the kingdom.”

Loki came bolting into the room not five minutes later with two shocked guards behind him. “She needs a doctor,” he told them. “See to it that she has one, but that she is kept under constant guard. We’ll need to question her.”

As the guards dragged the woman away, Natasha sat down on the edge of her bed and rubbed her stomach. Loki sat beside her to offer comfort, but she was shaken and just leaned into him so he could rub her back and pretend like everything was okay. Steve would be home soon. Bucky and Pietro would be with him. Thor and Clint would return safely. This baby would be born a beautiful, healthy son. Joseph would recover. Schmidt would pay.

“I know what we have to do,” she said suddenly. “But we must do it quickly. I fear I will not be able to fight like this at seven and eight months along. I am already growing too slow to defend myself properly.” She could move as all women could, but… Natasha feared for the life inside her. She feared she would not be enough to protect it.

The plan was simple. First, they would hire someone to appeal to the guards and offer money for Natasha’s demise. Any guards who took the money would be told to await further instructions and would face justice later on. Guards who were outraged by the prospect and showed loyalty to Natasha and the royal family would be commissioned as part of a private force that would help Natasha take down Schmidt once and for all.

To her surprise, there were actually very few guards who accepted the money. Several even attacked the poor man they’d hired to pay them and Natasha herself blessed each and every one before she tasked them with their new mission. The second part of her plan was Bruce’s least favorite part, thank you very much. He tried to talk her out of it several times, but Natasha was determined to end this and without any other options suggested, she had to rely on her instincts.

She would pose as bait. She’d already set Schmidt up by sending an easily intercepted note to Pepper that boasted about how safe they were in the palace and how she was surprised that Schmidt was so very easily put down. ‘Perhaps he is not as much of a threat as we thought’, she’d said. Well, she knew what would happen. He would come for her soon after that, likely right after she had a convenient dizzy spell in the throne room and had to be escorted back to her chambers.

The idea was that they could catch him in the act and put him away in the dungeons, segregated from literally every other prisoner, until Steve returned. If he did return, and Natasha was still quite hopeful that he would, Steve would deal with the traitor on his own terms.

After that, it was all about making sure that she appeared to be tired and perhaps even a little cranky thanks to her ongoing pregnancy. Natasha needed Schmidt to think that she was letting her guard down. And thankfully, it worked. Late one night after Natasha had proclaimed that she was feeling ill and needed to lay down, he came for her. He was behind her in a heartbeat and Natasha smirked to herself.

“I see you’ve finally taken that old adage to heart,” she quipped. “If you want something done right…”

Schmidt stepped up behind her and she could hear him chuckle. “You do it yourself, yes,” he finished. If she could guess, she would assume that he would attempt this with a knife. Sure enough, the cool blade landed at her throat and she tipped her head back a little bit knowing for absolutely certain that she was safe. Despite the way her heart raced, she _knew_ this plan wouldn’t let her down. “I should have known from the beginning that you wouldn't go without a fight.”

Pressing her lips together, she let out a little hum of agreement. “That’s true,” she mused. “What kind of Russian would I be if I did not do all I could to defend myself?”

“There are admirable traits about you,” Schmidt said. “It is a shame that your position makes it impossible for us to be anything but enemies.”

“We could never be friends,” she stated clearly. “You don’t belong in the palace, Schmidt. You belong beneath it, locked away in the dungeons.”

He let out a sick laugh and readjusted his hold on the knife. “Oh, there is a much higher power reminding me where I belong; in that throne, commanding those unwashed masses who are so much less than I am in every way.”

So, he was delusional. “Is that so?” She mused. “Is that why you are so willing to align with someone who kills innocents for sport? For no other reason than to further his regime?”

“As long as he keeps me in his good graces, I can do whatever I like here,” he boasted. “I will be ruling in his name when you and your family are gone for good.”

Natasha chuckled at the very thought of it at this point. Schmidt was already surrounded and he had no idea. “There is at least one thing we agree on.” Natasha paused there to stall for time while everyone got into position. “If you want something done right, you simply _must_ do it yourself.”

With that, her private guards burst into the room to find the king’s adviser with a knife to her throat. He jumped back in surprise as they surrounded him, swords drawn and pointed at him as the one in charge ordered him to drop the knife. Schmidt hesitated, but ultimately let he blade fall from his hand and the moment he did, there were men upon him and holding his arms to keep him still. He thrashed against them even then, testing their hold.

Natasha stood up as Bruce and Loki rushed in to her side and she glared fiercely at Schmidt while they held him still. “Remember this as the day you _failed_ in your mission to rule,” she told him. “Remember this as the day a woman outsmarted you at your own game.” She flicked her wrist. “Take him away. Secure him in the deepest dungeon, and be sure there is no method of escape. My husband will assign righteous punishment when he returns.”

Schmidt laughed as he was dragged towards the door. “He is not returning to you,” he shouted. “Are you so _ignorant_ to think we would not take care of him while he was away? Face it, _princess_ , your husband is already dead.”


	21. Chapter 21

_"Don't be ashamed to weep; 'tis right to grieve. Tears are only water, and flowers, trees, and fruit cannot grow without water. But there must be sunlight also. A wounded heart will heal in time, and when it does, the memory and love of our lost ones is sealed inside to comfort us.”_

_\--Brian Jacques,_ _Taggerung_

 

At six months along, Natasha was beginning to think that she might actually have to do this on her own. Joseph wasn’t getting any better; in fact, he was stuck in this state of limbo wherein he had some good days and some bad days, but ultimately needed care provided by two lovely nurses Bruce had selected to do the job. Natasha hated seeing him that way. He was such a kind, wonderful man and he’d been forced into this situation where he could hardly do a thing for himself. It was the kind of illness, the kind of old age, that reminded everyone around him that their youth and health was fleeting and sometimes there was no grace or beauty in dying.

Schmidt had been locked in the dungeons and had no contact with any other person save for the one guard who brought him his paltry meals. He was under constant guard and now that the men who had previously taken the money to see to Natasha’s death had been removed from service and put in jail as well, she was confident that he could not persuade any guard to join his side.

With his absence, Sarah and the others were able to return to the palace and Natasha couldn’t have been happier to have them back in her life on a constant basis. Bruce came around more often now; he said it was to check on her health, but given that she’d seen him shyly loitering around Maria’s chambers for a chance to say hello to Betty she assumed there were some ulterior motives. She wished him all the best. Maria and Riley were well, but she dealt with the same worry that Natasha did, the same worry that Wanda dealt with as well. Sam had yet to contact her for some time now and aside from their shared hope that the men were alright, they had nothing.

Loki remained at Natasha’s side for several weeks following Schmidt’s imprisonment to be sure that there were no other attempts on her life from outside enemies. She seemed safe and with help from her friends and a slowly adapting royal council she was able to get a handle on running the country for now. Decisions were made, rations were encouraged, and patience was lauded as something that had to be valued in times like these. War was never easy. They needed to rely on one another to get through this difficult time.

There were also changes made to the rampant security she’d needed during that dangerous time. Natasha released the boy who had been her official taster and wanted to find a place in the palace for him, she actually released him to Pepper’s care. He would work in their home, she said, or possibly serve as Tony’s apprentice and eventual successor, since they had no children of their own.

The war was officially ended during the last week of March thanks to the efforts of an as of yet unknown individual who managed to stop a massive attack planned on a civilian population. The same individual did away with the man in charge and it was said that he may have sacrificed his own life to do so. But the letters and news they received was so very vague, mostly coming from secondary and tertiary sources who were neither there nor entirely dedicated to providing nothing but the facts. In other words, things were grim and vague and while Natasha, Maria, and Wanda would do their best to remain optimistic… no one had returned.

Very shortly after, just as April began and Natasha was a solid seven months into her pregnancy, there was finally some reason to celebrate. She received word from home that Clint had made it back safely and thanked God that he had the chance to be with his wife again. Not two days later, Thor marched into her kingdom and she watched as Loki ran to him, throwing his arms about the prince’s neck and hugging him close as he was welcomed back safe and sound. Natasha offered him her thanks for pledging aid in their time of need and kissed him on the cheek, but she couldn’t hide the way she was tearing up. As happy as she was to see that some of the brave men had returned home, there was still no word from Steve or Sam, Bucky or Pietro.

She apologized for it, but ultimately excused herself so Thor and Loki could celebrate being together once more. The troops that marched under America’s flag were to return in a few days and Natasha wanted nothing more than for Steve to be with them.

When they did arrive, the few nobles who had gone to war were welcomed back into the palace. Natasha waited there with her friends at her sides to see whether or not their husbands were amongst those returning now. There was tension between them, the babes left behind with two elderly nurses who’d offered to watch them in the meantime, and as it became clear that their loved ones might not be there, Natasha took Wanda’s hand and Maria’s hand on the other side.

They waited together, each one trying her best not to have too much hope or panic too quickly.

“Maria!”

Maria let go of Natasha’s hand in a moment to go to her husband, pulling him down to her and embracing him like she would never let him go for a single moment ever again. Natasha put a hand over her mouth as she watched them, relieved and yet absolutely petrified of what Sam might say. He was supposed to look after Steve. Where was Steve?

When they parted, he kissed her hand and moved to Natasha. He bowed low and the minute he met her gaze, Natasha felt her heart just shatter. “I’m so sorry, your highness,” he said. “We couldn’t find him. We couldn’t find either of them.”

Natasha felt like her legs might just buckle underneath her. She wanted to be so strong, she wanted to be what everyone needed her to be, but what if he was gone? What if he was really gone? She’d had this awful hope tucked away inside her and Sam’s words made her feel like there was nothing left to hope for. Steve was _gone_ \---

“Miss Wanda,” he continued, inclining his head to her as well. “I’m… It grieves me to tell you that Pietro…”

Wanda’s hand flew right to her mouth and she shook her head. “No,” she said firmly, _desperately_ , turning to Natasha and back to Sam like that would change something. “No! He can’t be-- He can’t be gone. No, please… Please..”

Her knees _did_ buckle, and were it not for Sam’s quick reflexes she would have crumpled right to the floor. Instead, he held her there as she cried for the death of her brother. “It...He was wounded,” Sam told her. “He lasted as long as he could, but he could not make it home. We have his body, so you might give him a proper burial.”

Wanda sobbed into his shoulder and Maria moved to Natasha’s side to comfort her, putting her arm around the princess’ shoulders while she tried to gather herself. It wasn’t an easy night. Wanda and Natasha tucked themselves into one of the guest beds together and shared quiet stories about Pietro from the former’s childhood. It was bittersweet in the worst possible way; Wanda spoke of her twin with such love and such fondness that Natasha ached for her loss.

The very next day, they laid Pietro to rest in a lovely grave on the palace grounds. There weren’t many people gathered, but Natasha made sure the arrangements were made and asked their priest to say a few words before leaving them to grieve. Wanda blessed the grave in her native language and cried as she laid flowers in front of the headstone. He’d died so young; it was a small consolation that he’d given his life for a noble reason. Sam had told them the story. Pietro had protected three young girls and taken several injuries from their attacker as a result.

May did come eventually, and with it came the end of Natasha’s seventh month. She was close to her time now; her stomach was so very big and while she still had two months left, she felt like it would just fly by-- especially since Steve wasn’t with her. Unfortunately, something else came with the dawn of her eighth month; it would seem that some of the people who sat on the council had officially declared Steve killed in action and with the king on his deathbed, Natasha would be expected to remarry because a woman couldn’t _possibly_ rule on her own.

And so, they invited suitors. All of a sudden, it was like Natasha was a young girl again and not the _married_ , mature woman they’d relied on for the past who knows how many weeks. And yes, the man who married her would _likely_ be nothing but a figurehead, but there still wasn’t any reason to force this upon her. Natasha wasn’t even fully made aware of it until she was sitting on the throne one day, this time with Thor beside her as official royal counsel before he returned home with Loki in tow, and a complete stranger was announced as Arthur Curry, king of Atlantis.

Now, Natasha was still grieving the loss of her husband even if there was still a faint spark of hope that he yet survived. She wore all black and kept one hand on her stomach to quiet the rambunctious child inside it while she watched the man come forward. He was handsome, to be sure; his hair was long and wild, and he had the muscular build of someone who would certainly be a strong leader. Atlantis was known as a far off island kingdom, however, and Natasha had little interest in anyone who came forward seeking her hand.

Their interactions were brief. Besides, it felt like he'd come from a different universe. 

Not two days later, another suitor arrived in the form of a young man with curly, blond hair and a cocky grin. Natasha clenched her jaw as he was announced: Daniel Rand, a wealthy businessman who had made a name for himself through his father. She had even less interest in the idea of a _boy_ like him taking the place of her husband. It was such an insult that she only managed to be polite to him before _exploding_ at one of the council members who came to see how it had gone. How _dare_ they?

Thor was understanding for all of it, but even he approached her after Natasha had screamed at the old man. “Natasha, it would be wise for you to _consider_ \--”

“I will not.”

“I miss him too, but it isn’t realistic for them to let you be while you are unmarried--”

“I _am_ married.” She turned to him and pointed. “There is no proof he’s gone. They never found a body; not his, not Bucky’s. There is still hope that he might survive and I will not have him return to find I have taken another as my husband! I am not a bigamist.”

Thor sighed and reached out to touch her hand. “Then I will weather this storm with you.”

The next suitor was a duke from Louisiana. He was charming and handsome, but the way he looked at the servant girls who dawdled nearby should Natasha need them was enough to put her off. Remy was his name; Remy Lebeau. He looked like the sort of man that would leave heartbroken girls in his wake and Natasha asked the guards to keep an eye on him for any sort of overly lewd behavior.

Even Asgard sent a suitor; he arrived with a grand announcement and Thor avoided her eyes as he made his way in. Heimdall was the most impressive of the group, she had to admit. He was tall and broad, with beautiful eyes and smooth, brown skin. He was a war hero, Thor said. And as they were good friends, he even got up to greet Heimdall personally.

“I know you are not ready,” Heimdall said. “With all due respect, of course. But when I am commanded to leave home to meet a beautiful woman, I feel particularly willing to oblige.”

Natasha offered him a small smile. “That was quite charming,” she told him. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Heimdall. It… gratifies me to know that I do not have to pretend with you. You are welcome to sit at our table this evening.”

With four suitors staying in the palace and three regularly trying to get to know her over meals and during the little free time that she had left after her duties as the ruler of America for now, Natasha hardly had time to herself. At night, she would lock herself away and sing to Sarah or just have tea with Wanda. They were both much quieter than usual when no one was looking, both wishing that they’d said things they clearly hadn’t before Bucky and Steve left. It was a difficult time and then some, and as such they really only had each other to lean on.

May was a difficult month for both of them, but that had nothing on June.

Natasha was due to give birth and Steve hadn’t miraculously returned. Bruce insisted that she appoint someone to speak for her on the throne now that she was awaiting her ‘time’ and Natasha asked Thor to stay just a couple of weeks longer to help her. He agreed and it was with sincere promises to let her know if he needed _anything_ that Natasha allowed him to temporarily take her place so she could get some rest.

On June 7th, Natasha went into labor first thing in the morning.

Bruce was called and Natasha was in labor for a grueling twelve hours before her son was brought into the word a crying, wriggling mess. The baby was immediately taken to be cleaned up before he was placed into Natasha’s arms all wrapped up in a little blue blanket and cap to keep him warm.

Natasha was in tears immediately. She cradled the child to her chest and kissed his forehead, but she was simply overwhelmed by the fact that she’d just given birth to a child without a husband. If Steve was dead, that would mean that he died without laying eyes on his son. And that thought was just too much for her. Lifting the child up to her, she craned her neck to hide her face in his blankets and sobbed, letting out all the sorrow and worry and unbelievable wave of emotions out right then because after this moment, she knew she would have to move on. For her son, possibly the only living heir to the throne of America.

 

 

Steve would have hated naming the child after him. He had said once that he believed every child should have his own name, because being named after their father set them up for a life of trying to live up to that name. So while Natasha wished she could pay homage to her husband-- she’d even considered his middle name, Grant, but decided that Steve wouldn’t have liked that either --she made the decision to give the baby a name Steve objectively loved.

The newborn was as beautiful as his sister, but his grey eyes were such a reminder of Steve that Natasha found herself rather melancholy on the whole. She allowed herself exactly one week to nurse and bond with him undisturbed, but Thor could not hold the throne forever. She was sitting there in no time at all, even if she needed to take breaks in order to feed her son. The suitors offered their congratulations on the birth of the child, but she knew that all of them, perhaps with the exception of Heimdall, wanted her to bear their own son who would take over the kingdom assuming they were wed beforehand.

They all wanted to replace Steve and she simply refused to allow it. But the council was insistent and eventually demanded that if she did not take a new husband, they would remove her from the throne by force and appoint someone else to rule in Joseph’s stead. Natasha devised a plot immediately. Her announcement was very simple: she would pick a suitor the very moment she finished the blanket she was currently knitting. That is, she had started it a while ago and unfortunately had to deal with other issues, so she wasn’t able to finish. When she finally did, she would pick one suitor from the bunch.

Every day, she would knit to her heart’s content and each night, she would unravel half the blanket so it was never finished. In this way, she would bide her time until Steve returned because Natasha would not dare lose faith in him, not even now. It was not ten days later that she received a letter written on nearly entirely damaged parchment; it was only a bit, and the writing was scrawled and messy.

 

_My dearest Natasha,_

_I hope you can forgive me for my absence these past few months. I do not know exactly how long it’s been or what the state of our kingdom is, but I pray this reaches you in time. I’m afraid that it is entirely possible I may not be able to keep my promise to you and I hope that you can find it in your heart to move forward without me if that is the case._

_By now, you’ll have certainly given birth to our child. Love him as I would. If you tell him stories of me, be kind. I love you more than I could say, my beautiful Natasha._

_Always—_

_Steve_

 

The words brought tears to her eyes, but she immediately looked back up to the stranger who had brought her the message. “Where did you find this?”

“I was on my way back from a trip up North,” he said. “I looked for any sign of the prince, your highness, trust me, I did. But I found nothing.” He paused and wrung his hands together nervously. “It’s been raining an awful lot,” he added. “Torrential downpours and whatnot. If, uh… If I were you, your highness, I wouldn’t waste any time before sending a search party.”

Natasha knew exactly what she had to do and there was no amount of bargaining that would make her change her mind; she’d made a promise. Thanking the stranger with a small gift of coin and a hot meal, she rushed off to assemble anyone she could to help in the search. Thor was speaking out loud to the men gathered, amongst them Loki, Sam, and several of the other nobles who were entirely loyal to Steve, as well as a couple of the suitors still milling about, when Natasha showed up and stood at his side.

“What are you—“ He looked at her clothing and blinked. “Surely you’re not coming with us,” he said quietly. “Natasha, you can’t—“

“Why?” She asked, readjusting the strip of leather around her hips. She was wearing appropriate clothing; a thin shirt under a solid corset paired with brown leather trousers and knee high boots. Natasha had even brought with her the small blade she favored, and she’d tied her hair back away from her face with a braid that looped around the back of her head. “I told Steve that if he didn’t return, I’d come for him,” she said quietly, looking up to Thor as defiantly as she could considering the drastic height difference.

Thor pressed his lips together and glared down at her for a moment, but he knew very well that there was no arguing with the princess; he also knew from experience with Loki that arguing would only mean he was taken down with a few sharp words. She’d gathered quite an audience at that point. Without a doubt, several of the men were questioning their princess’ authority in making such a decision. “Very well,” he agreed. “But you will remain with Loki, do you understand? Everyone is to have at least one person beside them at all times. The terrain we’re searching is not safe.”

The road was long. Natasha guided her horse alongside Loki’s with ease, but when they had to leave their mounts and continue on foot, she was officially in foreign territory. She worked up a sweat, her hair sticking to the back of her neck even as they paused on top of a hill to take in the warm breeze. Before them sat the harsh lands Steve was likely still venturing through; they might not be so easily traveled if one were injured or carrying a great burden, but Natasha knew they could get him out if that were the case.

Under Thor’s command, they spread out over the rocky landscape in pairs. Loki remained close to Natasha’s side at all times, but while he investigated a bit of greenery, she thought she heard something and ventured off on her own while his back was turned. She found a small outcrop of rock over what appeared to be a cave and held onto the edge to jump down, thankfully landing on her feet on another strong piece of stone. It was dark in the cave, but she pulled out her dagger and slowly moved forward. With the sun fading behind her, she was surprised to turn a corner and find a very dim light in the distance; that is, until she realized it was a fire.

And sitting beside the tiny fire was her husband.

“Steve?” She whispered, approaching slowly to make sure he was still breathing. When he groggily lifted his head to look at her, Natasha gasped and covered her mouth with both hands, her dagger clattering to the floor. “Steve, oh my God--”

Seeing Steve after all that time brought forth such emotion in Natasha that she just ran forth to embrace him, dropping to her knees beside the fire as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Even if he was a little unsteady, he wrapped his arms around her and she cried into his shoulder out of pure relief. “Why haven’t you come home?” She sobbed. “You’re alive—Where have you been?”

Steve could hardly believe he was really seeing her. Was Natasha truly right there in front of him? Was she truly pulling him into her arms again? He’d had this dream before, but it had never felt so real; he’d never been able to smell the vanilla oils she used on her hair before, or felt how warm her skin was pressed to his. He’d never been able to lean down and kiss her, pulling her weakly into the kind of embrace he never wanted to leave ever again.

Still, that came second to holding her head with both hands and just kissing her. Steve couldn’t believe he’d been given this chance considering the odds they were up against. When they parted, he just looked down at her for a moment to soak her in and eventually pulled Natasha back into his arms even if that kind of contact made the wound on his bicep ache. “I’ve missed you so much,” he told her, his voice rough with disuse and dehydration alike. “I thought I’d never see you again…”

He must have looked like a vagrant; he’d been able to keep himself relatively clean, but his clothing was torn and filthy and his hair badly needed to be trimmed even with the hack job he’d done with his sword at one point. Steve had never wanted a clean bed and a hot bath more than he did right then.

“I told you I would come for you." Natasha pulled back and finally noticed the bandage around his arm. It was that wound in addition to Bucky’s in addition to the others on Steve’s body that had kept them. They were just too weak. Steve couldn’t walk very far now that the wound on his thigh was infected and therefore, he couldn’t support Bucky’s weight either. “You’re hurt.”

Steve nodded. “We need a doctor as soon as possible,” he told her. “This is nothing, Bucky—“

His voice came from the other side of the cave. “I swear to God, Steve, I’m fine.”

Steve cringed and watched as Natasha turned to greet him, but her relieved smile fell the moment she actually saw him. Bucky had allowed his hair to grow and it was shaggy now, hanging nearly down to his shoulders in thick clumps. Every bit of water they could find had been used for drinking or attempting to clean their wounds; bathing unfortunately took a backseat. But it wasn’t his disheveled appearance or filth that had caught her eye, that Steve knew; it was absolutely the empty sleeve at his left side.

“You’re alive,” Natasha said decidedly. “That’s what’s most important, both of you. And you’ll both see the doctors the moment we arrive home.”

Natasha’s forcefulness surprised him, but he supposed they could both use someone who’s going to take charge and get them better. Just then, they heard a deep voice calling into the cave and Natasha got up to retrieve Thor, Loki, and Sam, who were worriedly searching for her now as well. “They’re both here,” she announced. “We have to get them on horses.”

It took some effort, but eventually Steve was settled behind Natasha on her mount and Bucky was (somewhat begrudgingly) settled behind Sam with his one good arm wrapped around the other man’s waist. As they needled at one another, the search party headed home with one singular purpose in mind; they needed to get Bucky and Steve to Bruce so he could take care of them. Their wounds were infected and at the very least, he needed to make sure that Bucky’s was sanitized and sealed up, and that Steve’s were clean and healing.

For the whole trip, Steve kept his chin hooked lightly over her shoulder. He held her waist as tightly as he dared and Natasha smiled each time he tipped his head to the side to leave a kiss on her neck. He’d whisper little things to her as well; sentiments she hadn’t heard in months, reminders of how he was looking forward to sleeping with her in his arms again. He did look back to check on Bucky every now and then, but ultimately… he fell asleep. To the gentle movements of their horse, he dozed off with his head on her shoulder and his arms still around her waist for balance. Natasha thought it was the sweetest thing she’d seen in a long, long time.

When they arrived home, it was Thor who lifted Steve and carried him on his back into the palace while Sam supported Bucky’s weight with his good arm around the other man’s shoulders. Bruce was waiting for them thanks to a quick messenger they’d sent ahead and he had a few healers he trusted to aid him in whatever he needed to do. As Bruce moved directly to Steve, the prince waved him away. “Bucky first,” he insisted. Bruce exchanged a look with Natasha, but she only inclined her head and he did as he was told.

Even so, he instructed the other healers to begin cleansing Steve’s wounds of any infection and Natasha stepped aside so they could work. It was a grueling couple of hours for everyone involved. Bucky _screamed_ in pain as they removed the bits of infection from his wound and Natasha could see him panicking a little bit as he guzzled the whiskey they’d given him for the pain as Bruce stitched him up and carefully bandaged the stump to keep it sterile. Steve fought to stay quiet; honestly, she wasn’t sure if it was the wounds or Bucky’s pain that was making him suffer more.  

Natasha sat right beside Steve as Bruce carefully scraped his wounds of any infection and sewed them up. In the meantime, Bucky was asked to retire to his chambers to rest, but he refused as long as Steve was still being taken care of. Best friends until the end, it would seem. But as soon as Steve was ready, Natasha took his hand and they stood up so he could rest as well. Bucky finally agreed to head to his chambers and Steve came with Natasha to theirs. Of course, Wanda teared up as soon as she saw him both because he was alright and because she’d heard that Bucky was back, but _seeing_ evidence of that was something else entirely.

“I’m so glad to see you back, safe and sound,” she told him. “We’ve missed you dearly, your highness.”

Steve offered her a weak smile. “I’ve missed you too, Wanda. Thank you for keeping Natasha company in my absence.” He paused there even as Natasha urged him towards the bedroom. “Can I see my daughter? Where is Sarah?”

“Let’s get you into bed first and we’ll bring her to you,” Natasha promised, ushering him into the other room. She helped him wash the dirt and grime from his body being ever so careful of the bandages on his wounds. She even insisted upon being the one to shave the stubble from his jaw because his hands weren’t steady enough right now.

“You don’t have to take care of me like this,” he told her at some point. “You shouldn’t have to. I’m sure you’ve been so worried and you’ve kept our family well for the whole time I was gone…”

Natasha stopped him. “It was my pleasure to take care of our family,” she told him. “And I have missed you. I can’t tell you how difficult it has been to sleep alone in this bed.” She offered a small smile and leaned in to peck his lips. “But it will also be my pleasure to see to it that you recover and then some.”

Once he was clean, he dressed in a soft pair of trousers and a light tunic, and Natasha settled him in bed. She sat beside him for a moment and reached out to touch his chest, laying her hand right over his heart. “Prepare yourself,” she told him with a smile. “Our little girl is nearly two now.”

Steve smiled and Natasha flitted off to retrieve Sarah. They walked into the bedroom together, hand in hand, and Sarah smiled widely as soon as she realized who it was. “Daddy!” Letting go of her mother’s hand, she ran over to the bed and Steve scooped her up no matter how big she’d gotten or how much it pulled on his stitches.

“Sarah, look at you! Look how big you’ve gotten!” At two, Sarah was doing very well. Bruce said her heart still beat a little strangely, but that certainly didn’t deter her from walking and running and playing, so there was little worry for her future. As they became reacquainted and Sarah started squirming to show her father the new things she’d gotten lately, Natasha could have sworn that she saw tears in Steve’s eyes.

As Sarah trotted off to get her favorite doll, Natasha sat down beside him again. “What is it, Steve?” She asked, reaching out to take his hand. “She’s very happy to see you. I told you she wouldn’t forget.”

“I’ve missed so much,” he told her, shaking his head a little. “And you had to do this all on your own, you had to--” His eyes widened as though exhaustion had nearly made him forget. “You gave birth all on your own,” he whispered. “Natasha, where is--”

“Our son?” She whispered back, unable to hide her smile. “He’s sleeping. Once Sarah settles, I’ll bring him to you.”

For a while, Sarah just wanted to play with her father and her doll. They laughed together and Steve was content to just watch his baby girl play in his vicinity, but he was growing weary through no fault of hers or his own. He hadn’t slept in a proper bed in months and it felt like he might lay there for days now. “Sarah, love, let’s let Daddy rest for a while,” she suggested sweetly. “Come on, come on. Wanda’s waiting for you.”

Sarah leaned up and kissed her father’s cheek. “I love you, Daddy,” she said sweetly, quickly darting away with her dolly tucked under her arm.

“Do you want to rest before you meet him?” Natasha asked. “He’ll be there when you wake up, if you want to sleep first…”

“No,” he said quickly, pushing himself up a little bit so his back was against the headboard. “I want to see him. Please.”

Natasha smiled and disappeared to fetch the baby from his crib. He’d just woken up and he was a little fussy, but he had such a good temperament that he just gurgled up at Natasha and curled into her chest a little bit. She smiled as she carried him into the bedroom and carefully laid him into his father’s arms before taking a seat nearby just in case she was needed.

Steve was clearly exhausted and he teared up nearly immediately, but it was really in his voice that she heard all the weariness seep in. “He’s beautiful,” he whispered as the baby gurgled up at him. “What did we name him?”

“James,” she said quietly. “I wanted to pick a name I knew you loved.”

He smiled at that, one hand gently cupping the back of James’ head as he stroked his thumb over the baby’s cheek. “Bucky’s going to be thrilled,” he chuckled softly. “James. I’m so glad I’m here to meet you.”

Natasha would have loved for this moment to last a while longer, but James was getting a little fussy and Steve looked like he might pass out any second now. She carefully took James back and leaned down to kiss Steve’s temple. “Rest,” she told him. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

As soon as she had calmed a bit, Natasha did the first thing that came to mind: she dismissed each and every one of her ‘suitors’ with her thanks to those who had come to find her husband. Most left in good spirits, though there were some who denounced her as a scheming, deceitful sort of woman. Natasha decided she didn’t particularly find anything wrong with that.

 

*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

 

Steve woke up what felt like ages later and groaned as the pain hit him like a wave, just rolling over him from head to toe. He was sore and exhausted, but it was more than that. He’d broken into a sweat as well, and the wounds he’d suffered ached with every movement. Still, he pushed himself up and got out of bed to find Natasha sitting on the floor with James happily breastfeeding while Sarah played with a few toys nearby. Wanda remained close as she mended something and the sun from the balcony was far too bright. “Good… morning?”

Everyone looked up at him and Steve hazarded a smile. “Afternoon,” Natasha corrected him. “In fact, almost evening. You slept quite a bit.”

Sarah got up and ran over to him. Regardless of any pain, Steve couldn’t resist scooping her up and holding her up above his head as she giggled happily. “Hey, baby girl,” he greeted warmly. “I still can’t believe how big you’ve gotten.” When he let her back down, he carefully took a seat on the opposite side of the couch from Wanda and gave her a smile. “I bet Bucky was glad to see you,” he mused. “How’s he doing?”

Wanda averted her eyes for a moment and he felt like he’d said the wrong thing. “He’s… recovering,” she said slowly. “I think he needs time to adjust.”

Steve frowned and caught Natasha’s gaze, but she gave him a look that said to drop it immediately and he acquiesced. As Natasha would tell him later, the truth was that Wanda had gone to visit Bucky only to be asked to leave. He wouldn’t see her and she’d come back to Natasha to ask why, only to be told the truth of his condition. Neither Steve nor Natasha believed for one second that Bucky didn’t want to see her, but he was likely still licking his wounds.

Once James was all finished, Natasha left him with Wanda and asked Steve to come with her to the bedroom again. She sat him down, took his hand, and Steve immediately frowned. “You’re worrying me,” he told her. “Is something wrong?”

“Steve, it’s your father,” she said quietly.

Something in him broke just then and Steve took a very deep breath before gesturing for her to continue. Whatever she was going to say, he didn’t want to hear it and yet he knew he had to. If anything had happened to his father, it meant… it meant he had to take the throne.

“Not long after you left, his health declined and Bruce--” She sighed. “Bruce says that it’s only a matter of time. He’s been sick for some time now. There are good days and bad, but often he hardly recognizes me…”

Steve let out a short breath and shook his head. “I want to see him now,” he said. “Right now.”

“I won’t let you go alone,” she said quickly. “Don’t even protest, Steve, I won’t hear it.”

There was really no point in arguing with her when she got like that. Steve went ahead and agreed to it, changed his clothing to look a little more presentable, and took her hand on the way out. He was all determination and confidence until they reached the door to his father’s chambers and he stalled there, very nearly yanking Natasha’s arm off because of the sudden stop.

“I don’t want to go in there,” he confessed in a quiet voice. “I don’t want to see him like that.”

Natasha immediately reached up to touch his cheek. “Steve, it’s important that you’re there for him,” she said. “I know it’s hard, but I’ll be right beside you the whole time.”

Steve took a deep breath, swallowed thickly, and allowed her to lead him into the room. It was dimly lit and quiet inside; Steve could just barely make out the image of his father on the bed, propped up with a bunch of pillows and sleeping soundly. He looked peaceful, like nothing on Earth could bother him anymore. Finally letting go of Natasha’s hand, Steve found himself sitting beside his father and carefully laying his hand over the other man’s.

When Joseph woke, his eyes filled with light and recognition at the sight of his son looking down at him. “My boy, you’ve come home,” he said warmly. “I knew you would. You would not leave us so quickly. You are destined for greater things, my son. Much greater things.”

Steve smiled sadly and shifted to get closer. “I can’t go on to do greater things if I do not have you with me, Papa,” he whispered. It was the first time in a very long time he’d used that word, but it felt right at the moment.

“Nonsense,” he coughed in reply. “Nonsense. Steve, I have no doubt that you can do anything you put your mind to. I have faith in you…” He looked to the side and beckoned for Natasha to come closer. “And I have faith in the woman at your side. She has been strong in your absence.”

This must have been one of the good days that Natasha had spoken about. Steve was glad, because he wasn’t sure he could have handled a bad day right off the bat. “I’m sure she has,” he answered, offering Natasha a small smile. “But Father, I--”

Joseph had already fallen asleep yet again and Natasha allowed Steve to pull her into his arms, at which point he hid his face in her stomach and just watched the older man for a few minutes. There was nothing graceful about the way people died, he thought; whether in battle or in their beds, it was a terrible thing. It wasn’t the easiest thing to accept, but he knew that seeing Joseph on a bad day would be even worse.

Leaving him to rest, they left arm in arm and Steve finally made the jump from the fact that Joseph had been sick for a long time to-- “Who’s been taking care of things while he’s been sick? What happened after you found out about Schmidt? Where _is_ he, anyway?”

Natasha smiled in a way that made Steve kind of nervous. “Schmidt is locked in the dungeons,” she said. “I thought it prudent to await your return so you could punish him for his crimes yourself. It shouldn’t be too hard, as he was caught red handed with a knife to my throat.” She glanced up at him and Steve balked down at her. “We set him up,” she clarified. “I knew he would come, and he did. Loki and Bruce helped me.” She looked so proud of herself.

Steve was horrified. “And you’ve been sitting on the throne this whole time? You’ve taken on all his responsibilities?” It wasn’t that Natasha was incapable of it, but the idea that she’d had to do all that while carrying their son was just incredible.

“I have had help,” she told him. “Pepper and Maria have both been a huge help, and Loki came as soon as he heard there was an attempt on my life—“

Steve’s head whipped around so hard he nearly got whiplash and groaned from the exertion. “There was a what? You mean before you caught him? What happened?”

As Natasha sighed and told him the whole tale starting from the very beginning, Steve very nearly became lightheaded. She’d been in such danger and she’d remained calm the entire time? She’d even managed to defend herself and imprison the person responsible. On top of that, she had taken the throne like a true leader and the country was already slowly recovering from all that had been lost during the war. Steve was speechless.

Honestly, he didn’t know whether to be laugh or cry, but he did take Natasha into his arms and kiss her full on the mouth, his arms wrapping around her waist to hold her as close as humanly possible.

“I’m so proud of you,” he told her. “I don’t mean to sound condescending, but you’ve gone above and beyond…”

“You’re my family,” she explained with a soft laugh. “And I only did what I thought you would have done. I took control of the situation, I bent the rules a little bit, and I took care of my family.”

Steve wrapped his arms tightly around Natasha for a few moments, leaning all the way down to hide his nose right in the crook of her neck. “I love you,” he told her. “And I admire you.”  

Natasha chuckled into his hair and eventually leaned back to take his cheeks in her hands. “I love you too,” she told him. “And I am proud to be your wife, Steve; very proud.”

On the way back to their rooms, Steve begged off and said he wanted to visit Bucky first before he got something to eat. His stomach was still kind of uneasy after seeing his father; eating would have to wait until he was a little more stable. All alone, he wandered into Bucky’s rooms and found him arguing with one of the healers, who was trying to get him to eat something.

“I don’t want it,’ he said. Steve walked into a war all over again as the healer insisted that he get something in his stomach or he’d never heal. Bucky refused again and the prince stepped in before the whole thing came to awkward blows.

He dismissed the servant and gave Bucky a look. “You have to eat.”

“Not you too,” Bucky groaned in return. “I’ll eat when I’m hungry. I’m not going to force myself.”

“Be stubborn, then,” Steve mused as he landed in one of the couches nearby. If Bucky wanted to be difficult, then there was probably no talking him out of being difficult. “But why is it that you didn’t want to see Wanda? I thought you liked her.”

“I did like her,” he answered quickly. “I do like her.” He sat heavily on the couch beside Steve and rubbed his good hand over his face. “But look at me,” he continued, his voice growing softer. “She can do a lot better than freak with one arm.”

Steve frowned. “She missed you,” he protested. “Buck, she doesn’t care about your arm, she’s just happy you’re alive. Give her a little credit—“

“It’s not about giving her credit—“

“Sure it is! You’re moping in here when there’s a good woman just waiting for you to—“

“To what, Steve? To what? I’m damaged—“

“Yeah, well, she doesn’t seem to care.”

They glared at each other for a few long moments until Bucky rolled his eyes and looked away.

“Would you just go right back to Natasha if it were you?” He asked eventually. “Are you telling me you wouldn’t be even slightly worried about what she’d think of you?”

“I might be a little worried, but she loves me,” Steve insisted. “She loves me and she’d love me even if I lost an arm.”

Bucky shifted uncomfortably. “Who says Wanda loves me that much?” He scoffed. “Who says she loves me at all? She could go out and find a good man with both arms.”

Steve sighed and leaned over to lightly slap Bucky’s knee. “What can I say? She wants you. She likes you. I can’t imagine _why_ , but...“

Bucky rolled his eyes again, but he smiled as well this time. “You want to grab something to eat together? And then I’ll go see her, I promise.” 

When they returned to Steve and Natasha’s rooms, Bucky was nervously shifting from foot to foot, his one hand tugging at the bottom of his tunic like that would help hide the empty sleeve on the other side of him. Imagine Wanda’s surprise when they walked in together to find them on the balcony and he looked up at her, some hair falling out of the ponytail he was hesitant to actually get rid of at this point. It felt right to him, like he was a different person now.

“Wanda--” He glanced at Natasha for a moment and his brow furrowed when she smiled at him. The days of ‘Miss Maximoff’ were over as far as she was concerned, clearly. “Could I have a moment to speak to you… in private?”

Wanda blinked in surprise, but Natasha quickly took James from her lap and ushered Steve and Sarah back inside for the time being so they could have some privacy. Steve and Natasha exchanged a knowing look and sat down together so he could hold James for a while and put him to sleep.

 

_“First, I must apologize for the way I treated you when you came to see me.” Bucky wanted to get straight to the point; beating around the bush wasn’t going to get them anywhere. “I appreciate your efforts to visit, but surely you can understand why I was hesitant to let you see me.”_

 

__

 

 _Wanda unconsciously glanced toward his missing arm and shook her head. “I don’t care about your arm,” she said quickly. “That is, of course I_ _care_ _that you lost your arm, but it doesn’t make me feel any differently about you.”_

_“It should,” he said quietly, still awkwardly standing on the other side of the balcony. “I promise you, there are better options out there.”_

_“Better options with two arms?” Wanda tutted a little bit and stood so she could close the space between them, ultimately settling her hands on his chest and looking up at him. “I don’t want a single one of them.”_

_Bucky searched her gaze for some kind of pity and he found none; there was concern, of course, and the kind of empathy he would expect from anyone he knew, but there was no pity. “Are you sure?” He asked. “Wanda, don’t spare my feelings.”_

_Wanda’s hands were immediately on his cheeks and forcing him to meet her gaze. “Do you think me so shallow that I only want you for your dashing good looks?”_

_Bucky had to smile then, ducking his head a little because she was looking at him so earnestly that it nearly wounded him all over again. “No, of course not,” he answered. “Of course I don’t think you’re shallow.”_

_“But you think I ought to reject you for injuries sustained while you were away fighting for the freedom and rights of my people.”_

_Bucky blinked. He hadn’t thought about it that way. The idea that Wanda had a connection to the poor people he’d seen rescued from camps in Europe was so obvious and yet, he’d chosen to ignore it. Perhaps he’d chosen to ignore it because the truth was all too painful. “I was sorry to hear about your brother,” he said quietly._

_Wanda lowered her gaze and nodded slowly. “I miss him,” she answered. “For a long time, he and I were everything to each other. He was all I had.”_

_“I’m so sorry,” he offered. It was still strange for him to be missing that arm; it felt like a phantom hand reached out for her shoulder and he had to correct with the proper arm. Bucky took her hand instead, lacing their fingers together because he could still do that, at least on one side._

_“Pietro would not have wanted to lose his life for anything less than the protection of another person,” she reasoned. “If it was his time, then I am glad his life was not taken in vain.” She looked up at him. “But you cannot make this decision for me, James. Do you understand?”_

_“You’re right,” he said. “Forgive me; I didn’t realize what I was implying.”_

_Wanda smiled softly and slid her hands over his shoulders, boldly taking a step closer to him. “I forgive you,” she answered. “Would you care to seal that with a kiss?"_

_Bucky glanced back towards the other room, where Natasha and Steve were likely trying to hear every word they possibly could. “Now…?”_

_“Life is short,” she reasoned, putting her hand at the back of his neck and pulling him into a kiss at last._

 

As things went quiet on the balcony, Natasha smiled to herself and leaned up to kiss Steve’s jaw. Now that James had gone to sleep and Sarah was getting sleepy, they were able to just sit together for a while and enjoy each other’s company. Natasha tucked herself into Steve’s side and laid her arm around his waist as he kissed her hair and stroked her shoulder; it was such a simple thing, but she’d missed him terribly and any contact was more than welcome right now. If they could get through all this and if Bucky and Wanda could get through their issues, then maybe there would be a happy ending after all.

But Natasha also supposed that it was foolish to be quite so optimistic. Nothing was ever that easy.

Maybe a week later, Natasha was woken up in the middle of the night by a loud shout. She bolted upright and found Steve sitting up beside her. He was drenched in sweat and breathing hard, but it was the haunted look on his face that had her frowning and reaching out for him.

“Steve? Steve, what’s wrong?”

He didn’t answer right away, so Natasha got up and quickly retrieved a damp, cool cloth to wipe his face and neck as she sat down on his side of the bed. “Shh, it’s alright,” she whispered, assuming he’d had a nightmare. His eyes were wet, but she said nothing about that. Steve wouldn’t want anyone to point it out. “Steve, can you hear me? Can you look at me?”

Steve slowly lifted his gaze to meet hers, but he looked so lost and scared that Natasha nearly called for a doctor. In fact, she turned to do so when his hand shot out to grab her wrist. “Please don’t go,” he said roughly. She sat back down without protest as he took a deep, deep breath. “We couldn’t save them all, Tasha,” he whispered after a moment.

By then, the atrocities committed against the chosen people in Europe were widespread knowledge. Some tales were only urban legends, but by and large most of the stories people told were truthful and it was horrifying to realize just how few of the ‘rumors’ were, in fact, coming from true stories. Natasha herself had heard stories of large camps where people were herded in like cattle and kept there with little to no food or care at all. There were stories of buildings where groups would be sent, never to be heard from or seen again, and ‘doctors’ who performed terrible experiments on innocent people.

Natasha knew only from the stories of other soldiers that Steve had led them to several camps to free the people locked away inside. She also knew that Bucky had been kept in one of these camps, though he was kept away from the general population. Finally, she had heard that some were questioning why America hadn’t gotten involved sooner. That was one thing she knew weighed heavily on Steve’s mind.

“Of course you weren’t,” she answered. “Steve, it wasn’t your fault. None of it was your fault.”

“You didn’t see them,” he insisted as if that explained everything.

Natasha, left without much choice, just leaned forward and gathered Steve into a warm embrace. As he held onto her and eventually stopped shivering long enough to pull her down so they could go back to sleep, she wondered how long such trauma would weigh on his mind. How long would he be without peace when he slept? Was Bucky suffering the same ill effects?

And if he was, who held him in the middle of the night? Who would comfort him now the way that Natasha was trying to comfort Steve? As far as she was concerned, the sooner he married Wanda, the better. She would be able to take care of him in a way that no one else could, she was sure of it. After nearly a week of Steve waking up with nightmares at least once each night, she asked Wanda how she might handle such a problem.

It was with a knowing, consoling smile that Wanda promised she would bring Natasha something that would help. Until then, however, she offered to stay right there in the other room while they slept because if Steve woke up again, she could calm him down right away. As the nightmares didn’t seem to be subsiding and Steve’s reactions to them were becoming more and more violent in that he was _tired_ and on edge, Natasha agreed. That night, when Steve shot up and shouted loud enough to wake the sleeping baby in the next room, Natasha rushed off to grab James and bring Wanda into their bedroom.

Steve was admittedly a little hesitant at first, but Wanda sat on the bed with him with her legs tucked under her and rubbed her fingers and her thumb together while she spoke to him. “Take a deep breath,” she told him. “That’s it, nice and deep…” Carefully leaning forward, she began stroking his temples with the tips of her fingers, eventually holding his head in both hands and rubbing over them with just her thumb. Natasha watched in fascination as Steve’s breathing slowed and he calmed considerably faster than he had before.

 

 

So _that_ was why they’d called her a witch. Wanda had healing hands and while Steve looked just as surprised as Natasha felt, it was impossible to explain and they wouldn’t ask her to try. “I will make a special mix of herbs for you that will help you sleep,” she promised him in a soft, confident whisper. “Try to put your mind at rest, your highness. You did everything you could. I have heard stories of it, of my prince rushing in to save more than just my people.” Wanda reached out to touch his cheek again and Steve leaned right into it, even closing his eyes. “You are a hero.”

Steve opened his eyes again and shook his head. “I was only doing the right thing.”

Thankfully, he fell back to sleep almost as quickly as the baby in Natasha’s arms. The women went back to the main room together and spoke in hushed voices about how Natasha might be able to help him on a regular basis. Ultimately, however, Wanda insisted that Natasha get some sleep as well and promised they would talk in the morning.

 

_“What’s this?”_

_Bucky had agreed to have breakfast with Wanda; it was a step in the right direction considering he was still dealing with everyone staring at him when he went to the main hall. With Wanda beside him, they only stared all the more, but she didn’t seem to mind… or notice._

_“It’s a special mixture of herbs that will help you sleep,” she explained. “You’ll have to forgive my assumptions, but you’re looking more weary each day. This will help.”_

_Looking down at the little satchel of herbs, Bucky shifted somewhat uncomfortably and took another long sip of his drink. “What makes you think it will help?”_

_“Steve suffers the same affliction, I would guess. And since I cannot come into your room at night to soothe you…” Her cheeks pinked a little bit at that, but Wanda soldiered on anyway. “This will have to do.”_

_Bucky wasn’t entirely comfortable taking such a token from Wanda; it would be easier to deny that he was having nightmares entirely. What sort of man made this the problem of a woman he intended to court properly when he managed to work up to it? But the way she was looking at him wasn’t at all something he could ignore. She wanted what was best for him and she’d gone out of her way to concoct this tea to help him._

_“Thank you,” he said warmly. “If it can help at all, I will forever be in your debt.”_

 

It took two weeks and a dose of Wanda’s special tea each night, but Steve eventually calmed to the point where he was able to get through most nights without any nightmares at all. On the nights that he did wake, Natasha would use her considerable knowledge and training to ease him back to sleep; she didn’t have Wanda’s hands, but she would rub his temples and hum soft melodies while she stroked his hair. Steve took to putting his head on her chest and listening to her heart beat until he fell asleep again. All in all, the experience brought them together in a way neither could have anticipated.

Still, they had not yet slept together again as lovers. Natasha was still recovering from giving birth when Steve returned and given the situation with his father, it wouldn’t be appropriate. There was no ill will between them and they still held each other at night, but making love was pushed aside to make way for the kind of support Steve needed right now: patience, understanding, and kindness. They visited Joseph at least once a day, sometimes even bringing the children with them to lift his spirits. There were days when none of them were recognized at all and even a few times when Joseph referred to Natasha as ‘my flower’ and held her hand. It was all terribly troubling for Steve, who tried to impress upon his father that it was _Natasha_ standing beside him, not _Sarah_.

Joseph passed away on a Friday morning. Bruce said he’d gone in his sleep and considering the circumstances, that was really all they could ask for. There was no more pain, no more suffering.

Steve cried in private, holding onto Natasha’s waist and heaving rough sobs into her shoulder as she held him close. She cried as well, but it was Steve who had lost his father. As wonderful as Joseph had been to her, she couldn’t imagine what it would feel like to lose Alexei.

The funeral was done right. While Steve hurried to pick up all the pieces and arrange for the coronation he couldn’t view as a celebration at all, Natasha arranged for Joseph’s last rites and burial. The coffin was made of a lovely red oak by one of their most skilled carpenters and the church was given specific instructions regarding red roses being just about everywhere, all highlighted by candles wherever they could spare some. More candles were lit through the main part of town where the royal family would follow the coffin on a procession to the cemetery for the final burial.

While the city mourned their beloved king, guests arrived from near and far to pay their respects; among them were Thor and Loki, of course, but also Odin himself accompanied by Frigga. T’Challa and Ororo came, as well as May and Kamala. Tony and Pepper were in attendance alongside Maria and Sam, and Wanda and Bucky. But it was when Alexei arrived with Clint and Laura at his side that Natasha really knew how loved Joseph had been.

The black gown she wore for the ceremony was something she never wanted to wear again. She would ask her handmaidens to destroy it when the funeral was over. It was a nice gown; fitted along her waist and over her hips with beading throughout and long, sheer sleeves, but she would never be able to look at it without remembering saying goodbye to Joseph. The ceremony was beautifully done by the pastor of the church, but it was not something that would ever bring back fond memories. She preferred to remember Joseph as the mischievous old man who had made her feel welcome in America, not the ailing man who couldn’t recognize his own son.

 

 

In the procession, she walked beside Steve instead of taking the traditional place behind him. They held hands as they followed the coffin down the center aisle of the church and Natasha pretended not to see the way Steve’s eyes were wet the whole time. Even as he lifted his chin on their way through the town, she could see that his eyes were still puffy and red, and his lips were set in a frown she would give anything to never see on his face again. He’d suffered so much these past few months; she could only hope that things got better from here.

In front of the mausoleum that would house the king’s body, the priest led their group in another blessing and asked if anyone would like to say a few words about the king. Steve didn’t immediately step forward and Natasha was about to do so, but Alexei beat them to it. Natasha watched in surprise as her father stood before the group with his brow wrinkled in grief.

“I didn’t have the pleasure of knowing Joseph for as long as some of you did,” he began. “But in the short time I knew him, he was nothing but kind to me. And moreover, he gave my daughter the kind of family, the kind of respect and honor I would want for her. I am glad I was able to meet him and call him my friend, even if it was for such a short length of time.”

As Alexei stepped away, Bucky slipped through the group of people standing around and made his way up with Wanda at his left side, her arm around his waist. “Joseph and I didn’t always see eye to eye,” he said. “I know he didn’t always approve of me being in the palace with Steve all the time. Sometimes I think he really considered throwing me out and hoping Steve forgot about me after a while, like a lost dog or something.” He let out a small laugh. “But when my parents died, one after the other, there was no question. I don’t even think Steve knows this, but he also made sure my sisters were provided for; they had a home and an income to make sure they were taken care of.” He sniffed and shifted a little bit, ducking his head to hide the tears. “I owe Joseph more than I can say,” he added. “And he didn’t even like me all that much.”

With that, he moved away and there was a pause. When Steve didn’t move again, Natasha squeezed his hand and stepped up instead. “My first few months here were some of the most stressful of my life,” she began. “I was alone in a strange place with strange customs…” She shook her head. “Joseph was so kind to me,” she continued softly. “He treated me just like a father would and accepted me into his family without pause, without any hesitation at all. He _believed_ in me.” Tears were bubbling up and Natasha reached up to lightly dab at them with her handkerchief. “I’ll miss him terribly,” she added quietly. “But I feel so very blessed to have known him as I did; not as the king, but as a friend and part of my family.”

She returned to Steve, but he just kissed her knuckles and shakily made his way up to speak at last. “My father expected a lot from me,” he started. His voice was too loud and he corrected right away, looking sheepish. “He wasn’t someone you could negotiate with once he set his mind on something, but then again… neither am I.” He smiled a little bit. “When my mother passed away and we were left on our own, I remember finding him sitting in the garden one day just talking to her. He had a book on his lap and no shoes on, and he was talking to my mother like she was sitting beside him, telling her all the things that had been going on in her absence.”

He sniffled a little and shook his head. “I think that was the first time I really understood that he was a person too; not just my father, not just the king, but a man with desire and love and sadness all inside him. No one will ever be able to take his place. He cast a great shadow… but it is a shadow I am glad to have stood in. I wouldn’t be the man I am today without him watching over me. Now he only watches over me from a little further away.” Steve glanced up for a moment and quickly made his way back to Natasha, who took his hand as the priest gave his final blessing.

But it wasn’t until the next morning that Natasha was truly hit by the implications of Joseph’s death. She and Steve had been taking care of everything in his absence, but this was different. Steve would be crowned the true king and she would be queen at last. It was not so happy an occasion as it would have been had Joseph simply stepped back; in fact, it was quite a daunting thought over their breakfast. She knew Steve could handle it, but that didn’t take away from the fact that they were in this together; they were standing in front of what was likely the biggest challenge they’d ever faced and with no one to give them constant aid and counsel.

She supposed only time would tell how smoothly this transition would go.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it, guys! I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who left a comment or kudos on this fic. I never expected such a reaction and I'm so happy people seemed to enjoy reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it. I love you guys. <3
> 
> Also, the last line is a paraphrased quote by Max Muller, so kudos to him for that. Hope you like the ending, thanks again!

_ “The nature of a flower is to bloom.”  _

_ \--Alice Walker _

 

Steve’s coronation should have been a happier occasion. As they dressed for the ceremony, Natasha wished it had been if only because he  _ deserved _ as much. Still, they would both have to be crowned and only a couple of weeks after his father’s passing. With all he’d been through, Steve was still thrown mercilessly into his duties as the new king and worked hard to keep up regardless of the fact that he still had nightmares sometimes, the fact that Bucky was dealing with a whole lot more than just the loss of his arm, and the fact that he now had a wife and  _ two _ children to come home to each night. There were big changes for all of them, but Natasha supposed that her duty was to be there for him; it wasn’t even really a duty anymore, but a pleasure.

“Well, don’t you look handsome.” 

She wandered into the main room already dressed and immediately smoothed her hands over the fine, brocade jacket Steve was wearing. It was made of dark blue velvet with delicate, silver trim and matching buttons. He’d paired it with white trousers and thick, black boots to pull everything together. It was an impossibly attractive look for him, even if he did have to don a heavy robe during the actual ceremony. “I’ll have to give my compliments to the tailor. I don’t think I’ll be able to take my eyes off you.”

Steve smiled bashfully and ducked his head as she reached up to rest her hand on his cheek. “I don’t know if I’m ready for this.” 

Natasha smiled knowingly and pulled him down to her, pressing their lips together as gently as she could. “You are ready,” she told him as firmly as she could. “Listen to me. You’re already a leader, Steve. You can do this.” 

He smiled and leaned down for another kiss. “As long as I have you beside me, I think I can do anything,” he said softly, taking her hand to give it a kiss as well. “You look beautiful.”

The gown Natasha had decided on for this momentous occasion was all silver to complement Steve’s chosen colors. The dress was strapless and belted in at her waist, but the skirt was full and she thought it actually made her look a little more mature. She looked like a queen. 

 

 

Together, they would process into the main hall and down a center aisle with their hands joined and kneel in front of a priest at the front. It was there that they would be blessed and crowned the new king and queen of America. It was to be a relatively short ceremony, but the implications were vast; no longer would they be merely prince and princess, but equal rulers of their kingdom. 

As they stood outside the door and waited for their cue to enter now that Steve’s shoulders were burdened by the intricate cloak attached to a ceremony like this, Natasha took a deep breath. Despite their years together and the obvious love the people had for both of them, she found herself a little nervous even now. Would she serve as a good queen? Would she be able to raise her children the right way all while maintaining her duties as queen? Only time would tell.

Eventually, the doors opened and they processed down the aisle with Natasha’s hand draped neatly over Steve’s. There were hundreds gathered there; royals, dignitaries, ambassadors, friends, family… Joseph hadn’t been able to make the trip, but Clint and Laura sat happily near the front as Natasha’s honored guests and Thor and Loki had also made the trip from Asgard. Bucky and Wanda were there, of course, as were Bruce, Maria, and Sam. It was sort of wonderful to have so many loved ones under one roof at the same time, all gathered to celebrate this one event. 

Watching the priest bless Steve and finally crown him as king of America was surreal. Natasha watched as they placed the crown on his head and she just wanted to cry because he deserved this, despite the circumstances. Steve had worked so hard to learn everything he needed to know from his father and she knew that he would be a wonderful leader no matter what his fears might be. He would make the right decisions. When the priest moved over to her, Natasha bowed her head and accepted his blessings before lifting it up again as he crowned her as well.

Queen of America. Queen to Steve’s king. 

 

 

They stood together and turned to present themselves to the people gathered while the priest formally introduced them by their new titles.

“May I present King Steven Grant Rogers and Queen Natasha Alianovna Romanova!” 

The people gathered all stood and applauded for them, welcoming the rule of their new king and queen with open arms. Natasha couldn’t resist smiling, even if Steve was a little more hesitant to do so. He was trying very hard to be serious; he wanted to be a symbol of strength and fortitude, but when Bucky caught his eye and winked at the two of them, Steve couldn’t resist any longer either. They processed back out of the room and continued onto a small balcony at the front of the castle. It overlooked the courtyards below, where  _ thousands _ of people were gathered to salute their new rulers.

The happy couple waved to their subjects and Natasha thought it felt entirely surreal. Just a short time ago, she had been but a girl given away to a foreign noble and now… She was queen. Not only was she queen, but she was married to a man she’d grown to love, a man who had given her two beautiful children and the opportunity to learn and grow as a person. She had friends who loved her and a kind of serene confidence not unlike what she imagined her mother might have had. Natasha was proud of who she’d become and proud of what Steve had accomplished over the course of their time together. They even pecked each other on the lips to the delight of the crowd, who cheered below them in celebration of a new era. 

 

 

Three wonderful years later...

 

“What if he changes his mind?” 

Natasha sighed. “Wanda, he’s not going to change his mind. He asked you to marry him; that has to mean something, don’t you agree?”

“Yes, but…” Wanda fussed with her dress again as she paced up and down the length of her rooms. “But he was acting strangely last night and I can tell he’s scared.” 

“I think it’s natural to be a little apprehensive before you take that final step,” Natasha reasoned. “Steve’s with him right now. Believe me, he’ll show up.” 

 

 

“What if I can’t do this?”

Steve sighed. “Can’t do what? Can’t marry a beautiful woman who loves you and wants to be with you forever? Bucky, this isn’t a hard thing.” 

Bucky groaned and dragged his hand over his face. “What if she’s making a mistake? We’re happy like this. We don’t need marriage--”

Steve gave him a look. “I know you want children,” he reasoned. “Don’t you want them to have a proper family?” 

“Yes, but--”

“I don’t want to hear ‘but’,” he argued. “Go put your boots on and keep your chin up. You know you want this just as much as I know you want this.”

 

 

After ages of courting and urging from both Steve and Natasha, a long overdue wedding was finally happening. Bucky had proposed to Wanda in the gardens one night and since then, she and Natasha had been planning something of a grand ceremony that simultaneously didn’t seem like overkill. It was a difficult task, but they managed. They would be married in the gardens surrounded by soft candlelight just after sunset and their reception would take place partially inside the main hall just off the gardens and in the gardens themselves. A stone area would be relegated for dancing and there would be tables and benches all around for those who wanted to watch or talk instead. 

The dress Wanda had chosen was youthful and soft; it featured thin straps that led down to a simple, brocaded bodice and a beautifully layered skirt. The moment Wanda had tried it on for the first time, they’d agreed. She looked like an angel or a fairy or some kind of mythical creature that Bucky wouldn’t be able to look away from. She’d also elected to keep her hair down for the occasion, letting her natural waves just brush her waistline. Natasha had helped her apply a little red color to her lips and a touch of blush to her cheeks, but it was her natural beauty that shone through no matter what. 

 

 

Lacking any blood relatives, Wanda had shyly asked Natasha if it was alright for Steve to walk her down the aisle and give her away. Of course, Natasha had agreed on Steve’s behalf and as she’d suspected, he didn’t mind in the slightest. He was actually rather honored to do it, especially because she was getting married to his best friend. As soon as the bride to be settled down, Natasha finished getting herself ready and asked one of the handmaidens to find out whether or not they were ready for Wanda. 

The dress Natasha had chosen was a blush color; light pink with a small train decorated with silver branches and pink and blue blooms. There were sheer sleeves as well and when she’d tried it on, she felt every bit the wise, old queen she teased that she was sometimes. Still in her twenties, she felt as though she’d lived an entire lifetime. But the dress made her feel beautiful and so, she’d elected to wear it with Wanda’s permission.

 

 

“Your majesty,” the handmaiden said quietly from the doorway. “They’re ready." 

Natasha smiled and offered her hand to Wanda. “Come on,” she urged gently. “It’s time.”

Wanda took a deep breath and grabbed the bouquet of wildflowers she’d picked that morning from Natasha’s garden. Taking her friend’s hand, she allowed herself to be led out of the room and down the halls until they met Steve waiting for them just inside the entryway to the garden.

“Wow,” he breathed. “Wanda, you look beautiful.” He had admitted to Natasha only the night before that he felt rather protective of Wanda; she was young and he’d taken to her like she was something of a baby sister. Steve was sweet that way; he really just wanted to protect people.

“Thank you,” she answered quietly, taking Steve’s arm as the king looked over her head to give Natasha a smile. “And thank you for doing this, Steve.” 

She wished Pietro could be there. Natasha knew how hard it was for her to go on without her twin and honestly, she was just glad they could be there for her during this whole occasion. Briefly pausing to kiss Wanda on the cheek, Natasha headed out to the gardens and took her seat in the front row as the harpists began to play the gentle song Wanda had chosen. Bucky looked so handsome standing at the makeshift altar waiting for her; they’d chosen to marry in a gazebo surrounded by lush blooms once again taken from Natasha’s gardens and he stood patiently to one side as he watched his future wife finally come into view.

 

 

Steve kissed Wanda on the forehead before he turned her over to Bucky and quickly took his seat beside Natasha, taking her hand right away and lacing their fingers together. The ceremony itself was beautiful. Bucky promised to love and cherish Wanda until the day he died and Wanda promised exactly the same thing; it was a marriage born from love, not obligation, not political motivations, but real love. She was so very happy for them.

The reception began immediately following the ceremony. Natasha helped where she was needed, but ultimately took a seat off to the side with a cup of wine and a content smile on her face. Everything felt very  _ right _ , somehow. Maybe that was because it had felt like Bucky and Wanda should have been married ages ago, or maybe it was just because they were enjoying this beautiful night together. 

As Natasha sat back and watched her daughter excitedly hop onto Steve’s shoes to dance with him, she had to smile to herself. Look how far they’d come. She thought back to their first days together, to how angry she’d been with Steve’s behavior and how hard it had been for him to adapt. She thought about their first night together and how unsatisfying it had been, which only brought a wider smile to her face as she thought of the night before, when he had thrown her down and crawled under her dress to bury his face between her legs. He’d grown so much and even with the marks that came with birthing children and feeding them from her own breasts, he still loved her and desired her both body and soul. 

She supposed that was what happened when two people fell in love; they changed for one another in ways that didn’t sacrifice who they were individually, but made them better as a whole. When Steve had taken his place as king, it was like everything made sense all of a sudden. He was where he was supposed to be; in command, surrounded by his family and friends at every turn. Natasha had changed as well, going from the headstrong young woman who defied her husband and all tradition at every turn to a queen who understood the importance and power of compromising when she could and standing her ground when she absolutely couldn’t.

The kingdom was thriving too, thank you very much. Once Steve had taken the throne, he’d made certain that Schmidt and the disloyal guards were punished for their actions. The guards were sent into exile, but Schmidt was executed for treason and the attempted murder of not only Steve, but also Natasha and Bucky as well. It wasn’t a punishment Steve handed out lightly, but it was what needed to be done.

Natasha had been with him all the way through the ordeal and she knew it was a far cry from how cold they’d been to each other at the beginning. But look what wonderful things came to be as a result of their love!  Sarah was so beautiful; she took after her father in temperament, but her natural wild curls and the quirk of her lips were all Natasha. She’d taken to wearing scraps of fabric in her hair to hold it away from her face and Natasha had allowed her to develop something of a style already; Sarah was so opinionated that she didn’t have much of a choice unless she wanted to be fighting with her every day.

 

 

James was quite different, however, in that he was something of a little troublemaker who happened to be the spitting image of his father, although his hair did have a little hint of red. Both of her children were like little rays of sunshine in their own ways and Natasha loved them both more than she could have possibly imagined only a few short years ago. Then again, she loved  _ Steve _ more than she could have imagined years ago. 

 

 

Speaking of her beautiful boy, James was off on the side playing on the floor with someone he’d taken to the very second he saw her. Thor and Loki’s daughter managed to look like a lovely combination of their best features despite the fact that she was not Loki's biological child. Astrid was bold and strong like Thor, but her wit and intelligence might have come straight from Loki for all people knew. She was growing into a pretty girl (for this occasion, she and Sarah had picked out their own outfits and wouldn’t hear anything about changing them) and it would seem that James had taken to her as a playmate at the very least. If a marriage came in the future that united their two kingdoms, so be it. 

 

 

Nearby, the happy couple danced as close to one another as they could. Wanda kept her arms wrapped around Bucky’s neck and Natasha could see them talking quietly to one another as they swayed. Their relationship had been a rocky one; Bucky’s nightmares were not so easy to soothe as Steve’s had been and it had been a long road for him, but they got through it together. With Wanda insistent upon being directly involved no matter how much he protested, they’d managed to bond and eventually announce their plans to marry. It was a long engagement as well, but worth it in the end. Natasha would bet on a pregnancy within a few months. 

And speaking of pregnancies, Natasha was quite sure Bruce hadn’t ventured more than ten yards away from Betty since the day she’d told him she was carrying their first child. They were seated together even now, the swell of Betty’s stomach quite large now that she was in her fifth or sixth month. They’d married just a year ago at this point, in a little ceremony in the chapel with the royal family in attendance, and Natasha didn’t think she’d ever seen a sweeter couple. Bruce still blushed when Betty kissed him, and Betty was just glowing with happiness every time Natasha saw her.

They were just starting their family, whereas Sam and Maria had proclaimed that they were finished. With four children all born happy and healthy, the couple was entirely finished with procreating for now; Natasha had listened in amusement as they’d both shook their heads and refused to have another. Only time would tell, she supposed. They were both so happy with their family that another might be in order; besides, they’d managed to have four boys and she knew that Maria wanted at least one daughter. Still, their eldest son, Riley, was nearly six and he’d absolutely inherited his father’s sense of humor. He was a delight to have around and as he and Sarah were quite close thanks to proximity and their age, Natasha had quickly come to adore him almost as much as her own children.

 

 

With this wedding, all of her local friends were married and happy. Only May and Kamala remained unmarried, although from she heard from them they absolutely preferred it that way. Children had graced everyone’s lives; even Ororo and T’Challa had welcomed a baby girl earlier that year and Tony and Pepper, while they’d decided not to have any children of their own, had actually taken in the same boy who had served as Natasha’s taster all those years ago. Peter was without anywhere else to go and Tony had really taken a liking to him; Pepper said it was something about seeing a little of himself in the boy. Now that he was properly taken care of, Peter was swiftly becoming a handsome young man who was quite well liked at court even if he was awfully bookish.

Back home, Clint and Laura were waiting on their third child to be born and they’d promised to name her after Natasha when she was born. Natasha couldn’t want to have yet another niece, as she considered Clint’s children part of her family. Alexei had fared well in his old age; he was still strong and perfectly capable of ruling his kingdom, but he had also spoken to Steve about taking care of Russia should he pass on without having chosen an heir. Of course, Natasha was the only natural born heir to that throne and she could not split her time between the two kingdoms, but they would rule in his stead if need be, even if that involved putting someone else on the throne in a position of temporary and limited power.

It would seem as though everything had fallen into place. Natasha didn’t think she could possibly be any happier than she was at that moment; celebrating love and surrounded by her friends and family. As the song changed, Sarah gave her father a little kiss and ran off to find Astrid so she could pull her friend onto the dance floor and Steve wandered over to Natasha.

“May I have this dance?”

Natasha smiled and took his hand, allowing her husband to pull her up and right against his chest so they could sway to the music. They’d been together nearly seven years now and it felt like they were happier than ever. Even if new lines of worry and stress were etched onto Steve’s face and even if Natasha’s hips were little wider than they had been, they were still so in love.

“Have I told you how wonderful you look tonight?”

Natasha rolled her eyes at him and smiled. “At least three times already, but feel free to do it again.”

“It’s just that every time I look at you, I’m newly struck by how beautiful you are.” Steve smirked a little bit, as was his habit. He would go on like this for ages if she didn’t stop him; Natasha clearly remembered at least one occasion wherein he spent something like a day and a half making dramatic comments about how absolutely perfect she looked. It was sweet and then it was funny, but it ultimately ended up being the precursor to quite a night in bed.

This time, she just shook her head at him. “You get more ridiculous with every year that passes,” she teased. “Have you no shame?”

“Shame is overrated,” he laughed, twirling her around and bringing her close to him again. 

Natasha smiled and leaned into him as they swayed together. With their friends around them-- Thor and Loki sharing soft kisses as they danced, Wanda resting her head on Bucky’s chest, a very pregnant Betty holding on to Bruce now that she’d insisted they get at least one dance, Sam and Maria holding one of their little boys between them so all three could dance together--she realized that she couldn’t imagine a better outcome or a better way to spend her life. Wasn’t this the goal? Wasn’t it enough to grow old surrounded by people she loved? 

When the crowd thinned out very late that night, long after all the kids had been ushered to their respective rooms by a few helpful older servants. Wanda and Bucky were still swaying together, but they both smiled as Natasha and Steve bid them goodnight. The king and queen wandered back to their private chambers and Steve twirled her one more time as he shut the door behind them, eventually drawing her right back into his chest and sealing their lips together. 

“Well, aren’t you feeling whimsical,” she laughed as they parted. “What’s gotten into you?”

Steve smiled widely and wrapped his arms around Natasha’s waist to keep her close. “Maybe I’m just overwhelmed by how amazing my wife is,” he teased. “Maybe I’m feeling…” He laughed. “I’m feeling like we just saw one of our children happily married, strange as that might seem.”

Natasha laughed in return, but she understood why he would feel that way. Wanda had certainly become something of a protege for her and now that she was married, it was as though she’d left the nest. They had discussed child care going forward, of course, and Natasha had selected an older man to take over; he’d come highly recommended and although it was somewhat unorthodox, Natasha took to him right away. No matter what, she felt like Phil would be able to keep her children safe and sound, especially since Sarah would be starting her formal lessons soon and wouldn’t need as much looking after as James did. 

“You realize that makes you an old man, right?” 

Steve paused for a moment, but ultimately smiled again and gave her a little shrug. “I think I look good for my age, don’t you?”

Natasha rolled her eyes at him and smiled as he swept her into another kiss. “You’re incorrigible,” she told him when they parted again. “What kind of example are you setting for your son?”

“The best example!” He laughed. “I’m showing him that there is truth to the notion of a happy marriage.” 

“Is that what it is?” Natasha answered as he slowly backed her up towards the bed. “Are you happy?” 

They fell down to the bed together and Steve leaned down to kiss her again, idly coaxing her lips apart as he’d done a thousand times before. It was all familiar now, but no less wonderful when they were together like this. “I am,” he told her. “I am  _ so _ happy.” 

Natasha smiled and reached up to touch his cheek. “I’m happy too,” she murmured. “Happier than I ever thought I’d be.” 

Steve grinned and rolled them over so she was seated on his lap. “You’ll be even happier once you’re out of that gown.” He wiggled his eyebrows and she had to laugh, shaking her head as she reached behind her to undo the zipper and get out of her dress. 

“Who would ever guess that the king is so very lecherous? It’s all a show you put on out there, isn’t it?” 

“What can I say? You didn’t marry a king; you married me.” 

Natasha slipped out of her dress, straddled Steve’s lap again, and quickly set about undoing the buttons on his jacket; if she was going to be nude, then he was going to be nude as well. “I think I prefer you to a dusty old king,” she said easily, finally pulling his jacket open and shoving his shirt up to delight in the hard lines of his chest. Seven years and Steve hadn’t let himself go even a little bit. “Yes, you’re far more pleasing to look at.”

“Oh, is that all?” He laughed. “That’s all, isn’t it? I’m just a piece of meat to you.”

Natasha leaned down to peck him on the lips. “Would you even object to that?”

“As long as you’re with me, my dear, I won’t object to anything.” 

She laughed and kissed him again, which only had him rolling them over to properly get out of his the rest of his clothing for the night. When all was said and done, they managed to sleep for a handful of hours and woke close to the same time, just as the sun was beginning to rise. Natasha was up in a moment and grabbing a dressing gown to tie around her waist and keep herself decent. “Get up, get up,” she urged, nudging Steve’s shoulder. “We can see the sunrise. Up!” 

Steve groaned, but he pulled himself out of bed and grabbed a pair of trousers to pull on. He’d hardly pulled them up when Natasha took his hand and led him out of the room, down the hall, and outside to the gardens. Soon enough, they were standing on a hill and looking out over the nearby water to see the sunrise and it was worth getting out of bed so early. Natasha liked to take these moments to appreciate life, but it was more than that when Steve was with her. 

They made each other better, that she knew. After so many years at his side, Natasha was sure that Steve was the only person this would have made sense with, somehow. She wasn’t sure if she believed in soulmates, but Steve was as close as someone could come to being such a thing for her. As they laced their fingers together, she leaned into him and accepted a kiss on top of her head, idly curling her toes in the soft grass beneath her feet. Sometimes, she thought, one could find happiness in the strangest places amidst such a hopeless amount of tension and heartache and difficulty. Sometimes one might be lucky enough to find that a flower that blooms long after those around it is no less beautiful than the others. 

Natasha turned to Steve and he bowed down to rest their foreheads together beneath the warm glow of the morning sun. Their life would never be perfect, but if Natasha had learned anything it was that life didn’t have to be perfect to mean something just like people didn’t have to be perfect to be worthy of love. She tipped her head back to invite a kiss that was gladly given and smiled as she leaned forward to rest her head on Steve’s chest for the moment. If they were lucky, their children would know the happiness they had together; after all, just as a flower cannot blossom without sunshine, men cannot live without love. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thanks for reading! <3


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